Hale No, Hale Yes
Chapter 11
Published 14 August 2010

AN: Disclaimer - see chapter 1. Thanks to my village of pre-readers and betas. Kuroi, you make my document make sense, well as much as you are able with the verbal diarrhoea that spouts from dear Alice. Rhenea, vampisthenewblack - you make it possible.

Readers, as always, you make me humble with your reviews. All of your reviews inspire me to continue when real life sometimes gets in the way. Thank you. On with the show...


Where the hell am I? Oh right, in a bed. Trouble was... whose bed? Frowning, I tried to get out of the conglomeration of blankets, sheets and me; planting one foot on the ground delicately as my eyes adjusted to the gloom, I could make out that I was alone. And the room was cold.

My eyes took in the floral curtains as I shivered and I frowned even more with my growing sense of ... apprehension? Doom?

This definitely isn't my room. And I'm going to get wrinkles at this rate from all the frowning.

I turned my head, taking in the embossed wallpaper and looked down to where my fingers were nervously plucking the satiny-feeling comforter that was weighing heavily upon my slight and somewhat dampened form. I frowned some more.

"God, Alice, what kind of an idiot did you make out of yourself this time? You're all sweaty." I muttered aloud, my heart beating loudly - too loudly. My mother's voice came through my mind, 'Girls don't sweat, they perspire.' Yes, thank you Miss Manners. Why in the hell was I damp? It was like I had been running a marathon, it was that icky wet, sticky perspiration. Like, ew. And the only time I ever got like that was when ... oh my fuck...

A little worried now, I winced a little in anticipation of what I might find, and bravely lifted the covers - just to check, you understand - and... well...

Thank all the fucking deities that I am clothed. Fully.

I dropped the covers with a huge sigh of relief, pulling my leg back under - it was a bit too cold to get up just now - lying back down whilst I got my bearings.

All right-y then Miss Alice, you didn't spend the past however-long screwing the brains out of someone, though who the hell that might have been considering it was a girly party... oh holy crap-a-moly, we had a girly party. But wait, wasn't it at our place? So why don't I recognize this room? Fuckity fuck fuck fuck! Damn, my fickle, forgetful mind!

Ever notice that lyrics can invade your head at the strangest of times? My head was pounding astronomically at the same time Britney Spears lyrics ran through my head as I tried to work through hazy memories.

'There's only two types of people in the world, the ones that entertain and the ones that observe...'

Don't ask me why. It's one of those random things, I guess. But if I was pressed to say which type I was, I would have to say that I'm a put-on-a-show kind of girl. (Like you didn't get that already.)

As I lay there listening to these lyrics going through my head - very annoying I might add - something wet ran into the corner of my eye. Ouch. That stings. Closing that eye, I tried to work out what it was. Blood? Sweat? Tears? Or something squicky and oh, ew, I hope not... my fingers touched it gingerly. My forehead was wet with... oh, it was a damp facecloth. Well, thank God for that. I thought for a moment it might have been a drooling rat, an ugly coyote, or something equally gross. I sat up. It didn't fall off. Must be strapped on or something. (Hehe I said strap-on.)

Then a voice came to help me out of my somewhat dilemma-ish predicament. But I don't know if I was relieved, annoyed or apprehensive.

"It's alive!" came the mocking tone from the doorway. Turning my head rather quickly - and I might add, it might have been a tad too quickly as my neck was very sore and can attest to that fact, that it was sore, from the quick movement I mentioned earlier - anyhoo, turning towards the sound I could make out the outline of the figure leaning nonchalantly against the jamb.

It reminded me of a scene out of a sci-fi movie before some villain walked in and began his monologuing. Possibly why I was prompted to blurt out, "I don't feel right. I feel like I'm leaking."

"Well, you've been unwell and besides, a little suffering is good for the soul as Bones would say." The voice belonged to Edward I-last-saw-you-sucking-face-with-the-hot-teacher-I-later-fucked Cullen and with that kissing memory firmly in mind, I watched him rather cautiously as he sauntered into the room toward me. "Miss Brandon, I wouldn't have pegged you for a Trekkie," he said, a slight grin upon his face. "I think I like knowing this side of you."

"You're not exactly what the term Trekkie brings to mind either," I said, carefully gauging his movements. He leaned over me, and my heart started hammering. "What the hell are you doing?" I squeaked, wondering if I should attempt to cover up what little breastage I might have been showing. Weakly, I clamped a hand over the V in my top. 'Yep, that's going to stop him if he's going to do anything, Alice.'

A smile graced his face briefly (maybe he read my mind?) before he reached forward, his hand brushing against my forehead, and removed the offending facecloth. Cool fingers brushed my bare skin and I almost sighed in relief from the coolness of his hand. I didn't realize I was feeling so hot! Hot flashes already? I'm too young for menopause!

Edward hmmed under his breath as he stared intently at me before sitting back on the bed and grinning. I missed his icy caress, but part of my mind could not help but wonder what his patients thought of his less than warm touch. (Another part of me got ridiculously excited at the thought of his cool fingers... well, note to self: girly tingly parts are all A-okay.)

"Alice, what else was there to do?" he said finally, breaking the silence. "I'm a Doctor. I spent a lot of time veging out to Star Trek while I was a resident. I was too tired to do anything else aside from mindless TV."

Point taken. Lots of late nights and shift work. Star Trek would be ideal watching. No blood, not too much action, and lots of comedic factor to release the tension of the day. Kirk. Captain James T. Kirk. Spock. Live long and prosper. Not to mention the whole slash connotations of Kirk/Spock that spawned an entire world of fanfiction. No wonder he was a Trekkie.

My mind conjured up images of Edward with his fingers splayed in the Vulcan greeting. I grimaced, though whether it was due to the pain in my head or the pain of him being a Trekkie, I'm not entirely sure. "Star Trek, Edward? Really?" I shifted, moving to a more comfortable position somewhat gingerly. What the hell was wrong with me?

His eyes followed my movements. "Well, lucky for you, you weren't a red shirt. You'll live to fight another day."

"Oh yay," my voice showed I was less than thrilled at this diagnosis. "What the freaking hell happened? Last I remember is you coming in... oh yes, you made quite an entrance from my recollection."

"Well, I didn't expect quite the prostration at my feet as you greeted me. Although many men would gladly welcome women fawning at their feet, it wasn't quite the welcome I had in mind. Not to mention Rosalie screeching in my ear to hurry up and fix you. Have you been feeling unwell over the past few days?"

(hehe prostrate... sounds like prostate. Yeah, I'm five.)

His warm melodic tones washed over me and I could only stare almost hypnotically at him. 'He's classically beautiful,' I thought, taking in the angles and shadows that played across his face. 'His warm eyes seem almost golden, but I'm sure it's a trick of the light of figment of my imagination. I can see why Jasper seems almost mesmerized by this man.'

"Alice?" Edward repeated the question.

Still I stared at him - rather dumbfounded-looking, I suspect. Those brows drew together, but unlike the whole monobrow thing of Jacob Black's, his were this perfect alignment of magnificence... oh dear Lord, I fancy a very, very, gay man! What the hell is up with the Universe?

Wryly, Edward spoke again during my lack of speech, "Then again, maybe some of you have come to Hogwarts in possession of abilities so formidable that you feel confident enough to not pay attention."

A voice came from the shadows. "You quoting Snape again, Edward? I swear you have an amazingly great fan-boy thing for that man."

"Ah, Rose, have you been checking out my fanfiction list again?" His voice was soft with a ghost of a smile playing upon his lips. Still, he never turned his head away from me. Almost silently, she glided further into the room. I tried to keep my eyes off her and focused instead on Edward. From the steadfast way he was staring at me, I think he was avoiding her too.

I picked up on the Harry Potter references and tilted my head inquiringly at the two of them, a little more specifically at Edward, since as I said, I am still avoiding meeting Rosalie's eyes. "Harry and Snape? I wonder about you. Considering your predilection for Jasper, I would have picked a little Malfoy and Snape instead."

Edward glared at me. "That would be... incestuous."

"You and Jasper?" I snorted. "Not likely. Unless you look at him like a brother then yes, it would seem incestuous. Although I wouldn't have kissed my brother-type like the way you kissed Jasper the other day. Hot, by the way." A pause before, "And I see, that my verbal filter is still lacking," I finished, a little warm in the face now.

Edward had the grace to blush, but side-stepped and avoided that subject. "I meant Malfoy and Snape - the whole godparent and godson thing. It's just wrong to have them together."

'I'll take that lead, Edward,' I thought. 'Point taken - you don't want to talk about you and Jasper.'

"But it's Alan Rickman," I argued aloud. "And why not a little Harry and Malfoy? That sexual tension is just about tangible."

"See, I'm not the only one that says that," came a smug Rosalie. Oh yeah, she's in the room with us. I almost forgot about that. She leaned against a nearby wall and continued in an almost know-it-all sort of tone, "You can't tell me that Hermione would be the one for either of them. They are so up for it whenever they are together. Oooooh Drayyyy-co," she cooed in a mockery of Harry Potter. "Oy, Potter, wipe that smirk off your face. You just know he's really saying: Hey Potter, I want that smirk there because of me. Me and my peen. Come here, Pottyhead and earn that nickname."

"Rose!" Edward seemed most affronted.

"Oh you know that is so what he's saying in his head," she scoffed at Edward. "Draco just wants to jump Harry, whip those glasses off and turn Harry from geeky Scarface to Sex-God-in-Draco's-bed. Kind of like what you want to do to Jasper all the time."

Speak of the devil... Jasper walked into the room. "I heard Draco's name."

I rolled my eyes. Trust him to hear Draco's name and not anything else. And to think he has always hassled me about my fondness for Tom Felton's version of Draco Malfoy. Now, I can hassle him instead. (Is it just me, but since knowing about Jasper's predilection for the male gender, I am now noticing just how gay he has really been all this time? I mean lots of things have pointed to it. Why did I not see it before?)

Rosalie snorted at her brother. "You can't hear me if I call you, yet mention Draco or Harry or Snape and you come running from the other side of the house."

"Actually, I was just on the other side of the door looking for Edward. And I was walking," he poked his tongue out childishly at her.

Rosalie rolled her eyes, "I should have figured you were following him like a lost puppy. You have been like that since you guys made up. How long before you cut it out?"

"Well, how long is a piece of string? Probably when we stop having really great sex. It's been a really good make-up, hasn't it, Edward?" Jasper touched a hand to Edward's back. I dare not think about how low he placed that hand. Oh wait, actually that would have cheered me immensely. I wonder if they would provide me with a little in-person action to watch. (I know, I'm such a voyeur.)

Rosalie wrinkled her nose. "Oh, please don't gross me out, Jasper. Just the fact that I've walked in on you guys sucking face or whatever you want to call it..."

"Kissing..."

"... and had to protect my eyes - and my brain - since I caught you on the kitchen counter. Honestly, you're like a pair of randy teenagers. Why there of all places?"

Interesting. Kitchen? Counter top sex? Phoar... what I would have done to be a fly on that wall.

Jasper countered, "The counter was comfortable, and better than the garage when you kept walking in on us. And it's not as bad as when I walked in on you with that disgusting little bullet friend..."

"Seeing my brother being fucked from behind by my best friend is a visual I can do without," she shot back.

Sensing the escalation into all out war and possibly hearing about possible other sexual situations involving the woman that I wanted to have sexual intimacies with i.e. encounters that weren't me (jealous much, Alice?), I thought I had better intervene - before something was revealed that I did not need nor want to know about at this stage of hers and my relationship. I mean, um, hello? Back to me?

I whined. "Can you guys focus off yourselves for a moment and recall that I'm still here? Not knowing what is going on?"

Three pairs of eyes turned toward me and I felt suddenly a little uncomfortable under their gazes.

"Well," started Jasper as he sat himself comfortably at the foot of the bed, "you gave us a start. Falling at our feet is one way of garnering attention, but Alice, seriously, as much as I like it, you shouldn't feel compelled to do it every time."

I growled at him. No, no, literally. None of this figurative crap. I growled... like, like, like Jacob.

Jasper held up his hands in mock defense. "I give! Don't bite me!"

Oh my God, now he was just irritating. (My brain said, 'The magnificence that is Jasper can never be irritating. Jeez, Alice.' My other brain said, 'How the hell did I even think he was great?' The other part of my brain answered with, 'When your head was working properly.')

Imbecilic moron. Though - was I referring to Jasper or me?

"I think you've pissed the munchkin off," commented Rosalie dryly from the sidelines.

Raucous laughter greeted her statement. Bitch. Bastards. Where the fuck are my friends? A little miffed, I declared, "You know, this is my first time being coherent and awake, and I would appreciate it if you eased up on the sarcasm."

"The first time?"

Making a face at Jasper, I clarified, "After falling at your feet, I have no later recollection. I might like it if someone would explain to me what happened. That kind of first. I've never fainted before."

"Well, there is always a first time for everything," Rosalie quipped, staring at me - dare I say, intently. Her eyes roved down my body and part of me reacted - as you do - and the other part well, let's just say it was a little nervous at her implied, um, you know, insinuation of other types of firsts.

Nervous now, I stammered, "As flattered - and intimidated - as I am by your proposal, I am going to have to remind you... Hello? What did we just talk about? Sarcasm?"

"Honey," her voice purred and shivers ran down my spine - very pleasantly I might add, "that wasn't sarcastic at all. I meant every word... and every insinuation."

Those blue eyes smirked at me as they held my gaze causing me to swallow hard; at the thought of her implications and at the thought of, well, all of those kind of thoughts. Shockingly vivid type of thoughts: red bikinis; long blonde hair falling loosely over bare shoulders; pink tongue; pink lips...

"Out! All of you, out! Honestly, behaving like a pack of hyenas in an invalid's room. Shocking behaviour." Esme Cullen walked into the room and like little school children, the other three looked suitably chastised. Admittedly, I too felt a little guilty - like she caught me doing something naughty. Well, luckily she couldn't read my mind.

"Yeah, I'm an invalid. You need to stop... that," I squeaked weakly, glad to have the interruption from the very predatory gaze of one Rosalie Hale - though admittedly I can feel my nipples hard from being almost eaten by a single look.

I vaguely heard Edward say, "Sorry, Mom," followed by "Yeah, sorry Esme," chorused by the other two.

"Alice, honey, how are you feeling?" She fluffed up the pillows behind me. Oomph. Yeah Esme, um, I'm still on them? She fluffed them anyway and then pushed me very firmly into them. Very firmly. Right, gently does it. God, I hope she doesn't notice how stiff my nipples are. How embarrassing.

I think that maybe she had noticed as Esme smiled again before proceeding to take a thermometer and sticking it into my ear. Yeah, okay, that's enough to kill the buzz I had going. At least the thermometer was an electronic one. It beeps loud though. She grimaced as she peered at it, talking all the while. I wish she'd be a little less... ramble-y.

"You gave us a bit of a shock there. Looks like you have been coming down with this horrid flu. Then you passed out."

Wringing out the almost forgotten facecloth in a basin by the bedside, the doctor's wife then proceeded to wipe my face with it. Ew. It smelled horrible. I think my face must have shown that I was less than impressed with it. Gently, she gave me one of the pitying smiles that people give you when you are sick.

"Your fever was quite high and I'm sorry if the room smells like vinegar and rubbing alcohol. It's all I could do to keep it down."

She sat back and then proceeded to glare at me. Mood swing much?

"Honestly, you children," Esme started berating me. What the fuck? Sick person here. "At what point is alcohol the cure-all to feeling ill?" Esme tutted before wiping my face down again. I felt like a small child in the bath. "We had to wait a considerable time before you could give you any medication for fear that the amount of alcohol in your system would contradict the medicines. You had us so worried! Especially Rose. She was so concerned for you. How could you let yourself get sick like that? How could Charlie let you get sick? Honestly, Alice, you need to take better care of yourself."

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill
because they pissed me off

My version of the Serenity prayer went quickly through my head as it pounded with her ranting and raving.

"Esme dear?"

Thank you Lord! Pretty doctor. Nice pretty doctor. Please to be getting rid of raving lunatic woman hell-bent on basting me with stinky vinegar. Kthxbai.

It was Doctor Carlisle Cullen and not Edward, but I knew Doctor Cullen and I was infinitely grateful for him showing his face. Finally. I'll be even more grateful if his hovering wife would just leave now.

"Dad, perhaps Mom should organize some refreshments for our now awake invalid while we do a check up on the patient?"

Turning grateful eyes to Edward who I had only just registered was still in the room (well he's an adult. Of course he's not going to be run out of the room by his overbearing mother. I hope.) I breathed, "Yes, that would be lovely. I'm feeling a bit dehydrated."

"Oh of course dear, I'll tend to that right now. How careless of me." And with the rush similar to that of a bus driving past you on a windy day, Esme Cullen left the room.

"You have to excuse Esme. She loves to look after people. I think she would have been happy if Edward had never grown up." He paused as he looked me over - in a medical sense. Stethoscope and all that. But while he was doing so, a commotion in the hall drew my attention.

"...you like her. So tell her."

"I can't. Not after..."

"You fucked it up. You fix it."

"No, you fucked her! You need to fix that."

"I can't take that back. We talked about that, Rose! She was straight before she met you! This is new for her!"

"Jasper..."

"No, Rose, you may be my sister, but you fucked her up good. She was into you and you fucked it up by your own insecurities! You need to talk to her. Don't let this fester. You could be missing out on a good thing!" Jasper's voice was very insistent.

Hers on the other hand was very, well, bitchy. "You'd know better than me since you've had your cock inside her."

Round and round we go, where we stop, nobody knows. Back to square one, again. Really, Rosalie. Are you ever going to get off that point?

"Dammit Rose!"

My sentiments exactly.

"Fuck you! And her! God, I wished you'd never tried to set me up. It's all your damn fault, you fucking imbecile!"

I heard a door slam and I winced.

"I'd say they might be fighting about you, wouldn't you say?" Carlisle's voice was mild, but his eyes were lit with something. Intrigue? Knowing? An attempt to see down my top? (Well it wouldn't be the latter. He's seen me naked before and I gather I don't hold that kind of appeal for him. Mind you, having seen the Missus Cullen, it certainly doesn't surprise me. I mean who the hell is that gorgeous and nice? No wonder all the women in town tend to hold back on throwing themselves on the good Doctor. He's already got the best woman in town.)

"Alice?"

"Oh you mean the Ricky/Lucy show we were just privvy to?" I looked at Doc Cullen. He was giving me a very patient, understanding look and gathering all my courage I asked him, "Is Rosalie really ..." 'into me' is what I wanted to ask, but what came out was, "... a bitch?"

He gave me a different look. "You sure that's the question you wanted to ask?"

"Yeah, probably not exactly what I meant to say. The question is warranted though, don't you think? But what I meant to ask is, well, is Rosalie really..." I took a deep breath, "... into me?"

"Well, that might have to be something that you two girls need to work out, but suffice to say I think that her insistence on your treatment being here rather than in your home is a good indicator of something. Perhaps you two should talk things out?"

Yeah, talk. Talk. I'm good at talking. Not so good at listening, but talking I can do. Trouble is, when I'm around Rosalie I can do nothing but not talk. Yeah, talk. Not so good for me.

I nodded weakly.

He patted my hand and got up to leave. "I'll see what I can do to calm things down out there. Maybe she can come in and have a chat with you. What do you think? Or would you rather leave it up to your own timeline?"

I gulped. "No, no, here is fine. If she wants to, that is. No pressure. I don't want her to feel obligated or anything. I mean, you know if you think she is up for it, talking that is. I mean, yeah."

Laughing, he nodded and left quietly. I like that man. He's a nice fatherly sort of fellow.

So as I sat there trying to work out what to do, how the curtains looked so perfect with every pleat, and how did they paint the thingee with scrolls around the edges of the ceiling, the person I was trying to avoid thinking about walked in. And sat. And looked at me.

Her soft voice came out of the gnawing silence, "Lucy, I think you have some 'splainin' to do."

I smiled. Carlisle must have told her about my comment. I took a deep breath. "Rosalie..."


Quotes:
"Then again, maybe some of you have come to Hogwarts in possession of abilities so formidable that you feel confident enough to not pay attention." ~ Professor Snape a la Alan Rickman, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, the movie.
As flattered - and intimidated - as I am by your proposal ~ Chuck Bartowski, Chuck
I am going to have to remind you... What did we just talk about? ~ Chuck Bartowski, Chuck
'There's only two types of people in the world, the ones that entertain and the ones that observe...' ~ Britney Spears, Circus
"I don't feel right. I feel like I'm leaking." ~ Kirk, Star Trek

Note: many references to Harry Potter, Star Trek, Chuck, Here's Lucy and life in general went into the making of this chapter. Next up, the conversation we've all been waiting for. Alice and Rosalie make a porno.. oh wait, wrong movie...

Another author note: for those who read After the Storm (Edward/Jasper), there is a sequel in the works. I have a number of chapters already completed, but will try to get as much written before posting.