She was cold. . .so cold. The shivering settled into her bones as Elizabeth again turned in space. Up here, there were no breezes to lift her hair from her shoulders, no sunlight to warm her skin, and no gentle touches to chase her fears away. Just aching loneliness and the realization that she'd never escaped her fate.
Struggling to keep her eyes open, Elizabeth remembered what she had done. She had betrayed those she claimed to love. Coming to Atlantis, allowing her consciousness to be put into a foreign body. . . .She no longer felt like herself. And things got worse from there.
Most of the Replicators with her had chosen to abide by the rules Woolsey and Sheppard laid out for them, but one, Koracen, had not. He had tried to take over Atlantis, to implicate Elizabeth in his plans. "We were only following her commands."
John raised his weapon, prompting Elizabeth to try one more time to reach him. She met his eyes. "John, listen to me. I had to bring them here. It was our only chance, our only way out. I didn't know that Koracen would cause this kind of trouble." When John glanced between her and Koracen, she spoke one more time. "I didn't think that anyone would get hurt."
John glared at her. "What did you think we were gonna do: just give you a bunch of Replicator bodies and send you on your way?"
Elizabeth sighed. "I truly believed we were no threat to you."
John sneered. "You may still think that you're Elizabeth, but you're not."
In that moment, the hurt she felt was worse than even this cold isolation of space. She bowed her head, the lights of the city coming back on as if in answer to her silent plea. In the distraction, Koracen moved. He charged John, yanking the rifle from John's hands and hurling him against the wall. Elizabeth rushed over as John crumbled, pushing him away. Then, everything went horribly wrong.
As if controlled by an outside force, Elizabeth lifted John to his feet and, with cold, unfeeling eyes, buried her fingers into his forehead.
"NO!" The shout echoed in Elizabeth's guest quarters, bouncing back to her as she struggled to catch her breath. She wasn't cold; she was very, very warm. Sitting up in bed, she ignored the tug on her side where Carson had done surgery, just another reminder that she was back among friends. Kicking at her covers, Elizabeth fought to untangle herself from the sweat-soaked sheets and hurry to the bathroom before her stomach rebelled. She managed to trip once before she accomplished that goal. With her hands braced on either side of the sink, she forced herself to breathe, to remember that it was only a dream. A splash of cold water on her face helped.
Finally able to stand without shaking, Elizabeth stripped her nightclothes from her body and took a quick shower. As her hair dried, she wandered to the window and looked over Atlantis. The city glittered in the darkness, yet another reminder of what she'd lost. The last time she'd been here before her ordeal with the Replicators, she had stared at this same sight and marveled that she lived in the great City of the Ancestors. Now, it felt like a prison.
Needing to escape her rooms, to get out of the confines thrust upon her, Elizabeth slapped the controls to open the door. Two guards outside straightened suddenly, but she ignored them. Daniel had told her how to find him if she needed, and she'd refrained up until now. The dreams were her burden to bear. But, tonight, she didn't want to be alone.
A low light burned in the archaeology labs. Elizabeth stepped inside, smelling nothing thanks to Atlantis's environmental systems and the newness of the department. The majority of the labs were dark, shadowed with equipment she couldn't understand at this moment. But an office toward the back glowed warmly. Curtains covered the floor-to-ceiling windows and ruffled in the breeze from vents in the ceiling. Behind the curtains, a single figure moved. The light wasn't strong, just a small lamp on a desk meant to illuminate research. The head bent over the books and computer glanced back and forth, clearly unaware that he had a visitor. Elizabeth hated to interrupt, but she suddenly needed to be in that room, to be surrounded by that warm, welcoming environment where she could let go of her past for a short time.
Daniel looked up when she reached the open door and knocked on the glass. He blinked in surprise, reaching for the glasses he'd shed as he worked. "Elizabeth."
She smiled. "Mind if I join you?"
"No, not at all." He frowned at his watch. "Shouldn't you be sleeping?"
She raised an eyebrow, the dubious question tickling her sense of humor. "Shouldn't you?"
"Yeah, you're probably right." He stood and glanced out the office door. "Where are your watchdogs?"
"Outside the labs. Apparently they're not too worried about me escaping or doing anything to harm the city from in here." Elizabeth shrugged as Daniel motioned to a couch he'd crammed into the corner. It was barely more than a loveseat, just long enough for him to curl his body into it and rest for a few hours. But the thick leather cushions welcomed her as she nervously sat down. Daniel had always been a friend, someone she could relax around. But this strange tension around him had cropped up the last few days, primarily as she noticed just how attentive he'd become to her needs.
Rather than joining her on the couch, Daniel turned his back and reached for a high shelf where he'd stored a collection of coffee cups. Elizabeth watched as he confidently filled two of them from a pot near his desk, carrying them and a bit of sugar and creamer to her. She accepted the warm cup, added more cream than sugar, and sipped the strong brew. Daniel's coffee wasn't weak, but it was good. She'd heard stories when she'd been with the SGC and knew how protective he could be about his favorite blend. Sharing it now felt somehow intimate and very, very special.
Pulling her mind away from those thoughts, she cleared her throat. "What are you doing here this late anyway?"
"Oh, translations." He shrugged. "I might be in another galaxy, but I'm still the only person on Earth who has a decent grasp on Ancient. General Landry wanted me to continue working on things that puzzle their team at the SGC."
"You could have said no."
"I know." He waggled his head from side to side. "But, frankly, there's not a lot for my team to do, yet. Atlantis is focused on reestablishing trade relations and getting back out into the galaxy. I know I'll have a lot more work eventually, but it's been a bit. . . ."
"Boring?"
"Yeah." He stared into his coffee cup as if contemplating the future. "So, why are you up?"
Elizabeth shifted her gaze from his profile to her own coffee cup. "Couldn't sleep."
Daniel suddenly looked at her. "Couldn't sleep? Or couldn't get back to sleep?" When she fiddled with the handle of her mug, he continued softly, "I know all about those dreams."
She forced herself to meet his eyes. "Do you? I mean, you've talked a bit about becoming a prior, about your time at the SGC. But you've never really gotten into it." When he dropped his eyes, she instinctively reached out to touch his arm before pulling back. "If you'd rather not, I understand."
"Uh, yeah." He shifted in his chair, his head turning as he surveyed the room. "Just because I don't talk about it much doesn't mean I don't dream about it." He shook his head. "I had a whole different consciousness living in me at the time. Merlin was there, controlling me every time I was in Adria's presence. I guess it's something like being a Tok'ra, when you think about it. We shared my body for a time. I always knew it was temporary, but it was still. . .terrifying." His voice had dropped to a whisper as if he had admitted something for the very first time.
"Being a Replicator is different." Elizabeth felt the need to reciprocate. "It wasn't like I was under the influence of someone else. I was something else."
"Were you?" Daniel's bright blue eyes seemed to bore into hers, daring her to contradict him.
"Daniel, I brought them here. I brought Koracen here, deceived John and everyone else in Atlantis, and put them in danger."
"Yes, and you also figured a way to eliminate the threat and sacrificed yourself to ensure that the same threat wouldn't come against Atlantis again."
She shuddered at the thought of her "death." "No, I didn't. I was a coward. I knew John and Rodney had reprogrammed the gate, and I still went through. I just wanted it all to end."
A warm hand slipped onto her shoulder, but Elizabeth didn't allow herself to lean into the comfort it offered. She wanted so badly to believe Daniel's words: that she could find a place on Atlantis, that she could be accepted among those she truly loved as family, that she could make a difference. But she saw no way for that to happen. Without meeting his eyes, she set aside her still-full coffee cup and buried her face in her hands. "I dreamed it was John I killed, not Koracen." Shaking her head, she sighed. "That side of me—that anger that would strike out at those I love because of the link that I once shared with them—is still there, still buried."
"Still controlled." Daniel's soft voice broke into her awareness. His hand slid from her shoulder. "When a person becomes an Ori prior, they're connected to the Ori in a way that is unlike anything I've ever experienced. I've been Ascended and spent time around Ascended beings. While we have a vague sense of one another, a way to tell through words and impressions that someone is Ascended, we don't have a connection to them. They insist on remaining aloof, separate and uninvolved. With the Ori, it's different. Merlin protected me, but I had that darkness, that desire for worship and fear, following me everywhere I went.
"And then there was Adria." He paused. "She was a completely different situation. I could see a lot of Vala in her during the times we spent together. Vala was her biological mother, after all. But, where Vala was human and able to show compassion and love, Adria had only her mission: convert the galaxy or kill them. Her twisted ideas of love and compassion. . . ." He shook his head. "I'm not explaining it very well."
"You're doing fine." Elizabeth met his eyes. "I don't think your connection to the Ori or my connection to the Replicators can be easily explained."
For a long moment, the two of them sat and simply stared at each other. Elizabeth read the genuine friendship he offered her and, for the first time since waking from her dream, began to relax. Daniel had a way of putting everything into perspective, separating what was right from the wrong and helping her regain her equilibrium.
Finally, he stirred. "No, it can't."
Elizabeth smiled. "Thank you for letting me interrupt. I guess I just needed. . . ." Her voice trailed off when he took her hand.
"You're always welcome." He shrugged and motioned to the office. "You can come here any time you like, even if I'm not here. And," he continued when she started to speak, "you're welcome to stay for a while longer."
Her face settled into a familiar, indulgent expression. "Thank you," she said with a slight narrowing of her eyes that had always amused John. It apparently did the same to Daniel, because he returned the grin and pushed to his feet. Moving back to his desk, he began chattering about the latest news he'd heard from Earth and the recent stir amongst the Atlantis grapevine. Apparently Carson had finally proposed to his girlfriend, something that Elizabeth had predicted the first time she ever saw Carson Beckett and Alison Porter together. The normalcy of their chatter relaxed Elizabeth, and she rose to browse Daniel's book collection. He had everything, from handwritten journals that she left alone to language guides to books of legend that he'd learned had their roots in Goa'uld or Ancient truth to simple historical references. Settling on one that spoke about King Arthur's court, she carried it back to the couch and made herself comfortable. A crocheted throw had been tossed over the back of the couch, and she slipped her shoes from her feet as she reached for the throw.
Ten minutes later, she fell asleep.
oOo
Daniel glanced up from his work when he heard a soft sigh from the direction of the couch. Elizabeth's arrival had surprised him, especially considering it was midnight, but he'd been happy that she sought him out at all. Now, he simply smiled as he watched her sleep.
Her struggle to accept her time as a Replicator woke the memories of his time as a prior as well as his time as an Ascended being. Granted, he didn't remember much about his first time on the higher planes, but he certainly remembered the second time. He recalled the sheer disinterest he'd encountered on the part of other Ascended beings and how utterly useless he felt to fight Anubis. Trying to put his experiences with Adria and the Ori into words had helped Elizabeth, however, and he decided he'd do it again if the need arose.
Setting aside his work, Daniel reached for his personal journal. He opened it to the current page, seeing his scattered notes on the briefings Elizabeth had been forced to attend as well as his own thoughts and opinions. Now, he held his pen poised above the paper as he stared at the woman sleeping on his couch.
Elizabeth hadn't intended to fall asleep. He knew that by her single-minded focus when she chose the book still open on her lap. But her emotional exhaustion, not to mention the physical exhaustion from their mission to deliver the other Replicators to the Sanctuary that day, had won the fight. Her knees were bent, supporting the heavy book even as the back of the couch supported her knees. She had one finger under a page, as if ready to turn it, while her face angled away from him. She really was a beautiful woman. Not like Sha're, Daniel mused, writing his deepest thoughts in his journal as he considered them. Sha're was exotic, foreign, and innocent. Elizabeth is. . . . He glanced up at the woman in his office. She's dignified and elegant, willing to hold her head up even if no one supports her. Sha're was like that, too, but this is different. Elizabeth wasn't so innocent before her capture by the Replicators. Nor was she unaware of the danger—not like Sha're was. I know I've written about Sha're so often that it's probably cliché, but I've got to work this out. I loved Sha're, grieved for her for years. I know there's no shame in being attracted to another woman. But should that woman be Elizabeth Weir?
Will I really have a choice in the matter?
Daniel closed his journal against that final question. Most people saw only what he allowed them to see, but his closest friends understood that his deepest fears and quandaries found themselves written out in his personal journals. He'd started years ago, when all he had left of his life before his parents' deaths was a leather-bound journal that his mother had kept. He had picked up the pen stuck between the pages and added his own childish scrawl to her elegant penmanship. As the years passed, his handwriting improved, and the journals changed to notebooks. But he still kept that first journal with him, no matter where he went. And, when he was able to afford it, he always returned to that leather-bound format that brought the most comfort. After Sha're's death, he'd filled pages with his grief-stricken ramblings. Now, it seemed he was destined to fill more pages with his questions surrounding one very attractive, very mysterious woman. Why do I always fall for women with the most drama?
Pushing that thought away, Daniel returned to the work the SGC had sent his way. It had come via email with an apology for taking his time from his own department. For the next several hours, he let himself get lost in a world of Ancient letters and vowel shifts and dipthongs. The familiar refuge allowed him to escape his questions and rest in a way that he couldn't find anywhere save the deepest sleep.
The sun rose on Daniel's work, brightening his office and taking the warm glow of the lamps. He stood and, as quietly as possible, began prepping a new pot of coffee. The action stretched his back and helped him work out the kinks. In spite of the inevitable exhaustion of pulling an all-nighter, he looked forward to the day.
Elizabeth stirred as the coffee pot rumbled and filled the office with its delightful aroma. Daniel had already emptied and washed the cup she'd set aside the previous evening. Now, he stayed quiet behind his desk as he watched that delightful moment when she returned to awareness. The way her eyes blinked open made him smile, as did the flush of embarrassment that covered her cheeks. She didn't apologize for crashing on his couch, though. Instead, she sat up, her dark hair falling around her face, as she carefully set his book on the floor. "Thank you for letting me stay here."
He smiled again, this time at the sleep-warmed tone of her voice. "You're always welcome."
"I think you said that last night." She raised an eyebrow, almost daring him to make a comment about her wrinkled appearance. When he chose to meet her playful expression with a direct and appreciative stare of his own, she stood and walked to the window. As she rolled her head around to loosen tense muscles, he turned away and gave her a bit of privacy by filling two cups with fresh coffee.
Today, she accepted without a word, adding only a touch of creamer and sugar. It spoke of her need for comfort the night before and how she was in complete control of her emotions after some decent rest. Daniel didn't push for conversation, enjoying the quiet companionship as he began gathering up the pages he'd spread across his desk. As he worked, Elizabeth wandered over to watch.
She suddenly reached out and picked up a still from the video the SGC had sent. "Pare lume tempo eteri."
Daniel blinked. "What?"
"That's what this says." She turned the page to him. "It means, 'Fathers of light of the everlasting temple.' It's a common prayer to the Ancestors that Teyla's people use."
Daniel's brow lowered as he began searching over his desk. "That's interesting, because the other bits I've been able to translate struck me as parts of a prayer."
"Where did you find this?"
"Uh. . .the Milky Way." He shrugged. "It's part of what the SGC sent me to translate." Finding what he searched for, he handed the new picture to her. "Can you read this?"
Elizabeth's eyes skimmed over the page. "Yes. It's in Ancient, though. Shouldn't you be able to read it?"
"Yes and no." Daniel collected up all the different pictures he'd taken of the video and began putting them in order. "I mean, I recognize it, but it's kind of a. . . .It's like the difference between Portuguese and Spanish. They're very similar, but the vowel shifts and different characters are making it quite difficult. Not to mention that it's more common here, in Pegasus, than in the Milky Way. As you know, languages change over the years, and the Ancient I know isn't necessarily the same as the Ancient used by little-known peoples in Pegasus."
Elizabeth kept looking over the pictures, her eyes skimming the words as her coffee was forgotten yet again. The frown on her face was familiar, however. Daniel remembered returning from his year as an Ascended being, unable to explain exactly why he could speed-read Ancient. "Well, it's the full prayer that Halling quoted, not much more than that. Does that help?"
"Yes." Daniel gently tugged the pictures from her hands. "How about we go get some breakfast, and then you can write this down for me?"
She blinked at him, surprised that he offered to let her do the work. "I'd like that, Daniel."
"Good." He smiled as he waited for her to leave the office. Then, he frowned. "Elizabeth?" When she turned, he held up her coffee cup. "You forgot something."
She grinned at him and took the cup, her face clear and emotions completely hidden. What had happened the night before would happen again, but she needed a semblance of normalcy to get her through the day. Daniel willingly gave her that, letting his mind whirl around possibilities.
Had he unwittingly discovered her new role on Atlantis? He sighed as he filled his tray with breakfast and settled with her at a table. The cautious stares sent her way did nothing for his mood, but he was able to ignore them when Teyla also joined them. The two women chattered as Daniel let his mind wander. Depending on the languages Elizabeth now spoke, he could use her as a linguist. It would help him in his work and help her by giving her a place on Atlantis and a purpose to fulfill. But would that be what she wanted to do with her life? He couldn't answer that question and knew that now wasn't the time to ask. Eventually, though, he intended to bring it up and convince Woolsey that Elizabeth could, once again, play a vital role in Atlantis.
~TBC
Author's Note: Just a quick note to let everyone know that this will be the final post for this week. I have an insanely busy weekend with family and Memorial Day, so I am not going to stress myself further by trying to post. The next chapter will go up one week from today. Hope you're still enjoying the story, and I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! ~lg
