CHAPTER 11
BECAUSE I LOVE YOU
Meanwhile I was holding back Susan still on the ground, George came.
"I can explain everything", he said,
"Yes, it will be better", I answered.
Both of us looked at Susan, lying on the ground without reaction, her eyes open on the emptiness, like a doll.
"Let's come back to the hotel, and let's bring her into our room; there I will tell you"; I nodded.
Back into their room, George put his wife on the bed, and gave her some laudanum; I sat on a chair.
George sat in front of me.
"I understand that you are thinking Susan is a crazy murderer, and you will probably give her to the police; but before this, there is something you have to know",
"I am listening";
he took a big breathe, and began telling.
"Susan has been a very unlucky little girl: her father neglected her mother and her, when she was only seven years old; this painful loss destroyed her mind, and everything went worse after her mother's suicide; so, the child was sent to an orphanage, where nuns taught her to do needlework; and when she became a young adult, she found a work in a tailor's, who sewed man's suits, and where I was a client. There, I knew her; she immediately took to me.. maybe I was the first man kind to her, or she saw me as a support in life, in front of her pains.. but she fell in love with me, and so did I; so, we got married, and I took her away from the poor flat she lived in with other five women.
She told me the truth about her difficult past; but as time went by, I saw her troubles were much more severe than I had ever thought: she suffered from sudden fear attacks.. and moreover, she tried to.. catch other men' attentions.
I accepted everything, although it was painful for me: she was ill, and she had no control on every action she did; the doctor told me that she was trying, unconsciously, to get back her father's lost attentions, through those strangers.
And so she did in our first summer in Torquay.
She saw Robin of Locksley, and put her attention on him; but their approach was very unhappy: he was very kind to her, of course, but he told her clearly that an affair between them would have been impossible, because she was a married woman.
It was an horrible shock for Susan: every day, I was able to see in her sky-blue eyes all pain she was suffering from; there was a real war inside her soul: she had really fallen in love with him!
I thought to take her away from here, coming back to London immediately; but suddenly, one evening, she saw Locksley talking to Ms. Morrison.. and they seemed to be very close, do you understand? Poor Susan, she lost her mind! Her rationality flew away, she became to be full of rage.. an uncontrollable rage! I tried to help her with laudanum.. but it was useless: one night, she followed Ms. Morrison, walking on the seaside, and killed her!
When she told me about what had happened, I wasn't able to believe it; and, moreover, she told me that it had not been the first time: she had killed, before, another woman, guilty of having come up to Locksley too much",
"Ms. Johnson",
"That's right. Some days before, she had seen Robin kissing her hand, and this sentenced her to death: in other words, every woman, suspected of having an affair with him in the hotel – even if there was really no affair –, became target of Susan's irrational rage: "I cannot stop myself" she told me "my mind and my body don't follow me anymore.. oh please, help me, George!".
She went as far as to kill every woman being too "close" to him, because she was able to be, in her shocked mind, a possible rival to herself".
George stopped for a while; then, he went on.
"And there is more: after every murder, she suffered from a big fear's attack.. which tortured her even in other moments, too.. and she needed laudanum!
Please Marian, try to understand me: I had to share this horrible secret with my ill wife.. my poor ill wife.. because she is ill, her mind is ill.. and I was able only to cover everything, in order to protect her!",
"Why did you want to bring me here?",
"I hoped that your presence would have stopped her, someway.. but instead, you were dangerously approaching the truth, and we decided to deflect you",
"Now, I understand.. that stone through the window..",
"Yes, that stone; and the scene in the tea room, too; please forgive me, Marian, I only tried to protect my wife.. from herself, before from the police!",
"And you simulated the attack on Susan?",
"Yes",
"But.. the gardener? Why did you implicate poor Duncan?",
"It was a Susan's request: if we were alienating suspicions from herself, suspicions would have fallen on Locksley.. and she didn't want it: after all, he was the man she fell in love with! So, the simplest solution was to put suspicions on the gardener",
"And tonight, she would have killed even me..",
"You wanted it! She saw you kissing Locksley! She lost her mind, completely! You sentenced yourself to death! I was not able to prevent it.. but I was able to follow and stop her; and so I did".
We looked each other in silence, sitting one in front of another; a sizzling air was coming in into the room, through the open window: air of a torrid summer's night.
"How did you understand?", asked me George suddenly,
"What?",
"Susan was the murderer: how did you know?",
"She told me herself: when, some evenings ago, we were sitting together in the living room after the dinner, she called the poor Countess Girodelle "an angel in a white coat": nobody had seen Diane the day when she had been murdered, so nobody was able to know what she had worn, on that day; only the police knew it, when the coat was found, and later examined: so, this detail was able to be known only by the police.. and by the murderer!",
"Very clever!",
"Locksley made me think about it.. he told me that every killed women had had.. attentions for him, even unrequited; and so, I began thinking the murderer was able to be a jealous woman.. especially when he told me about Susan, who he had rejected!",
"So you wanted to have a walk on your own in order to catch her",
"Yes".
He remained silent for a while; then, I asked him "What do you want to do, now?",
"It depends",
"On what?",
"Will you give Susan to the police, as a murderer?";
I whispered: it was very difficult to be told!
"No, I won't: after all, she is ill, and she is my cousin; I can understand what she has suffered from: she needs a mind doctor, not a prison! And I won't give my poor in love, ill cousin to Jack Ketch!",
"Thank you very much!",
"But there is an advice I must give you, George!",
"What?",
"Your wife needs assistance: a doctor's assistance. Without it, she could do something similar to.. those things she has made till now",
"What? Do you want to put her inside an hospital?",
"George, listen to me: what happened, is very grievous: probably, Susan's mind has exploded, after that. So, it will be out of control, completely; and this means it could happen everything; so, it' is better to put your wife in an elegant medical centre for mind's diseases yourself, before she will be brought in a poor lunatic asylum by the police! Today, doctors believe in therapy on mind, it is very popular.. think about that Austrian doctor, Sigmund Freud!";
he nodded "Okay. But let's go away from here, quickly, Marian, please!",
"Don't be afraid: some.. places are highly recommended, in order to care these mental diseases; and I will be always near you!".
We looked at Susan again.. in her delirium, she was saying some words; I went near her, and was able to hear better.
".. Because I love you.. Robin!", she said.
I petted her, then looked at George; we looked each other in a sadly way.
Torquay, 15 August 1909.
Dear Mrs. Parret,
My cousins and I have left the hotel: now I am writing to you on a train, going towards Bristol; George and me spoke in the hotel about a Susan's sudden disease, which was forcing us to come back to London. They greeted us, and wished us to have a good journey.
I have seen even Robin of Locksley, again: I have been knowing him better, and now I can tell he is a true gentleman, although I was not able to feel so, when I was keeping him away from me, thinking he was guilty; we told we would have written each other, and he said even he will probably come to London for business, soon.. so, we will able to meet again. Maybe, it is too soon to speak about it, but there could be more than a friendship, between us!
George has decided to bring Susan into an hospital for mind diseases, in France: once, he was told about a good structure there, and above of all, there he will be just a foreign.
In a few hours, I will be in London again, and tomorrow I will come to you, so I will tell this incredible fact, in person!
See you soon, my friend,
Marian Dubois.
Just one chapter missing: the next one will be the last, the epilogue!
Madeleinesaint-just.
