Chapter 11

Erin was in high spirits after her morning therapy session, NA meeting and conversation with Meredith. She felt like everything was falling into place after so many months of feeling on edge and out of control. Meredith had encouraged her to use her new found strength to go and speak to Voight.

Erin had texted Jay to see if they were busy with a case, he responded quickly that they were having a slow day and catching up on paperwork. She put her car in drive and drove straight to the district before she could talk herself out of going through with her plan. Next thing she knew she was parked and walking into District 21 again.

Things were quiet as she quickly walked up to Sargent Platt at the desk to get buzzed up "Oh Erin, I am so glad to see you back."

"Thanks Sarg, Do you think you could buzz me up? I need to see Hank."

Platte smiled "Of course, don't be a stranger Erin."

Erin moved toward the gate and up the stairs before even thinking about who she would run into at the top of the stairs. Her presence at the top of the stairs pulled the attention of the entire bullpen, she suddenly realized her rather form fitting long sleeve shirt was showing off her 24 week pregnant belly and that the looks of the guy's faces were painted in shock and confusion.

"Oh hi…" Erin stuttered and paused as she saw Jay and a mystery woman walking out of the break room coffee in hand. "Erin, Hey you're here!" Jay's words breathy and rushed as he moved over toward her. Erin's eyes were locked on the woman now moving toward her old desk taking a seat like she belonged. Jay noticed the direction of her gaze and steered her over toward her old desk. "Erin this is Sarah, she is on special assignment from Intelligence in St. Louis. Sarah this is Erin."

Sarah looked so happy to meet her jumping up from her chair "Oh Erin, It is so nice to finally meet you. The guys have told me so much about you" Erin was at a loss for words and lucky for her Hank had stepped out of his office to see what was causing his team to be distracted "Erin." Her attention snapped in his direction and she momentarily lost her resolve to be here. Jay placed his hand on her back and pushed her forward as if he could read her thoughts.

"Hank I… can I have a minute." She got out barely above a whisper. Hank gestured for her to follow him and she glanced at Jay catching a reassuring smile before following him.

The door closed and Jay felt all the eyes in the room fall on him. He turned back to his desk trying to ignore them all. Ruzek spoke first "Dude, what was that?"

"Erin is back in town." He said without glancing up from the open file on his desk.

Atwater spoke up next "Yeah but bro, a baby when did that happen?"

Antonio chimed in "Guys give her time, I'm sure she will share everything when she is ready."

Jay was thankful for the older detectives help "Exactly, give her time she will open up when she is ready. It's enough that she is back and talking to Voight again."

Ruzek didn't seem to be accepting this as the end of the conversation but Al quickly called their attention back to finishing paperwork and Jay got a reassuring smile from Sarah, she knew how Erin's disappearance had affected him and had seen his change of heart over the last month now guessing it had something to do with the scene that had just taken place in the bullpen.

Erin stood in front of the closed door just inside Hanks office not sure what to do next.

"So Kid, You're back." Hank wasn't letting any crack of emotion break through his controlled expression. She wasn't sure if it was a question or a statement.

"Hank… I'm…" her voice faltered "I'm so sorry." She had told herself she would be strong but the tears started flowing despite her protests. "I screwed up and I ran away and I am so sorry."

Hank moved over to her and wrapped her in his arms as she continued to cry. He held her until her sobs slowed and then moved her over to the chairs in front of his desk. "Erin tell me what happened."

Erin started stuttering though everything that has happened in her life since Nadia's death. She spoke of her mother and Landon pushing shots and pills her way making her think that just once wouldn't get her hooked but would help her deal with the pain and loss of her friend. How she slid into the old habits so easily she didn't even see it as a problem at first. She teared up again as she spoke of the day she turned in her badge and how the next few weeks were a blur, and how she was terrified when she discovered she was pregnant not sure what to do next. The whirlwind of change as she sold her place and checked into rehab trying so hard to be strong for her baby.

"I didn't even know Jay was the father until the doctor at the center told me how far along I was. I came back to tell him on my twelfth week day pass, he was so cold at first that I almost chickened out and ran away again to start over somewhere else. But he has been so supportive and helpful though all of this, I know you probably don't like that we slipped and now have a baby on the way."

"Erin all I care about is that you are getting better and that you have support around you when you need it." Hank held her hand between his so glad to have her back and to have her being so open with him about the last few months. "What are your plans now?"

"Well I have been going to therapy and meetings. I matched with a sponsor today who is absolutely wonderful, she is actually the reason I came in today."

Hank shifted closer "That's great Erin, how about living arrangements? You know you can always move back in to your old bedroom, I would love to have you."

"Thanks Hank… but I actually… I moved into Jay's spare room. He deserves to be a part of the rest of this pregnancy."

Concern crossed his face "Are you sure that's a smart plan to jump into a relationship so quickly?"

"It's not like that, we are just roommates who happen to be having a baby together. Besides after everything I really doubt he thinks of me that way anymore." Hank glanced up seeing Jay peering at the closed office door, the realization hit him that both of them were under that same false understanding.

"Okay, but always know that you have a home to come back to." Erin smiled and leaned in for a strong hug from the only man she ever really knew as a father.