Warnings: sexual content, incest, traumatic event flashback, description of/reference to sexual assault and harassment

Disclaimer: Hetalia belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya.

...

Chapter 8

"Hey Lud, you ready to take the wheel?"

Ludwig glanced up as Gilbert pulled onto an off-ramp leading to a rest stop. "Yeah, sure." He looked guiltily over at his brother. "You know, it's not that long a drive home, I could do the whole way if you just asked." He knew Gilbert got headaches from straining his eyes on the road.

"Nah," Gilbert waved him off. "I'm lucky to be able to drive at all, but what's the use if everyone else does it for me? I like getting to drive every once in a while."

He pulled into a parking space and they hopped out of the car to use the restroom before switching places.

Just as they were exiting the small service center Gilbert reached out and caught Ludwig's hand in his. Startled, Ludwig gave his brother a confused look, only to be met by two lips pressing warmly to his own.

Ludwig stumbled and practically fell over backwards. "Gah! What—what do you think you're doing?!" he hissed.

Gilbert smirked playfully, keeping his hand clasped tightly around Ludwig's. "No one around here knows we're brothers," he murmured.

Ludwig glanced nervously around the sparsely occupied parking lot. He caught sight of a woman down the sidewalk glaring daggers at them as she guided two small children into a mini-van.

Ludwig swallowed and tugged Gilbert back towards their car. "Yeah, but… we're still two guys. And we're not exactly in a liberal urban haven at the moment."

Gilbert snorted. "Just figured we should take advantage of an opportunity when it presents itself. I mean, how often are we gonna be able to kiss out in the open like this? And I mean, doesn't it… feel sort of exciting? Y'know, bad? Like, anyone watching just thinks they're seeing a gay couple kissing; may or may not be shocking. But to think they're really unwitting witnesses to incest…"

Ludwig wrinkled his nose as he let go of Gilbert's hand to get in the car. "You're such an exhibitionist."

As they both got in and closed the doors behind them, Ludwig added, "And anyway, they're not witnessing incest; incest as a noun is a sexual act. It's just an incestuous kiss, used as an adjective."

Gilbert rolled his eyes. "How you have a girlfriend is beyond me."

Ludwig stiffened slightly. "I believe she would call my penchant for correct grammar 'endearing'."

Gilbert raised his eyebrows, but didn't answer. Ludwig was grateful; he didn't really relish the idea of discussing Angie with his brother now, when this weekend was supposed to be for them, together, no one else to worry about.

Except, of course, their father. But Ludwig would worry about that when the time came.

Somehow, the sight of his vinyl-sided, suburban childhood home felt different to Ludwig. And yet, also the same. Too much the same. As if it had been replaced with an exact replica.

He shook the thought from his head as he pulled into the drive. Wasn't that someone's description of insanity? The feeling that everything has been replaced with an exact replica…

It wasn't to the point that Ludwig was worried he was becoming a paranoiac, but it was still strange. As if he'd somehow betrayed the house that had held him and nurtured him in his innocence. It had seen him and Gilbert grow up together. And now, there was something foreign about its naïve windows looking blankly out onto the street.

But Ludwig quickly put that from his mind as he gathered his bags and headed to the door.

Their father greeted them in a kitchen apron and gave his cursory one-armed hugs. "Come on in, dinner's almost ready."

Gilbert smelled the aromas coming from the kitchen and his face lit up. "Käsespätzle!"

His father nodded. "As usual, night-before-Thanksgiving meal."

Gilbert and Ludwig took their things up to their rooms, then returned downstairs to set the table as the steaming dish of Gilbert's favorite cheese noodles was brought out.

"Hey…" said Gilbert at he thoughtfully chewed on his first mouthful. "Why do you always make Käsespätzle? I mean, it's a southern dish, right?"

Their father raised an eyebrow. "You've been eating my cooking all these years and only thought to ask this now?" he said, not without a hint of humor.

Gilbert shrugged. "I only just thought of it."

"Well, as for why I make it so often, it's because you like it. In fact when you were little it was one of the few things you would eat. You were incredibly fussy."

Gilbert reddened slightly and gave an apologetic smile. "Oh."

"It was a recipe from my mother; remember she was Bavarian. It was my father that was from the north and decided we should all live in Hamburg."

Ludwig had stopped eating, listening with interest. His father rarely spoke about the grandparents that had died before Ludwig was born.

"Käsespätzle, for whatever reason, was one of the few things I ever learned to make, so we had it a lot when you were little, before I started to branch out. It was rather difficult back then, because your mother had done all the cooking in your first couple of years."

Dead silence fell over the table. Both Ludwig and Gilbert stared at their father, who calmly sliced his potato and continued to eat, eyes on his food.

Ludwig couldn't remember the last time their father had mentioned their mother.

Both brothers were almost afraid to breathe. But then quite suddenly the tense atmosphere was dispelled when their father spoke again.

"I hope you boys are prepared to help out in the kitchen tomorrow," he said, as though nothing unusual had just transpired.

Gilbert nodded, as if coming out of a trance. "Of course. And… Romeo will be bringing something too, right?"

For many years now their father's friend Romeo had been joining them for Thanksgiving, as he had no family of his own in the country. With their shared immigrant background, it had always seemed natural for them to celebrate the American holiday together, in a slightly atypical way—dishes from their homelands, no turkey.

"Yes, of course. Actually, he's also bringing along another guest."

The brothers' ears perked up. They rarely had more than four gathered around their Thanksgiving table.

"Some relative, a distant cousin I think, from Italy. He's taking a short vacation in the States and decided he'd stop in and visit Romeo for a couple of days. Apparently the last time Romeo saw him was at a family reunion in Rome when he was just a toddler."

Gilbert's brow furrowed. "When he was a toddler? How does he remember?"

Their father sighed. "Not when Romeo was a toddler; when this relative, what's his name, was a toddler. He mentioned his name to me… Something with an 'L' I think. Anyway, he's 23 now."

Gilbert's face brightened at that. "Do you know if he speaks good English?"

"Well, I would imagine it's decent, at least."

Ludwig couldn't bring himself to be quite as excited as his brother. Undoubtedly having a new face at the table would be interesting; he just hoped that he wouldn't steal Gilbert's attention for the whole evening.

When he realized how possessive and jealous that sounded, Ludwig mentally slapped himself. It will be fine. It will be fun.

"…which brings me to another point," his father was saying. "I have something to tell you, that I'm afraid I've been keeping secret a while as a surprise. I will warn you now, it's to be a large part of both of your Christmas presents."

Now Ludwig's full attention was back on his father.

The man cleared his throat. "Romeo has been generous enough to invite us to come with him to Italy this Christmas, to spend the holiday with his family in Rome."

Gilbert's mouth fell open, eyes wide with disbelief and delight.

"As I understand it, it's one of their bigger Christmas years, so his whole extended family will be there. And we're invited to take part in as little or as much as we like. We'll be staying in the apartment of a close family friend who's away for the holiday."

Ludwig didn't know what to say, but Gilbert quickly spoke up, barely containing his enthusiasm: "How long will we be staying?"

"Well," their father spoke reservedly, "seeing as we have a free place to stay, and I have some extra vacation days saved up, I figured we could afford to extend our trip to January 13th. That still gives you boys a few days to adjust from the jet lag before your classes start again."

"So we're going to be in Rome, for three whole weeks?" asked Gilbert gleefully.

Their father nodded. "Approximately."

"Oh my God! This is fantastic!" exclaimed Gilbert. "This is gonna be the best Christmas ever! I bet it's not even that cold down there. And pasta and pizza and gelato every night…"

Ludwig laughed, his brother's enthusiasm catching. They had never been to any Mediterranean countries, though Gilbert had long expressed his desire to go to Italy for their annual European vacation, just once.

"Watch out," Ludwig shot at his brother, "they might make you pay extra if you come back twice as heavy as you were going."

"Oh ha ha," drawled Gilbert, sticking his tongue out.

"Now boys," admonished their father, and for a moment Ludwig was incredibly content with the comfortingly familial scene: him and his brother joking, their father ever the stern referee.

They spent the rest of dinner discussing what they most wanted to see and do in the Italian capital, and their father, unusually talkative, related some of his experiences in the city when he had last been there in the 80s.

After dinner their father retreated to his study; apparently even on the day before Thanksgiving he couldn't take a break from his all-important emails. Ludwig and Gilbert moved to the couch in the den to watch some TV.

They had been watching some mindless crime show for a few minutes when Ludwig realized something. He reddened slightly, and leaned towards his brother.

"Hey Gilbert…"

"Hm?"

"Uh, you know, it's kind of funny…" He laughed nervously.

Gilbert glanced at him. "Spit it out."

Suddenly Ludwig wasn't sure if he should tell him. It seemed embarrassing; maybe Gilbert would be too weirded out.

But now Gilbert was looking at him expectantly, and there was nothing for it.

"Um, this is where we were… just like this, sitting on this couch, when I… well, in my first—I mean, this was the set up, in my mind, when I first imagined, you know. Being with you." By the time he finished he was barely mumbling and had slid down a few inches on the couch, red as a beet. He stared at the TV, too nervous to look at his brother's face.

But finally Gilbert's silence forced him to glance up. Gilbert was simply sitting there with a somewhat surprised smirk on his face.

"Really? Here? Well that's pretty boring. Well, maybe not, I mean, the place we grew up together and all… hm, kinda kinky. You pervert." He nudged his brother playfully.

Ludwig gave a relieved laugh and shrugged. "I don't know why."

Gilbert looked at him a moment, then leaned in. "Come to my room tonight," he whispered, even though the TV was loud enough to drown out their voices to anyone outside the room.

Ludwig felt a slight shiver run through him and nodded.

He allowed himself to inch a little closer to his brother on the couch, so their thighs touched just barely. Gilbert threw an arm over the back and rested his hand, warm and soft, on Ludwig's neck. He played absently with the hairs at his nape, making Ludwig's eyes droop and his head loll back into the touch.

But then their father appeared in the doorway. They sprang apart—or rather, Ludwig quickly straightened up and shifted slightly away so they weren't touching, and Gilbert rested his hand innocently on the back of the couch. Still, they were sitting unusually close to each other.

They both looked up at their father, unsure what he had seen. Gilbert was a good actor, but Ludwig could only hope his guilt didn't show on his face.

Their father hesitated a moment, as if sensing something amiss; but the moment passed, and he said quite normally, "You two should get to bed, we'll have an early start tomorrow."

Gilbert nodded and stood. "Right. 'Night, Dad. Thanks for the good dinner. And Rome."

Ludwig smiled. "Yes, thank you. It's really… exciting." He felt slightly lame for not coming up with a better word.

Their father nodded with a slight smile and waved them off. "Yes, yes. Good night boys."

Later, when Ludwig was sure he'd heard his father go into his bedroom downstairs, he stole down the hallway to his brother's room. Closing the door quietly behind him, he crawled into his brother's bed as Gilbert moved over for him.

Gilbert pulled him to his chest immediately, peppering his face and neck with fervent kisses.

They made love as quietly as they could. There was something intense, urgent, in their panting breaths that longed to turn into screams and moans. Gilbert rocked into him hard, clutching Ludwig's shoulders and hips hard enough to bruise.

When they were finished Gilbert collapsed against him. Slowly, he brought a hand up to Ludwig's chest and lightly traced his pectorals with one finger.

"I've been wanting to do this in a bed again. Been a while," he mumbled.

Ludwig hummed in agreement. He was transfixed by Gilbert's fingers making their way along his collarbone, up his neck, and along his jaw.

Gilbert propped himself up to look down at his brother. His fingers went to Ludwig's brow, felt the contours of his nose, and pressed against his soft, dry lips.

Ludwig didn't move. The way Gilbert was touching him… It made him so unbelievably happy. Yet at the same time, it filled him with an unspeakable yearning; it was almost mournful, like he was catching a glimpse of something beautiful and perfect that he could never truly possess.

They slept that night skin to skin, naked in each other's arms.

Thanksgiving day was a blur of activity in the kitchen, as usual. There was Bratwurst, sauerkraut, mushrooms, fresh salad, and potatoes to be prepared, and of course Ludwig's province, dessert: Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte, his favorite chocolate-cherry cake.

They'd started plenty early though, and so by the time their guests arrived Ludwig was putting the finishing touches on the cake, and the brats were on the grill (their father was known to grill outdoors even with a foot of snow on the ground).

Ludwig heard Romeo's familiar voice in the entryway as he greeted his father. Then another voice: lower, rougher, and even though Ludwig couldn't make out the words he could hear the lilt of a heavy accent.

He wiped his hands quickly and went to great the guests with Gilbert.

"Ludwig! My God Sebastian, your son is turning into a strapping young lad!" Romeo beamed and clapped Ludwig on the shoulder.

Ludwig smiled, even though the man had been saying the exact same thing since Ludwig was twelve. "Good to see you, Romeo."

Romeo brought him into a bear hug that Ludwig had long since learned was useless to try to avoid. He simply braced himself and prepared to have all the air squeezed from his lungs.

Finally Romeo released him and turned to Gilbert. "Gilbert, my boy, come here—it's so good to see you."

Gilbert grinned. "Hey Romeo." He went to get his hug willingly; he'd taken to Romeo much better than Ludwig over the years.

Then Romeo stepped aside, and for the first time the brothers got a good look at the newcomer.

Sharp eyes stared at them from a well-sculpted face. His skin was olive tan and dark brown hair fell elegantly to his cheekbones; with his partially unbuttoned shirt and slim waist he looked like he could have been a model, if only he were about a foot taller.

Romeo's smile widened. "Ludwig, Gilbert, I'd like you to meet Lovino. Lovi, these are the fine young men I was telling you about."

Ludwig blushed faintly at that.

Lovino's glance took in the brothers quickly, pausing for just a fraction of a second on Gilbert—something Gilbert was all too used to. But then he smiled disarmingly and stepped forward, offering a hand. "Delighted to meet you."

Gilbert shook his hand firmly, grinning now. "Glad to have you here. I'm Gilbert."

Lovino turned to Ludwig expectantly. "And you must be Ludwig?"

"Yes. Uh, welcome to America." Ludwig held out his arm stiffly.

Lovino shook his hand. "Ah yes, thank you."

Their father spoke up. "Ludwig, why don't you take our guests' coats and hang them up."

"Sure."

Romeo handed him his jacket with a "thank you" and followed Sebastian into the kitchen. Ludwig went to the closet to hang it up, then turned to Lovino.

Lovino stepped in close, struggling with the last button of his coat.

Ludwig cleared his throat, feeling like he should say something. "Must be… colder weather than you're used to?" he started lamely. "I mean, it's been kind of unusually…"

Ludwig trailed off. His heart was beating rapidly.

Something was wrong. He could feel it in his stomach before he knew what was causing it. The tight knots of panic seizing him and then the crushing weight on his chest. It was something thick in the very air he was breathing—

"Eh, Ludovico?"

Ludwig blinked and looked up at Lovino, holding out his coat with an odd look on his face.

It was the smell. His cologne. Ludwig knew that smell.

"…Cold." He swallowed and grabbed the coat, turning away so Lovino wouldn't see the shaken look on his face. "Unusually… cold." He managed get the coat on a hanger with shaking hands, and then into the closet.

But he couldn't calm down. He couldn't get enough air. It was poisoned with that scent—

"Excuse me," he said tightly, and walked away as quickly as he dared, trying to hold himself together. Down the hall, to the door—and then finally he was in the bathroom and could shut the door.

But the door didn't shut out the images streaming through his mind.

Breathe, breathe, I need to breathe—

His hands gripped the edge of the counter till his knuckles turned white. He was in the bathroom, he knew he was in the bathroom, but the bathroom was not what he saw.

Hands, skin, broken confused snapshots, and a man's genitals that he couldn't look away from, couldn't turn his head—

Francis trapping him in his arms, breathing in his ear and that smell, he had never even thought about it before but that smell rolled off of him, especially when he cornered Ludwig in the bathroom, especially when he stood so close, especially when touched him and licked him—

Ludwig stumbled to the toilet and barely put the seat up in time. A mouthful of lunch came up, but then it was just dry heaves.

There was a knock at the door. "Ludwig? Ludwig can I come in?"

It was Gilbert. Thank God it was Gilbert.

Ludwig nodded shakily, still leaning over the toilet, then realized his brother couldn't see him. "Yes," he croaked, and winced at how his voice quavered.

Gilbert slipped inside swiftly and closed the door. His eyes widened in surprise.

"Ludwig! Oh my God, are you okay?" He rushed to his side and knelt down, one hand rubbing his back and the other stroking his hair. His light red eyes searched Ludwig's face in concern.

Ludwig shuddered and was almost sick again. Francis' hands were still at the periphery of his vision, that thick, sick cologne was still in his nostrils.

"Get it all out," said Gilbert softly.

"I—I—" Ludwig tried to speak, tried to explain because he must look so ridiculous, running away from a new acquaintance with no explanation and turning to a quivering mess on the bathroom floor.

"Shh, shh." Gilbert pulled him into his arms and rocked him slightly.

Ludwig simply allowed himself to be held as he gasped to try to get the air back in his lungs.

"Deep breaths, through your nose," Gilbert instructed.

Ludwig tried to obey, his breath still coming in uneven hiccups. Gilbert breathed in and out with him, though, and eventually Ludwig could take a smooth breath.

There was silence. Ludwig was glad Gilbert didn't say anything. He took a deep breath and tried again.

"I… I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. It's okay."

"It's just… I…" He swallowed. "The cologne," he said tightly.

"What?"

"The—his cologne. Did you smell it?"

"Um, I guess… I didn't think it was that bad," Gilbert said with an uneasy laugh.

"No—it's—" Ludwig stared very hard at the wood grain of the cabinets, focusing on the reality of the place he was in.

He took a shaky breath. "It's the same one Francis uses," he said very quietly.

Gilbert didn't move, didn't say anything, for a moment. And then he squeezed his arms tighter around his brother, pulled his head to his chest and cradled him there.

"It's okay," he whispered. "He's not here. He can't hurt you. He's never gonna hurt you again." His voice was thick with emotion.

Ludwig could not have been more grateful in that moment. Ever since he first told Gilbert about that night, after the Pride party, he had been loath to dwell on the subject of Francis with his brother. Gilbert had gently prodded him at times, suggesting more than once that he see someone at Psychological Services, but Ludwig had always brushed him off, insisting he didn't need help, because it wasn't really that bad. He told Gilbert he didn't even know exactly what happened; he told himself he'd had control over his actions, it was really his fault, not Francis's, because it didn't make sense, he couldn't come to terms with the idea that something had happened to him, been done to him, against his will.

But he couldn't pretend anymore. Certainly not to Gilbert, after he'd seen him like this. But there was no I told you so in Gilbert's attitude, no patronizing comment, not even an admonishment for not being completely honest with him. There were simply two arms around him, anchoring him, and a warm chest to lean his head against. The steady rhythm of Gilbert's heart soothed him.

After what felt like a while, though Ludwig couldn't be sure it was that long, Gilbert nudged him gently. "Think you can go back out there? I'll make sure you don't sit too near Lovino. I'm sure you won't be able to smell it."

Ludwig hesitated, and nodded. He felt exhausted suddenly. But Gilbert helped him to his feet. Ludwig rinsed out his mouth and splashed his face with cool water, and his brother helped him fix his hair and straighten his shirt.

When they made it back to the dining room the others were already seated. Lovino looked at them quizzically, but Romeo beamed.

"Ah, here they are! Don't worry, we didn't start without you; but it was tempting! This looks delicious! Sebastian, you've outdone yourself."

Their father frowned at them. "Everything alright?"

"Yes," said Ludwig quickly. "I just—had a sudden headache. I took some Ibuprofen though, I'll be fine."

Their father looked questioningly at Gilbert, but Gilbert pointedly ignored his gaze as he took his seat. Instead, he smiled at Lovino. "Sorry to keep you waiting. Dig in! Hope you like German food alright."

Lovino shrugged. "Never had it."

"Ah you are in for a treat, Lovi!" Romeo clapped him on the back, and Lovino grimaced slightly. "I don't say that about all German food; normally I avoid it like the plague. But Sebastian works some magic in the kitchen!"

Sebastian waved his hand dismissively, but the corners of his mouth betrayed that he was pleased by the compliment.

The meal was pleasant enough; though Ludwig had always found Romeo too loud and talkative, he had to admit he did a lot to liven up their usual dinner table conversation. Lovino turned out not to take after his relative, only speaking when directly spoken to, and only tersely at that. Maybe Ludwig was biased due to his choice of cologne, but he wasn't particularly enthused by the Italian.

The tone changed when the dessert course was brought out, however. This gave occasion for Romeo to pause in his nearly constant stream of chatter, and finally Gilbert was able to jump in.

"Hey Romeo, Dad told us about coming to Rome this Christmas—it's really great of you. We're super excited." He grinned.

Romeo's eyes lit up. "Ahh, Roma! Yes, I wasn't sure if he'd told you yet—didn't want to spoil the surprise! No need to thank me, really—it will be a pleasure to have you."

Lovino perked up. "You're coming to Rome?"

Romeo answered. "Yes, yes! This Christmas they'll be joining us—what, for almost three weeks? I'm sorry I didn't tell you Lovi—didn't want you to let something slip and spoil it!"

Lovino's eyes lit up in interest. He smiled at Gilbert. "Ah, well—I will have to show you around my city!"

Gilbert grinned. "I look forward to it—did you grow up in Rome?"

"Yes, Lovi—" encouraged Romeo, "tell them about yourself."

"Ah, well…" Lovino shrugged. "There is not much to tell! I did not grow up in Rome though, no. I'm from Napoli—uh, how do you say—Naples? Yes, but, you know, everything is so corrupt down there, the countryside is very polluted. And with la crisi—that is, the crisis, with the economy—things have not been so easy. But, I was lucky enough to find a job in Rome, so I moved up there a couple of years ago. I miss my home city, but, it is better, I think, to be in Roma."

"What do you do?" asked Gilbert.

"I work with mobiles—or, cell phones. Tech stuff. It's not very exciting, but it's a living. The city makes up for it though—there is some great nightlife, let me tell you!"

Gilbert's grin widened.

Sebastian pursed his lips. "Well, we'll see about that."

"Ah come now," said Romeo. "Your sons are adults! Let them live a little! Rome is a safe city—the most you have to watch out for is pick-pockets."

Gilbert quizzed Lovino some more on the highlights of the Roman nightlife, and Lovino willingly shared details about the most lively piazzas, popular clubs, and local hangouts.

Gilbert drank it all in, while Ludwig sat dully eating his Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte and tiramisu. He wasn't really able to enjoy it though; he couldn't help the irrational jealousy rising in him. He could imagine now what their vacation would be like; Gilbert eagerly following after Lovino on all the adventures Ludwig had hope to share just with his brother.

He sighed and tried to get a grip on himself. He knew he was being ridiculous and childish. But when it came to Gilbert, it was difficult not to be selfish.

After they'd lingered over coffee for what felt like hours to Ludwig, they finally all moved to the kitchen to help clean up. It was late by the time their guests finally made their goodbyes. But at the door Lovino paused and turned to Gilbert. "Hey Gilberto—" the Italianization made Ludwig's eye twitch—"we should hang out some more before I go. I leave on Saturday; can I call you tomorrow?"

"Oh yeah, sure!" said Gilbert brightly.

Lovino smiled charmingly. "Perfetto. Arrivederci Gilbert." With a wave he followed Romeo out to their car.

Ludwig noted sourly that Lovino hadn't so much as glanced at him as he made his exclusive offer to Gilbert. Not that he wanted to hang out with him anyway. But it would mean time away from Gilbert.

Stop being a baby, he chided himself.

They said goodnight to their father and went upstairs. Gilbert was in a cheery mood as he got ready for bed, and didn't seem to catch on to Ludwig's sullenness.

Gilbert slapped him playfully on the butt as he left the bathroom. "See you in my room," he said cheekily, closing the door behind him.

Ludwig sighed. That was a good sign, wasn't it? Gilbert still wanted him—of course he did. One stranger being nice wasn't going to change that. Ludwig supposed he really shouldn't be so harsh; he knew how much it meant to his brother when someone took to him quickly. It didn't happen often; even less so in Gilbert's mind. And it wasn't as if Gilbert were interested in Lovino in that way.

He finished brushing his teeth and went to his room just to take off and neatly fold his clothes. Then, boxer-clad, he crept down the hall to Gilbert's room.

Gilbert tried to coax Ludwig with passionate kisses like the night before, but Ludwig pulled away.

"What's wrong?" whispered Gilbert.

"I… just don't know if I'm in the mood."

Gilbert was silent a moment. His hand reached over and rubbed Ludwig's flat stomach. "…Can I put you in the mood?"

"…You want to?" Ludwig asked hesitantly.

"Of course. Not many chances like this while we're at school." His hand moved down towards Ludwig's groin.

Suddenly Ludwig grew nervous and pushed him away. There was something else, something he hadn't thought of before.

"Ludwig, are you okay?" Gilbert sounded worried now. "…Is it about earlier?"

Ludwig took a deep breath. "It's just—the other day… I was with Angie. And… I kind of… I couldn't…" Another deep breath. "She wanted to go further, but I… couldn't. I kind of froze up, I guess. I panicked."

Gilbert swallowed. "What were… I mean, was it… Francis?"

Ludwig gave a barely perceptible nod.

Gilbert tensed. Ludwig knew he was probably using every ounce of self-restraint not to pummel the pillow in rage at his former friend.

Slowly, he relaxed again, and put an arm over Ludwig's chest. "Ludwig… it's okay. He's not here. It's just me."

"I know…"

"Have you ever felt that way with me?"

Ludwig paused, then shook his head. "No." He hadn't thought of it before, but he had to wonder now why that was—why he had been fine last night with Gilbert, or any other night for that matter.

He turned his head tentatively to his brother.

Gilbert rubbed his shoulder. "You're safe here. You're safe. It's just me." He leaned in to press their foreheads together. "Just me," he whispered, and touched his lips gently to Ludwig's.

Ludwig was tense at first, but grew pliant under Gilbert's convincing hands and mouth. The firm, reassuring touches, slow and deliberate, left no room in his mind for doubts or fears. This, this was real. Gilbert was real. His brother was the most real thing in his life, and Ludwig never felt more real, more alive and in the moment than when they were pressed against and into each other as if trying to meld together; their flesh, already of the same stuff, seeking to reunite itself. There were no thoughts, when they were like this; only feeling, being.

By the time Ludwig lay sweaty, drowsy, and completely contented against his brother's chest, Francis was completely forgotten.

...

A/N: Seems I cannot keep up a good updating streak. Apologies for the terribly long wait: I was working on another piece for the Germancest Secret Santa event on tumblr, and then what with the holidays and start of the semester... I'll stop with the excuses now.

Hope you enjoyed the introduction of a new character though! Exciting developments ahead, wooo~ As ever, I love hearing your thoughts!

Also I'd like to give a shout-out to the amazing wonderful lilien passe (you should check out her works if you haven't) for helping me with brain-storming and beta-ing and general support in the writing process!

Next Chapter: Gilbert's visit with his new friend has unforeseen consequences, and his relationship with Ludwig is pushed to dangerous limits.