Hi! Oh my god, it's already been so long, hasn't it? I'm really sorry about that! It's just...I don't know. I'm not really in the mood to type anything. I've written like...20 drafts but I couldn't finish any of them. It's not a writer's block since I actually do have something in mind for the story, I just don't have the energy to write it. I guess this is the so called writer's slump eh? I certainly do not want to get stuck in one ever again. Oh well. I'll try to make this less crappy as much as I can, okay? Please bear with me! I mean, come on! It Mikoto's and Touma's last rodeo in the world of FYF! But well, I'm it's still up to you to decide! Thank you so very much to those who still read this despite being the crappy writer that I am.
BR12345, thank you so much!
Let's get it on, shall we?
Chapter 11 : If Only I Could Have
"Mikoto?" I asked tentatively, not believing my own words and what I was seeing. She looked up at me, and I could never mistake her eyes. Those hazel eyes of hers that I'd been missing all these years. The eyes of the girl that I love the most.
"Onii-chan..." She said in a timid, small voice fitting for a child. "Why do you know my name?"
"What're you...Onii-chan?" I questioned, placing my hands on her shoulders. "You...You're name is Mikoto, right? Are you really Mikoto?" Her eyes held mine as she simply stared at me, not muttering even the slightest sound or response. "Why are you in a kid's body? Where the hell are we? Did you shrink when you became an angel? Why am I even here? Narushi and the other girls are back in Academy City with that b-st-rd! We need to get back there!" Her eyes showed some semblance of fear from my raised voice, but my frustration ultimately got the better of me. "Say something Mikoto! Please!" I asked, probably a little too aggressive. The little girl whimpered out of fear, swatting away my hands on her shoulders and pushing herself back on the base of the tree she was settling in.
"Hnnn..." She sounded, as she ducked her head under her arms. I took three steps back to give her some space, as well as to take a little breather and calm myself. I let my legs give up from my weight, as I fell back onto the cold snow covered plains on my butt.
"I...I'm sorry..." I said calmly after I regained my wits. "I'm really sorry about that, Mikoto... I didn't mean to scare you or anything. I won't hurt you, if that's what you're worried about. I could never hurt you. I mean...how could I? When you...look so much like a girl I once knew." As I spoke, I noticed how she took a peek from behind her hair as she lowered her arms from her head. I smiled at her, before I continued speaking. "Her name was Mikoto too. She was two years younger than me, but she was so much smarter in comparison to an idiot such as myself. It's as I said, she looks a lot like you, from the color of your hair to your eyes. Everything. I love her, so I assure you, I will never do anything that would cause you harm. I'll protect you okay? So you don't have to be scared." I took a cautious step forward, testing the waters to see if she would flinch, but she merely kept a careful gaze on me. I went over and patted her head, giving her a reassuring smile. "You shouldn't take me as a paedophile, though. You may look exactly like her, but you're still a kid, so you're perfectly clear!"
She continued to keep her eyes on me for a few more seconds before she completely let her guard down. She huddled herself into the tree before managing a meagre nod as a response. We both sat there in silence. She must've been resting when I chanced upon her, Judging from the blisters on her feet, probably from exposure to the cold snow—she didn't even have shoes!—and walking too much. She also tried to regulate her breathing, so she must be tired, right? I wanted to question her and take care of her, but I might come off as too clingy and scare her again. She seemed pretty unaccustomed to other people caring about her business. I guess I'll just have to wait until she actually considers me safe enough to warm up to. And when that happens, I will do everything I can to help her a—
"Ah, where are you going?" I asked as she suddenly stood up, patted the snow that clung to her dress and walked away from me. She didn't even answer my question, huh. I stood up and followed her, making sure to keep a close eye on her movements and any changes to her bodily functions. She was a walking wreck. It would only be a matter of time before she broke down. I need to be there for her. I just have to.
If only I could've been there for Mikoto too.
"Hey," I tried, calling out to the...little version of Mikoto who was walking ahead of me by a few steps. "Shouldn't you be going home soon? It's pretty cold out here, don't you...have a house or something?" We've been walking for hours but she hasn't stopped. It's as if she's just walking aimlessly, not knowing where to go. Well, maybe she actually doesn't know where to go. "Hey, Mikoto?" I tried again. She looked back at me, staring for a few seconds before she opened her mouth to speak, before she closed it once again, without uttering a single word and walking away.
'What is wrong with this kid? I am, at the very least, sure that her name is Mikoto. I mean, she sure as hell looks like the Mikoto I know, but are they really one in the same? And where are her parents? If she is Mikoto, then surely Misuzu-san and Tabigake-san would've never been insane enough to let her out of the house in this cold weather wearing just that flimsy dress!'
We continued walking for several more miles; I'm not even quite sure myself how far we've walked. I was starting to get the tiniest bit tired, with the cold weather beating down on my endurance, but the little girl...Mikoto was definitely beyond exhausted. She's dead pale, her shoulders are shuddering and her breathing's become so much of a chore for her. She staggered for a few steps before she steeled herself the best she can, choosing to continue moving forward. That was until she tripped and landed herself on a deep pile of snow.
"Are you okay?!" I asked, hurrying my steps, but still being careful enough so that I wouldn't trip and fall on her. When I reached her, she still hadn't moved an inch from where she fell. I swore I felt my heart stop. "Hey, Mikoto?!" I said, kneeling down and picking up her frail, extremely cold, body from the heap of snow. How long has this girl been out in the cold like this? "Hey, come on! You shouldn't fall asleep like this! It's dangerous!"
"H...Home..." Mikoto whispered, her entire body shivering—no, trembling from the harshness of the cold. "My...My home..."
"I can get you home! I swear I will!" I said without thinking, not really knowing whether she could hear me or not. I stood up, hugging her as close to me as possible to provide some semblance of warmth without crushing her. "Damn...Where the hell are we? I need to get you warmed up as soon as possible, but I don't have the slightest idea where I should take you!" Sh-t. Think fast Touma! You have a girl who might just be Mikoto on the verge of dying from hypothermia!
"Light..." She said in a small voice, barely audible to me despite our proximity. "Follow...the light..." She said again, her eyes not even blinking open in the slightest. Is she awake? Or is this some kind of subconscious ESP ability at work? Like the ability to predict the future or something?
"Light? What light?" And just as the question left my mouth, I saw a bluish-white light suddenly floated in front of me, dancing in front of my vision before it moved at a regular pace towards the woods. I don't know whether I simply trusted the little Mikoto's words or I was just really desperate to get her settled, but without a single doubt in my mind, I trudged through the snow, following the dancing light through the maze of identical looking trees. It didn't take too long for us to reach a cottage...or more like some sort of rundown mansion villa of sorts. Who the hell would build a place like this right in the middle of a desolate snow covered land? The light wavered right in front of the door, seemingly saying goodbye before it popped, dissipating into tiny specs of light that got blown by the wind. I was still stunned by the fact that a light, of all things, actually brought me to this house, but once the cold winds made contact with my skin, I was gravely reminded of the situation I was in. I knocked on the door, fully knowing that no one would answer it—the place just seemed so desolate—before I went in, making sure to close the door as I entered the house. I immediately noticed the large couch with an unreasonably large amount of blankets draped all over it that was near the unusually large fireplace that had a stock of fresh wood right next to it. Isn't that too much of a coincidence though? Whatever, now isn't the time to be nitpicky or to question the way of the universe! I laid Mikoto down, draping the blankets over her—they were freshly washed mind you, before I went over and lit the fireplace. Just as the fire cackled and started to burn, I decided to take a look around the house that was being brought to life as the fire started to grow.
"This must've been a really pretty house before it was abandoned." I muttered out loud as I took notice of all the decorations that adorned the walls, the ledge and center table. There were several picture frames both placed on tables and plastered on the walls, but for some reason, the pictures were nothing but black photo paper. Who would put up something like that for display? I took a lighting stick from the pile next to the firewood and went over and lit the lamps that hung on the walls, brightening up the house even more. Again, things are just too convenient. Well, I guess that means that there's no electricity here. I went over to Mikoto, kneeling in front of the couch and placing my hand on her forehead. She wasn't freezing cold, but still too cold to be considered normal. She was also shivering, despite being buried under the warm blankets. "Are you catching a cold? I guess I should...cook you something to eat maybe? Well, that's if I find something to cook. I should probably look for warmer clothes for you too." I muttered to myself, stroking her head soothingly.
"Hnnn~" Mikoto mumbled, before her eyes slowly peeled open, her vision obviously still bleary, if the haze I saw in her eyes wasn't enough proof.
"Hey there... Sorry if I woke you..." I said as gently as I could, my hand still threading through her hair. "I'm going to try and find something to eat...and some clothes for you as well, okay? You probably can't register anything that's happening right now, but it's going to be fine. I'll never leave you alone, so just sleep tight until I come back okay? I'll be walking around the house; just stay put and keep warm. Try not to move too much, understand?" She just looked at me dazedly before her head lulled back to sleep. "I guess not...but oh well." I said with one final brush, before I stood and took a breath, trying to decide where I should start my search. The house was really big to be a cottage or something, but it wasn't mansion sized, so it shouldn't take too long for me to find where the kitchen and some clothes could possibly be at. As I walked through the eerie corridors, I somehow felt at peace. By this time, you would expect me to be cautious of any wolves or monsters or ghosts or magicians or demons or anything that could possibly be life threatening, but surprisingly, I wasn't. Despite being so eerie...it felt...homey, for the lack of a better term. Like, despite the darkness that it was shrouded in, the entire place felt so warm.
"Seriously..." I sighed as I entered a room without a door which seemed to be the dining area. "With the way things have gone recently, I wouldn't be surprised if Mikoto and I somehow used to live here, whether it be in a dream or some alternate universe. Things are just too convenient to be true. The dancing light, the clean blankets, the firewood and now, I even arrived at the kitchen without getting lost. I haven't even used a single brain cell to try and figure out where it could be, but somehow my feet took me to where it is." I scratched my head, simply deciding to just count my blessings, before I went over to the refrigerator to look for some food. And well enough, as I had expected, it was full of food. Vegetables, milk, juice, water, meat, poultry products, cheese and name any other ingredient that you can think of. It was all there. I checked the cupboard and sure enough, the pans and mixing bowls were all there. I checked the stove and saw that it was a dual-energy type. You can either use the electric function or use the gas range. It was a bit of a hassle to figure out the gas range, since there was no electricity, but I managed to get it going somehow.
"What? Someone didn't want to make it too easy for me so they cut off the power source but kept all the other resources? Such a kind soul you are, whoever-you-are-who-controls-this-situation." Deciding to make some chicken soup with heaps of stewed vegetables—God knows how much that girl needed her vegetables just as much as she needs her meat—I quickly went to it, procuring the needed ingredients, slicing them up, sautéing the vegetables, boiling the chicken, and placing them all in a stone cauldron (Just to give it an authentic feel. It was right beside the stove anyway). Seeing that I should probably let it cook for a longer while, so that the goodness of the vegetables really made it to the soup, I left it over the fire as I went to search for clothes. "All the rooms here below seem to be pretty much for recreational purposes...so I guess the rooms are upstairs then." I am, by no means, a lucky person who usually gets things right on the first try or guess. But in this world, wherever I may be, it seems like I actually am. As I went up the stairs, I stared at the picture frames that lined the walls, seeing nothing but black. "Maybe these were blacked out for a reason. They probably don't want me to see something. But what would be that much of bother for them to black out all of these? Don't tell me these pictures depict my family life with Mikoto or something? Nah, just kidding." And now I feel stupid for telling a joke to myself.
I entered the first door that I encountered, twisting the handle. The interior was red and it somehow gave the feeling of a royal suite or something. I don't know much about interior designing and such, but this room definitely contrasts the over all mood of the house. The bed seemed really big, like it could fit a family of three of four comfortably, but I'm guessing that only two people sleep here. I went over to the closet and saw that it was divided into two parts, as expected. Clothes of a man on one side, clothes of a woman on the other. Just by looking at the size of these, Mikoto would look like a kid wearing a curtain for Halloween. I guess I'll just have to use them as a last resort then. I was about to walk out of the room, but for some reason, something was compelling me to look back on it. Things like: Remember, please remember. Or don't forget. Or come back. I don't really know. Things just kept...resounding in my head, beckoning me to stay in that room, but Mikoto, the child version anyway, needed me right now. I need to find her some suitable clothes, serve her some soup, and make sure she's okay then find a way to get her home. With that thought in mind, I reluctantly closed the door, looking back for the last time, sighing as I heard the gears click shut.
But what if this was her home? Thoughts kept bombarding my head as I forced myself to walk forward to the next room. What if this is where you belong? Where she belongs? What if this is actually the reality you were supposed to have with the one you love, disregarding the fact that she turned into a kid? You can always be a lolicon anyhow.
"Stupid." I muttered to myself, taking a deep breath as I entered the next room. "This is just purely utterly stupid. Get a grip Kamijou Touma. " I told myself as I walked in. The room was fairly smaller in size compared to the last one, but it was still spacious. There was a four poster bed with a canopy, of all things. The curtains were white while the furnishings were a mixture of pinks, whites, blues, and some neutral colors here and there. This was obviously the room of a little girl, the pile of stuff toys that were scattered near a toy castle just cements it. Walking towards the closet, I nearly fell over, as I tripped on what seemed like another stuff toy. Seriously, the owner of this room needs to clean up after herself. Leaving a toy near the underside of the bed is just—
"...Pyonko..." I muttered, upon recognizing the pink frog doll that I tripped over for. I went to the pile of stuff toys and dug through it, finding Gekota, a blue Gekota, and Kurigumar hidden underneath. "Looks like you missed a spot, Controller-Of-This-Situation-san." I said, standing up, holding the stuff toys before placing them on the bed neatly. "I always thought that you were trying to obstruct me from finding out the truth about the little Mikoto and what she meant by her home. And even with the picture frames. But then again, why would you go so far as to situate this house literally in the middle of nowhere, leave clean blankets and fresh firewood and ingredients for us to use? If you were really something bad, then...then you could've just sent her off on a cliff while I wasn't looking. You had so many chances to kill her or me. But the most you did was tire her out, make her trip and lose consciousness. You specifically laid things out so I would end up caring for her without finding anything out. But you made a mistake..." I waited for a response. For a sign. Hell, I waited for an apparition of sorts. But nothing came. It was eerily silent, but for some reason, I couldn't help the smile tugging at my face. I smiled. It was desperate smile, but I smiled. "The least you could do...is thank me, you know? Or at least say something. Push me out. Bring me back to Academy City. Anything." Still nothing. "For things to be like this...well, I guess there's no helping it then." I let out a sigh before I went to the closet and took out the first panties I could see, a blue sweater, a frilly white shirt, a brown skirt, a pair of black leggings and a white coat. I can probably grab the socks and boots later, if we actually have to go out of this place. Thank goodness she's just a child. I wouldn't how to deal with grabbing teenage wear, if that made any sense at all. I simply let out another sigh as I stared at the stuff toys that I had lined up on the bed before closing the door and walking away.
By the time I got down, Mikoto was still sound asleep. I placed my hand on her forehead, she's probably running a bit of a cold, but her body had warmed up exponentially. She wasn't shivering anymore and her skin was still pale, but at least she didn't look like a half dead zombie anymore. I placed her clothes on one of the two large cushioned seats, before I made my way to the kitchen where the soup was just about cooked. I turned off the gas range and took out two bowls and spoons. I poured some soup into them, making sure that one of them had a reasonably larger amount of vegetables and chicken meat. I'm just hoping that she isn't much of a picky eater. Placing the two bowls on a tray, alongside two cups of warm chocolate milk, I walked back into the living room where Mikoto was still asleep. I laid the tray on the table first before I went over and sat on the floor next to the couch. I stared at Mikoto's face, a smile creeping onto my face. Geez, really. I'm getting too creepy for my own good. I gently shook Mikoto's shoulder before I stroked her head calmly.
"Hey, Mikoto?" I coaxed, trying to wake her up. "You should wake up now. Sleeping past an empty stomach isn't good for you, you know?" She stirred, her eyes opening. I immediately noticed that the haze was no longer in her eyes. You could see her exhaustion from the lack of shine in her eyes, but she was getting better, and that was the best thing I could hope for in this situation. At least she didn't suffer from irreparable damage brought by hypothermia. "I cooked some soup for you. If you want, we can eat it together, and then I'll heat up the bath for you, then you can go back to sleep, okay? Does that sound nice to you?" She looked at me, before she rubbed her eyes and simply nodded sleepily. It was adorable to watch, really.
"Okay, good." I said, turning around and setting up the bowl and mug on the table for her. "You should probably eat here on the table. I want you to get as comfortable as possible, but the bowl is hot, so you might burn yourself if you eat it on the couch. It probably wouldn't be comfortable for you to be spoon fed by a stranger you don't know, so I'll leave it to you to eat for yourself, okay? Just tell me if you need anything else—" I was just about to turn towards her, when I felt a sudden weight against my shoulders. The blankets. Mikoto stood beside me, a light pink blanket draped over her shoulders, with its ends pooling on the floor. Mikoto had placed all the other blankets on me, leaving one for herself. Why am I not surprised by this? Typical Mikoto... "I'm fine. I wasn't out in the cold for as long as you were. My immune system is pretty good too, so you don't have to worry about me, but thank you for that Mikoto. You should just think about getting yourself warmer, so you can be rid of that cold. You do understand what I'm saying, right?"
"Nnnn~" Mikoto shook her head adorably, a look of seriousness on her face as her cheeks were tinted with a blush. "Onii-chan...must have been cold too. I'm fine...with this pink one." She raised both her hands as she waved the blanket that she clutched tightly with her fists. She plopped down on the floor beside me, sticking close to me as she made sure her legs were covered by the blanket. Despite being carpeted, the floor must've been too cold for the girl. I laughed to myself, before I took the heap of blankets from my back. She glared at me the moment I moved my hands but I just smiled at her and shrugged my shoulders before lifting her up and placing two blankets under her for her to sit on. Once she made herself comfortable, I took another blanket and draped it over her legs. Her feet were still blistering. That must hurt a lot. She shot me another glare, but her face mellowed down after a while.
"You should hurry up and finish you food, we're gonna have to soak your feet in warm water as well. Those frostbite blisters look like a definite pain—"
"Onii-chan..." She muttered, looking down at her blanket covered lap. "...thank you..."
I was speechless. I stared at her, as she stared right back at me. She ducked her head out of embarrassment once, but she merely took a breath and faced me once more, a smile gracing her face. Crossing my arms over the table, I slammed my head over them, resounding with a loud thud. "...Onii-chan...?" I heard her mutter worriedly.
"Really now...That's just not fair..." I said, my voice hoarse. "Really...after all this time... I never expected this...I never expected myself to break down like this...not in front of a kid...not in front of you, Mikoto..." I fisted my hands tightly, doing my best to calm my rampant emotions that stirred in me. "I'm sorry you had to see this pathetic side of me, Mikoto..." I said, raising an arm so that I could pat her head, but I still had my head on the table as I turned away from her. "I'm really sorry...about this. I really am.." I retracted my hand and placed it under my head once more. The room had been silent for a few seconds, just until Mikoto's small voice piped up.
"...Onii-chan..." Mikoto said, moving closer to me so that we would be sitting side by side. Our sides were literally pressed together as she used both of her arms to cling to mine. She rested her head on me as she seemingly tried to be reassuring to me, muttering a few hushes every now and then. "Onii-chan...is crying...because he's sad?"
"No, I'm not crying." I said with a chuckle, using my fist to smother the words in my mouth. "I'm not crying, nor am I said." What a blatant lie. "I'm fine. I'm perfectly fine. That's why you should just continue what you were doing, Mikoto. Don't worry about me, because I'll be just fine." Who are you trying to convince? Yourself or Her?
"Onii-chan is a good Onii-chan." Mikoto said as she let go of me. I heard the sound of shuffling cloth and the tinkling of a spoon against ceramic. So she started eating huh? She really did just continue what—"But he's a bad liar. A really bad liar." She suddenly said as she put the spoon in her mouth. "Do bad liars become good cooks?" She muttered innocently, looking at me with her big hazel eyes that seemed to shimmer in the light of the fireplace.
"What? So now you're talkative all of a sudden?" I asked, rubbing my arm over my eyes as I took a breath to compose myself. "Just a few hours ago, you never even bothered to utter a single word to me, but know you're calling me a liar and praising me at the same time? I always knew women were quite the fickle creatures, but I never knew it applied to little rug rats such as yourself. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you finally warmed up to me, but seriously, who wouldn't be alarmed with such a drastic change?" With my gloomy mood thrown right out of the window by the little girl who sat beside me, I smiled before I began eating the chicken soup that I had made. Well, I was pretty good at making these kinds of dishes. "Say...do you remember this house?"
"Dish hawsh?" Mikoto muttered as the spoon hung limp from her mouth. I laughed before taking it out of her mouth and handing it back to her.
"Don't do that. That's bad manners you know?" I reprimanded her with a smile before I went on with what I was saying. "I mean...you were looking for your house, weren't you? You muttered it in your sleep right after you passed out when you fell. You said something about your home, but that was the only thing you muttered coherently." She looked up at me with her wide eyes as she placed another spoonful of the soup into her mouth. "So? What is it about you and your home? Are you lost? Do you even know what exactly it is you're looking for?"
"I'm...looking for my home~!" She answered as she cheerily as she could, given this situation. "My name is Mikoto and I'm looking for my home. That's all I know." She said, taking another spoonful into her mouth. "I don't know anything else. Am I supposed to remember anything else?"
"Well...no, nothing in particular. But don't you have any memories?" I asked as I ate.
"Memories?" She muttered, staring blankly at me with her bright hazel eyes. I knew a little good food could bring back the life in those eyes of hers. It was the same with Mikoto. "What are...memories?"
"You're kidding me..." I spat out, but she just raised a question brow at me. "You're not?" Her expression still didn't change. No, I actually think she got pissed. " Oh. Well, I mean, memories are...the things from your past that you can remember. Like past events or things that you learned in school and stuff. Don't you have any memories? Why would you look for your house if you don't have any memories?" I asked without thinking. She looked at me before continuing eating, not answering me. Of course she wouldn't answer. You basically ridiculed a person who doesn't have any memories! Who wouldn't be mad at you? "Sorry if I was insensitive. To be honest, I lost my memories too. When I was 16, I forgot everything about my past, even my parents, family and other important things. But I don't really regret it! I mean, I did lose them after saving someone! If I hadn't lost my memories then Index, the girl I saved, would've—"
"Were you sad?" Mikoto asked as she momentarily stopped eating, staring at her reflection in the soup. "I don't really understand much, but forgetting...seems so sad. Losing things that are important to you must hurt, right? All I have right now...is my name and my Home. I don't know where exactly it is or how I could possibly get there, but it's important to me. I wouldn't want to lose it...otherwise I'd feel empty. Is it the same thing? For you to lose your memories?" This child has surely stunned me one too many times in a single night. "You sound happy, but maybe you're just pretending to be happy, so that others wouldn't feel bad, am I right?"
"I never knew that a child like you could say something like that? How old are you exactly? 10 or something?" I said spontaneously out of surprise.
"I don't know." She shrugged, chewing her vegetables carefully. "I told you. I only remember my name and my Home. "
"I don't really mind whether you have memories or if you can't remember anything else aside from." I scooped her up, into my arms along with the blankets she sat on before settling her on my lap. "Mikoto, the Mikoto I knew anyway, didn't care about it either. Sure, she cried over it and nearly beat the shit out of me when she found out about it a few months after it happened, but she still stood by me. Imagine that. I'd forgotten all about her, she knows that I'd forgotten, but she never left. Can you imagine it?"
"Did she love you?" Mikoto asked as she dragged her soup bowl right in front of her, next to mine. Seems like she had no qualms about sitting in my lap huh? "At that time, were you together? Did she love you? If she did, then it must hurt a lot. Probably a lot more than my blisters!" She said, lifting her feet up a bit to show me the redness on them. I laughed, urging her to put them down before I spoke once more.
"I can't really say so for sure." Now that I think about it, since when did Mikoto fall in love with me? We never really bothered to talk about it... "I really hadn't known her for a long time. I think back then...I'd only known her for about four months or was it six? I can't be sure, really. I didn't give her any reason to fall in love with me for such a short time. Whenever we met after I had lost my memories, all we did was argue. It's as I said. I forgot about her and she didn't know a thing until later on. We'd somehow meet by coincidence, hang out for a bit, I'd irritate her and she'd chase ma all around. If it were you, you probably wouldn't fall for someone like that right? I mean, who in the right mind would—"
"Hey," She said, tugging on my jacket sleeve. "What kind of person was the Mikoto you knew?"
"I don't know why you're asking that, but...to be short, she was an amazing person." I said with a grin as the image of her smiling flashed suddenly in my mind. I felt my smile soften as memories of us together suddenly flooded my mind, appearing like pieces of film running on fast. "She was a Level 5, and the third strongest that, though you probably wouldn't understand that. She had...a really high social status, if that makes any more sense. Kind of like a princess that everyone revered and adored. Sure a lot of them adored her because of her status and her facade as a perfect ojou-sama, but there were others who saw the real her and loved her nonetheless. She was a bit violent and childish, and she was a tsundere too. She was extremely rich, but she had no qualms about taking drinks from vending machines or buying from food trucks. I even had to treat her to some cheap restaurant food, but she didn't care. She ate it happily without another thought. I...I've always wondered how she came about to choosing me out of all the suitors she had. Suitors who were a lot more handsome, were rich beyond compare and could stand next to her in their social circle. The idea that all of this was just a dream kept recurring to me. That one day, I'd finally wake up and face the reality that it was just impossible for me and her to be together. Why me? I wonder..."
"Wasn't it exactly because you weren't any of the reasons you said?" Mikoto piped in, sparing me a sideways glance as she ate.
"What do you mean by that?"
"Don't you think that the reason she fell in love with you are the exact reasons you stated for her to not fall in love with you?" Since when do kids know about reverse psychology?! "From your description of her, the Mikoto you know acts like a child. She tries to act mature because that's what people expect of her. Lying about who you are and pretending to be someone you're not isn't a good thing, but she does it so that she wouldn't disappoint anyone. That's probably tiresome, and she probably gets lonely from acting it out, but she chooses to do so for the sake of everyone else. And that's what she saw in you." Mikoto stood up and turned to face me. She patted my head before kneeling down so that we'd be at some form of eye to eye distance, as she held my face gently in her warm, tiny little hands.
"Uhm...Mikoto?"
"I wasn't lying when I said you were a good Onii-chan, Onii-chan." Oh wait I just remembered that I haven't told her my name yet. "Maybe that's why Mikoto-Onee-chan fell in love with you. Because you were one of the few people who saw right through her. You were aware of her status and how rich she is, but you never treated her differently. You saw the lying Mikoto and the real Mikoto as a single person. Whether she acted like a Princess or she acted like a little kid in a teenager's body, you remained the same friend you are to her. She fell in love with you probably because you were different from all those other suitors who just saw her as the Princess. If you really love her, then you shouldn't doubt the love she has for you, okay?" She let go of my face as she turned her back and sat down, gobbling down the soup that was probably losing its warmth now.
"Geez, you're such a weird kid." I said, ruffling her hair. "Giving someone who's a lot older than you some love advice? You probably haven't experienced it for yourself! What would you know, you little brat~."
"I may be just a brat to you, but at least I can see the truth." She huffed, stuffing her mouth full and chugging down some of the chocolate milk. "I think I know the exact reason why Mikoto-Onee-chan chose you out of all of them, Onii-chan. It's really simple if you think about it."
'Oh really?" I asked arrogantly, challenging her. "I've been dwelling on that question of why she chose me for nearly eight years, you know? How could you possibly—"
"It was because she loved you, isn't it?" Mikoto said with a smile. "If you're going to ask why she fell in love with you, then I guess the best answer would be because you're YOU, and not anyone else. Because you were so honest to yourself, Mikoto-Onee-chan—who couldn't be honest with herself, fell in love with you. Because she was in love with you, she chose you above everyone else who wanted her. It's as simple as that, right?"
"Mikoto..."
"If I were you, you shouldn't worry about it too much. Have a little more confidence in yourself because you aren't as low as you think yourself to be." She turned her back to me once more. "Even if you hadn't met Mikoto, even if you hadn't fallen in love with her, you would've been the great person you are now. Nothing would change. But for her, for someone who couldn't even decide what she wanted for herself, someone who simply decided to serve the purpose of others since she couldn't find her own. Someone like that would've been stuck in the rut forever. She would never have been able to get out and be as happy as she came to be if it weren't for you. So...You shouldn't belittle yourself the way you do. Social status and money and riches be damned...you're way better than that, you know..." She held her head low as she clutched the blankets in her hands. "You're too good for her...Touma..."
"Tch, you stupid idiot." I said, wrapping my arms around her neck, embracing her. I rested my forehead on her shoulder, my hands probably shaking visibly, but to hell with that. "Kids shouldn't say the word "damned" you know? And they don't call their elders by their first name, especially since I never told you my name in the first place." She flinched when I said that, but I only held her tighter. "Hey...all this time...you've been searching for your Home, haven't you? All those hours you spent walking barefoot in the snow; it was all to search for your Home, isn't it?"
"Yeah...what about it?" She answered in a shaky voice. I knew it...
"I always thought that it was weird...but why didn't you ask me for help?" I asked, to which she simply kept mum. "The normal thing to do would be to ask someone older than you for help, especially if you were so frantic to look for it. But you didn't. You simply wondered why I knew your name and never spoke a single word after that. But then, when we were about to eat, you suddenly became talkative. Why did you keep your distance from me in the beginning? Why bring down your walls so suddenly? I haven't done anything to make you open up to me. All I did was try to be the least bit considerate, but you warmed up to me as if you know that you could trust me with all your heart."
"I said it before, didn't I?" She answered, placing a comforting hand on my arm. "You're a good Onii-chan. A bad liar, but a good person nonetheless. How could I not trust you? How...how much longer do you think I could've held out, keeping my distance from you? Acting as if I was afraid of you? As if I didn't want to be by your side? Children aren't very good liars you know? They're frank and straight to the point with what they want. They—"
"Then why not be frank and just say what you want?" The fire cackled in the background, burning even brighter than it's supposed to. "Say what you want say, do what you want to do. If you hate something, then be upfront about it. If there's a place you want to go to, then don't let anything stop you and be on your way. Cry if you want to; laugh as much as you want to. Live your life the way you want to, with all your friends and the people you love." My entire arms were trembling, but I could feel her shoulders shrugging along with mine. "If...If there's a place you want to return to, just go back there, Mikoto. No one will blame you. No one will isolate you. Sure, it might be hard at first, but if you really consider that place to be your Home, then none of that should even matter. You'll go back home, because you want to. Not because you have to, or because someone is forcing you to, but simply because you miss it and you want to go Home."
"I don't...I don't have it anymore!" Her voice broke down, as I could hear her sobbing quietly to herself. "I don't have the right to go back there. Home isn't—"
"Your Home is right here, Mikoto!" I hugged her tighter. The world around us seemingly cracked like glass, breaking away and scattering as tiny blue specs of light that fell down like snowflakes. We were surrounded by nothing but a bluish white ambiance, accompanied by the feeling of warmth. "Your Home...is right here, in my heart. Your Home is the hearts of everyone who loves you and everyone who you love back. Home is where the heart is, right? You told me that before? I don't care if you don't have your memories anymore! We can always make new ones, right? Academy City, the place that you loved with all of your heart, that's where you belong, Mikoto. That's where you should be, along with all of us."
"I'll...I'll just be burden to all of you..." She said in an almost whisper. "I'll probably drag a lot of problems. I'll cause a huge commotion and I'll be nothing but trouble."
"So what?! No one thinks of you as a burden! You've always been a lot of trouble, and you always get yourself into dangerous situations because you don't want us to get involved in them! That's really annoying, you know?! It pisses me so much, sometimes I just want to tie you down on a bed of roses and never let you leave! I just want you to be a princess who would obediently wait for her knight to come and save her, and not get her dress dirty by trying to get out of it by herself, slaying dragons with her pin heel shoes. I just—"
"You have to learn to let go of me, Touma. And I have to learn to let go of you all. It's as you said. I can never sit idly in one and place and not stick my nose into some danger! We need to—"
"No! We will never let go of you, Mikoto." For some reason, the area around us became even warmer. It felt...so comforting. "If you really were that damsel in distress that I wanted you to be, then maybe...I wouldn't have fallen in love with you the way I am now. Maybe Academy City would've been turned to dust a million times over. The people I wanted to protect...I would've lost them long ago. We wouldn't have been able to stand on the battlefield together, and I probably wouldn't have known how much more of a badass you really are. You are who you are, Mikoto. And I'll forever be thankful for that."
"Toumaa~..." Mikoto whined as I felt her shift her body to look at me. I raised my head and was met with the sight of the Misaka Mikoto I knew, in her 22 year old body and all, crying, her tears spilling from her eyes as she sniffled gracelessly, crying her eyes out without a single care in the world. I couldn't help but laugh at the sight of her. I raised a hand to wipe away her tears, before placing it on the top of her hair, bringing our foreheads together.
"Hey...Mikoto?" I asked, closing my eyes as the brightness around us became too dazzling. "Let's go home now, okay?"
-chapter end-
Oh my God. I finally finished it! It took me two entire days to write this, since I ended up losing energy half the time I was working on it! This is probably the longest update stand still I had huh? It took me more than 3 months! I'm really sorry about that! I already explained my reasons for not updating, but I guess that won't be enough to make up for it, huh? Well, anyway, thank you so much to those who still continue to read this, even though I'm this much of a failure! I don't really know how this chapter came out though, since I hadn't written anything decent in so long. How is it? Good? Bad? Sucky beyond compare? Please tell me your thoughts!
But anyway, AAAWW~ It's probably just me, but the idea of Mikoto bawling her eyes out and Touma comforting her with simple smile and a pat on the head just seems sooo...heart warming~! Well, explanations for everything that happened here will be said in the next chapter~! Don't know how long it might take me, but I can promise you that it won't be as long as the update period of this one! I'm hyped up to type this story, now that Mikoto is finally playing an active role in it! Now then, will Touma and Mikoto finally get their happy ending? Let's hope so~! Till next time! Thank you so much! Bye bye~!
PS, this may not be much, but this time, at least I tried to re-read the chapter before publishing it! I don't know if I skipped a few mistakes, so please bear with me~!
