Cooper had been the New Directions' number one supporter during Blaine's entire – albeit brief – time as a member of the team. Which was why Blaine was so confused when Cooper seemed unsure about letting him go with the rest of his team to New York.
"I don't actually need your permission, Coop," Blaine said. "Mom and dad already signed the permission form."
"I know, Blainers, but it's a big city and I worry about you."
"Coop. I'm going to be with the New Directions all the time. I doubt we'll actually have any free time to do anything other than rehearse and compete."
"Still..." Cooper was still concerned for his baby brother.
"Look, Coop, Mr. Schue and a couple other teachers are going to be chaperoning. Want to talk to them?"
Cooper nodded and then froze. "God, I'm not turning into one of those helicopter parents, aren't I? And I'm not even a parent technically!"
Blaine laughed, but didn't contradict Cooper's statement.
Mr. Schue, as it turns out, was planning to host a meeting for all the parents a week before the departure for New York. He had all the travel details printed, as well as an itinerary and a list of about a dozen different numbers to call. Everything was planned to a T, and Cooper was nothing short of impressed.
After walking out the doors of the school, he began to think about calling his agent back in LA. It seemed like Blaine was in very capable hands in Lima.
From the moment the plane touched down in New York, Rachel and Kurt couldn't be contained. They were jumping and squealing over every little thing. Puck had hilariously imitated them by fawning over a pile of bird crap on the sidewalk, and Blaine would have laughed at the sight – if he hadn't been dating Kurt.
There was a considerable amount of clutter and bustle as they tried to organize the room situation before sitting down to write the new original songs. Mr. Schue mysteriously disappeared right away, rendering his earlier assurances moot. Blaine decided to leave that out when he would later recount the whole story to Cooper.
After some time – and quite a few lame ideas – spent cooped up in the hotel room, the New Directions decided that they needed to hit the streets of the city for inspiration.
Of course, 'inspiration' quickly turned into sightseeing and messing around.
The girls and Kurt split off at Times Square to admire the theatres and go shopping. Blaine and the other boys, however, opted to continue walking aimlessly. Puck led them all, hoping to 'scope out the hottest chicks' and perhaps find a bar that would let them in without fakes.
"Where are we?" Artie asked as he rolled over yet another dirty, discarded article of clothing that littered the much emptier sidewalk. It had been well over an hour since they'd left the girls behind in Manhattan, and the streets they walked down were getting progressively grungier, darker, and sketchier.
"Something's gotta be close now," Puck said. His words held even less comfort now than they had the first time he'd uttered them over half an hour ago.
"Puck, man, I think we should turn back," Mike advised. "I mean, there isn't even anyone around anymore."
There was a quiet shuffling just beyond the mouth of the alleyway that the boys were standing near, and all heads turned in that direction. The moment Blaine saw the man in the dark coat talking to the small, distressed, shivering man, he knew. But apparently, he was the only one.
"There's someone there!" Finn announced, ever the oblivious, happy-go-lucky, small-town boy. "Maybe they can tell us how to get back to the hotel."
"Finn," Blaine protested, "that's really not a good idea. I think – no, we need to get out of here. Right now."
"Yeah, that's what we're trying to do," Finn said, speaking slowly as if he was talking to a slow four-year-old.
"Yeah, but this isn't going to be any help," Blaine insisted.
"You never know until you try," Finn said, ignoring Blaine, and walking quickly over to where the alley met the sidewalk.
By this point, their conversation had attracted the attention of the two men in the shadows. While the smaller, frail man simply slipped his hands into his pockets and walked in the opposite direction, the man in the dark coat turned to face the New Direction boys. Blaine could almost feel the slight annoyance radiating off of the dealer – for that had to be what he was.
"Can I help you?" the man asked dangerously as he sized Finn up.
There was a small movement near the man's hands which Blaine didn't fail to catch, and he suddenly couldn't bring himself to care about Finn or where he was. He'd caught a glimpse of a small baggie of brownish powder cupped in the man's hand, and the urge, the desire, the hunger, the craving flared up inside of him.
It was so close, so easy. Blaine knew he had a few bills folded up in his wallet, given to him by Cooper 'in case of emergency,' but this could be so worth it, right? Just a little bit, and once he opened up his mind like that, the ideas for songs would come flowing like a river.
"Yeah, we – uh – we just need help getting back to out hotel," Finn said, trailing off weakly at the end as he realized that the man he was talking to was nowhere close to a model citizen.
"Are you sure that's what you boys want? I could get you a good time cheap."
"Wh-what?" Finn's eyes widened as he backed away. "No thanks, we'll just – uh, we'll just go. We don't want any of … that."
The other five glee boys began to back away, but Blaine was frozen in place. His mouth had gone dry and his palms were sweaty as he watched the man produce another bag of heroin.
"Speak for yourself, frankenteen," the man said before stepping toward Blaine. "I can see how bad you want this, kid," he said in a low voice. "How long has it been since your last hit? It hurts, don't it? Come on. No one needs to know. I'll even give you a deal, needle and all."
Blaine looked up at the dealer's face for the first time. He knew that his own eyes must be desperate with hunger. He so badly wanted to say yes, to reach out for that fine powder.
Blaine licked his lips, and then he began scratching at his elbow, where the track mark scars still marred his skin.
The dealer smiled. "If you don't have the cash, I'm sure we can work out a different … arrangement."
Blaine opened his mouth, unsure of what he was going to say, when the others jumped to action. They had all realized that Blaine couldn't say no – but he didn't want to say yes, either.
"Hey, leave him alone!" Sam shouted.
"He doesn't need a low-life scum like you messing up his life," Puck snarled. "He's trying to make something of himself. So back off and stop preying on kids. That's just sick."
"Hey, he never said he didn't want it," the dealer said, but he still backed off some.
"Fine." Puck turned to Blaine. "Blaine, do you want whatever shit this guy is selling? Just remember that you're out 12th member, so we won't be allowed to compete without you and we all know Mr. Schue will kick you off when he hears about this. And that's nothing compared to what Kurt will do to you."
Kurt. The magic word. Blaine unfroze and took an unsteady step back. "Can – can we get out of here?" he asked in a shaky voice.
The other boys heaved a collective sigh of relief as they began to power walk in the opposite direction. Thirty minutes later, they found themselves in front of a Starbucks at the fringes of a nicer area. Blaine ordered the largest black coffee they offered and pretended to ignore the scared and worried glances he was getting from the others.
Caffeine might have been a bad idea. As soon as it hit his system, Blaine felt twitchy – almost as if he was tweaking. He kept scratching his scars, unconcerned that he would soon break skin.
Meanwhile, Sam pulled out his phone to call Mercedes. They girls, already worked up into a panic after only a few seconds of conversation, offered to meet them at the Starbucks or give them directions back to the hotel. At the very least, they also offered advice for dealing with what they were calling "the Blaine situation."
After one look at Blaine, Sam decided it was best that the girls didn't come and rile him up any more, so they set off a few minutes later with Rachel's directions.
When they arrived at the hotel, everyone was waiting for them in the lobby – including Mr. Schue. Blaine refused to make eye contact with anyone – especially Kurt – and gulped nervously when Mr. Schue asked for a moment's privacy.
They walked up to the hotel room in a strained silence. Once they were in the room, Blaine sunk down on the edge of one of the beds, uncomfortable and still, obviously scared.
"Want to tell me about this afternoon, Blaine?" Schue asked in a kinder voice than Blaine had been expecting.
"I didn't take anything, I swear!" Blaine exclaimed, not caring how guilty that made him sound.
"I know, Blaine. I talked to Mike. I just wanted to make sure you're okay. That can't have been easy, saying no."
Blaine blinked up at his teacher, voluntarily choosing to make eye contact with another person for the first time since encountering the dealer over two hours ago. "You're not – you're not mad?"
"No, Blaine, I'm proud of you. I'm proud that you've found something to motivate yourself to stay sober. And I want you to know that we're all here to help and support you. Now, are you okay?"
All the while that Blaine had been talking with Mr. Schue, the adjoining rooms had been suspiciously silent. Blaine figured that the others were scared of him and staying in the lobby. But when they finished talking and Mr. Schue opened the door to leave, Kurt was seated across the hall, clutching his phone tightly.
"What a surprise," Mr. Schue laughed upon finding the countertenor on the floor. "He's right inside, but I don't know if he feels up for talking."
"I figured," Kurt answered, hastily getting up. "I just had to try. Plus, the others are practicing the choreography downstairs, and it's all stuff that I know or that I do with Blaine, so I'm not needed there."
"I guess I should go supervise them then, and check up on our songs," Mr. Schue said before leaving the boyfriends some time alone.
"Are you okay?" Kurt said when he walked into the room and found Blaine still sitting on the edge of the bed.
Blaine nodded, not sure if he could trust himself to speak.
"I'm so, so proud of you, Blaine," Kurt said, walking over and gently embracing his boyfriend. "I can only imagine how hard that must have been for you."
"I never wanted anyone to see that," Blaine whispered, voice dangerously close to breaking.
"What?"
"Me. Like that. So weak and desperate – just the dirty addict rather than this guy you all seem to think I am."
"Blaine, that was not weak. Weak would have been giving in to the craving rather than walking away."
"Do you – do they still want me to hang around?" Blaine asked. Kurt's heart broke when he realized what Blaine was really asking – did Kurt still want Blaine. "Do you want me to quit glee club after nationals? I can if you – all are uncomfortable."
"No way!" Kurt said immediately, passionately. "I'm not letting you go that easily, Blaine Anderson. Same goes for the rest of the club, too. You're stuck with us forever now. I don't know how the Warblers worked, but we're a family. A freaky, incestuous family, but still a family. And families stick together and support each other."
Blaine smiled for the first time in quite a few hours. "Thanks, Kurt."
Kurt reached across the bed to put his hand on Blaine's thigh. "You do know what you have to do now, right?"
Blaine looked worried as he shook his head no.
"Call Cooper."
Blaine flopped back into the pile of pillows at the head of the bed and groaned. "Ugh. He'd never gonna let me go anywhere again!"
"That's not true, Blaine. He'll listen to you and realize that you wanted to walk away and that you did say no. Now, do you want me here for the call, or do you need some privacy?"
"Yes!" Blaine answered immediately. He charged at Kurt on the other side of the bed and held him down. "He likes you. He'll be much more level-headed if you're around."
Kurt agreed to stay with Blaine, but disagreed about the reason. He did not think Cooper was likely to read Blaine the riot act about this incident, considering Blaine walked away mostly on his own. Kurt was right, too. Cooper was proud of Blaine. He was still pissed, though – at Mr. Schue for letting the kids loose in a dangerous and unfamiliar city.
"I think I need to have a word with this man when you guys get back," Cooper said before wishing them luck and hanging up.
"It's nice to see him getting angry at someone else," Blaine commented lightly when he set his phone down.
"He doesn't get angry at you," Kurt said.
"You should have seen us as kids. Now it's just stress and disappointment. You're right, that's even worse."
Kurt just sighed. He knew that this wasn't going to be something that Blaine would just get over in a few minutes. As selfish as it sounded, however, Kurt hoped that Blaine's lackluster energy wouldn't influence their performance on the Nationals stage.
"We should probably go back downstairs and join rehearsal," Blaine said in the same empty voice. "I wouldn't put it past Rachel to murder us the second the competition is over if we're not perfect."
Blaine still felt off when the competition begs the next day. It certainly didn't help that everyone kept shooting him nervous looks and walking on eggshells around him.
He tried to channel his usual showmanship and energy when the New Directions took the stage. Although Blaine's performance was not up to par at all, neither was everyone else, and he was glad that he wasn't the reason the team lost a spot in the top 10. The roller coaster that is Finchel also seemed to draw attention from his own drug problem from everyone – except Kurt, of course.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Kurt asked Blaine as they trailed behind the group on their walk back to the hotel.
"Of course. I'm just disappointed that we didn't even break the top ten."
"No you're not," Kurt said. "I'm asking about before. Yesterday. And you're still not over that. I can tell, Blaine."
Blaine almost grinned in spite of himself. "I just – I thought I was done with that stuff. I mean, sure, I still get cravings sometimes, but I didn't think it'd be that hard to say no. Especially in front of all my friends. It's like I just forgot everything about the last six months and turned right back into that kid who'd do anything for his next fix."
"But you didn't."
"Kurt, I don't think you understand how hard that was! I mean, if it wasn't for Puck saying your name out loud, I'd've had to be dragged away forcibly. How … how much did Finn and the other guys tell you about what happened?"
Kurt was still caught up in hearing Blaine basically admit that he was the reason that Blaine hadn't taken the drugs, so the last question caught him a bit off guard.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, did they tell you everything the guy said?"
"The dealer? I don't know, they just said he was trying to sell you drugs or something and you were kind of just frozen there."
Blaine sighed deeply and ran a hand over his face. "You know what I did before, right, Kurt? How I didn't always have the cash to pay for the stuff, so I'd let guys do whatever they wanted in exchange for drugs?"
Kurt winced a little at how bluntly Blaine was stating that. "Yeah..."
"Well, I don't know what it is about me, but the guy yesterday could tell. That's basically what he was offering. He said he'd give me the stuff if I went back with him for some fun. And I would have, Kurt. I remembered you and how much I love you and I love what we have, and I still would have gone with him!"
Kurt and Blaine were now completely out of eyesight and hearing range from the rest of the New Directions, for which Kurt was extremely grateful. He had no idea how to react to his boyfriend saying that he would have cheated on him for drugs.
"You love me?" Kurt said faintly.
"Wh-what?"
"You said that you remembered how much you loved me."
"Oh. I just – I mean – you don't have to -"
"I love you, too, Blaine."
"Really? Even after everything I just said?"
"You also said that hearing my name stopped you," Kurt added. "I think you're just trying to villianize yourself here."
"I'm not, Kurt. It's true. The abstract idea of you wasn't enough, I needed something more concrete, like Puck saying your name. I'm just so scared that at some point it's going to happen again and I won't have anyone or anything to stop me. I'm afraid I won't have you."
"I will always be here for you, Blaine," Kurt whispered.
