Disclaimer: I don't own Hey Arnold, or anything else that I've mentioned.

Summary: After waking up to a bizarre series of events, Helga finds herself back in Hillwood, after a 3 year absence, and just in time for her senior year of high school. But maybe a particular, lovable, football headed guy can make her return worthwhile. Oh, if things were only that simple, and with Helga and Arnold, they never are.

A/N: You got to fight, for your right...to Par-tay!


Take Me Home Tonight.

Monday Afternoon.

Arnold was laid out on his back, having been pushed onto his bed a few moments prior by Lila, whom had since crawled on top of him, straddling his lap as she leaned over, kissing him soundly. Her right hand had come up, her palm brushing against his still very tender nipple and it's new ring hiding underneath his shirt, which caused him to yelp quickly in discomfort and make to swat her hand reactively.

Lila jumped and recoiled her hand, feeling something strange there anyway, before flipping her eyes back to his with an odd expression on her face, "What is that?" She asked, her orbs flicking back and forth from his face and his chest.

Arnold laughed a little nervously, having gone the entire weekend and all day without telling her what he had done on Friday night. "Well..." He began and then decided to just pull up his shirt and show her. She was going to discover it anyway. When Lila's eyes caught sight of the shiny ring they bugged.

"You got a...piercing." She said flatly, "Why?"

"It's for my Halloween costume," He replied, looking down at it quite proudly.

The red head's eyebrows furrowed together in confusion, "Who gets their nipple pierced for one night?"

"What? I mean, it seemed like it would be something fun to do." He propped himself up on his palms, his shirt falling back over his torso as he smirked. "Come on, you can't tell me you don't find this at least a little hot," He teased.

Lila sighed, "Honestly. I think it's a little trashy."

"Ouch. Well, my character is a little trashy so..."

She just kept eyeballing his chest like it was a festering sore or something, "Did you do it yourself?"

"Uh...yeah," He lied. "Who are you going as? I don't think you've told me." At that Lila perked up, and Arnold hoped that it would provide a transition away from his piercing.

"Molly Ringwald in the breakfast club." She grinned.

"Oh, that'll be cute on you. Did you grab a few pieces from Helga's closet? Seems like everybody else has."

Lila's grin fell off her face rather rapidly, "No."

"So I guess you just found everything on your own huh?"

"Yep."

Arnold smiled at her, reaching his hand up and rubbing her outer arm, "Well, I can't wait to see you all pretty in pink then." He winked.


Saturday Night.

Helga and Phoebe stood in her bathroom, both in front of the mirror, prepping themselves for their night out. Phoebe was teasing the bejesus out of her hair, trying to get the perfect 80's dancer look since, after all, she was going as Alex from the movie 'Flashdance'. Helga on the other hand was trying to get the perfect elevated comb-over, rocker doo to match her hairmetal groupie attire. They were over an hour late, and that was perfectly fine. Helga never arrived to parties on time, she preferred to let everything get going before she graced it with her presence, and while being anything but on time somewhere was normally against everything that Phoebe prided herself on being, she'd come to like being fashionably late to a social shindig of the raucous nature.

Thirteen years of friendship with Helga had definitely worn off on her just a bit.

"Well, how do I look?" Phoebe finally asked, setting the brush down on the vanity.

Helga made eye contact with her in the mirror, "Like a maniac," She replied.

A satisfied grin spread over her friends face, "Perfect!"

"How about me?" Helga turned, perched one hand on a cocked hip, flipping her hair.

"Like you're going to get banged by the bassists of a hair metal band tonight and then spend the next twenty years citing it as your biggest accomplishment."

"Um, yes," Helga clapped her hands together once, "Nailed it!"

Phoebe chuckled, "I was going to add, banged in the back of your red T-top camaro, but thought it was too much."

"Actually, I like. But lets make it a gold trans-am with the bird on the hood. Extra trashy. Now, let's go grace everybody with our presence," Helga said as she exited the bathroom, her friend following behind. They grabbed everything and hobbled down the stairs, Helga choosing to go crutch-less that night. Her cast would be coming off in a few more weeks and she had become able to walk around without the assistance of crutches for a little while. She still needed them at school but she figured she wouldn't be doing much that required them at the party tonight.

As they were walking through the living room where Olga and Owen sat, she asked, "Which one of you wants to entrust me with you vehicle tonight?"

Owen started laughing, not at her request, but at how her and Phoebe were dressed, "Who are you two supposed to be?"

Helga folded her arms and rolled her eyes, "It's quite obvious. She's a steel town girl on a Saturday night, and I'm looking to get banged by a rockstar in the back of my trashy gold trans-am, so I can talk about it for the next twenty years."

Her brother-in-law was beside himself he was laughing so hard. But Olga just blinked and look at her sister, "You're what?"

"Nevermind. It's an 80's thing. Can I borrow your car or what? My tank has that O-man-u-ale and you've got that auto. And I want to be able to leave this thing when I'm ready."

"Okay, okay," Owen finally wheezed, wiping a laugh tear from the corner of his eyes, "The best part about all that is the trashy gold trans-am! Oh, wow...I needed a good laugh tonight!"

"Ugh, it pains me that I've brought you joy. Now hand over your keys."


Rhonda's humble 12 bedroom mansion was located on the outskirts of Hillwood on a sizable piece of well manicured and preciously landscaped slice of land. It had a very long cobble stoned driveway that was sealed off from the public by an ornately grand cast iron gate, complete with a guard whom ushered them through.

Helga pulled off to an area where dozens of other cars were parked in a line, and pulled into a space at the end of the line. Everything was so organized when one had tons of money, it was amazing. The two girls exited the vehicle, primped themselves one last time in the window's reflection and then headed towards the front doors of the house-yes doors, because wealthy people for some reason always feel they need two front doors. They could hear the music pumping, from inside the house and from the back. Helga knew that there was an epic beer pong set up in the back, along with the pool being heated for anybody who decided they wanted to swim.

When they got to the door and opened up, they were hit full blast by a Fatboy Slim tune and saw a dance party already in full swing in the grand living foyer that was over looked by a grand staircase and a cat-walk running across the second floor. Helga smirked, noting Nolan's handwork in doing a full 80's make-over to the main party area in the house. She was glad that Rhonda was cool with shelling out the coin for it, because it was epic!

And that's what she was going for after all.

Helga had been so wrapped up in looking at the amazing decorating job she hadn't even notice the spectacle going on in the middle of the dance party. That was until she heard Phoebe mutter, "Oh Lord."

Gerald, who was dressed like Rich James, bitch, and Arnold, who was killing in his Nikki Sixx outfit-also she was pleased to see he had waxed-were in the middle of the floor, each with one hand behind their head and the other holding the foot of their right leg up, doing the chicken wing dance, to the chants of their school mates, at which they both dropped that dance and Gerald ushered them into the Soulja Boy 'Crank that' superman dance.

Arnold, bless his heart, tried to dance, but just wasn't nearly as good, or nimble, or rhythmically competent as his best friend. Or maybe he was already pretty lit. Helga wasn't sure which, but she was getting a good laugh at it none the less.

That kid was just ripe for blackmail.

"Ladies!" Rhonda walked up between them, dressed in neon 80's workout clothes, complete with frizzy hair, lime green headband and triangle earrings, and handed each one of them a red solo cup foaming with beer.

"Thanks! The house looks great!" Helga yelled over the music and took a small sip from her cup.

Rhonda's face lit up as brightly as the spandex she was wearing, "Oh I know! Nolan did such a good job!" She gushed before walking through the crowd to see some other kids. At that point, they saw Stinky, Harold and Sid jump into the dance ring, Sid, wearing sunglasses, acting limp and being held on either side by the other two boys. Helga snickered, realizing that their costume was 'Weekend at Bernie's.' And she started laughing even harder when they began doing the goofy rockettes leg hike routine, then into a river dance. Of course, all three of them holding a beer in each hand too. Couldn't forget such necessities. Brainy and Curly were next to step in, Brainy dressed as Ferris Bueller and Curly doing a pretty spot on Rick Astley. The blonde started doing the robot, popping and locking, while the crazy one cut into the classic rick-roll.

DJ Derek finally flipped the track to the Beastie Boys and the guys disbanded their shenanigans. Gerald caught sight of the girls as he was retrieving his beer from off the top of one of the giant speakers on the edge of the room, walking their way with Arnold in tow. "There's my little Maniac," He grinned.

Phoebe tossed her head back, jutting her chest forward and popping her feet. Helga chuckled. She could be pretty funny when she wanted to be. "Practicing for our dance off later I assume?"

Her boyfriend chuckled, "Oh you want to go huh? Girl I will dance you out the door."

"Yeah, cause he's Rich James," Helga chimed in.

"Bitch!" Gerald yelled, but quickly rectified with, "No not you baby, it's just my character!"

Helga looked away, giggling, to smile at Arnold, "You look great. I see you waxed," She reached out and did made a tickle motion over his bare chest.

"Thanks! You look amazing too! I shaved it actually," He said, chugging the last of his beer. "I mean, it seemed easier and less painful."

The blonde began laughing, "Oh, wow...you're going to have fun with that later."

Gerald had walked away and come back with two fresh cups of beer, pushing one into Arnold's chest, who gladly took it and took a big gulp, "You're not exactly tossing them back tonight." He quirked an eyebrow at Helga, who was nursing the cup she had, which probably looked way unusual compared to everybody else around there acting like they were in a desert and somehow alcohol cured dehydration.

"Oh no. No, no no. There will be no getting drunk for me. Bad things happen," She eluded and gave her cup a slight jiggle.

"What, are you a karaoke monster when you're lit or something?" He grinned and Phoebe snorted beside her.

"She wishes it were that tame," Phoebe giggled and caught a swift elbow in the shoulder from her BFF. "Last time I saw her have too much to drink she took off her shorts, put them on her head, climbed on a table, claimed she was an Egyptian queen, shouted that Jaime he was 'coming home with her tonight.' and then," by that point, her friend was having to gasp for air she was laughing so hard, "started doing a macarana, Grease Lightning mashup dance."

Sid, who had been walking by and over heard Phoebes entire story, leaned in between the two girls, giving the blonde an enamored looked, "You're like my dream girl..."

"Beat it beetle boots!" She shoved him away, shaking her head in annoyance. Gerald and Arnold just blinked at Helga, and both took a sip from their cups. "Oh yes, fun times. Fuuuunnn times," She laughed awkwardly and took a sip from her own beer.

"KEG STANDS!" Someone shouted through the crowd of people. Everybody began herding towards the back doors to get to the backyard. Out on the veranda, they had two stand stations going. Somebody pushed Eugene, dressed as the geekiest Marty McFly ever, out towards one of the kegs chanting, "Do it! Do it! Do it!"

Helga, always looking for a fun situation to make somebody uncomfortable, couldn't pass that up, "Here, hold my beer," She said and handed it to Arnold, walked up and pushed Eugene even further forward, "Come on McFly! You're doing this!"

Eugene shunned away, "No, I don't think so. I couldn't possibly! What if I get dropped?!"

"Live a little, kid! You're doing this!" She kept pushing him. "Hands on the keg, McFly!" She ordered him and he finally, timidly, grabbed onto a handle on either side of the top of the keg, at which point, she and some other kid she didn't know grabbed each of his legs and raised him up. The third person shoved the nozzle in his mouth and everybody began chanting, "Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!"

A few moments later they set him back down on his feet and he stumbled back, and little woozy looking. Everybody got quiet, as nobody was quite sure if he was going to pass out or puke or both. He finally steadied himself and looked up at all the faces staring at him, as small grin slowly spreading across his face before he yelled, "WHOOOO!" and did one of those crouched jumps.

Everybody cheered.

Helga threw her hands up as if she were signalling a touchdown. "Whose next?! Come on down!"

Arnold finished his cup of beer and slid Helga's in his empty one and walked forward, doing some dramatic slide.

As he sat the cups down on the cement and grabbed hold of the keg handles he heard a, "Arnold, don't you dare!" He and Helga both looked to his right to see Lila, sporting a warning of a look with each of her hands clamped to her hips. On another note, Helga was pretty impressed by her spot on Molly Ringwald get up. Kudos, Li-la. To everbody's surprise, Arnold tossed her a 'whatever' look and said, "Bottom's up!" Helga's mouth fell a gap as she stared across the patio at Lila. Her face then quickly morphed into a big ass smile and then, for some reason, she had to take it a step further and mouth the words, 'Sorry I can not hear you, I'm kind of busy,' along with the Lady Gaga song that Derek had flipped to as she helped hoist Arnold's legs up.

Shots. Fired.

Lila rolled her eyes and dramatically crossed her arms in a giant huff.

"Chug, chug, chug, chug!"

They set him down and he walked around, flexing his arms whooping in joy. He skipped back over to Helga and demanded a high five from her, which she happily gave him. He then started to walk off and bumped pretty heavily into a kid that Helga wasn't familiar with. The kid pushed Arnold away more aggressively than was necessary, to Helga anyway, and Arnold, to her shock, retaliated with shoving him back and spilling his beer everywhere.

Oh. Snap.

Party foul, galore!

"Alright Bro!" The guy huffed back, getting up in Arnold's face with a puffed chest, "You want to go?!"

"Lets go, bro man dude! Right here!" The blonde snapped back, puffing back up at him.

"Hey, come on! Nobody is wanting to see a fight okay?" Helga tried to step in and defuse the situation. Nothing would ruin a night quicker than blood.

"Not now woman!" Arnold waved her off with his hand and took a step back, pointing two fingers at himself and then one at the other guy to say, 'I'm watching you.' Though, nobody was really sure what exactly he was watching. He then acted like he was working out the kinks in his neck and then started jogging and shuffling in place.

"No, he is not," Gerald said in disbelief, shaking his head.

"Yes, yes he is," Phoebe replied, also in disbelief.

But who should pop through? Who else. Sid parted the two with his hands, shoving through, lowering his sunglasses, "Arnold's party rocking?"

"Yep."

Sid brought his phone out of seemingly nowhere, and hit the record button, "Youtube gold."

"Dude, what are you even doing?!" The other guy yelled at the blonde shuffling around.

"Dance off bro!"

The guy started laughing, "I'm going to kick you ass. You suck!"

"Says the guy who hasn't even busted a move yet!" Arnold yelled as he shuffled over to him. The guy narrowed his eyes at him and shoved his beer off into the chest of one of his fellow bros and started popping and locking towards the blonde.

Gerald ran his hand over his face, "This is just embarrassing."

"Gold, Gerald, gold!" Sid fussed.

The two guys danced around each other for a bit, doing the most ridiculous moves, Arnold becoming a little unsteady on his feet as the beer was really beginning to hit his system. Helga stood the the side, watching in amusement, downing the remainder of her beer as she waited for it to wrap up. And she herself had gotten her phone out to record it as well. She wasn't going to let him live that down.

Oh no sir. She would taunt him relentlessly.

The other guy finally had had enough of Arnold's, what was pretty obvious at that point, well into drunk dance moves and waved him away and walked off. Arnold stopped, "That's right! You better walk away! You can't handle this!" He held his arms out and gyrated his hips in a circular motion.

"Alright that's enough from you," Lila walked up behind him and grabbed him by the arm, "You're going inside for awhile." She ordered as she dragged him off to the house. Helga couldn't help but laugh, but decided to follow that whole situation to see how it ended up. Watching from the corner of the foyer she saw Lila lead him into the off dinning area where the finger foods were set out, fuss at him rather sternly for a minute and then huff back outside to rejoin her group of girls.

Helga really felt bad for him. He wasn't doing anything wrong. He was just trying to have a good time. And Lila was acting like a total buzz kill. While she was still out in the foyer, she refilled her cup at the keg and grabbed a second for him before heading off toward the dinning area, "Have you been confined to this room?" She asked as she limped up, handing him the cup. Surprised, he looked up at her, pretzels half way in his mouth.

He swallowed, shrugging a little indifferently, "Yeah...but no-ah," He answered, starting to sound a little drunk.

"Ah, very concise. Thank you."

He took a sip from his cup, drinking about half of it, "I 'on't know. She said I embarrassed her out there."

Helga chortled, her eyebrows raising, "Yeah, but, you were pretty funny though. This is what parties are. Loads of embarrassing moments."

He smiled brightly at her, "You think I'm funny?"

"Oh yeah."

"Thanks!"

"You want to go back outside? I'll sneak you back out there," She winked, thumbing in the direction of the back sliding doors. He nodded and they both walked from the dinning room, through the foyer, towards the back exit and, oh, but Derek just had to drop the song that would make Arnold lose his half intoxicated shit.

He stopped, "Helga!" He yelled at her back, and she spun around, "I luh this song!"

Luh? Was that even a word? She was full on laughing at him and his gleeful ecstaticness over it, "I'm happy to hear that, now lets go."

"Want to dance?"

"No."

He puckered his lip, "Puh-leeeze!"

"Football head, I still have my cast! Or in case you forgot: I still have my cast!" She pointed at it.

"Oh, come on. This is muh song!" He tried to convince her with some swaying dance moves.

"Muh no!" She mocked him, "I'm going outside now," She spun on her heel and began walking away.

He wasn't about to take 'no' for an answer though. Instead he chugged his beer down, threw the cup of his shoulder and shouted at the top of his lungs, along with the song, "Where you think you're going baby!" reached out and grabbed her hand, yanking her back to him. Her eyes widened as he pulled her flush with his body with a giant grin on his face and began swaying ridiculously with her, attempting to spin her with one arm. It didn't help that the entire of room full of people were focused on them now, no thanks to his mouth.

Ugh, this is was terrible rumors were made of.

"Football Head!" She scolded when he spun her out, causing her to spill a little beer on the floor, "Party foul!"

"Well chug it woman!" He pulled her back towards him, "Down the hatch." She thinned her eyes up at him, but smirked and downed her beer, tossing the cup over her shoulder like a badass. "Yeah! You show that cup!"

He then proceeded to drag her all over the foyer, insisting on practically waltzing with her to a pop song. She was so amused by it, and dare she admit, actually having a good time doing so, despite how stupid it was, that she refused to tell him to stop. Oh, he also felt compelled to sing every word of the song to her, off key and kind of slurred in some parts. "You took your time wif the call..." He sang.

"I took no time with the fall..." She sang back before he could finish, and he started laughing hysterically.

"It's cause you were in my way!"

"Yeah, of your car!" She batted him with her hand.

"You shouldn't walk in front of cars."

She snorted, scoffed and glared at him, "I don't make it a habit, Hair Boy!"

"Hey, it makes memories right?"

She rolled her eyes, smile never leaving her face though, "Um, yeah okay. Though I guess one never forgets getting mowed down by a car."

"Nope! So, you're a groupie right?" He asked, smirking.

"Doi."

"I'm a rockstar."

"Yeah...and?" She chuckled, now wondering how drunk he really was.

"That's pretty funny right?"

"If you say so, bro man. So," She sighed, resting her arms on top of both of his, "Are you ready to go outside now, or are you going to continue to hold me hostage in this wedding waltz?"

"Alright," He moaned, "We can go back outside," He pulled away from her and before she could ask where he was going, because it was away from the direction of the yard, he grabbed a couple more cups and filled them both up at the keg. He handed her a cup and then offered his arm to escort her outside. She sighed, but took it, because she knew it would make him happy and they both walked back out on to the patio.

Some of the guys had a game of beer pong going on at one of the tables on the far end, Gerald was down there and so, naturally that's where Arnold wanted to go, but Helga didn't and so she sent him on his way and chose to go take up a seat by the pool with Phoebe and the other girls who were acting as as judges for the 'diving' contest that was going on in the pool. They had numbers and all. Most of the guys that were diving she didn't know. It was rather chilly out and she was glad that Rhonda had had those portable propane heaters set out all over the patio to pump heat out. It was nice.

Good lord there were an ass of people at this party. She wondered if all of these kids really did go to their school or if they were spill overs from other schools. She flopped down next to Phoebe with a, "What's up?"

"Oh you know, an intense diving competition here," She chuckled, taking a swig of her drink.

The next person up was, Jesus Christ, Eugene?!

"Wow..." Helga mused, staring up at him, stripped down to his whitey-tighty underwear and shoes only, holding his arms out to his side, up high on the diving board, and then doing some Arnold Schwarzenegger flex poses with his non-existent muscles, "That keg stand must have really loosened him up..."

"I know. Cray-cray," Nadine responded.

Lila sighed, "Stop trying to make cray-cray happen Nadine. Really, it's not going to happen," She fussed at the girl, whom in turn rolled her eyes at her and flipped her hair.

Eugene skipped up to the edge of the board, bounced and did a triple flip cannon ball into the pool. Helga started laughing, clapping and then held up the ten card that was in front of her. All the rest of the girls held up nines and tens as well as the red head resurfaced and announced, "I am Poseidon! Warrior of the sea!"

Helga turned to the rest of the girls and smiled smugly, "I want credit for this in the yearbook, kay? Thanks!"

Suddenly, Derek dropped the song into 'Shots' by LMFAO and Helga smiled widely because she knew what was coming. Rhonda's house staff came filing out with silver platters of jello shots, handing them out to everybody. People lost their minds. Rhonda was absolutely beside herself with glee, so much that she leaned forward at the table, looked down at Helga and shouted, "Helga! That was a fantastic idea!" The blonde looked at her, held her arms out, palms up and bobbed her head to the side a few times, singling how awesome she was.

For the next hour, they spent their time throwing up ones to tens as people took their turns diving from the board, nobody able to beat anything that Eugene, ah-hem, Sir Poseidon, could conjure up.

"Lila!" They heard one of the guys from over at the beer pong table shout, and they all looked over. Gerald and Stinky were picking Arnold up off the ground and starting to walk him over to them. "He needs to sleep it off for a bit," Gerald said as they neared the edge of the pool.

"I'm fiiinnneee! weally!" Arnold slurred terribly.

"Lila, you can go put him in one of the downstairs bedrooms," Rhonda told her and she nodded, getting up out of her chair and motioning for them to follow her inside, looking royally pissed about it too.

"I'm surprised," Helga turned to Phoebe, "I didn't think Hair boy had it in him...but then again...Eugene," She gestured her hand out to the pool. "So, want to go supervise the pong table and tell the guys to shoot better while offering zero practical advice on how they should do so?" She smiled widely with her eyebrows high.

Phoebe snorted, "Um, absolutely."

"Great! Lets go!" Helga replied with over enthusiasm for effect. The pair got up and walked across the yard to the table, Gerald and Stinky had returned from dropping off Arnold...wherever they dropped him, and judging by his inebriated condition, they probably literally dropped him.

"Alright, let's regroup!" He announced, "You girls want in?"

"No, we're just going to watch," Phoebe answered him sweetly.

Her beloved looked up and his face dead panned, "Oh Gawd...Fine then, lets go!" They reset the cups and distributed the ping-pong balls accordingly. Gerald was first to shoot, and miss.

"Come on babe, you've got to do better than that," Phoebe quipped, while looking at Helga with a smirk.

Gerald sighed, "How am I supposed to 'do' better then?"

"I don't know. Shoot better. Aim maybe."

"Aim maybe?! Woman I am aiming!"

They played this game for about an hour more before Helga decided that she was about ready to 'retire' and head home for the night. One could only get so buzzed before the sleepiness started setting in, and she had reached that point in the night. She'd had her fun and now she was ready to go home.

"I think I'm going to head out," She nudged Phoebe with her elbow.

The girl looked up at her and nodded, "Oh, okay. We'll I'll see you Monday then."

"Yeah, cool, I'll text you tomorrow."

"Bye!" Phoebe gave her a hug and Helga headed towards the back gate, knowing that she could go out that way from the few times she'd come gone over there to Help Rhonda with the planning of this thing. She slipped out the exit, closing it and slowly walking down the gravel path that ran along side the house. Her leg was feeling a little on the achy side, and that was the other reason she was ready to hit the sack. That was the most activity she'd done without crutches yet.

As she was walking she heard, "'El-ga!"

Whipping around, she saw Arnold half way hanging out of the down stairs bedroom window of the room that they had taken him to sleep off his drunken stupor in.

"Arnold!" She yelled in an elevated whisper, looking around before hobbling back over to the him, "What are you doing? You're suppose to be sleeping it off in there," She pointed back inside.

"I 'ow," He slurred, "I ont want to...stay here dough. I want to...come wif...you!"

"You can't come with me, you have to stay here...where Lila put you," He might as well have been a dog, because that's what it sounded like. But she wasn't about to bust him out of there or anything. Yet, no sooner had the words left her mouth than the bedroom door flung open, in stumbling Harold, Patty, and Rhonda, in a tangle of arms, sloppy kissing and clothes attempting to come off as they collapsed onto the bed behind Arnold. And if that weren't enough, in marched Curly with two girls on each arm that Helga didn't know, his brown eyes studying his girlfriend and friends already on the bed, "Never gonna give you up! Never gonna let you down!" He sang in a very deep voice, "Now, come give daddy some sugar!"

Helga blinked. Arnold turned back around to her and blinked too. "I can't leave you in there." She changed her mind, shoving the window higher and began helping his drunken butt clumsily crawl through and then fall on to the gravel. "Come on, Hairboy. Ew, God, get a room!" She yelled through the window.

"We are in a room!"

"It's a figure of speech!" She shouted back while heaving Arnold onto his feet, "Lets get you home," She told him.

Thankfully her car wasn't a far walk, because he was heavy. She tucked him into her passenger seat, slowly and hopped into the drivers side, cranking it to get some heat going. She put the car in drive, U-turned in the street to head to the stop sign, intending to take a left to drop him off at his house before heading home. In the time she managed to do that, Arnold had leaned forward, putting his face right up to one of the air vents and was letting the air blow directly into his open eyeballs.

"You okay bud?" She was praying he didn't need to puke. Because that was just what she needed. Him throwing up all over Owen's car.

"My eye bawls...are...cold."

Helga let her head fall back against her seat, "I'm almost afraid to drop you off, unattended, at your house." Arnold turned his head, smiling at her with his glossy red eyes and put his ear against the vent.

"My ears...are...cowld...too," He giggled.

"I mean, you've really given me no choice at this point. I'm going to have to...take you home tonight."

"I...I...like dat song."

"Quiet," She quipped as she hung a right towards her house instead of his.

"I'll s-ing it-"

"-Please don't-"

"-Oh ah on't c-care 'bout muh lee-stick...I juss want to drive you to-to luh, luh, luh!"

"Alright, yeah that wasn't 'take me home tonight'. Like at all."

"What?!"

"I don't even know what that was."

"I...made it up."

"I highly doubt that but, we'll go with it."

The drive home was the easy part, the hard part was getting him out the car and into her house, quietly. He just kept wanting to talk at the top of his lungs and then, good lord, he had to catch his food on the edge of Olga's stupid living room rug and send himself spiraling to the floor.

"Arnold!" She whisper shouted, tugging him desperately, trying to keep him from falling over.

No use though. He might has well have weighed 1000lbs.

Bam! He toppled over and landed on his back, pulling her down with him. "Ow…I think I fell." He whined, eyes closed, and head spinning like a top.

"Yeah, you idiot, you did!" Helga slightly snickered, bust still trying to pry herself from his grip. He opened his eyes and looked down at her with a loopy smile. "W-what are you doing?"

"Trying to avoid this awkward situation," She was now full on glaring at him. She was being serious and everything was a joke to him. God, she hated dealing with drunks sometimes.

"Nuh uh!" He rolled over and finally came to rest on top of her and because of the way of they had fallen, he had lodged himself smack dab between her legs, and with her leg still being in a cast, she wasn't much of a fight in trying to get away from him, and so she completely stalled, taking a calming breath as his head came to lie on her chest.

"Arnold…" She finally said, voice as even as possible, "Get. Off. Of. Me...please."

"Whhhyyy? I like it here." He began snuggling in, rubbing his head around her chest, "The room is sooo fast!"

"Football head!" She loudly whispered.

"Hey!" His head shot up, "Where's Zeeeeeuuuussss and steeeev-ah?"

Helga rolled her eyes, "Well, Steve is at your house, and if you don't be quiet Zeus is going to wake up, come out here and rip your pants to shreds."

Arnold smiled hazily, his lids drooped over his glossy red eyes, "I like dos names. You good at dat. I'm a let you name allllll our pets, but! I get to name alllll our kidsssss." He brought his hand up and shakily tapped her on the nose with his finger.

The trapped blonde narrowed her eyes at him, but he only widened his drunken grin. Apparently he thought he was paying her a compliment, and half of her wondered if he thought he were talking to Lila. What was she going to do though? Argue with a drunk? No. "Fine, whatever. Now will you please get off of me?"

He dropped his head back down onto her, "Do I have too?" He whined.

"Yes, you have to."

"Awww…but I luh you," He said, words muffled by her shirt.

"Arnold," She pushed on his shoulders with her palms, "If you don't get off of me right this second, I'm going to knock you into next Sunday," She threatened, and she was prepared to do so too. No idle threat there.

He pulled his head up again, still grinning like a fool at her, and then dropped his head again, "Come o-oooonn. They-they call me daw-ctor Feelgood, I'm going m-make you feel al-ight," He started to attempt to sing, slurring the words so badly that, God killed a kitten, all the while, beginning to grind his lower half into hers, and not so subtly either. Her tight little short shorts doing absolutely nothing to shield her from him. Fantastic. Fant-freaking-tastic. Nothing like getting dry humped by a friend on a Saturday night. But...it wasn't a first...and definitely not the worst way she'd spent a Saturday night either. But those were other stories for another time. He groaned, but then started chuckling, seemingly at himself before looking up at her again, Helga for the first time noticing some serious wanton hiding behind the drunkenness that glossed his eyes over, "You know...know what would be fuuunnn? If we B-boned on, on the fl-floor…" This time, Helga narrowed her eyes at him, giving him a look that could kill.

Whack!

Her palm collided with the side of his head.

She was sure the whole neighborhood heard it. "Ow!" Arnold cried, flopping off of her in quite possibly the most overly dramatic way possible. "I'm hit!" He clutched the right side of his face, "I'm hit!" He repeated.

Helga rolled to her knees and sat, shaking her stinging hand. "What are you, battleship? Crimeny, shut up." She clamped her hand over his mouth. Arnold began looking at her, wide eyed as if she were smothering him, but she steadfastly glared at him, "Are you going to be quiet? I'll let you go if you agree to be quiet," He thought about it for, longer than he should in his inebriated mind and then nodded, "Alright." She removed her hand from his mouth.

"You're a mean…girl!" He scowled and whispered to her.

"Yep, that's me."

"You…you don't…get any of thisssssss." He shot her what she assumed to be a 'you're-missing-out' look while he pointed to himself.

She had a good mind to just leave him there and if she hadn't been afraid of him getting into anything else and breaking it that night then she would have. But he probably would, so she had to figure out some way to get him onto the couch and make sure he passed out. Cold.

"Arnold, you want to go to bed?" She leaned over him.

He stared up at her and smiled, "With you?" He asked.

"Yeah, with me."

He laid there quiet for a few moments, rolling his head back and forth with a drunk smile plastered on his face. "Mmkay." He slurred and began to try and sit up.
He managed only to lose his balance and topple to his side. He laughed like a hyena, which only irritated Helga more as she tried to pull him to his feet. Thankfully, she did finally manage to get him up and she guided him painfully slow to the couch and dumped him on it.

"Stay wif me please." He begged.

"Yeah, yeah I am."

"I-ahhhhh... might…fall…again."

"You're in your bed."

"Ohhhh..." Helga pulled the throw blanket from the back of the couch and draped it over him, patting it a few times, momentarily wishing she could just swaddle him in it like a mummy so he'd have no choice but to stay put. "Te-el me a st-story," She narrowed her eyes down at him, though it was entirely pointless because he couldn't care less, "I...like your stor-ies. I fall as-asleep fast."

So, though she still sighed as if she were having to go out of her way to do it, she decided to humor him, and she didn't even know why, other than she liked a good story later. She cleared her throat, "Alright, fine. Now, this is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down, and I'd like to take a minute to sit right there. I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air." She sang to him quietly and he grinned widely, his eyes beginning to open and shut slowly, "In west Philadelphia born and raised, on the playground is where I spent most of my days. Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool and all shooting some b-ball outside of the school. When a couple of guys who were up to no good. Started making trouble in my neighborhood. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared. She said, 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air'."

And...he was out. Thank God.

Helga quietly stood up, and hobbled off to her bedroom, finally, and collapsed face first onto her mattress with a thud, wincing as she momentarily forgot about her leg. Even though she was walking on it, it was still pretty tender if she caught it at a wrong angle. She rolled onto her back and let go of a slightly frustrated sigh, staring through the dark at her ceiling and watching it shift just a bit. She was still pretty buzzed, and Olga would kill her if she found out she had driven the few miles home with even a drop of alcohol in her system, much less with a buzz.

And she had suddenly been put in a frisky mood. Great.

Yeah, she'd gotten a little too turned on by Arnold's collapse and subsequent rolling on top of her.

Which frustrated her.

Stupid Football Head and his stupid little...mini grind fest on her, getting her all...stupid hot and bothered...and just...stupid.

Where was Jaime when she needed him? Right. Two-thousand freakin' miles away. A lot of good that did her. Although, the thought of him didn't really appeal to her like it normally would have in a moment like current, which gave her a swift pause.

Supposing Jaime were there, she didn't think she would be in the mood for him. Which left only one person. The dude on her couch who had gotten her this way to begin with. Which meant, if she wasn't in the mood for sex with her buddy, did that mean that what she was in the mood for was...Arnold?

She burst out laughing. "You are hilarious, Helga, really," She told herself and rolled onto her side.

Obviously she was way more buzzed than she had gauged, having crazy thoughts like that.

Crazy...crazy thoughts.


The following morning, Olga came prancing down the stairs in her typical early morning jolliness, looking up and nearly having a heart attack seeing somebody on her couch, unexpectedly, shirtless and with leather, none the less. She shrieked, her socked feet slipping and sliding a few steps as she tumbled backwards, reaching for the hand rail. "What, what, what?!" Owen came lunging down the stairs, hurriedly wrapping one of his wife's short pink robes around himself, just in case.

"Is that...Arnold?" Olga whispered back up to her husband, pulling herself up and leaning against the handrail. Owen came a little further down the stairs, saw the boy on their couch and nodded.

"Yep, that's him."

She faintly grimaced, before cocking her brow, "It's like Channing Tatum doing an Alice Cooper impression..."

He shrugged, and waved his hand off, gesturing, "It's what the kids are into these days. You saw miss Trashy Trans-am groupie last night."

"And he's a rock start. Is the irony lost of them?"

Owen blinked at his wife, "...It's Helga and Arnold."

"True. In any matter, what's he doing on our couch?"

Her husband inhaled a deep breath and exhaled with puffed 'ahhh', "Judging by the smell of alcohol and regret...I'd say he was drunk last night and came home with Helga."

"Well, he can't stay there. We're having the Henderson's over for brunch today!" Olga whispered more loudly.

"I guess I could move him to the guest room..." Olga gave him that 'ole wifey look. "...or I can just take him home."

She crossed her arms and looked back down the stairs, "I'm sure his grandparents are worried about him." Owen lunged back up the stairs and threw on a pair of jeans and a presentable shirt before skipping back down and coming to kneel beside the sleeping teen on his couch.

"Hey bud..." He began nudging him on his shoulder, "Arnold," He poked a few more times before the boy jumped a little, cracking an eye begrudgingly, swirling those bloodshot green beads around behind the rest of his lids before settling them on the man kneeling beside him, looking like a father about to give his son the life talk. Owen smiled, "There you are little fella."

Arnold grinned exhaustedly, "Hmm..." Came this raspy reply.

"So, do you remember when I told you the safe word was duck fat?" Owen began, inwardly snickering at this poor boy's physical state of being. Ah, to be young and responsibility free.

"MmmHmm"

"We'll, I'm getting you out of here man."

Arnold closed his eyes, "I said...duck fat?" He mumbled with a tired slur sliding his words all around his mouth.


Mid-Afternoon

Arnold woke up in a pool of his own drool, face down on his bed with the stiffness that suggested it had been some time since he had moved a muscle. He groaned loudly, feeling a sharp pounding begin to thump inside his skull, which got no better when he flipped onto his back and began ridding his eyes of the fog with blinks and a few wipes from his hands. His ceiling finally came into focus, after finally getting rid of that junk.

Wait...his ceiling? But, he went home with Helga last night. Oh...wait...that's right...Owen brought him home that morning.

"Oh...sweet Jesus..." He bemoaned aloud, partially because of his aching head and sick stomach, but mostly because he had started remembering what a grade 'A' tool-no wait-creep, he'd been to Helga last night after they'd gotten back to her house. Yeah, he might have been pretty shit faced last night, but he had never been so drunk that he couldn't somewhat remember his actions. Like, never full on black out or anything. He just did drunk things, a lot of them he wished he didn't remember, a lot of them he wished he could blame on a black out-like last night-but no, nope, he was always aware of his ridiculous inebriated actions, he just couldn't stop himself from acting a fool.

And acting a fool he did.

...dry humping his friend on her living room floor and then having the audacity to suggest they have sex on said floor.

He kind of wanted to throw up right then, and not because of the hangover.

Yeah, good going Arnold. She probably never wants to see you again after last night. In fact, she probably had Owen cart your ass off this morning so she could get a head start on never talking to you again!

And since when did he become such a drunken would-be cheater? Seriously. He had a girlfriend. Whom he was reasonably content with. Not to mention he would never dream of cheating on her. That just wasn't how he rolled. At all. But last night he'd been ready and willing to throw out all moral standards with Helga on her floor. But why though? He didn't even like her that way. And he knew she definitely didn't like him that way either.

Ugh...he was so disgusted with himself. Multilevel disgusted. He began running the palms of his hands in circles over his eyes, letting out a beleaguered yawn. He had to figure out a way to apologize to her.

Should he send her a text, should he call her, should he just...show up at her house?

He didn't get a chance to ponder on it too much further at that moment, because his door came bursting open with a wide eyed Lila hurling her body through, still in last nights clothes, just as he was, make-up smeared over top of the look of relief washing over her face, "Oh! Good! You're here!" She exhaled, before turning and shouting back down the stairs, "He's here!" and hearing Rhonda shout back up, "Oh thank God! I could already hear Keith Morrison's voice, on the Dateline special."

Lila turned back to her boyfriend who was peeking out from under his hands at her, "How did you get home? Everybody has been worried sick about you. You wouldn't answer your phone. You weren't in that room and nobody could find you in the house!" She scolded as she began walking towards the bed.

"I...climbed out the window and hitched a ride home."

His girlfriend stopped and crossed her arms, a peculiar look shifting onto her face, "Hitched a ride? With who?"

"Babe, I don't remember...some kid. Last night is in pieces," He lied before he even realized he was, and suddenly felt terrible about how easy it was to do. Though he blamed the burning shame and guilt from his attempted cheat. He exhaled and sat up in his bed, head pounding like a snare and propped his upper body up against his headboard, "Ow...sorry for worrying you. I haven't looked at my phone since sometime last night. I literally just woke up about ten minutes ago."

Lila nodded, "I understand. We'll, I would stay but, I desperately need a shower and more sleep, and...Rhonda is waiting," She paced back towards his still open bedroom door.

Arnold snorted, "Yeah...me too."

"I'll call you later," She told him before she walked out of the room and shut the door behind her. Arnold slowly reached into his very tight leather pockets, tiredly pulling out his phone and illuminated the screen, seeing where he had 24 missed calls and about twice as many texts from various people wondering where he was. He closed his texts out and thumbed over to his recent contacts, hovering his pad over Helga's name, wanting to at least try to smooth things over with her, if possible. He was still so tired though, and he didn't even know if she was still asleep herself or what, so instead of calling or texting, he just dropped the phone on his belly and laid his head back on the headboard.

Food would be great. So would more sleep.

He felt his tummy vibrate, and not from hunger. He reopened his eyes, and flipped over his phone to see the screen, seeing a video text from Helga! He quickly sat up, feeling a nervous pang shoot through him, making him feel hot inside. He swiped the message to the right to open it and enlarge the video...that was of him, their classmates in the background, outside on Rhonda's patio, doing the party rock shuffle. He couldn't even tell what music was playing in the background, or remember, but he did remember having the dance off. He then saw her message below:

Lol. You're lucky I'm not the blackmailing type. ;)

A smirk jumped to his face. Well, at least she was still talking to him.


A/N: There you have it. The Halloween party shenanigans. I tried to keep it tame. I had a lot of wacky ideas for it and ended up paring it down A LOT. Me thinks that Helga being buzzed and Arnold being drunk are like giving them a dose of truth serum huh? Hope you guys like after having to wait longer for this one.