Whey-hey another chapter! I have to say that I'm really enjoying writing this fanfic, and despite it's lack of reviews and followers I refuse to complain because those of you who do read this, do enjoy it and do let me know what you think of it, well I won't discredit you by ranting about not having enough people reading this. Because I'd rather have a few people who really enjoyed what I'm writing than a flock-load who didn't really care. Quality not quantity and all that. Anyway, loads more to come, let me know what you think if you are reading!
-H
All These Things That I Have Done
It was just after seven, but despite it supposedly being summer the sky was already sinking into evening and my shadow seemed to be getting longer as I walked. I was exhausted after my day at the shop after my boss had taken a tumble and broken her hip, landing herself in the local A&E while her snooty little niece showed up and demanded I practically rearrange the entire place while she was unable to complain about the order things had been in since it opened forty-odd years ago.
Instead of going straight home, which really I should have done because I was already later than usual, I'd taken a long, winding detour through the city to clear my head. I love walking in the city when it's dusk; the yellow light of the streetlamps, people sitting outside cafes and strolling around finally free of the working day. In all its busyness it's surprisingly calm and I was enjoying my peace… until Fang suddenly fell into step beside me.
"Mind if I join you?"
I kept looking ahead, "Thought you guys had left the city."
"Nah, we decided to stick it out for a while. Take a break from it all." There was a lot being left unsaid and after a moment when I didn't say anything he sighed, "I wish I could tell you the whole story, Max, I really do. But the game isn't the same one we used to play, it's changed. There's less mutant fighting in the streets and subway tunnels and more… politics." He grimaced. "Somehow I think I preferred rounding a corner to find an Eraser with a gun waiting for me."
I remembered Ari and all that we'd been through; it felt like a lifetime ago. "I've not thought about that life in months," I admitted. "But I'm worried that I've gone too far, and the flock are unprepared for whatever is coming."
"You've done the best you could by them," Fang said gently. "You've always put them first, over yourself, over us, over everything."
Walking beside him was so familiar I had to stop the urge to reach out and take his hand. Instead I said, "I'm sorry, for the way things went the other night… at the flat."
There was a beat of silence before, "Me too." And then he was speaking so quickly I had to walk slower so I could proper catch all the words, "I guess it never occurred to me- I mean, I knew you would probably find someone else… eventually, but another one of the flock- I should have seen it really but it came as a shock in the restaurant. I almost threw the table. I just had to get out of there and then to come to your home and see the life you've made without me-"
"It was your choice to leave, Fang."
He stopped walking and grabbed my arm, "Because it was the only way to protect the flock, not because I stopped loving you. I don't think I could ever stop even if I wanted to, and my God I tried…" I looked at where his hand was clamped around my wrist and he let go and started walking again, clearing his throat, "You have to know that. That what I did wasn't because I didn't care, but because I cared."
"I do know that," I whispered. "I always have. And I never expected to move on, not with Iggy not with anyone."
"Not even with Dylan?"
The question made me catch my breath, "If my 'perfect half' managed to find it in him to cut my throat I don't think I'm ever going to have much luck. Dylan never got close to me, not in any way that counted, not like you and I…"
"I didn't know how he'd turn out," Fang said very quietly, "If I had-"
I never got to know what he'd have done. We reached the river and I rested my arms on the railing. I wanted to ask him so many questions; about our past, about his time with the Second Generation, about the things about Dylan he knew and wasn't telling me… the album. "They sent people to me, to warn me that you were in danger and to tell me to get back in the game."
Fang didn't answer and I stared him down until he mumbled, "I can't tell you what you want to know Max. Not without dragging you back into the world you've done so well to get away from. I won't be the cause of more misery for you, and knowledge will give them greater motive to come after you."
"Lack of it will make us weaker for when they do come after us anyway," I argued.
"I won't let that happen," Fang insisted. "I'm sorry Max but no, I won't burden you with the things that you chose to put behind you."
Then I'd have to find out for myself. I turned my head and practically heard him smile, "Still so stubborn," he said almost in wonder. "Some things never change."
"And some things do." I had been referring to his new lifestyle, living in the limelight with his band of beautiful, powerful mutants. His brushes with political wars and heroics in saving the world time after time while I sat in my flat and got fat on pudding cups. The wind from the river blew my hair across my face and I suddenly had the feeling eyes were trained on my back. I turned to Fang to see if he felt it too, and found him watching me with eyes so deep I felt I could drown in them.
"I'll never believe that he's right for you," he said, never moving his gaze from mine. He reached out and brushed my hair off my cheek, "But I'll never begrudge you being happy, not matter what. I meant what I said Max, he might not be the guy you're supposed to be with, but if he's what you want I'll never contest it. Remember that, when you come to think badly of me."
"I don't think badly of you for leaving Fang, you might have broken my heart, but you did it for the right reasons."
For a long moment he just continued to stare at me, and then he murmured, "There are many things you may yet come to hate me for. Breaking your heart might be the kindest thing I've done, to save you in the long run."
