chapter 11.
I'm on my 30th week pregnant now. Lucky me. I'm just three days, it'll be my 31st week. Yippie.
Well, the morning sickness has subsided so at least I don't have to worry about puking in the middle of work. Oh, my job! It's not exactly wonderful, having to cook in that hot kitchen all day and part of the night but I'm starting to get used to it. It's not horrible at least.
My eyes flash to the Rolex watch on my wrist, I still got 10 minutes before I must go back down there for the dinner courses.
I sigh, changing out of comfy sweats and tee-shirt into some sophisticated black pants and white, button-down, shirt. I would like to wear something less hot, especially since I'm gonna be wearing my white apron and uniform too, but we have a dress code for all employees.
I apply some lotion to my arms and shadowy eye make-up, I still haven't learned all the names for this stuff, some of that fancy lip gloss that makes my lips tingle and I'm off. I don't lock my door since Ginger, the maid who always handles this floor, will be cleaning my room while I work. I'm still not completely used to someone cleaning my suit for me and I help he do it on days when I don't have to work but she insists that it's her job. I really should do something for her though to show my appreciation. Not only does she clean my rooms, well not just mine, but she also has been unconditionally nice to me since I got here and she's helped me control my anger around Ava and her snotty attitude by giving me private yoga classes and whatnot.
The elevator music is so irritating, when I do have the kid I'm definitely gonna start taking the stairs. I'm standing in the surprisingly large elevator with five other people, three men and two women. I recognize them, two of the men and one of the women are staying here and the others are employees. The employee mans name is Mitch, he's a metred' for the restaurant we have and the woman's name is Felicity, she's a waitress. They smile at me shyly. Mitch is usually much more talkative and friendly but he seems to be down in the dumps 'bout something. They're standing as far apart as they can without touching the guests. We stop at floor 15 and the guests leave in silence.
I swear the tension in the elevator is crushing. I keep looking back and forth from Felicity and Mitch, what's going on with them? Mitch has been trying to pluck up the courage to ask Felicity out for awhile, he didn't confide this with me but its pretty obvious how she looks at her. When I first met Felicity I thought she was nice, graceful, but a little plain. Her brown hair is always pulled back in a tight bun, her eyes are a dull mud brown, her eyes a bit too wide to even out with her cheeks and her lips a bit too full throwing her facial features even more off balance. But after a few weeks of watching Mitch watch Felicity I began to notice different things about her, how her skin looked like dark brown silk, how her ears were in perfect proportion with the size and shape of her head, how her lips looked so soft and she smiled no matter what mood she was in. Now, it seemed like Felicity was way out of Mitch's league.
Finally, we made it down to floor two, where the restaurant was. We all walked silently but the click of my short heels bounced off the ivory walls.
I tried to distract myself with looking at some of the paintings. One that really caught my eye was of a snow-white man holding a black woman. And I don't mean black as in African American or anything I mean black as in her entire form, body, hair, face, eyes, were all the same onyx colored black. It was like that with the man too only his form was all white. Around the two lovers was a background of dreary gray. The differences between the two lovers was so intense but still how they held each other!
A sharp rip in my chest brought me back. Ouch. Damn it, just don't think about that shit Ella! Ugh.
The usually short distance to the entrance seems to have been elongated today, like each step took all my energy.
We finally make it and I walk through, weaving in between tables as waiters and waitresses set up the chairs. Ava is here, decorating a flower arrangement. Her long auburn tresses pulled back today, out of her face, in a high pony tail.
I enter the kitchen and grab my apron and uniform off the hook. After I get situated I help clean some of the counters, as usual. Jenna, our head chief, is here today; she's been out sick for the last two days.
"Hey, chief." I greet here, attempting to sound cheery; I'm not sure if it worked.
"Hi Ella. So, you pick out a name yet?" Jenna asks, eyeing my giant stomach.
"Er, no not yet. Every one I think of just sounds too ... I don't know, just not right for him."
"Well, you'll know the name when you see. You should check out some baby names on the Internet, they got big 'ole web sites for this stuff you know." Jenna has two kids of her own, a boy and girl twins. She keeps of picture of them posted on the small bulletin board we have in here, they're both in 4th grade- Jack and Katy.
I just nod and keep drying the counters off now.
All the other chiefs are coming in now and pretty soon orders are flying in and I'm hurrying to finish someones oxtail soup.
The soup is finished and I taste it slightly to make sure its right and the taste is wonderful. I hand it to Felicity to take to table 4. And instantly Jenna tells me to start on a medium rare steak for table 7.
The night carries on like this till we're finally done and closed. It's mine and Sarah's night to help clean up afterwards. We clean in silence.
Once done, I'm about to pass out from exhaustion. I lean lazily against the elevator wall the whole ride up, trying to tune out the annoying music that never ends.
I have to drag myself to the bathroom to shower and moisturize then I just climb into the queen sized bed without even bothering to put on some pajama's and I cradle my womb and hum myself into a dreamless night.
The sun smiles into my room, waking me. Ugh, I must have forgotten to close the curtains last night. Dang.
I'm one of those people who after I wake up, its all but impossible for me to fall back asleep so I just roll out clumsily, dress, put my make-up on, do my hair, yadda yadda. My daily morning routine to make sure Ava is pleased every time she sees me. Ugh. It shouldn't be this difficult to make sure I look pretty.
After the girl in the mirror looks decent enough for Ava not to through a fit I slump over to my phone. It's only 7 in the morning. God help me. I dial the room service number and ask politely for some blue berry pancakes, muffins, and orange juice.
Carrie, the woman who always answerer's the phone for room service, tell me, "Coming right up, Ella." I've gotten better at remembering that people call me Ella but sometimes it still takes me by surprise and I have to remind myself of who I am now.
I hang up the black, plastic phone and walk to what will be my baby's nursery. The room is right across from mine which is perfect. It's supposed to be an office but I've moved the desk and computer into my room and I've already finished painting the cozy room a light sky blue and I've ordered a cradle and several other necessary items. Ava is constantly squawking at me nowadays to just let her hire some people to decorate the room but I keep on refusing her. I wanna do this.
I went to see the Doctor yesterday, he said the baby was developing just fine and that I only have seven to ten more weeks ahead of me. I can't wait till tiny little ... okay, I still haven't decided on a name but I want to see him first.
I've had a rug placed on top of the hard mahogany floors, I sit down on it carefully. One hand is resting on top of my giant belly and the other on the bottom.
I've been trying really hard to only think positive thoughts about the baby and me; like how healthy this could be for me, a reason to live, a distraction of sorts that doesn't involve me sleeping around and how wonderful it will be to take care of someone other than myself. It'll feel good to be needed. Feel good to be wanted.
I look around my baby's nursery and try to imagine watching him growing here. And suddenly, I can see him just as clear as day. A small, angel-faced boy with dark skin and hair standing before me. An ear-to-ear smile stretched across his young face and I recognize it immediately from his absent father. Then the sun shine through the window, and with the shadows, the boy disappears.
I rub my tummy, wishing the boy would reappear so I could get a better look. He was so adorable.
A gentle rap-rap on the door makes me remember breakfast and notice the hunger emanating from both me and my baby.
"Thanks Dustin." I close the door behind my fellow coworker as he leaves after placing all my food on the table along with a single fake rose in a slim, crystal vase. The rose isn't cutesy of the hotel, its from Dustin. As usual. I swear, you'd think after the first dozen times of me turning him down and him constantly asking me to lunch and leaving me roses (never real ones though which kinda bugs me) he would get a clue and move on. He needs to move on to Shawnee, I happen to know that she definitely likes him.
I eat my breakfast slowly, contimplating what to do today.
I really don't have anything to do. The nursery won't be finished till the cradle and all the other stuff I ordered gets here. I only cook for dinner so I have the whole day not having to work at all. This would normally be something someone sane would be happy about but it leaves me too much time to think. Sometimes, I would ask Felicity or Shawnee or Anne or Sarah or Denise or Mitch or Greg or Kevin or any of my other new coworker friends if they wanted to go out and do something but today I just sorta feel like staying in. Which is new, for me at least.
Hmm, I think to myself, I never did get to ask Felicity what was going on between her and Mitch..., I continue this train of thought as I reach for the phone again and dial her number.
"Yes?" Felicity's voice answers.
"Hey it's me." I know she'll recognize my voice; we talk on the phone a lot.
"Hey what's up?"
"Nothing much just hanging out. So, what was going on with you and Mitch today? In the elevator you two looked like you were trying to escape from each other or something." I explain, curiousity dripping from my voice.
There's a pause and then she says in a grim voice, "Uh ... well, he asked me if I would like to go see a movie with him. And I said no. And then he asked me about dinner together and again I said no. And then he told me he would really, really like me to give him a chance but I just ... don't like him like that."
"Ah, well, I'm sure he'll be fine." I try to sound comforting but words sound false, even to me.
Felicity sighs deeply into the phone. "I sure hope so." There's a tone in her voice that gives me an idea.
"Felicity, is the reason you said no to Mitch because you already like someone else?"
A long pause.
"Yes." She whispers the word, my ears strain to catch it.
"Who?" I try not to sound like a gossip crazed high school girl (Jessica instantly comes to mind) but I am truly curious.
"Uh ... well ... Bobby." Okay, I did not see that coming.
Bobby is pretty much the opposite of Felicity. He's a hot-head bad boy for crying out loud!
Felicity starts to babbling when I don't say anything but I cut her off. "Felicity that's great!" I make my best attempt to sound enthusiastic. Honestly, Bobby scares me a little.
"Really?"
"Totally."
"Aw, thanks Ell! Well, I gotta go. My brother is dropping off my niece and I promised I'd teach her how to ride a bike. Bye!"
"'Kay, bye." And then its just me and the dial tone.
I sigh, hanging up and start nibbling on a muffin I hadn't devoured feeling a kick from the baby. He's been doing that a lot lately, he needs more room.
Before I've even realized it, my muffin is gone. Dang, I'm a pig.
With another sigh that comes deep from within my tire soul, I pull the curtains together roughly and go back to climb in my bed with a big ol' yawn. The doctor said I needed to get as much rest as possible. My bedroom is the definition of "Master Bedroom." I love it, it's inviting queen sized bed is the most comfortable thing I've ever felt. The fire place is warm and big, its bronze stone lovely and the giant TV hanging just above it is so cool, I don't think I've ever watched so much television. The curtains are a thick brown that blocks the sun wonderfully, it's just as good as night time, I also pull them together.
I climb under my bed sheets and force myself to think only about my baby and his very expected arrival date.
When I wake the sudden remembrance of my job forces me up to a sitting position and my eyes fix on the antique clock.
I have to be in the kitchen in less than 7 minutes. Shit.
My feet think faster than my brain and I'm already in my walk-in closet, pulling on the first things my hands grab. I do a double check over my clothes as I rush into the bathroom and, as quickly as possible, apply a variety of make-up to my face that Ava bought me a day after she changed my "look" transforming me into Ella.
I shoved my glossy hair back into a messy bun that I was sure Ava would grimace at and clumsily tried to put on my sandals as I ran out the door and to the elevator which, thankfully, was just closing. I recognized a few guests but there weren't any of my coworkers in. I got my hand between the closing door just in time, receiving a few disgruntled looks from the rich guests- you had to be rich to stay at this hotel. Either that or you had to have a very persuasive and somewhat bitter friend with mesmerizing violet eyes.
I droned out the elevator music with the tapping of my foot impatiently. I thought one of the guests would have asked me to stop, in fact one woman with gold blond hair looked like she was about to but I scowled at her which is obviously something she wasn't used to. When the door opened to my floor I shoved three guests outta my way and raced to the Entrance. Hopefully Ava wouldn't find out about that.
"Ella! There you are!" I cringed as Ava's shrill voice echoed through the wide corridor. Damn!
I looked up to see Ava stomping towards me from the enormous room we use for weddings. She looked flustered, her auburn hair was in a messy bun just like mine. I was surprised by this, Ava always looked like a model. The click click of her heels bounced off the walls.
She grabbed my wrist roughly and began dragging me to the wedding room. He manicured nails dug into my skin.
"Ouch! Ava what the hells going on?" I ask trying in vain to wrench my wrist from her surprisingly strong grasp.
She didn't answer. I stopped struggling and her nails did leave me skin but she never let go of my wrist.
There must be some pretty fancy people here today, I think as I take in the grand wedding room which is obviously being put to use at this very moment. Way, way down the white carpet was a man and woman grinning at each other. Red rose petalswere scattered all over the white carpet where the bride has recently walked down. Every red seat was filled with guests and they all watched the wedding. The pastor droned on about how love and marriage corresponded together and how love was blind and selfless. Razor blades dragged along my skin and I tried to tune the old man out.
I noticed how Ava's foot steps became noticeably quieter and she moved slowly, more cautiously.
"Ava, what is going on? I gotta go to work!" I whispered furiously in her ear.
"Macy," I recognize the name of the usual wedding singer, "is sick with the flu, your gonna have to sing." And that's when I noticed exactly where we were walking. The raised platform, the microphone, the lights. Oh God!
A sick feeling nestled itself in my stomach and my face turned beat red. "No! Ava, no, I can't! I'm a horrible singer!" I was whispering louder now and I wondered vaguely if any of the guests could hear me.
"No, Ella, you're not. I've heard you sing in the shower whenever I snoop around your room so don't worry you'll do great!" How could she sound so optimistic?
"I ca- wait! What do you mean? Do you really snoop around my room?" My face heats up at the very thought.
"Ella! That it so not the point here! You can sing okay just this time make sure its a love song okay?" She pushed me up the stairs where I saw three people standing with instruments. Electric guitars, a grand piano, and drums were on the platform; people stood behind them tinkering and tuning the instruments. "Okay, Ella this is your band. The couple are really into rock music and stuff so maybe if you could think of something like that? Okay!" Suddenly Ava's firm grip leaves my arm and she's jogging to the Exit. Are you fucking kidding me?
"Hi, I'm Lisa." Says one woman with dark eyeliner and a sleeve of tattoos on her left arm. She smiles kindly and reaches over the grand piano to shake my hand.
"H-hey, I'm ... Ella." I force the words around the lump in my throat and the quick gasps I keep sucking in.
"Ella, I'm Joey." One man says taking my hand, his black guitar resting against his chest.
"Corey." The other man says, his white guitar resting on a stool. He runs a hand through his black hair but doesn't take my hand.
"I'm Joy." A platinum blond muttered, not meeting my eyes, leaving over her drum set to shake my hand, a shy smile playing on her lips.
"Hi." I murmur taking deep breaths now.
"You ever sing in front of a crowd before?" Lisa says bravely, pulling her black curls into a pony tail at the nap of her neck allowing me to see her face clearly. Lisa has dark skin, russet almost with a red undertone like Paul's had, her eyes are a pretty dark green, her lips are a perfect double curve, and her high cheekbones are in perfect proportion with the rest of her exotic face.
"No." Keep it short Ella, don't embarrass yourself by stuttering.
She nods understanding. "Well, don't worry. You'lldo fine and I'll be here to back you up." Well, why can't you sing then? "Here's the first some they want us to play, it's a slow song and this will be their first dance as a married couple. Then we're gonna pick it up with this song here," Lisa shows me the lyrics and rhythm to the second song and continues showing me the songs in order that we'll perform them. I keep taking deep breaths.
I spend the rest of the time going over the songs with the band and memorizing the lyrics, nervousness making a home for itself in the pit of my gut right next to my baby.
It's time to start all too soon.
Lise gently shoves me behind the mic and, gratefully, not all eyes are on me they're on the married couple about to start the dance.
Lisa plays her piano beautifully, her fingers dancing on the keys like ballerina's and I force away the memory of Edwards playing. Hiding the pain on my face I open my mouth, take another deep breath, and the lyrics pour out from me. I keep my eyes fixated on a bouquet of red tulips across the room. My finger tips are shaking so I grip the mic.
The slow song floats around the room swirling about the dancing pairs and mingling with their own voices as they whisper and murmur to each other.
The piano slowly drifts into the ending and my voice goes with it.
"Ella." Joey hisses from my right. "That was awesome!" He gives me a thumb up and I smile, my face turning red under the spray tan. And suddenly we are a rock band in a concert, not a classic wedding.
Corey's fingers move rapidly on the skinny strings of his guitar, Joy's pale blond hair shimmers and flips as she bangs on her dums. Then Joey comes in with his own riffs and I hear my cue to sing.
-I took these lyrics from Skillet, one of my favorite bands. I truly suck at writing lyrics so I'm borrowing these. I take no cedit for this awesome song, I did not write it.-
"Despite the lies that you're making
Your love is mine for the taking
My love is just waiting
To turn your tears to roses
"Despite the lies that you're making
Your love is mine for the taking
My love is just waiting
To turn your tears to roses
"I will be the one that's gonna hold you
I will be the one that you run to
My love is a burning, consuming fire
"No, you'll never be alone
When darkness comes
I'll light the night with stars
Hear my whispers in the dark
"No, you'll never be alone
When darkness comes
You know I'm never far
Hear my whispers in the dark
"Whispers in the dark
"You feel so lonely and ragged
You lay here broken and naked
My love is just waiting
To clothe you in crimson roses
"I will be the one that's gonna find you
I will be the one that's gonna guide you
My love is a burning, consuming fire
"No, you'll never be alone
When darkness comes
I'll light the night with stars
Hear my whispers in the dark
"No, you'll never be alone
When darkness comes
You know I'm never far
Hear the whispers in the dark
"No, you'll never be alone
When darkness comes
I'll light the night with stars
Hear my whispers in the dark
"No, you'll never be alone
When darkness comes
You know I'm never far
Hear the whispers in the dark
Whispers in the dark
Whispers in the dark
Whispers in the dark"
Sorry it took so long to finish this chapter people! I've been working on some other projects too though plus my swimming team plus babysitting plus everything else I've been kinda busy. Thanks and please please please please please please please REVIEW! And thnkx to ikidikid for all the reviews and support. :)
