A/N: Yay new chapter! And more of a look into Loki's history. Kind of. Well, enjoy and let me know what you think!
Disclaimer: I own nada.
Chapter 11
And she thought. For a week.
The only real conclusion she has come to is that she has a lot of questions, a desire to get an answer to said questions, and knowing that she probably won't get any answers from the one person that can actually answer said questions. It's been such a distraction to her life that she was unable to focus on the tasks set before her at the paper and her coworkers certainly noticed. As did her boss. Deciding that she would be more productive at home, she took the last two days off and is reaping the benefits of not worrying about her job for the moment. However, that has left her mind open for worrying about Loki instead.
She bites her lip as she flips through the channels on her TV mindlessly. It's mid-afternoon, so the only options are soap operas and talk shows. She has no real interest in watching either, but they seem to be the only options for right now. Stopping it on some random network, she tosses the remote onto her coffee table and nestles back into her couch, her head propped up on the arm. She stares at it, hardly giving it any of her attention, while her mind buzzes with all the thoughts that she has been forced to think about all week with no reprieve in sight. Well, there could be a reprieve if only she could pluck up the courage to actually call for Loki. She still can't shake the notion that he doesn't want to see her though.
'After all, Hel did say that something happened. I wonder what that was… But he's probably busy helping the other person that was dragged into it.' She grimaces slightly. 'And why does that thought make me feel so… neglected?' She shakes her head and crosses her arms. Pouting about it certainly won't change anything, but her thoughts have generally fallen along this vein whenever she thinks about what Hel told her. Once she finally owned up to herself about everything, that's exactly what the problem is: she feels neglected and forgotten. Even though she knows that's probably really stupid and not accurate, it doesn't lessen the feeling in the slightest.
It doesn't help that there appears to be things going on that he didn't tell her about. Not that he is forced to tell her everything, but it would certainly be nice to know just what is going on so she isn't constantly surprised. And it may help when it comes to dealing with the other Aesir that certainly love to pop into her life. She did some digging into mythology over the past week and brushed up on Loki's imprisonment. According to the old stories, Loki was sealed away by Odin in order to put his scheming and evil deeds to an end. The catalyst was the death and un-resurrection of Baldur, the most beloved of all of the Aesir. While she didn't read all the details, she did learn that he was locked under a mountain in a cave and if he were to get free, it would signal the start of Ragnarok, also known as the twilight of the gods. If she were to believe those old tales, that means Ragnarok has literally begun.
Of course, there is some evidence pointing in that direction simply from what Odin has told her. He did say that a great darkness was coming that would swallow the gods and men in kind. He was never meant to escape, he added in the same conversation. That means there is some level of truth to the old myth. But just how much? It's hard for her to think that Loki would be the cause of the end of the world. He was always so kind to her. And he didn't seem to be the type to want to destroy everything. Why would he want to? Lord knows, every time they have spoken at any length, he asked a million questions about the world and her life with almost child-like curiosity. Why would he destroy all of that?
She just can't get herself to believe that Loki, the god that she has grown to know, would willingly bring about Ragnarok. And it seems not everyone shares her sentiment. At least, the King of the Aesir doesn't agree with her. He seems bound and determined to get her away from him. As well as Thor. Idunna was the first one besides Loki's children that didn't give her some warning to get away from Loki. 'I wonder what the other Aesir think? Maybe Idunna isn't the only one who still sees the good of Loki.' Granted, that's probably not the case. The stories make it pretty adamant that Loki was not loved by the other gods by the time he was bound.
'Okay, let's say all of this is in fact going on: why the hell is he bothering with me then? I'd just be a waste of his time.' Ivy's eyes drift from the TV to her ceiling after that. There is a measure of truth to the thought. If Loki is planning on unleashing Ragnarok like the myths say, then why would he bother with deciding to protect and talk to a young mortal girl that has absolutely no connection to the gods? Which is the only reason why Ivy keeps thinking that everyone is paranoid and nothing is actually going to happen. And it is safe to say from other conversations with him that his opinion of mortals is not very high, even if she seems to be an exception to that general rule. Her role in all of this would definitely throw a wrench into his plans. After all, he made an oath to protect her: if he wanted the worlds to burn—or whatever the phrase is—then he wouldn't have done that.
Right?
Ivy's eyes drift shut in annoyance. Her thoughts are just going round in circles and she can't make heads nor tails of this entire situation. All that she knows is that Loki agreed to protect her and to also know her, the other gods are pissed at him and are worried that he is using her in some way, and that something else is going on. And unless she gets answers to what that something else is, she can't analyze her relationship with Loki anymore. There's only so much one can do when they don't have all of the information. 'And it's safe to say I don't have all of the information because people can't or won't tell me.'
She sighs, eyes still shut. She listens to the program on the TV, noticing it had turned into some type of sitcom. She can't tell just what it is though. Exhaustion drags on her mind. She has been worrying and thinking about all of this nonstop and thus her sleep has been effected. 'Maybe a nap wouldn't be a bad idea?'
OoO
"I am truly an idiot," she mumbles to herself, staring around the familiar field. She forgot about the cape. She looks around the field, trying to find Odin without making it apparent just how nervous she is. 'If only I could wake myself up before he showed up…'
"I am not going to harm you, Ivy."
Ivy spins around to face the god, taking a step back from him to give her more distance. He looks the same as he had the past two times he visited her, Hugin and Munin perched on his shoulders once again. She clears her throat before speaking to him. "Yeah, you'll just have to forgive me if I don't believe you."
He cocks his head to the side curiously. "I find it intriguing that you do not believe me, and yet you have so much faith in Loki."
"He hasn't done anything to hurt me."
He holds up a finger. "Yet."
She narrows her eyes. "Who's to say that he will? The last I checked, the only people who have tried to harm me are you and your son, sir. And for what? Choosing it's okay to be his friend?"
He watches her silently for a moment, the ravens staring at her with the same level of intensity as he is. He sighs almost imperceptibly. "I will make this visit short then."
"Good."
His eye narrows slightly at her nerve before he continues. "I wish to tell you a story and then give you a warning. Hopefully, they will convince you to leave Loki alone."
Ivy raises her eyebrow at him. 'I doubt that.' She motions for him to continue with her hands, crossing her arms over her chest.
One of the ravens flies off into the surrounding trees. The other flaps his wings restlessly and her eyes are drawn to it. The one eye she sees of the bird is glowing slightly. She gulps, suddenly nervous about what she is going to hear. Odin, face set in serious contemplation, begins the tale: "You have heard mentioned Loki's wife, correct? It is her story I wish for you to know. Her name was Sigyn and she was kind and loyal to her husband until her very last breath. She was beloved by all the Aesir and Vanir, but by none more than Loki. That is, when he met and married her." He sighs heavily, his eye trailing to stare at the ground beneath his feet, a hand moving to stroke his beard. "It is unfortunate her death and the events that led up to and caused it. And all of that blame can be laid on her husband's shoulders.
"When Loki was imprisoned all those years ago, Sigyn joined him in his captivity regardless of everyone's warnings and wishes for her not to. She felt that was her rightful place as his wife. From my understanding, she prevented the poison that was dripping from the ceiling from landing on his frame with a small bowl. She held onto this duty for hundreds of years, keeping her husband safe from the harm of the poison and also keeping him company. But that came to an abrupt end."
"Why?" Ivy asks when the Allfather fell silent, still staring at the ground. She hates to admit that she is actually interested in the story, but this is the second time anyone has been willing to share a story about Loki. Well, it's more about his wife than him, but it is indirectly related to him and she will take what she can get.
He lifts his head to level her with a serious gaze. Munin turns to watch Ivy, his eyes still glowing. "The bowl would fill, given enough time. She had to empty it in order to keep from over-flowing. However, accomplishing that task forced the poison to fall on Loki. While I do not all of the events that transpired, as I never went to see it first-hand, I was later told that Sigyn placed her own body over Loki's in order to save him from the agony of the poison."
Ivy's eyes widen in horror. "What?" she whispers. "But… why…"
"That is the question, is it not? Why would she do such a thing when the bowl was accomplishing the task? Yes, Loki had to suffer the burn of the acid for some moments while she emptied it, but it was only moments. What could have forced her to change tactics? To be exposed to that poison would have slowly and agonizingly stripped her very life from her. And it did. She was dead less than a week later, before she could replenish her life with Idunna's apples." Odin lowers his chin slightly so he is staring at Ivy's wide eyes with the top half of his eyes. "What or who could have changed her mind?"
Ivy recoils, taking another step back. "Are you insinuating that Loki made her make that choice?" she asks incredulously.
Odin shakes his head. "I would not say he made her make that choice. But convince her to? Yes, I believe he could have done that."
Ivy shakes her head. "That I do not believe," she says softly.
"You may believe that you know Loki. You do not. You have only known him for a short time. And this is the first you have ever heard of his late wife at any length. You know nothing of his past. You do not know how he truly is. It is within his character to do such a vile act as convince his wife to spare his life by taking her own. It is something he has done before. And I am positive he will do it again." He gives her a very pointed stare and she swallows nervously.
She tears her gaze from his, looking around the field in a stupor. 'He's right. I really don't know anything about Loki. What if this is exactly what his plan is? Take advantage of the poor, defenseless mortal girl and use her when it becomes convenient?' She shakes her head. But if that was the case, then why had he been avoiding her for the past six weeks? Why didn't he play on her emotions more? 'I don't know what to do. Who do I believe?'
"I trust you will think on my words, Ivy," Odin says, recapturing her distracted gaze. "I will leave you with one final subject: the Giants are growing restless. Something disastrous is coming. Events are taking shape that I had been hoping to avoid for the majority of my life. It would be best if you were to stay out of it, child."
"Giants are growing restless?" Ivy questions back at him. "What does that even mean?"
She doesn't receive an answer. Rather, Odin motions his hand to her and she is sent spiraling back into a black abyss.
"Remember what I have told you, child."
OoO
Ivy shoots up with a loud gasp, her heart pounding against her chest. She looks around her living room frantically only to find it just how she left it. She buries her face in her hands and shakes her head, trying to get the cobwebs of her mind to shake off so she can think clearly again. She lets out a shuttering sigh before lowering her hands back into her lap and staring at the wall across from her in complete dismay. 'What just happened?'
She pulls herself off the couch and wanders about her living room aimlessly, feeling far too anxious and high strung to actually sit and calmly think. Her mind replays the entire encounter with Odin, trying to find some underlying purpose to that story. Other than to try and prove his consistent point that Loki can't be trusted and that everyone who has loved him has been betrayed by him. 'It can't be true,' she thinks, still pacing the length of her living room. 'Well, I mean, Sigyn and her death could very well be. But he honestly expects me to believe that Loki convinced her to kill herself for him?'
She pauses in the middle of her living room, eyes wide in realization. 'Oh my god. Do I believe him?'
She groans in frustration before flopping down into her recliner. "What am I supposed to do?" she mumbles to her empty apartment. She stares at the TV which is still playing, not seeing the images flying across the screen and instead seeing the scene Odin placed in her head. 'There's no way. He wouldn't… But how would I know? Like he said, I really don't know Loki. He very well might have talked his wife into killing herself and I would never know.'
She comes to a decision pretty quickly after that. Standing back up, she looks up at her ceiling and takes a deep breath. "Idunna. I don't know if you can hear me, but if you can, I really need to talk to you." She pauses, thinking for a moment. "It's about Loki."
A second later there's a knock at her door. Ivy moves quickly to unlock the door and fling it open. The goddess she was calling for is standing on the other side, looking no different from the last time she saw her. Idunna blinks at Ivy before taking a step forward, cupping her face in her hands. "Ivy, what is it?" she asks, her eyebrows coming down in concern. "You look like you've been to the gates of Helheim."
Ivy closes her eyes for a second before taking a step back, making sure to drag the goddess with her. Once they are both in the apartment, she closes the door and motions for Idunna to take a seat, sitting in the recliner herself. She cups her face in her hands before shaking her head and looking back up at Idunna. "I was visited by Odin again."
Idunna nods. "Okay. What happened? What did he tell you?"
Idunna spends the next five minutes retelling the story that Odin told her and the accusations he implied during the conversation. Idunna listens attentively, asking a few questions here and there when Ivy would fall off track. When Ivy was done, she looks at Idunna imploringly. "Please tell me what I'm thinking isn't true."
The goddess blinks for a moment, simply watching her, before sighing quietly. "Honestly, Ivy, I can't tell you either way." Ivy deflates, staring at the floor. "I can't tell you because it's not my story to tell," Idunna continues. "I can tell you this: what Odin told you is only his own speculations. I am positive that the actual events were much more complicated than that."
"How can you be so sure? Everyone tells me I shouldn't trust Loki and there has to be a reason for that."
Idunna nods. "And they are right. Loki is smart and conniving. But he is also secretive. The events that happened down in that cave beneath the Earth were never told to anyone. Only he knows the true extent of what happened. Everyone, including myself, has a theory. And most tend to follow the same vein that Odin's does. But I do not believe that is the case."
"Why not?"
She grins slightly, no more than an upward twitch of the lips. "Because, I have my own history with Loki. One that involves him not telling the whole truth to the Aesir to clear his own name." Her head lowers to stare at her clasped hands. "Not to mention I was the one who found them there."
Ivy's eyes widen. "What?"
Idunna sighs. "When Loki was imprisoned, they wanted him to live, to suffer through his punishment so he would understand the gravity of his sins. That meant making sure he continued to eat my apples for the rest of eternity. I took it upon myself—much to the annoyance of everyone else—to take him and Sigyn an apple every week. I was, however, forbidden for staying long and I could only go once a week. Sigyn suffered the side-effects as well, but she always reassured me that she was fine.
"Sigyn and I were dear friends. I knew of her love and devotion to Loki and was not surprised when she decided to join him in his prison. I did not try to stop her either. Every week, I gave her two apples, one for her and one for Loki. And then I left. It was so hard to be separated from my friend in such a way, but I had my orders. For over a thousand years, it became our routine."
"A thousand years?" Ivy questions, balking at that amount of time.
"Over," Idunna says, nodding. "Loki spent 1,263 years in that prison."
"Jesus Christ," Ivy mutters.
"Yes, even for us that is an exceedingly long time. It was during his last few years that things changed. They're dynamic was different. I don't know what it was, but Sigyn was no longer the poised woman I knew her to be." She shakes her head. "My last visit with them both was when I found Sigyn's body covering Loki's in that blasted cave. She had been dead almost the entire week and I never knew.
"While I can't tell you anything else because of ignorance, you need to understand: there is so much more to this than a simple excuse. I do not believe for one second that Loki convinced her to sacrifice herself. I do not know her motivations and I can only assume that Loki does. You will only ever know if you ask him yourself."
Ivy sighs, rubbing the back of her neck to relieve some of the tension. "I know you're right, Idunna," she finally admits.
"May I ask you something, Ivy?" she asks. Ivy nods, asking her to continue. "Why does this bother you so much?"
Ivy blinks before lowering her head to stare at her lap. "I guess I've just never needed reassurance that Loki was a good guy. He's always been so kind to me. I know from the stories and warnings that not everyone shares my sentiment, but I've never once doubted that he would be kind to me." She shrugs. "I guess I just realized that I don't really know him at all."
Idunna rolls her eyes. "Of course you do. You don't have to know someone's past to know the person. Loki's past is a dark one, there is no doubt about that. But it is for reasons that are very complicated and nobody really knows what they are. He has done his best to keep you out of all of what is going on, even with his limited resources and access to Asgard. For whatever reason, he does care very deeply about you, Ivy."
"Then why hasn't he told me any of this? Why am I learning about his past from other people?"
Idunna grins sadly. "Maybe it is because he is afraid you will run away from him if you know the truth."
Ivy huffs in annoyance. "I try hard to look past people's mistakes. Loki would be no different."
Idunna's grin grows a little bit. "I'm sure you do, Ivy. And I am starting to see why you captured his interest. Well, beyond the obvious one."
"What obvious one?"
Idunna shrugs and Ivy realizes that she isn't going to tell her. "You do realize how annoying that is, right?"
The goddess laughs. "Well, it should give you incentive to actually call for him instead of contemplating everything on your own, right?" she asks. Idunna leans forward and grasps one of Ivy's hands in her own. "As much as I am bound to my king to follow his rules and laws, I must ask you to do this, Ivy. Do not listen to the Allfather when it comes to Loki. Odin still suffers from a broken heart and that can make the wisest of men lose sight of the truth. Loki will not defend himself to Odin. But he will to you."
"But he's always so secretive…" Ivy mumbles, trying to find an excuse of some kind not to confront Loki about all of this.
"Aren't we all?" Idunna asks, clearly not expecting a response. She gets up to lean forward and kiss Ivy's cheek. "Just confront him and get all of this off your chest, dear. It will be good for the both of you."
Before Ivy can respond, the goddess disappears. Ivy blinks at the empty spot on her couch before sighing and standing up. "Thanks, Idunna," she mutters, hoping the goddess hears her. She shuts off the TV and looks out her window. The sun is starting its swift descent, signaling the coming night. "Well, if I'm going to do this, better do it now," she mutters to herself, squaring her shoulders and trying to make herself more confident. "Loki," she calls, "I need to talk to you."
Nothing changes. The silence of her apartment presses in around her and she narrows her eyes in annoyance. "Oh, come on. If Idunna could come to me so fast, I know you can. We need to talk and you aren't going to hide from me this time." Still nothing. Crossing her arms across her chest, the anxiety from the afternoon presses against her chest, sparking a sudden burst of anger within her that she is not very familiar with. "Loki, get your ass into this apartment right now or I will never see you again."
"You called."
