Author's Notes - Thanks to FleurSuoh for the review. I'm updating as quickly as I can. In this chapter, Rose and Serverus face the boggart. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it. Reviews are always welcome and appreciated!
Snape pushed a lump of mashed potatoes around his plate, his appetite nonexistent. Finally, when he couldn't stand it anymore, he leaned over Minerva McGonagall to hiss insistently at Remus Lupin.
"Do you truly think it wise, Remus, to have Miss Potter face a boggart? Her fears are not those of an ordinary student."
Professor McGonagall had opened her mouth to comment, but Professor Lupin beat her to it. "I have no intention of asking Rose to face the boggart locked in my office, Severus. I've asked her to meet me after dinner so I can show her how to cast the Riddikulus charm. I can assure you that I have no desire to meet Voldemort tonight."
Snape automatically grimaced at the use of the Dark Lord's name, but his thoughts were three steps ahead. "And, did you inform Miss Potter of the fact that she would not be facing the creature?"
"Now that I think about it, I did not. I simply told her that she could make up the lesson she had missed after dinner. It's not that important, is it?"
"Not to you, perhaps," he explained, his exasperation giving his words an oily, sarcastic edge. "Miss Potter, however, spent most of the morning and afternoon in abject terror over the prospect of facing such a creature. She managed to convince herself that she was a coward and a disappointment to the memory of her mother."
Both Remus and Minerva looked shocked. Filius Flitwick, who sat on Snape's left, keenly leaned closer to better hear the exchange.
Lupin looked mortified as he took his napkin off his lap. "I'll go tell her straightaway that she doesn't have to face it. She shouldn't think there is any shame to her fear."
"Stay," Snape commanded in the same tone he had used to berate Vernon Dursley. "The damage has already been done. In typical Gryffindor fashion, Miss Potter is now determined to meet the boggart at any cost. I will accompany her to your office in case her boggart takes on a form one person alone might have difficulty subduing."
Minerva couldn't stay silent any longer. "Well, you won't be going without me; that's for sure. I'm her Head of House, and I insist on being present. Besides, if her boggart does turn into Voldemort, then it might take several of us to distract it."
"I'll help," Flitwick added in his usual, squeaky voice. "Riddikulus is a charm, and I don't think anyone can deny that I have the most skill with charms, even you, Severus."
"Perhaps we should invite the Headmaster as well," Remus offered after no one dared contradict the Charms Professor.
"NO!" Both Severus and Minerva had forcefully vetoed the idea in unison, leaving Lupin and Flitwick bemused. After a quick glance between them, the Potions Master continued in a more controlled tone.
"There is no reason to involve Albus. The day four teachers cannot handle one child's boggart is the day we should all resign from Hogwarts. No doubt Miss Potter will be nervous enough performing in front of the four of us. Let's not make this a complete circus, shall we?"
The others agreed, and dinner seemed to drag as they all pushed their food around their plates, too lost in their own thoughts to focus on eating. When the students had been dismissed from the Great Hall, McGonagall, Lupin and Flitwick left together, while Professor Snape made his way to the Gryffindor table.
From the number of Gryffindors still seated around Miss Potter, it was apparent that her allies were attempting to bolster her with their support. While a noble sentiment, he saw no evidence that their concern had in any way helped the girl. Her plate was untouched, and her cheeks were unnaturally pale.
"It's time, Miss Potter."
He saw her swallow as if forcing back bile, but her eyes were determined as she stood. Giving her friends a shaky smile, she unthinkingly grabbed his hand as a toddler might reach for the hand of a parent for comfort. Momentarily immobilized by his shock, he was well aware of the curious stares of the nearby students. Ronald Weasley, in fact, looked like he might be sick, but the twins immediately whacked him on the back of his head with their napkins, diverting his attention.
Rose didn't seem to notice everyone's eyes upon them, just like she didn't seem to realize that she had put her hand in his. Instinct told him to snatch his hand away and give her a scathing lecture, but he kept a tight lid on that reaction. Instead, he acted as if nothing had happened, leading her out of the Great Hall. He kept his right hand relaxed the entire time, in case she wished to pull away, but she did nothing of the sort. In fact, she began to swing their arms as they walked down the hall.
His slow gait meant that there was ample opportunity for other students to see them together. He glared at them all indiscriminately, daring anyone to comment. Thankfully, most of his Slytherins were in the dungeons by now, but he knew that he'd hear from them by morning. Very few things remained secret at Hogwarts, which was one of the reasons he was known for his reticence. A spy who couldn't keep his secrets was a dead spy.
Thankfully, Lupin's office was on the second floor, and not the seventh. As they approached the Defense classroom, Snape gently pulled his hand away. Rose gave him a startled look, as if she had just realized what she had done, but didn't comment.
Holding his hand on the doorknob, Severus hastily prepared Rose for the additional witnesses. "You will perform admirably, Miss Potter, just like you always do. And, if I am proven wrong this one time, there will be ample help available. Professors McGonagall and Flitwick have decided to attend the lesson.
Her eyebrows disappeared into her bangs, but he didn't give her a chance to protest as he opened the door. Entering, he found that his fellow professors had moved the trunk out of Lupin's office and into the classroom itself. He did not have to hobble up yet another set of stairs after all.
Rose's face turned scarlet when she realized she was the center of attention. "Good evening, Professors," she belatedly thought to say as she stared at the rattling trunk in the room.
"Good evening, Rose," the wolf said warmly, and Snape repressed an urge to lecture Lupin on familiarity with students. Considering he had just walked from the Great Hall to the Defense classroom holding Miss Potter's hand, he prudently decided he might not be the most suited to give that lecture.
With Flitwick and Lupin present, the theoretical lesson was completed in record time. Miss Potter seemed fairly knowledgeable about the subject, although Snape suspected Miss Granger's hand in her preparation. After several passable incantations of the Riddikulus charm, it was time to face the monster in the room—literally.
McGonagall, Lupin and Flitwick were quick to give Miss Potter ideas to make the Dark Lord look ridiculous, although he doubted the most feared wizard of his time would look any less intimidating wrapped up like a mummy than he would dressed in his usual black robes. Again, he kept silent, offering no advice. This was Miss Potter's boggart, and only Miss Potter could decide how to overcome it. They were merely there to distract it in case she failed.
After a multitude of somewhat bizarre suggestions, he and his colleagues aligned themselves in a loose square around Rose and the trunk, wands ready. When Miss Potter gave the go ahead, Remus flicked his wand, releasing the creature. It rose to a terrifying height, although its shape was too diaphanous to make out. Slowly, it solidified, not into the expected Dark Lord, but into a dementor.
The room grew cold and the candles dimmed. Snape felt the absolute melancholy that comes with despair as he watched Rose stand before the foul creature. Filius, Minerva and Remus were likewise affected. As he fought his own emotions, he waited for the child to cast the charm, but her wand shook in her hand.
After several seconds that stretched to an eternity, he saw her body crumple to the ground. The boggart turned dementor closed the gap between them, ready to apply the kiss.
"Never!"
Horrified, Severus somehow managed to propel himself to Rose's side. Painfully kneeling on the floor, he cradled Rose against him in an effort to warm her chilled body. The others stood in paralyzed shock as they watched the boggart change its shape.
Albus Dumbledore stood over a bloodied image of Rose, his face a thunderous cloud of anger and loathing. His robes were a plain gray, but the powerful wizard didn't need any garish colors to draw attention to himself as the very air crackled with the force of his magic.
"You did this, Severus! You are the reason Rose is dead! Once again you have killed the very thing you tried to protect!"
Still cradling a very much alive Rose Potter, Snape faced his boggart, completely undone.
"No, it's not my f-fault. I t-tried, but I was t-t-too l-late. I'm a-a-always too late."
But the image of the powerful wizard did not accept his excuses. "You're pathetic! You always have been! You couldn't prevent the child from being brutally violated, and yet you still had the arrogance to think you could protect her from Voldemort. She's dead because of you! Just like her mother! You'll never be able to protect the one's you love! You are a useless—"
Suddenly, Dumbledore and the dead Rose disappeared and in their place was a glowing full moon. Remus deftly cast the spell to banish the boggart back into the box. Kneeling down in front of the Potions Master, he touched his arm. Severus flinched violently, but it seemed to pull him back to reality.
"Let me take a look at Rose, Severus."
Only then did he realize how tightly he clutched the child. Relaxing his hold, he passively allowed Remus to take her. Minerva was suddenly at his side. Still in the grip of his waking nightmare, he began to gibber like a child.
"I t-tried, Professor, I really did, but I was t-too late. They had t-t-tossed her aside like she was g-garbage, and all I could do was get her to Poppy, but I c-c-couldn't even do that properly. I let a damn d-dog sneak up on me, and s-s-she almost died because of it."
He was crying now, too overcome to realize just what he was revealing and to whom.
"It was L-Lily all over again. I t-tried so hard to s-s-s-save her. I betrayed the Dark Lord for h-her. I b-b-begged Albus to hide her away. I promised I would g-give him anything if he a-agreed to p-p-protect her. I b-became a s-spy for the Order, living in f-fear that I would be killed every t-time I had to look into the eyes of that vile w-wizard. And, s-she s-s-s-still d-died. She died, and I w-wanted to d-die, t-too. But, he w-wouldn't let me. He said I had to p-protect Rose. And l-l-look how well that turned out; I c-couldn't even p-protect her from a bunch of Mug-Muggles!"
He was too hysterical to see the reactions to his confession, but all three of his colleagues were shocked and appalled to hear how much Dumbledore had asked of him, and how harshly he judged himself. Minerva, especially, was hit hard, remembering him as a talented, but withdrawn child who had constantly been picked on by his peers, his only friend a sunny, ginger-haired girl who had abruptly stopped speaking to him at the end of his fifth year.
"Oh, my boy, my poor, poor boy. I'm so, so sorry."
She patted his back as he released years' worth of bottled emotions. Eventually, he quieted, only slowly understanding what he had done. When he regained his composure, he was mortified.
"If you'll excuse me, I shall g-go p-pack my th-things."
McGonagall hastily wiped tears from her eyes before swiftly disabusing him of that notion. "Severus Snape, you'll do no such thing! You are the bravest, most selfless man I have ever met. You are not allowed to run away when we need you the most."
"Need, M-M-Minerva? You can hardly n-need a cr-cr-cripple."
Remus handed him a large chunk of chocolate. "It's obvious that Rose needs you, Severus, and you're still the best Potions Master in Britain."
Silently eating the chocolate, Severus did feel better, although his shame still threatened to overwhelm him. To take his mind off of it, he demanded, "Where is R-Rose?"
Remus and Minerva shared troubled glances. "She's unconscious. Filius took her to the Hospital Wing. The boggart seems to have copied a dementor perfectly. Whatever affected Rose so dramatically after her last encounter seems to have repeated itself."
"Help me up."
Minerva stared at him incredulously. "You can't mean—"
But Remus held his hand out, silencing her objections. Snape stared at that hand for a very long time before grasping it. With more strength than he would have thought the thin wizard could possess, Remus hauled him upright, steadying him until McGonagall could retrieve his cane.
"We need to talk," Lupin stated bluntly. "Flitwick included. I'm sorry, Severus, but you can't expect us to simply ignore what we heard. Am I to understand that Rose was assaulted by Muggles? How in Merlin's name was that kept quiet?"
Minerva's pent-up rage spilled into her speech. "Albus took it upon himself to obliviate her, Remus! The poor child doesn't remember her attack, although she bears the emotional scars. He had the nerve to suggest to her guardians that they tell her she had been in one of those Muggle auto accidents!"
"And, she was . . . that is, it was . . . ."
"Rape," Snape supplied, his voice heavy with revulsion. "Only, it wasn't enough for the-them. They b-b-b-beat her to the p-point of d-death."
"And, you were attacked by a dog, not injured in a potions accident."
Snape nodded to indicate this was true.
"What color dog?"
They both stared at Lupin like he was crazy, but Snape answered nonetheless. "Too d-dark to s-s-see."
"Of course."
"That's it," McGonagall declared in her most authoritative voice. "Severus, back to your quarters. You need rest, and I know better than to ask if you would consent to spending the night in the Hospital Wing. Remus and I will sit with Rose tonight, and the four of us will meet tomorrow evening to discuss the best way to help her. I will inform Filius of the need for secrecy, although I'm sure he's worked that out by himself."
He wasn't sure he could make it down to his quarters, but his pride wouldn't allow him to ask for help. Enough people had seen his worthlessness for one night. By the time he made it back to his quarters, he was too tired to do anything but crash onto the sofa. Within minutes, he was asleep.
"Sev, can you help me with Rose? She's much too rambunctious for me to keep up with this morning what with the twins kicking me every few minutes."
"What?" he asked stupidly, taking in the sight of his beautiful, very pregnant wife still dressed in her nightgown.
"Honestly, Sev! Sometimes, I think all those fumes dull your brain. It's nothing, really. Just, take care of Rose while I lie down for a while, please. She's eager to play in the garden, and I don't think I can keep up with her with my back hurting like it does."
Worried by her complaint, he temporarily ignored their raven-haired toddler to rest his hands on his wife's distended abdomen. "Early labor often takes the form of back pains, Lily. And, you're very close to your due date. Are you sure it's nothing?"
A blush crept up her neck. "Well, I'm not sure. I thought I'd lie down to see if it was just another bout of false labor before I worried you."
"Lily!"
"What?" She smiled innocently. "It could be nothing."
"You're going to be the death of me, witch. Back into bed. I'll take care of Rose if you promise to tell me the moment you're sure that you're in labor."
He helped her back into bed, but as soon as she lay down, her water broke. She grinned like a loon. "Well, I'm sure now."
He kissed her then, as excited as she. Picking up Rose, he calmly explained that her brother and sister were going to be born soon. The little girl with the best of her mother's features clapped her hands in excitement. He put her down, intending to call her Auntie Minerva to take care of her when he noticed a very different Lily standing near the bed.
"I like this dream, Sev. I wish you would let go of my memory and allow yourself the reality. Surely there is someone . . ."
"Only you," he interrupted. Dream or not, he refused to have this conversation with Lily.
She was dressed in slacks this time, although they were thirteen years out of date. Her paisley shirt clashed with her beautiful hair, but it had been the height of fashion for its time. That's when he knew it was her, the Lily of the vision. The one who had forgiven him, the one he had failed.
"I arrived too late, Lily. I am deeply sorry that I couldn't save Rose."
She briefly turned away, and when she looked back, her eyes glistened with tears. "Rose is alive, which is more than I could have hoped for that night, Severus. You did not fail her. Do not blame yourself for the actions of others. You were so very brave and sacrificed so much to save her."
"It was idiotic of me not to be more on guard. I deserve what that dog did to me."
She opened her mouth to say something, but no sound came out. Clearly disgruntled, she snapped it closed before attempting to speak again.
"All you deserve is my heartfelt gratitude. I am honored that you are as protective of Rose as you would be of your own daughter. Allow me the hope that you will one day find someone to make the rest of your dream a reality."
"Lily—"
She smiled mischievously, not allowing him to have the last word. "I forgave you, Sev, remember? That means you should forgive yourself. There is no shame in living."
With that, she was gone.
He woke with a muffled sob, not quite understanding how someone he had hurt so badly could be so generous.
