The song that I listened to while writing this was Human by The Killers. It fits in very well with a certain part, I'll put in a little AN if you don't mind. Please listen to it, it sets the mood.

Chapter 11

So, I was back. I was staring at exactly the same buildings that I had been desperate to escape all that time ago. It felt like years. I had definitely changed. But the buildings were very imposing, and I shuddered. I didn't know whether I was scared, or pleased, or nervous… My insides felt like they were skimming on air. I felt a great pull towards it, and my memory kept replaying my last seconds here… they were painful. Now I knew the truth.

"Shall we?" Jacob asked, after I had been frozen for about ten minutes. Patience had limits.

Things had been slightly awkward between us this morning, after kissing him. I wasn't sure how I felt, and being sober with a blender-brain didn't help much. I wasn't prepared to through my emotions over the edge again, but I knew Jacob was very special, and I must have meant a lot to him. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to kiss him again- or how I'd react to seeing Edward again. I couldn't wait to see him, my heart was aching with the thought of seeing him, and I felt like every nerve was on fire with excitement. But I was furious, and hurt so deep I couldn't even understand it.

Jacob had called the Cullens this morning, getting the final details of how we were going to get there. I hated how my heart had sped up when I realised how close I was to going back. I hated it, so much. My eyes filled with bitter tears that I blinked away furiously before Jacob could see.

I wasn't ready, not in any way, but I knew that I was never going to be, so got off the bike and stumbled. I was gaining strength, but my leg was still incredibly painful. I really needed a doctor. And the fear that was running cold through my blood was making me feel like I was breathing adrenaline. Jacob caught my arm before I fell. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't bring myself to look at anything. Why didn't I die when I could've?

He began to walk me to the doors. I recognised the door we went through as the one I had shot open- the one Edward had blocked. I couldn't meet the eyes of the security guards- I had shot their last ones. Why was I coming back? They'd accuse me of murder. I was shaking with fear now. I was walking into enemy territory- and, worse, it was one of the safest places in the world for me. And I had a huge pull to go forward, I couldn't control it.

We went up the stairs, and down I corridor I recognised… then I saw a door… it was my room.

"Do you want to leave the cardigan there? It's warmer now." Jacob suggested. I frowned- was this still my room?

"Um, is this… Am I staying here?" I asked. Oh no… this room… it held memories. I'd slept with Edward in that bed… Jacob nodded. He opened the door for me, and I tried not to look at the room while putting my cardigan away. I came out immediately. What were we going to do now? We started walking down the corridor again, and then we went back down the steps. And then I saw him.

I felt him more than saw him. Something hot and fast gushed through my body like lava, and my body froze into rock. It felt like the ground on which I never fit but was cursed to walk was settling, like the plates of my world were moving. I can hardly describe how seeing him again confirmed my worst feelings. He'd seen me before I saw him- he was watching us from the bottom of the stairs. In the same place where I'd almost killed him. Jacob realised a second after me- and in that second so much had happened it felt like hours- I think, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. I thought I heard him growl something under his breath in hate. Torn in the inexplicable betrayal and anger trying to make me stay, and the pulling my furiously pumping heart was trying to drag me down the stairs to him, I froze, like a rabbit caught in the eyes of a snake. His face was just as I remembered- it was perfect. His expression was- His eyes were reaching for me, looking at me as desperately as my heart was pounding, but his face was as cold as the ice in my veins.

His eyes then flickered to Jacob, to Jacob's arm holding me up, the blood that had seeped through the jeans I'd been wearing when I last saw him, torn apart by the torture that night. My body had started shaking again. I thought I was going to faint- I couldn't stand the overload of emotions. I didn't want them, need them, and I couldn't deal with them.

His eyes flashing to mine at the same moment as mine flashed to his, assessing me… his wink across the table- personal relations… his eyes catching mine after leaping out of the window… his voice whispering nonsense in my ears to soothe me, his cool arm on my shoulders awkwardly… his fingers locked around my wrist… his shocked expression when I caught him staring at my legs… the soft whisper in the night, 'Do you need to be held, Bella?'… waking up with my fingers curled around his neck… a cool finger stroking my neck and a hushed whisper in my ear… his hand gripping mine… his fingers brushing my leg… his eyes watching me warily, pressing his lips to mine… the amusement twinkling in his eyes when I hit my head on the bedpost… his horrified gaze when he realised what my scars were… the curious gesture of getting me my hairbrush in the morning… wrapping his arms around me in his sleep… holding me tighter when I struggled… flipping me over, being confronted with his eyes first thing in the morning… turning from the fresh blood pouring out of the guards head, to see him blocking the door… calmly explaining to me that I couldn't shoot him… and the cold realisation that I couldn't… fingers snagging my ankle and forcing me back… his eyes on fire, scorching mine… crushing me against the fence, tasting his passion… my body rippling in his arms from the electricity… and the betrayal in his eyes before I climbed out of his life…

I couldn't handle it. I bolted, shooting straight back up the stairs to my room and slamming the door, leaning against it, then sliding down to curl up in a ball on the floor. Tears rolled down my cheeks and my body felt like it was collapsing inside- like the plates of my world were closing in. I was having trouble breathing, I could feel the tension of a panic attack. I concentrated on breathing- in and- out. In… and out. Only when I thought I'd relaxed enough to not have an attack did I hear the knocking on the door. I didn't want to let Jacob in, no one should see me like this… but I needed to stop him knocking, make him go away.

I got up and opened the door. I saw him. And Jacob. Wordlessly I pulled Jacob in, shutting the door in Edward's face, the hatred welling up like tears. But he lodged his foot in the door and demanded in a low voice,

"Bella, are you all right?" His voice was strained and painful. Probably because he didn't care.

"No, thanks to you." Jacob hissed, kicking his foot out the way and shutting the door. Then he wrapped his arms around me tenderly, holding me up so I wouldn't fall, and I leaned into his arms. It wasn't fair, holding him like this because I was upset about Edward… but I needed it. He stroked my hair and my face, wiping my tears away. He looked at me tenderly, concerned, but I got the impression of currents flowing under the surface- he was holding me a bit too tightly, his eyes looked hard.

I held my breath to stop myself from sobbing any more, trying to think of the arms I was in, instead of Edward's. It helped that he smelled nice, and my head was buried in his chest. I felt so confused. I really liked the security Jacob made me feel- he was so genuine, and honest. I'd never experienced honesty in my world, and I was attracted to it's security. And he really did want me, wanted me to live. For reasons I couldn't fathom, reasons besides the life I had to live. The kind of reasons… I wished Edward would have. But he didn't. He'd been told to touch me, to kiss me. To inspire those feelings in me. I had to get rid of them now, because I wanted to be with Jacob. I'd finally been thrown a raft in my sea of loneliness… and I still had the feelings left over from when the Cullens screwed around with my mind.

Jacob had waited a long time for me and was the first person to ever do something for my own good, for me. His personality fit with mine, which was more than I could say for Edward. The only real bond I had with him was physical- he was very attractive. And everything else meant nothing, was nothing. So I should concentrate on Jacob, which would ease the pain with Edward. I looked up to his face- he was so tall- and he looked at me tenderly. I felt tears push past my eyes again, and instead of wiping them away, Jacob kissed them away, his lips lingering on my cheekbones. His mouth brushed down till it touched my lips, and he rested them there, instead of kissing me. It was comforting, but my breathing was speeding up again. In a good way. I closed my eyes, trying to relax and ignore the emotions crippling me inside. Slowly he started moving his lips, still just relaxing me. I started responding, pulling him closer. It felt so natural, as if we'd been together for years.

Eventually we broke apart, just to stare at each other. There wasn't a chance that this man was going to rush things with me. We were still holding each other when the door was opened.

It was Edward. I turned my head away immediately, burying my face against Jacob, trying to wall him out of my mind.

"Bella, you are invited to dinner with Carlisle." Silence. I was trying to block out his voice.

"I'll take you down." He said. I winced in Jacob's arms.

"That will not be necessary," Jacob growled, holding me tighter.

"Rosalie and Jasper would like to speak to you. Now." Edward said calmly. I shook my head. I didn't want to be left with Edward. He made me feel so vulnerable, and yet I was so angry with him I couldn't speak.

"They can wait. I'll take Bella down, then see them."

"They're in the other building, Jacob Black. Go. I won't harm Bella." Edward said softly.

"That's what you said before the kidnap! She's terrified of you, Edward. She doesn't want to be alone with you." There was silence for a moment.

"There's no reason for her to feel like that. I would never do anything to harm her. I'd like to speak to her… and apologize. I won't do anything to harm her. Go, Jacob. Now." The threatening tone was ominous, and I didn't want to see the looks they were giving each other. Jacob's grip on me loosened, and I clung to him tighter. But he prised my fingers away, and walked out. I stayed with my back to Edward.

When I turned around he was a lot closer than I thought he would be. His expression was regretful. Bile rose in my throat in disgust, and I clenched my fists, trying to stop myself from hitting him. I walked out, and he joined me, taking me down to where I knew the dining hall was.

Somehow the silence made the anger build up again. I hated how controlling he had been of Jacob, just on principle. And I hated the way his eyes still had me captured, so much so that I knew I still had a long way to go with Jacob. I hated how I had to concentrate on not looking at him, how I was tempted to make my hand brush his, to recreate the moments we had before. I hated how I felt like I had been looking for him since I left, how it felt like I had finally found something very precious that I had been looking for for too long. His presence made me feel warmer, in a way that Jacob's could not. And it made me even angrier, because Jacob needed and deserved that more than Edward ever would.

(A/N: Go onto youtube and search Human by The Killers)

Suddenly I felt something brush my hand, so gently, and I knew it had been Edward's hand because I felt a shock all the way up my arm. I jumped, and glared at him. He was glaring at me, and then he took an immediate right, making sure I was following, and we went down some steps. We weren't going in the same direction any more, but I knew I wouldn't have been able to find the dining room anyway. Then he opened a door at the end of a corridor, and I followed him in. He shut the door with a pair of clicks before I realised he'd taken me into a large room which was definitely not the dining room. Before I could say anything, he demanded,

"What the hell is going on?" I was perplexed for a moment.

"What do you mean?" I hissed, with all my bitterness and hatred stinging every word.

"What the hell happened to you? And what have I done wrong?" He was raising his voice slightly, his voice strained as if trying to keep it under control.

I had no idea how to answer him. So I muttered under my breath, looking at my feet.

"What happened to me is none of your business, though I'm sure you can guess." I saw him step towards me, and gave him a warning glance from under my lashes, telling him not to come any closer, trying to hide the panic that was rising in my throat because he had me in a room alone.

"It's my business because I care. No one should have done that to you, Bella."

"I can deal with physical pain, Edward. I don't need your sympathy. Not that it means anything." I muttered the last bit under my breath, and I was sure he hadn't heard. "It's the emotional blackmail that I can't deal with, Edward. That's what you've done wrong." I whispered it, incapable of being menacing and terrified of talking, hating that he had opened me enough to get me to admit it.

"What do you mean?" Edward had walked up to me, and spoke softly, trying to lift my bent head with his middle finger on my chin. My whole body shuddered at his touch. I blinked back angry tears and staggered away from him. He caught my wrist, pulling me back. I took my leg back to knee him, and he let me go, moving away. Suddenly my anger was back, and it swelled up through me. I whipped my tear filled eyes towards him, glaring at him through wet spiky lashes.

"You manipulated me. You tried to f*** around with my feelings, Edward! You lied to me, you accepted instructions to deliberately f*** me around, and to try to use my emotions at your disposal! I thought you Cullens were supposed to be above emotional blackmail!"

He walked over to me, a couple of steps away.

"Bella, you don't-" I took a step backwards.

"You're not seriously pulling that one on me? That I've got it wrong? You can't carry that on any more Edward- I know you were told to get close to me, the room was kept cold so I would let you into my bed at night!" He took another step towards me, something burning in his eyes, and I stepped back on reflex. I felt my foot touch something, and I glanced around to look. It was a bed.

He'd taken me to his bedroom. My heart galloped as I panicked, furious, feeling like he'd cornered me. I bolted for the door, forcing down the handle. It was locked, and I swung around to confront him. He was inches from my face. He took my breath away, and my mind blanked of thought. He looked furious, and his face looked beautiful even in anger.

"Have you kissed Jacob Black?" He growled at me. I barely registered the surprise before it was gone and the hate washed over me again.

"How is it any of your business, Cullen?" I retorted, not noticing how he was advancing, backing me up into the door. He was incredibly close to my face.

"And did you feel the same feelings for his," his nose was brushing my cheekbone. I was frozen like prey caught in a predator's eyes again. "kisses as you do for mine?" I struggled to breathe, but snapped back at him,

"What are you talking about? I had no feelings in-"

His mouth crashed down hard on mine, and he shoved me against the door, wrapping an arm around me and holding my head to his with his fingers entangled in my hair. I tried to free my hands, which were tight to my side in his embrace, and managed to claw one arm free to try to push him away. Pushing me harder against the wall, his arm came around to ensnare my wrist. That freed my other arm, which I brought up but he caught that too, and raised both wrists above my head. And somewhere in between I gave in to his lips' demands, forcing my passion back against his. His tongue slipped past my lips to force my mouth open, and battle with me as I responded.

I had to be closer to him, feel more of him, the desperation became worse with every second even though I knew that finally I had what I needed- him, and all the passion he had awakened in me before. Then I remembered all the reasons why I was angry at him, why I hated him. He was using me again! Manipulating my feelings! And that made me try to shout at him through his lips, but his tongue caught mine, paralysing it from speaking. So I struggled harder for my wrists to be freed, and he groaned again, making my knees collapse so Edward held me tighter against the wall to stop me sinking.

I broke the kiss to gasp for breath, and he licked my lips and then covered my mouth again, and I basked in the passion, the inhibitions miles away. He groaned as I twisted closer to him, pulling my wrists higher, pushing me harder against the wall, the hand in my hair coming down to my lower back, forcing my body to melt into his.

His lips broke from mine to travel down my jaw, to my neck, where he whispered heavily into my collarbone,

"Don't tell me there weren't any feelings there, Bella."

He was breathing fast still, and sucking on my neck. I tried to shake my head, communicate that I didn't want him to use me like this, but his lips came up my neck and to my ear, where he whispered,

"Well?" I gasped as his cool breath washed over my face. I tried to free my wrists again, twisting them and pulling them down. But I wasn't strong yet, even if I was getting better every day. But he released my wrists, still gazing at me for a response. I didn't want to answer, didn't want to admit that there could be feelings there, under the physical attraction. So I just pulled him back to me, giving in to my lust. My body felt like it was on fire, every nerve ending was charged. I was so excited that for once I was having an experience that a normal teenage girl could have. My mind was flying high and I knew I didn't want the feelings to end.

But they would. Edward was just using me. I had some kind of relationship with Jacob, and I wouldn't let something so lust-filled get between us. But that made me more desperate to enjoy the moment with Edward now. He responded to my passion but then pulled away from me, saying my name.

But I didn't want any words to spoil the moment that I knew I would never have again. I didn't want to think about what I was doing- making out with an enemy who had used me behind Jacob's back- I just wanted to enjoy the feeling. I didn't get this electricity from Jacob, I thought, when Edward pulled my head up to kiss my neck.

My eyes filled with tears, overwhelmed by my emotions. I couldn't understand it. Both my most aggressive defences were triggered by his presence and my strongest walls had broken down to reveal the side of me that I never even let into my own head. The human side, I realised later.

Yet I was in ecstasy, floating in a euphoria that made me feel so human and alive that I could not stop, though I knew I would have to. I pulled Edward's head back to mine, and I could tell he felt my desperation. His passion increased, and he tried to say my name again but I shook my head, still kissing him, and tears rolled down my face into our lips. He felt them, and his hand reached up to my face.

I didn't want to think about what I was doing, didn't want to remember who I was with and what he would and could and had done to me. I wanted to just enjoy the feeling, but Edward was trying to get through to me, break through the soaring feeling and desperation I was experiencing. I shut my eyes tighter, trying to shut him out somehow.

But then my conscience woke up, and I shoved him away on reflex. What the hell was I doing? The most basic of my Volturi instincts ran through my blood- it was the Cullen boy! The one who belonged to those low life scum that refused to merge with the Volturi.

And he had been using me. We had a good kiss, good chemistry, and he used that to his advantage to screw around with my brain. I had someone who would fill that gap for me- Jacob. So I murmured darkly,

"Open the door." He looked bewildered, but held up the key. I snatched it from his hand, opened the door and walked out, leaving him there. I had the urge to run away, try and leave this place, bury the memory. But I knew I couldn't, I had nowhere to go. They'd have me back in ten minutes. And besides, I had Jacob here. And I thought of that as I tried to find my way back to the dining room.

I truly love writing this story.