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Chapter 11

Being back at Hogwarts hadn't been as good as Hermione had hoped it would be. Even though there were far more people here than there were at Snape's house she felt more alone than ever. She had spent most of the last three days with Hagrid, helping him out with jobs that were most unpleasant, for example helping to clean up after his new and un-house-trained pets. It wasn't a job she liked doing but it beat being alone in the Gryffindor tower.

She'd also spent some time helping Professor Sprout plant some fresh Mandrakes, ready for when the second years would be due to replant them, an experience she well remembered. She'd helped out Professor Flitwick and Professor McGonagall and even Dumbledore himself. Truth was she couldn't wait for students to arrive back at Hogwarts so she could feel what it was like to be around people her own age again, not to mention have lessons start back as normal.

Crookshanks offered her some company but only of an evening as he was usually off in the grounds most of the time chasing mice, again forcing her to find company elsewhere. She found the days passed by slowly here and she found herself counting down the minutes until the other students returned to Hogwarts. This meant she had a lot more minutes to count because this wasn't due for more than several days yet.

Harry and Ron were among those coming back as it was safer here than it was anywhere else. She couldn't wait to see them. Although there was a part of her who still worried about what Snape had said to her. Did Harry and Ron truly see her as their friend? Or was she simply some handy accessory to keep around, a personal guide and walking dictionary and someone who was good at spells?

Whilst having been at Snape's house she had barely thought about her parents, having spent most of the time learning and practising Occlumency and the contact curse. She would give anything to be able to go back there and reclaim that much needed distraction. Snape seemed busy all of the time at the moment, planning and preparing for lessons and such. It was random times of the day when he would use the contact curse, to summon her to his office so they could squeeze in a quick lesson of Occlumency. Other than these times she never actually saw him, at times she was sure he wasn't even in the castle.

She was shockingly finding that she was more and more relieved every time he did summon her, as he had now, because it gave her something to do other than assist the other Professors or spend her time alone thinking, in particular about her parents. As she made her way down to his office in the bowels of the castle she thought about the nightmares she kept having where Voldemort and the Death Eaters killed her parents but not before torturing them for information on herself, simply just because she knew Harry.

She almost stumbled off the last step of the spiral staircase as she felt the familiar tug of worry for her parent's safety. She managed to steady herself before she landed flat on her face and after taking a deep breath she knocked on Snape's door.

"Enter!" she heard him bellow just seconds later.

She walked in and found him sat at his desk, furiously scribbling away with his black quill. "Sit!" he told her without looking up at her.

She did so and watched as he finished his work. She couldn't help but notice that it was lesson plans for the new batch of first years. She was suddenly reminded of her first lesson with Snape and silently wished all the new first year's 'good luck'.

After a few minutes Snape finally put his quill down and looked up at her. She watched as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. She could see he looked as tired as she felt and a horrible thought suddenly washed over her. She locked her eyes on his and the look he gave her told her she was right in what she was thinking.

"My nightmares are keeping you as awake as they are me, aren't they?" she said guiltily.

Snape just nodded, "May I suggest that you please visit Madam Pomfrey and try some of her Sleeping draught as soon as possible?"

"I'll do that…" she said even though she had no intentions of doing so. "It's just that… I keep thinking that Vol…You-Know-Who, is going to go after my parents. Or that he'll send someone else, like that mad cow Bellatrix, after them. I feel so helpless here and almost like I've practically handed them in for slaughter."

"You have done no such thing, Miss Granger, and I can assure you that your parents are safe." he told her.

She wanted to believe him but she just couldn't. "So, on with Occlumency?" she asked, trying to change the subject.

"No." he told her in response.

She was a little confused to say the least. Why else would he call her if not for that? The truth was she really was seeking the distraction it would offer her. She considered begging him again, like she had done back at Spinner's End. She even considered telling him the truth that she needed to have something else to concentrate on other than her parent's welfare, or rather lack of.

"I wish to start lessons with you today focussing on another subject." Snape said, interrupting her thoughts.

"Which is…?" Hermione asked nervously.

~0~0~0~0~

"You could at least give me a chance!" Hermione snapped angrily as Snape threw her wand back to her for the umpteenth time. She reached up into the air and caught it clumsily between her hands.

The subject Snape had been referring to were duelling lessons as it turned out. At first Hermione had thought it quite easy having had some practice with Harry back in her fifth year, she had even almost managed to disarm Snape a couple of times. However, he had then told her that they were to continue using non-verbal spells and jinx's only. This was proving much more difficult for her. Snape was quick as a flash and each time rather easily shielded her attack or disarmed her.

"Again!" he told her sharply, ignoring her whining.

She took her stance and tried not to think about what spell she was going to use, she was sure he was reading her thoughts. Cheat! After another second she whipped her wand through the air and only in her head yelled Stupefy!

Once more her attack was shielded and she suddenly found herself lying on her back suffering from a stinging jink. Her leg prickled with pain that only added to her frustration. She let out an angry growl, opened her tired eyes, and looked up to find Snape now standing directly over her, his feet placed either side of her hips, glaring down at her.

"Is this the best you can do?" he asked sounding rather bored and holding his hands up in mid-air. He was looking at her like she was just some sort of lost cause.

She thought about pushing herself up to her feet but changed her mind as her leg continued to prickle with pain. She continued to look up at Snape and sighed heavily. "Professor Snape, how long have you been doing this for?" she asked, her voice a little higher pitched than normal as she struggled not to shout it at him and instead pretended like she was just asking a question and not about to boil over with anger towards him.

"A. Long. Time." he replied sensing where this conversation was going.

"EXACTLY!" Hermione yelled as she quickly pushed herself up causing Snape to take a quick step back to avoid a collision of their bodies. She snatched her wand out of his hand and pointed it at him as she continued to yell, "I have not on the other hand so do be a sweet-heart and give me a bloody BREAK!"

She jumped down off the platform they were on and stormed over to the door. She never heard the spell Snape muttered she just felt her wand fly out of her hand, followed by the sound of Snape catching it in his hand. She stopped dead in her tracks, stomping her foot down much harder than was necessary. She sighed heavily and turned to face him. He was glaring at her in much the same manner she was him.

"Get. Back. Here. Now!" he told her, "We're not finished here."

"I think we are!" she replied and took a step towards him, only to retrieve her wand. She held her hand up waiting for him to place her wand in it. However, all he did was aim a stinging jinx right into the palm of her hand using her own wand.

She muttered some choice words at him and turned her back on him, holding her stinging hand. He stood there like he had done nothing wrong. Hermione was in no mood for this or the pleasures that he seemed to get out of making her suffer. She turned to face him again, cursing the tears that had built in her eyes.

"Give me back my wand!" she roared angrily at him.

"No." he replied simply.

"Give it to me!" she yelled louder now holding out her other hand.

Again, and too quick for her to move away from him, Snape just placed a stinging jinx into her palm, using his own wand this time. She screamed loudly, more out of frustration than actual pain, although both hands now hurt like hell. She moved to storm out of the room but then angrily turned back to face him, stepping in front of him so that he towered over her, glaring down upon her from off the duelling platform

"You pompous git!" she bellowed at him, "Is it all you can do to make people feel pathetic and beneath you! Keep my wand, shove it where the sun doesn't shine for all I care!" she yelled and once again turned her back on him as she made her way over to the door. She knew she could try to Accio her wand but he would only snatch it back, so what was the point?

"Is that how Lucius made you feel, Miss Granger?" Snape called out to her, stopping her once more in her tracks, "When he attacked you did you feel pathetic and beneath him?"

Hermione tried not to think about it, she just forced her tears back. She heard him jump down off the platform and walk over to her. Her gaze followed him as he came round to stand in front of her. She looked up at his face then moved her gaze down to the arm he had extended towards her, her wand in his hand. She snatched it from him and took a step backwards.

"First lesson you should learn, and most certainly remember in duelling, is to never turn your back on your opponent." he said to her before he stepped aside for her to pass. "If you want to leave to go and sulk then feel free, but if you do wish to learn how to defend yourself successfully then get back up onto the platform." he told her, his tone telling her she would get no second chance to do so.

She glared at him for a moment, she was about to leave when a quick flash of Lucius hitting her, overpowering her as he pushed his excited body up against her, appeared before her eyes. Realising she never wanted to be that vulnerable again she turned and made her way back onto the platform. A second later so did Snape.

He moved to the middle of the table and she followed. They looked into one another's eyes as they held their wands up. They then gave one another a little bow before moving back to their places. They both took their stance, and this time Hermione never took her eyes off Snape for even a second. She'd let him make the first telling move. She saw his fingers twitch ever so slightly around his wand and in her head she yelled Expelliarmus!

To both hers and Snape's shock his wand flew out of his hand and landed by his feet. It wasn't great, but it was a start, and Hermione couldn't be more pleased with herself. She was instantly ready again and took her stance to show Snape this.

~0~0~0~0~

It had been a couple of days since their first duelling practice. Snape had informed Hermione that non-verbal spells during combat was something they would be practising a lot more and so far they had done so, but he had summoned her down to his office now to check on her Occlumency skills. He knew she had improved impeccably but he knew from her constant thoughts inside his head that she wasn't practising enough, and experience told him that when it was first being learnt Occlumency had to be practised almost constantly.

He heard her knock on his door and waved his hand at the door, opening it. "Come in." he told her and without hesitation she did.

She was quiet and he could tell that she didn't want to be here. He knew she hadn't been to see Madam Pomfrey about a Sleeping Draught and she now looked more desperate for sleep than ever. About as desperate as he felt the need for it. Her nightmares seemed much more real when they occurred now. They were no longer just about her fears for her parents and the things Voldemort and the Death Eaters would do to them, but she was also plagued about what Lucius had done to her in the attic, but in her nightmares he did a hell of a lot more.

Her nightmares would cause her to wake up crying, shaking, her body drenched in sweat. There was a slight part of him that wanted to go comfort her at these times. What on earth was she doing to him?

Her nightmares left her completely unable to sleep and so he too was unable to sleep. During this time she would read or simply sit there and take in things she had never noticed about the Gryffindor common room or the girl's dormitory. Snape knew the damn place by heart, just like she did, and he had never stepped foot in the girls dormitory.

"Are we practising duelling again?" she asked sounding like she wanted to do anything but.

"Not today." he told her to her relief, "Today, I thought we should practise Occlumency."

This seemed to wake her up. "I thought we had finished with Occlumency?"

"It still needs to be practised, to keep it fresh."

Hermione just nodded, she knew he was right but she wasn't sure if she had the strength required for Occlumency. She doubted she had much choice however. She readied herself in her chair and waited for the attack of Legilimens.

She felt the silent attack like a smack around the face and the ability to be able stop it went far beyond her control. She tried desperately to push all images out of her mind but it was no good and they began to play like some sort of slide show for Snape to see.

She was back in the attic room at Spinner's End. She was looking at his picture, running her fingers over the cold glass, over Snape's face….Suddenly she was grabbed, the picture ripped from her hand and thrown against the wall. The glass cut her face and then she was slammed back into the wall, more glass cutting her feet…. Lucius eyes roamed over her body and no matter how hard she tried she could not pull out of his painful grasp. He pulled her forward only to slam her against the neighbouring wall.

The pain felt as real to her now as it had been then.

She felt his cold fingers glide across the top swell of her breasts, felt his excited body pressed against her. She saw the dark look of lust in his eyes as they snaked over her body again… His hand connected hard with her face and she was thrown and kicked onto the table. Next came the painful lash of his cane… and then he pushed himself once more against her body, pulling her back into him. He smelt her shampoo and said "You may be a filthy Mudblood but you are a beautiful one." This was followed by him pushing her down against the table. Then came the brutal pain of being hit by the cane again….eventually all she could to was scream out and beg for it to stop, for Snape to stop it.

It did as quick as it had begun and she found herself back in Snape's office. She was lying on the cold stone floor where she had thrown herself, tears streaming down her face, her whole body shaking with fear. Snape was crouched above her, his hand on her shoulder; much like had been the scene that day in the attic. Just like she had done then, she reached up and threw her arms around his neck.

Snape didn't hesitate in putting his arms around her this time. He had made her relive the event so he could see exactly what had happened for himself, needing to know, and he now felt more than guilty for having done so and having put her through the hell of it again.

"I'm so sorry," he said to her as he continued to hold her.

Anger began to boil deep within him, and he swore that when the time was right he would make Lucius pay for what he had done to the girl in his arms.

~0~0~0~0~

Hermione was lay in bed but she was far from being asleep, the images of her Occlumency lesson were flashing through her head. She couldn't help but wish she was still wrapped up in Snape's arms. He had soothed her so easily just by holding her as she cried and she felt the need for that comfort now, something that confused the hell out of her, why Snape?

Nightmares still tortured her in her sleep and she wondered how she would ever get them to stop without resorting to a sleeping draught. She feared she would quickly become dependent on the stuff as she had no doubt it would be the only thing that would stop her nightmares.

As she continued to lie there she was listening to Snape's voice echoing in her head as he held her and told her he was sorry, for making her relive the attack in the attic so he could see it. His voice had been drenched with guilt and self-loathing, it was so different from how cold and distant is usually sounded. She pushed his voice out of her head, wondering why she was thinking about it so much anyway.

She was staring up at the canopy of her bed, trying to keep her thoughts silent if that were possible, when she suddenly shot up, yelping in pain as she felt the burning sensation she knew to be the contact curse. It was strong, really strong, like Snape was repeatedly trying to get her attention. It was like how someone would hold a door bell down continuously until the person inside opened the door to them.

She jumped up out of bed, swapped her pyjama shorts for a pair of jeans and pulled a jacket on over her strappy pyjama top. She threw her shoes on and raced down the stairs leading up to the girl's dormitory and across the empty common room. The fat lady in the portrait was less than happy to be woken up at such a late time but none the less she let Hermione out.

Hermione had never run so fast in her life. She was screaming 'I'm on my way' in her head as the burning continued. She suddenly wondered if something was wrong with Snape. Was he hurt? Why was he calling her like this? She was heading towards his office but as she rounded a corner she ran smack into him. Finally the burning stopped.

"Professor, what's happening?" she asked frantically as she tried to steady herself.

Snape quickly took hold of her arms to stop her from falling flat on her arse. He then let go of her arms and instead took hold of her hand which shocked her enough to make her forget about questioning him as to what was wrong, what was so urgent. He stormed through the corridors, pulling her behind him.

"Professor, please tell me what's happening?" she begged.

Snape seemed to ignore her pleas until they were finally out of the castle and making their way across Hogwarts grounds. "The Dark Lord wishes to see you." he finally told her and immediately felt her dig her heels into the ground and pull back.

"No!" she told him, trying to peel his hand off of hers. "No, please, don't make me see him!" she begged. "Not yet!"

Snape reached up and grabbed hold of her chin, his hold was gentle, much to her surprise. He looked her in the eyes and saw the fear that was there. "You have no choice! We have no choice!"

"I can't…" Hermione said, sure she was suddenly suffocating. Her hand shot to her chest to check there was nothing there, pressing down on her lungs, constricting them. It certainly felt that way. Snape pulled her hand away from her chest and continued to look at her. "I can't!" she told him again.

Snape let go of her wrist and both his hands came to gently cup her face. "Hermione, please." he said, his dark eyes pleading with her brown eyes.

She wasn't sure which had her more shocked, the gentle way he was holding her face or the fact he had just said her name, her first name, for the first time she was sure in the whole time she had known him.

"We. Have. To. Do. This. I do not know why he wants to see you as well as me but he does. I promise I will try to stay with you at all times. Hermione, you have to concentrate if he uses Legilimency. You cannot let him enter your mind. Do you understand me?" Snape said to her, his voice gentle.

"But, before… I failed so badly at it!" she reminded him.

"And almost every other time before that you have mastered it perfect…" Snape was cut off by the burning in his arm, the dark mark. "Come, we cannot leave him waiting any longer." he said as he took hold of her hand again.

Together they ran to the gates, once out of them, Snape put his arm around her waist and pulled her against his side. He still had a hold of her hand and after taking a deep breath he was ready to Disapparate.

With a loud crack, they were gone.

TBC

Thank you so much for reading. Hope you liked.