Disclaimer: I don't own Skins. I do own a copy of the DVD and book.
Summary: Ten years later; Naomi and Emily and friends, best friends. They've moved on from their relationship in college, have new loves and new lives that mix regularly. But when things change for the people around them, they find themselves pushed together in more ways than one.
Author Notes: YOU GUYS ARE SOO AMAZING!!! I don't think I have ever received so many reviews in one twenty-four hour period before. I love you all so much for being so awesome and helping me to beat my record! I really can't thank you enough.
Please enjoy this chapter because you guys all deserve it sooo much!!! Seriously. *FITCH HUGS* all round!
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Felt It All Before
She tapped her fingers on the table, stared out the window and let out a heavy sigh. Now or never, she decided. As if on cue, the front door opened and Gabriella shouted a greeting through the house. Emily drummed the table again, searching for the courage that seemed lost in the pit of her stomach. She felt sick. Then Katie's words came back to her, the strength in her voice even though she was on the edge. Emily's job was to look after her, she stood up adamant to go to Katie's and support her through the mess of her life. But Gabriella was already in the kitchen, staring at her with a look that Emily knew probably mirrored her own.
'What's wrong? What's happened? Is Katie okay?'
Emily closed her eyes, lowered herself into the chair, leant back against it and slowly let out breaths. She was crying. Tears were escaping her eyes faster than she could stop them and a hand to the face didn't seem to do much good. Gabriella sat down opposite, reached out to her hand and held it tight. Emily squeezed onto it. She needed her, she wanted her comfort, but she knew that it would eventually go. That Gabriella would eventually leave her alone.
'I can't do this anymore,' Emily cried, thinking about Naomi and the hurt she was about to cause. They hadn't spoken about it, there wasn't time in between leaving the cafe and going home. It wasn't a decision she had to make with her, it was one she had to make for herself.
'Whatever is going on Emily, I'm here, we can get through it together.'
Gabriella's support only caused the tears to increase. The warmth and kindness in her voice, one of the reasons that Emily fell in love with her in the first place. She reconsidered her actions. Was this really the best way? Could there be another way? But Katie's voice infiltrated her thoughts and no matter which way she looked at it, the answer was always the same. Naomi, even though she might never be able to be Emily's, was the one she wanted to be with. Yet more important than that, regardless of her feelings for her friend, she couldn't continued to lead Gabs on, to let her think that everything else was fine when it was far from it.
'I think we should break up.'
An eerie silence filled the room. The hand providing Emily with comfort was quickly pulled away and no matter where she looked, Gabriella's shocked expression had already taken hold of her conscious. Guilty. She felt guilty again, more than before, now that things were happening, changes. She couldn't stop feeling it, no matter how hard she tried to push it away. Every inch of her existence was now controlled by the guilt.
'But,' Gabriella began, trailing off.
There were no words, Emily decided. No words that either of them could say to make everything better. She knew it and she suspected that Gabriella probably knew it too.
'It's not been right,' Gabs finally replied, her voice small and useless to the huge void between them.
'No, it's not.'
'Why now?'
'I don't know,' Emily whispered. 'I spoke to Katie and, she made me see that I can't do this anymore, pretend, hurt you.'
'But I already am hurting,' Gabriella muttered, wiping a tear from the end of her nose.
'It's not you Gabs, I still care about you.'
'What the fuck Emily?' Gabriella snapped, pushing away the hand that Emily reached out. 'It's not you it's me, what a fucking cliché.'
Emily shook her head. 'It's not like that. I promise. I love you Gabriella. I just, I'm not, it's not the same anymore.'
A loud, bellowing laughter escaped Gabriella's lips, her eyes wild with accusation. 'Lets be fucking friends.'
'No,' Emily cried, struggling to handle the reaction she only partly expected. 'Yes, Gabs, you're like my best friend.'
'But that's all?' she asked, calmly, standing up and carrying an empty mug to the sink.
'Yes.'
'That's fucking all,' she screamed out, turning around and throwing the mug across the room until it smashed on the wall a few feet away from Emily.
The crash shook what little piece of hope and control Emily had out of her, her hands began to shake and she stared at Gabriella with the eyes of a stranger. Everything she'd feared and more was unfolding in front of her until a silence returned, so much harder than before. Gabriella slid to the floor, her hands moving in front of her face, not really sure what to do with them until she started to sob and her head fell into them.
'I'm so sorry,' Emily whispered, holding her breath, clutching the table in front of her so tightly that her fingers turned white.
*
When the phone started ringing Naomi suspected she was about to be caught. She closed the bedroom door, pushed her old desk chair against it and sat down on the end of the double she had slept in many times. The light from the window was disappearing as the sun set outside. Al would have already arrived home, would have tried calling her mobile, if only she hadn't turned it off. She moved up the side of the bed, pulled one of the pillows off and wrapped her arms around it as she lay down. Closing her eyes, she could almost imagine being seventeen again, with no worries. She wanted nothing more than to curl up there and sleep, until time had moved on and the problem was no longer there. But she couldn't.
'Mummy sleep,' Joel muttered from beside her.
Opening her eyes, Naomi's little boy reminded her instantly of what she was faced with. It wasn't his fault and she hated to feel so helpless in front of him, but he had managed to stop her pretending that life was okay.
'Mummy's not ready to go to sleep just yet,' she sighed, reaching out a hand to stroke his tiny face. He smiled and closed his own eyes, pushing a fat thumb into his mouth and sucked on it until he drifted off.
There were only so many days she could hide from the world, so many hours and after that, she would have to face up to it again. That was what being an adult was all about, responsibility. An internal laughter reminded her just how immature she still was. She fought with growing up, defended her young adult life at all costs because she didn't want to have to face up to the truth. She wasn't happy. She never had been. She just hid behind what she thought she wanted to make up for the lack of knowing who she was.
Girlfriend, wife, mother, daughter, friend, she had merely jumped from one thing to another, roles that she wasn't even sure she could fulfil. She loved the people in her life, yet sometimes she wondered how much. How much could she really love someone when she wasn't even sure of who she was? She watched Joel sleeping again, rested a hand on his back as it moved up and down with every breath. She loved her son, she knew that. But then she'd also known that she loved Al once upon a time and before that she'd loved Emily.
'What do I do?' she whispered, the words drifting off through the room, like it mattered to say them out loud.
By the time the answer came to her the night had already drawn in and the morning was only a few hours away. Naomi climbed out of the bed, found an old notebook in her bedside table and began to write.
*
The sun rose in the east, in a far off place where Emily had always wanted to travel. Goa, Sydney, Bali, places that she'd never found the time to see, places she would give anything to be in. Instead she was sat on the front step of Katie's house, watching the milkman deliver to the few houses on the street that still had fresh milk.
'Good morning,' the man smiled at her, nodding his head in greeting.
She didn't reply, only watched him climb back into his van and drive down the street in search of the next set of houses who wanted his produce. The milk sat on the step, reminding Emily of her childhood when she'd fight with Katie over who would collect the milk from the front step. She smiled, picked up the bottles and walked to the front door just as it opened and the faces of her two little nieces became visible on the other side.
'Auntie Em!' Megan and Allie shouted with glee, forgetting the battle she assumed they'd had moments ago.
Emily smiled at them, handing them both a bottle each. 'Morning girls. What's for breakfast?'
The two of them walked beside her, talking a mile a minute about some television programme they'd watched about mobile phones and aliens. Emily sat down at the kitchen table as the two little girls ran off in search of their mother. When Katie returned, Emily was already in tears.
'I left her.'
In one swift movement, Katie moved to her twin, wrapped her arms around her and held her close. She stroked Emily's hair, rubbed her back and whispered words of comfort until she was in a better state.
'I'm sorry for being so harsh yesterday,' Katie sighed, still holding Emily's hand.
'No,' Emily muttered. 'You were right, I made a mistake and I have to face up to it, I am facing up to it. It isn't fair to bring you into it when you've got so much going on.'
Katie only smiled, squeezed her hand again and stood up to fill the kettle. Then she popped some bread into the toaster and filled a bowl with cereal. Emily watched in admiration as her sister continued about her day, doing the menial things, when they were probably the last thing she wanted to do.
'Katie,' she began, her voice trailing off when she realised she couldn't find the words she wanted to say.
It didn't matter though because Katie seemed to know what she was about to ask, she stopped what she was doing, turned around and gave a weak smile. 'I am.'
In that moment, Emily came to a decision. She needed to be there for Katie, she needed to support her through whatever decision she made about the pregnancy and make sure she was okay. Part of her wondered if breaking up with Gabriella could be a blessing in disguise, a reason to move in with her sister and make sure that someone else's life wasn't in tatters.
*
Gina woke up to screaming. The noise was mostly unfamiliar having spent the last few years living alone. But even she couldn't forget the screams of a child who wanted their mother. She waited, listened for Naomi going to her son, but he continued to scream.
'Joel,' Gina called out, running up the stairs in her nightgown until she found the little boy red faced and teary eyed in the middle of Naomi's bed.
'Mummy,' he screamed out, crying until he could cry no more.
'It's okay Joely,' she cooed, pulling the little boy into her arms and rocking him gently. He seemed spooked at first, that it wasn't his mother; she feared he wouldn't recognise her, but the small smile on his face settled those nerves. Eventually he fell back into a dose and Gina continued to hold him close. As she walked past the desk where Naomi had spent so many of her teenage years doing assignments, she spotted the note, crumpled up on top of a notebook.
'I needed to go away to do some thinking, you know, by myself. Tell Al I'm sorry. Love Naomi.'
The winner of the vote was (as you probably guessed):
B) Emily and Naomi decide to split up with their partners.
Just curious, I have quite a few fics on the go at the moment; this one, It Ends Tonight, Carry Me Away, Better Tonight, Growing Pains and I wonder, which one would you like an update for next? :-)
