Prompt given by StarGleekBelle: A moment of weakness…
Words: 663 (A lot I know, but…forgive me)
Trigger Warning: Suicide Attempt
A moment of weakness…that's all it took. All it took before someone's life hung in the balance. One moment…one decision…one time can change everything. And it did for one David Karofsky. One moment where Burt found out about what was going on changed his experience at McKinley. One moment at the dance to make him question everything…One moment was all it took for someone from his new school to see him out with Kurt. One moment to out him before he was ready. So naturally, one moment to make a decision that would change everything…
He'd been depressed before, sure. He'd been upset before. But he'd been happy too. There was good in there. There was enough good, despite the confusion, despite the fear, to balance it out. But now? Now there wasn't. What good would it do anyone if he stuck around? What good would it do to go back to that school now that he'd been outed? His new school would know, his old school would know…everyone would know. His secret wasn't safe anymore and he wasn't that brave.
Dave pretended to be a tough guy, but sometimes he was scared just like everyone else. He wasn't as brave as Kurt…He wouldn't be able to handle it like Santana did either. He didn't know how they did it. How? How could you be out and safe in a place like Lima, Ohio? He'd planned on coming out next year…when things were different. When he'd had more time, a different place…but here? Now? No..,He'd tried…he'd tried to sit around, tried to think of other things…tried to make it better…but he couldn't. He just couldn't. And he cried. And cried. And cried more. He was broken.
This whole thing couldn't help but bring back memories of what he'd done…how much of a bully he'd been…had he really done that? He thought back to Kurt, back to shoving him into and against the lockers. How he threw him in the dumpster…If things had been different, that could've been him being thrown around…He thought about that as he'd walked out of his new school and been pushed against the lockers by the people that he used to think of as friends…how quickly things changed.
He tried, and tried, and tried so hard…but his life was spiraling out of control. Everyone would know soon enough, and so many already did. They hated him! How could he do anything good if he was hated? How could he live…? And then it came to him…he'd just remove himself from the situation. His mother wouldn't be ashamed of him anymore. There wouldn't be anymore discussions about Straight Camps, or sobbing, or confusion…his parents wouldn't have to deal with the humiliation if he was gone…He wouldn't either.
So he looked to his closet and it came to him. Pills were risky, he'd have to get some. Knives…that sounded good but there was a risk if he did it wrong, if he didn't go deep enough, that he'd live anyways. So he decided on the third option…and he went into his closet, calmer than he'd been anytime lately, and got out his suit and a belt. He couldn't keep himself calm for long though…he had a moment. There was a moment where all he could do was sob…he didn't even think he'd had any more tears left in him, but he did. And then he put on his Sunday best for what he saw as the last time, and tightened that belt, positioned it properly.
He took a step back first, to take one last look at his room as a whole, to get that memory in…
I'm sorry." He spoke softly, quietly, painfully so as he took a step up, positioned himself properly. David Karofsky took one more big, deep breath as a single tear slid down his cheek, before he stepped off that chair and the entire world seemed to stop. One moment of weakness was all it took…
A/N: This was both incredibly easy and incredibly difficult for me to write. Personally speaking, it's something I can relate to in not quite the exact same way, but similarly. If you EVER feel this way, stop, get online, and message me. I will be happy to talk to you through this. If not me, then think of someone incredibly supportive that you can talk to, and message them. However possible. Call, text, send a message online, or (if possible) find them in person.
Never give up.
Just remember, please remember: It gets better.
