Being with Antonio. That's really something. I know I'm always saying that, but it's true. He's kind, happy, smart when he wants to be, loving, passionate. I'll never add up to him, and yet, he decides to stay with me. I'm not the happiest person, not to calm, mad at the world, but Antonio still seems to see past all of that to the person I am under it all. It kind of makes me sad, you know? To think, I've been holding Antonio back. He deserves so much better than what I am, or ever will be, yet here he is, in my arms, asleep. He's unconsciously listening to the pounding of my heart, and he has no idea what he does to me. He has an idea, but anything he thinks of, isn't anywhere near what's really going on.
He makes me weak. He makes me strong. He makes me cry. He makes me laugh. He makes me smile. He loves all of me. The bad stuff, the good stuff, the stuff in between. He loves my scowl, the way I'm mad at the whole world, the way I call him an idiot and all the other names. The way I'm so insecure about all the things my brother is better at, the way I always seem to think he wants to leave me for Feliciano, the way I hate myself for not being good enough. He talks me out of so much of the negative stuff I think up in my mind with my wild imagination.
I started crying. What? I guess I just have to except the fact that I've become an emotional mess. It's all that stupid tomato bastard's fault! He made me this way. But, I have to say, it's not all bad. I mean, it get's annoying, yes, but that's okay. It's okay, because Antonio is there with me every step of the way. And I love that about him. He's always there for me. I just...really love Antonio. I felt said man stir next to me, and I quickly wiped away the tears that were falling from my eyes. I didn't want him to see me cry. I didn't even know if he was actually waking up or not.
I looked over in the direction where he was laying, and was greeted by his beautiful emerald eyes. The color of his eyes and hair in the morning sunlight, that was a breathtaking sight. "Così bello, il mio amore," I whispered to him as I brushed some hair out of his face.
"What was that? I didn't quite catch it," he mumbled back sleepily.
"Tan hermoso, mi amore," I whispered again.
"Grazie Lovino," he said back. I also loved the way his Spanish accent sounded when he spoke Italian. Or, what little he knew in Italian.
"De nada. You stay here, I'll be back," I said as I got out of bed and pulled a shirt and some pants on. I went downstairs and made a quick and easy breakfast for the two of us to share in bed. I wanted today to be a lazy day. I carried it all back up to the bedroom, and then I stripped off that I slipped on and crawled back into the bed with Antonio. He smiled and me, and I couldn't stop the smile that spread itself onto my face. I was happy, and we both knew that.
"Thank you Lovi!" Antonio cheerfully said as he began to eat his breakfast.
"Whatever," I said, feeling my face heat up. That didn't go unnoticed either. He saw it. But by now, both of us were used to it. So I guess it didn't mean that much anymore. Which is kind of a good thing, because he always made fun of me for it! It's so annoying! And of course, me being lost in my train of thought, I didn't notice the moving that was going on, until it was too late. Then, Antonio decided it would be funny to start tickling me. And everyone knows you don't tickle a hot-headed Italian. "È stupido testa di cazzo!" I shouted as I struggled to get away.
"Did you just call me a shithead?" he asked me. Sure, he chooses now to not be so clueless.
"No.." I said, still laughing.
"You did, didn't you?" I'll get you for that one!" Antonio said sitting on me to tickle me.
"Stop! Please, stop!" I screamed as I laughed. I couldn't breathe very well, and I really had to pee.
"Say you're sorry first!" he said stopping long enough to situate into a more comfortable position.
"I'm sorry! Mi dispiace! Lo siento! Antonio, if you don't stop I'm going to pee myself!" I yelled at him. He rolled off of me laughing, and I was one straight shot to the bathroom. Once I was finished, I came back out and over to the bed. Antonio was watching my every move, and once I was back in the bed, he smiled. "What do you want?" I asked him, getting our breakfast and putting it back onto the bed.
"Oh, nothing," he said continuing to eat.
"Stupid bastard," I mumbled and then ate as well. As soon as we were finished, Antonio took our dishes downstairs and made us hot chocolate. It was a chilly morning, and I was thankful for it. While he was gone, I pulled one of his shirts and a pair of jogging pants on and headed out to the balcony. He'll find me, don't worry. Or maybe I should. This is Antonio I'm talking about after all…
Anyway, moving on, Antonio did find me. Right away I might add. He said he kind of figured I'd go to the balcony sometime today, because I do everyday. So because I wasn't in our room, he figured I was here. He handed me my cup of hot chocolate, and we sat on the swing thingy and watched the sky. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, but it was a little too, silent. I liked the quiet, but something about it being quiet with Antonio around sounded really fishy. "Lovino?" Antonio then asked. I jumped, because I wasn't expecting it, and Antonio giggled a little.
"Sì?" I asked back, once my heart calmed down a little.
"How long has it been?" he asked, looking down into his cup.
"How long has what been?" I asked. I was a little confused, because there were many directions that this could go.
"How long has it been since you let me take you?" he asked. Oh...I get it now. How long has it been? I honestly didn't know.
"I'm not sure," I said looking over to him. He still wouldn't look up, or over at me. It's been...a few months. That I know for sure. And the last time we actually had sex was around Christmas.
"It's been a while. It's been a while since we've had sex too," he said. I was a little worried as to where this conversation was going, or what was going to follow it.
"Yeah," I mumbled, to myself really. But Antonio still heard me say it.
"Everytime I'm in the mood, or you start something, we never finish," he said. He hasn't once looked up…
"I don't want to have a relationship with you based on nothing but sex. Antonio, I want to love you for you, not the sex," I said standing up and going over to the railing.
"But being the country of passion, I need to have someway to show you that passion," Antonio said from behind me.
"You show me that passion everyday! How can you not see that?!" I yelled turning around. Antonio wouldn't look at me even now, and I was starting to get even more angry.
"What do you mean?" he asked. His voice was calm, and at a monotone.
"What do I mean? I mean that you're just you, and that passion is a natural thing you give off. You do a lot of this that show how passionate you are Antonio. The littlest of things you do shows me how passionate you are. Your kisses, your hugs, the way you talk to me, the way to just do everything. It's about time you saw that. Antonio, don't cry, it's okay. You don't have to see it now, but just be aware of it," I said wiping away his tears and kissing the top of his head.
"I see. I can see. I know what you mean," he said finally looking up at me. I almost lost myself in his eyes, and I could see the love, and the PASSION in them. He really is stupid sometimes.
"It's about damn time," I whispered down to him.
"Lovino?"
"Yes, Antonio?"
"Lascerai che ti baci?" he asked. I was surprised at his use of Italian.
"Sì," I said leaning down to meet him halfway. The kiss was sweet, and long. It lasted for what seemed like forever, but that's okay. It was nice, and now he's touching my curl. I moaned slightly, and slapped his hand away from my curl, and broke the kiss. I looked at him, and then left the balcony. After all of that, and he just wants to take me. It hurt. I wasn't expecting that. I went and I locked myself in my old bedroom. There was no way in hell I was coming out for a while. He's a stupid asshole!
"Lovino? Por favor, no te enfades conmigo. Yo sé que metí la pata, y lo siento. Por favor, perdòname!" Antonio said through the door. I heard as he fell to his knees, and wept. I felt bad, but he still just shot an arrow through my heart. Did he listen you anything I just said?
"Didn't you just listen to everything I told you?" I asked standing by the door.
"I did, I'm sorry," Antonio said.
"Antonio."
"W-What Lovino?" I opened the door, and I gave in. I threw my arms around him, and he held me equally tight. He started crying even harder, and I felt really bad. I shouldn't of overreacted this badly, but some was necessary. I mean, you understand what I'm saying...right? "Lovi," Antonio whispered somewhere by my ear.
"You stupid bastard," I whispered back. We sat there for a while, without talking to each other. Antonio calmed down, and then we went down to the kitchen for something to eat for lunch. We cooked paella together, and then we sat down to eat. We ran out of things to say earlier, so this was a little awkward. It was weird to not hear Antonio blab his mouth of a million miles a minute. But I can understand why he wouldn't have anything to say. He did look at me every now and then and smiled, so I know he was feeling a little better than earlier.
Once lunch was finished, I got a call from my brother. I really did not like what I heard. "Feliciano, what the hell?"
I'm sorry for not telling you sooner Fratello, but yes. Luddy proposed to me, and I said yes.
"Why?"
Because I love him, silly.
"Why that stupid potato bastard though? He's a freaking macho potato!" I yelled at my brother.
Lovino, please, Luddy makes me happy.
"He's taking you away from me!" I didn't mean for that to slip out of my mouth. But it did.
Lovi?
"Nevermind. I have to go die now," I said sighing into the receiver.
Lovino. He can't take me away from you. You're by twin. We're the same country. Luddy isn't going to take me away from you. Besides, I feel the same way you do. I feel like Big Brother Antonio is taking you away from me.
"You really feel that way?" I asked him.
Yes. I really do Lovino.
"Mi dispiace. I just, I don't want to see you hurt is all," I said. I was really getting soft. It's all that damn bastard's fault.
I won't get hurt by Luddy, I promise.
"I'm happy for you. Congratulations," I said looking over to Antonio, who was looking out the window.
Grazie, Lovi, it means a lot.
"Yeah, yeah. Tell the macho potato I said that," I said, regretting how nice I was being.
I will. I love you.
"Love you too Feli. Buonanotte," I said.
Buonanotte. Bye!
"Bye." And with that, I hung up from the call and I turned back to Antonio.
"Was that Feliciano?" he asked me as I walked over.
"Yeah," I said leaning onto him.
"What did he want?" Antonio asked me.
"He told me that he's engaged. To Germany," I said.
"Really? Wow! Wait, our bosses actually let that happen? I thought they didn't want us to marry each other," he said looking down at me.
"Our bosses also didn't want us to fall in love with each other, but look how well that went," I said.
"True. Maybe that means I could marry you!" Antonio suddenly yelled.
"No way in hell bastardo," I said walking away and back to the couch.
"Aww!~ Lovi! You look like a tomate!~" Antonio said as he plopped down next to me.
"Shut up!" I yelled. I crossed my arms over my chest, and I put my scowl back on my face.
"Aww!~" he said again. And then he kissed me. Just like that. I caught me off guard at first, but then I decided I would just let it happen. I relaxed, and Antonio took that as an opportunity to wrap his arms around my waist. So I just wrapped my arms around his neck and shoulders. We were locked in a total make-out session, and then Antonio's phone rang. We broke apart, and Antonio pulled out his phone. "It's Francis," he said answering the call.
They talked for a good hour. And then Antonio said that France was going to come stay for a couple days. Great. Just great. Now I have to deal with Francy-pants too? No amount of time would prepare me for what is about to happen. Prussia called Antonio twenty minutes later, and it turns out he's going to stay too! Oh, and they'll be here in a few hours! Yippy freaking doo! I have to deal with the three of them together! I need a drink…
I told myself I was going to stay in my old room while they were here. I would only come out when I knew that they weren't awake, and it would only be if I had to. I have a bathroom, I have wine, I have food. I don't have to leave my room. The only reason I would come out, is if Antonio came in here and dragged my ass out. He probably would to, but I don't care. I do not want to have to deal with France, Prussia, and Antonio together. "I'm going to lock myself in my room now," I said as soon as I heard a car pull up.
"What? Lovino! Don't do that!" Antonio said grabbing my hand.
"Too bad. You have guests, go let them in," I told him as I walked up the stairs.
"Lovino!" Antonio yelled to me. Just then, France and Prussia decided to let themselves into the house. I should've saw that one coming.
"Are we interrupting?" France asked.
"No," I said as I turned and walked down the hall and to my old room.
~Antonio's POV~
Ah, I really wish he wouldn't do that. Francis and Gilbert aren't going to hurt him, or molest him, or all these other things they tend to do. I won't let them. But Lovino really doesn't want to be around them at all. That's upsetting. I want Lovino to be friends with my friends! I'm friends with the few friends Lovi has. I don't get why he won't at least try to be friends with Francis and Gilbert. "Hola, mi amigos!"
"Antonio! I have to say hallo first because I'm awesome, and you know it!" Gilbert said faking a hurtful look.
"Gil, no one cares how awesome you are," I said to him. He gasped and fell over, pretending to be dead. He's such a big child...I don't even know how I ended up putting of with that for so long. Hell, putting up with both Gilbert and Francis was a hard thing to do, and it took a lot of energy. Wait a minute...is that why Lovino hides? He doesn't want to deal with the three of us when we're together? It makes so much sense now!
"Antonio? Where's the wine?" I heard Francis ask from the kitchen. I guess I've been spacing out this whole time. I walked over by him and then over to the cupboard where we kept the wine and wine glasses. I told Gilbert there was beer in the fridge, and he immediately went to grab one. "So...what were you yelling at little Lovino for?" Francis asked me once he was sat down with a glass of wine.
"He retreated to his room so he didn't have to be here when you guys were here," I said taking a sip of wine.
"I can see why. It takes a lot of patience to be in the same room as the three of us," Francis said.
"And to be with mien awesomeness!" Gilbert added.
"I know. I just realised that a little bit ago. I guess I can't blame him," I said. I really wondered why they wanted to come over anyway.
"Mien little Bruder is getting married. I'm so happy for him and Feli!" Gilbert suddenly shouted.
"I heard about that. Lovino told me," I said looking over to Gilbert.
"Anyway, we came to pretty much just say that," Francis said.
"So you aren't staying?" I asked.
"No, we decided we were going to go pay Germany and Italy a visit," Francis said.
"Oh, okay," I said finishing my glass off.
"So yeah...bye!" they said as they went out the front door. That was extremely awkward…
"Are they gone?" I jumped at the sound of Lovino's voice.
"Yeah, they left," I said turning to look at him. I smiled and he turned his red face away from me.
"Good," he said. He's really cute. I could just kiss him right now. So I did. I rested my hand under his chin and made him look back at me so I could softly press my lips to his. He fought it at first, then he relaxed. I pulled away after the need for air brought me back down from my high. I looked in his amber eyes, and I could see the love they were holding. "W-Why do you keep looking at me like that?" he asked me, turning as red as a tomato.
"You're so beautiful," I answered honestly. He blushed a darker red, if that was even possible, and turned away from me. He was at a loss for words, that I was sure of. I couldn't help but chuckle a little at his reaction.
"What are you laughing at?" he questioned me.
"Nothing, nothing," I said getting up. I headed upstairs to our bedroom and changed my clothes. I decided I'd just sleep in boxers tonight. Nothing but boxers. Just to see the reaction I get from my little hot-headed Italian!~
~Lovino's POV~
I watched as Antonio walked off, and then I let out a relieved sigh. I loved him to death, but he really got on my nerves sometimes. Before going to bed, I decided I wanted to go for a short walk. I slipped my shoes and coat on, and walked out the back door. It was a nice night, and I could finally breathe. I walked along the house, thinking about the empty space I should fill with plants and flowers. I love gardening, and I could use them as inspiration for a few paintings. I loved planning stuff like this out. I could even paint the tomatoes...and Antonio. Or you know, Antonio in the tomatoes. I could actually do anything I wanted with my art, but it seemed more fun this way.
I looked around the backyard, and suddenly got a wave of homesickness. I was really starting to miss being in Italy, even if Feliciano wasn't there. I could remember the food, the wine, the dancing, the music, the everything. Maybe I could go back for a couple days. Would Antonio be okay with that? Or would he want to come with me? I knew he might, but you never know. I should go. "Lovino?" I heard Antonio calling my name from inside the house, and I knew he was looking for me. I decided now would be a good time to go back inside.
I walked back into the house through the back door, and I just left my shoes and coat back there. I wandered throught the small hallway and then through the kitchen. I walked into the living room, and Antonio was looking out the window. I walked behind him, and I wrapped my arms around his waist. I felt him jump, and I laughed quietly. "Let's head upstairs, shall we?" I asked him.
"Sure," he said taking my hand and leading the way. Once we were in our room, I changed and crawled into bed with Antonio. I cuddled up to him, and I felt his arms come around me. I melted into the feeling of it all, and I loved it. "So, I've been thinking. Do you want to take a trip to Italy with me?" Antonio asked. No way. He did want to go?
"Yes. I was thinking while I was on my walk, and I thought of how much I kind of miss home," I said to him.
"We'll go soon," he said kissing the top of my head.
"Okay," I said, finally letting the need for sleep claim me.
~(A/N: So...how has people been? It's been a little crazy in my school life lately, that and work, so I've only had time to write when I can. It's upsetting, because when I'm writing and get going at a good and steady pace, school comes up, then I have to stop, and I can't seem to ever start typing the same way and I loose my train of though. So sorry if the chapters seem rushed and stuff. Oh! Also, I apologize for my use of Spanish and Italian. I've been learning different languages (because to be honest, English is a little boring) and I'm not very good, so I'm sorry if I make any mistakes with my use. Don't be afraid to correct me on the errors too. So...I think I covered everything. This is a very long note to you guys and I apologize for that too. So, I'll try to update more often, but I'm not sure how often that will be. So, yeah, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and don't be afraid to let me know your thoughts!~)
-animelover4242564
