The key is under the potted plant.

The sandwiches are gone, only the cheese is on the plate. Sebastian frowns as he closes the fridge, vaguely remembering Blaine talking once about how he is fine with grated cheese on spaghetti, but he usually doesn't like cheese in his sandwich. And he remembers that time he was at Breadstix with Blaine and Santana and Blaine remembered that he is allergic to some sea food or something like that and shit, Sebastian should have remembered not to put cheese into Blaine's sandwiches.

Except he shouldn't have; come on, it all happened three years ago, who the fuck would remember something so completely insignificant?

He shakes his head before walking into the bedroom. God, this is completely ridiculous.

On the bedside table there is a vase Sebastian has never seen before with yellow flowers.

Sebastian rubs his eyes; maybe he is hallucinating. But he never hallucinates, not even when he is tipsy or so tired he has to grip the counter as he sips his coffee because otherwise he is sure he would collapse before going back to studying. But it would still make more sense than that the flowers are actually there.

Maybe they are from his mother. Or Dave, perhaps. Sebastian doubts Santana would bother smuggling flowers into his apartment.

They are roses. Sebastian touches a petal carefully; they are real roses, not those tacky plastic ones. They even smell like roses. At least this is how his mother's rose-scented soaps smell.

There is a small piece of paper next to the vase.

Thank you for the sandwiches, they were delicious (except the cheese). I made myself coffee, but don't worry, I washed the cup.

I noticed that there are no flowers in your apartment, so I bought you a bouquet of roses (and a vase because there wasn't a vase on the table and I didn't want to look through your things because it's none of my business what you have in your wardrobe and anyway, who keeps a vase in the wardrobe? Sorry, I digressed). Flowers always cheer me up and make me happy, especially when I wake up and they are the first thing I see so maybe you would like them too, but if you don't you can throw them away, they weren't expensive.

You know, I thought having sex with you would be better. It wasn't bad per se, just… kind of a letdown.

Blaine

Oh, wow, this is hilarious.

Sebastian laughs loudly and he feels a bit stupid when he stops because he is all alone in his apartment but what else is he supposed to do?

He expected a long essay about how Sebastian is a lying coward and a terrible human being and he should be ashamed of himself, about how nobody will ever love him and he will die lonely and sad and loathed by everyone. Or maybe a YOU BASTARD I FUCKING HATE YOU scribbled on the wall with red marker. Blaine can be overdramatic like that.

Sebastian would have known how to deal with that. Being called an asshole, that isn't anything unfamiliar.

But a thank you for the sandwiches and fucking roses?

Sebastian doesn't know what to do with that.

I thought having sex with you would be better.

If he wants to be honest Sebastian thought so too.


He fucked Blaine and that's it.

That should be it but Sebastian feels… unsatisfied. Frustrated. Like he had to stop watching a movie just when it started to get interesting.

It's a new and rather annoying feeling. When he has sex with a guy it's over after he zips up his pants and sure, sometimes he still feels a bit curious – that man had a nice dick too, maybe they could have a second round and this time Sebastian could be the bottom, for example, but he hardly ever stays. The world is full of men with nice dicks, after all.

But perhaps, maybe, possibly the world isn't full of Blaine Andersons…

"You are not listening to me, Bas."

Sebastian flinches, shifting on the bed and pressing his back against the poster of someone who is either a famous athlete or a gay porn star.

"You were talking about college," Sebastian says. Four out of five times Dave is talking about college.

Dave glares at him before he looks down to continue fiddling with the string of his baseball ball. "I was talking about this guy San said she would introduce to me. But I don't know, I saw some pictures and he is, um… Well, not really my type. But I want to give him a chance because San said he is really nice and…"

"Dude," Sebastian interrupts him. "If you think he is fugly why the fuck do you want to give him a chance?"

"He is not fugly." Dave throws the ball at him and Sebastian catches it. "He is just not my type, as I said. That doesn't mean others can't find him attractive."

"Well, maybe he should go out with someone who finds him attractive," Sebastian suggests. Dave nods slowly with a thoughtful expression and Sebastian rolls his eyes. "I know there are more important things than looks, but when it comes to boyfriends you have to be, like, blind to deny that looks are one of the most important things."

"Thanks, you boyfriend expert," Dave grins teasingly and Sebastian scowls, nudging Dave's knee with his toes in annoyance. "Seriously, are you still so against trying it out? Trying to be someone's boyfriend? I know this boy, for example, who also wants to be a lawyer and he is really hot and like a head shorter than you. You said you like small guys and he is really small. But his ex-boyfriend said his cock isn't small at all and I know that's also important to you, so… Should I give you his phone number?"

Sebastian sighs heavily and grimaces as he lets his head fall against the wall, hoping he looks frustrated by Dave asking this stupid question yet again and not like he remembers Blaine murmuring I could show you a thing or two about, well, how to be boyfriends into Sebastian's chest.

"You always say you want to meet Kurt and Blaine one day," Sebastian begins. Dave stiffens visibly, something like worry shifting in his eyes before his expression turns annoyed.

"Don't change the subject."

Sebastian just smirks and throws the ball back to Dave.

"You know the thing about 'one day'? One day it becomes today."

Which is bullshit, Sebastian knows. 'One day' could mean never too. It usually means never.

"Yeah, but…" Dave puts the ball on the bedside table and leans forward, suddenly serious. "I'm single now. I want them to know that now I'm completely comfortable with my sexuality and I have to have a boyfriend so they can see that I…"

"Excuses," Sebastian scoffs and climbs out of Dave's bed. No fucking way is he wearing Dave's roommate's slippers; that guy has probably more nasty foot fungi than a bathhouse of old geezers. Sebastian is so glad he is living alone. "Look at me! Have you ever met anyone more comfortable with their sexuality? And do I have a boyfriend? Ah, wait... are you still in love with Kurt?"

It's quite difficult to keep a straight face. The idea of someone like Dave being in love with someone like Kurt is just... a little bizarre. But Sebastian knows that actually it's not funny at all. It took Dave years and an evening with lots of alcohol and Sebastian gushing about how glad he is they are so great friends to admit what his relationship with Kurt actually was and Sebastian has the feeling he omitted a few things. The forced kiss and the Valentine's Day presents and confession just before trying to commit suicide were already quite messy and probably very difficult for Dave to tell Sebastian, even with all that cocktail.

"No," Dave says simply, his expression guarded. "I mean… it doesn't matter, it was just a high school… something, but… Well, yes, he was kind of everything I want in a man. I really admired him. You know, after I stopped hating him for daring to be everything I wish I could be. Except the clothes," Dave adds quickly, and Sebastian snickers. "But he really did help me a lot. Just that he was there, it made my life both easier and so much harder at the same time… You know what I mean?"

Sebastian knows. God, he knows. Being Blaine's friend in high school, it was the strangest mixture of lovely – the phone talks and Blaine's sweet laughs and Blaine was his first true friend – and horrible – the frustration because he wanted to fuck Blaine so much, he had all those fantasies and sometimes it was just really annoying that Blaine couldn't fucking stop chattering about what a great boyfriend Kurt is.

"Call them up," Sebastian says as he grabs the glass full of water. "They would be very happy. Relieved that you are, you know, fine."

Still alive.

It's still difficult to talk about the suicide attempt; sometimes Sebastian has the feeling always using euphemism makes Dave think Sebastian is worried he still thinks about trying to do it again or something, but Sebastian doesn't want to say the words 'you tried to kill yourself'.

"You are not doing this because you want another chance to get into Blaine's pants, are you? And don't even try to deny you were after him. The whole pretending to be boyfriends shit for dad? No way would anyone go to such lengths to get closer to someone they don't want."

Sebastian laughs as he waters the cactus. It has flowers now, beautiful bright red ones and Sebastian feels something bitter in his chest suddenly as he remembers Blaine asking what color the flowers are.

Sebastian wants to show it to Blaine. He wants to find Blaine and grab his hand and run with him to Dave's room and watch the bright smile on Blaine's face as Blaine whispers Oh, it's red, wow, it's really lovely and he wants to take Blaine's face between his hands and kiss him again like they kissed not even a week ago…

"This is not about what I want from Blaine. This is about you, Dave, and about them. You promised them that you will meet them after high school and I get that whatever feelings still linger inside your heart for Kurt could make things awkward, but they deserve to know that you are happy now. Especially Kurt."

"Right," Dave nods quickly, looking a bit hesitant but when Sebastian puts the glass down and turns to look at Dave he has a small but sure smile on his face. "Thank you, Bas."


Dave's room is out of question because of his roommate. Sebastian's apartment is tempting if only because the look on Blaine's face would be absolutely priceless if he had to glance at Sebastian's couch and remember their kisses there. But Sebastian isn't sure what Blaine thinks – maybe it doesn't mean anything to him, maybe he is actually really pissed at Sebastian – and inviting him to the place where Sebastian fucked him before kicking him out via a piece of paper would be probably a bit mean.

So they choose Dave's favorite restaurant. Sebastian likes fancier places, but the food is really great here and the music isn't too obnoxious so Sebastian doesn't complain. He contemplates wearing a suit, but then he thinks about that time at Breadstix with Blaine's disappointing lack of swooning and the evening Sebastian had to spend trying to get the fucking red wine out of the fabric.

Kurt hasn't changed that much. His hair looks different – lighter brown, maybe, but Sebastian isn't sure, he doesn't really remember the exact color of Kurt's hair in high school –, his face is a bit more masculine and he's wearing a fur collar and a huge sunflower brooch. Now that Sebastian thinks about it, he is pretty sure Blaine talked about how Kurt wants to be a fashion designer after his dream of getting into NYADA crashed and burned so pathetically (Blaine, of course, used much nicer words).

"Blaine is outside, trying to calm down this stray kitten that was almost hit by our car," Kurt starts, extending his hand and Sebastian shakes it quickly. "You are looking for him, aren't you?"

"No," Sebastian scowls instantly. "Wait, a kitten? Seriously?"

Kurt quirks his eyebrows wordlessly, like he doesn't understand why Sebastian would think he is kidding. Well, yeah. If anyone would try to cheer up kittens it would be Blaine.

Blaine is standing just in front of the restaurant, wearing tight, bright green pants that show off his shapely legs and the curve of the ass Sebastian fucked just a week ago and Sebastian has to stop for a moment and close his eyes because fuck. Maybe he shouldn't have written that note. Maybe then he could have had sex with Blaine a dozen times in the last week, Blaine riding him into the couch and joining him in the shower and maybe against the wall with his legs around Sebastian's waist and…

"Hey, Sebastian." Sebastian flinches before he curls his lips into a grin and turns to look down at Blaine. Kurt was serious; there really is a small white kitten in his arms. Sebastian is taken aback by how closed Blaine's expression is; polite and just a little cold and hiding everything. "Wow, you look different than in high school!"

Sebastian's grin widens.

"Are we going to pretend you didn't beg me to screw you a week or so ago, Blaine?"

That Blaine still remains mostly expressionless except the split second of exasperated grimace is quite impressive. He is a lot greater actor now than in high school. Maybe NYADA is even better than they say.

"I didn't beg you," Blaine says, his voice firm with a touch of condescension that makes Sebastian raise his eyebrows in surprise. "And yes, we are going to pretend. Don't talk about it, don't make innuendos, don't smirk, don't say or do anything, okay? I mean you had so many one night stands… what does it matter whether this one happened or not?"

"Nothing," Sebastian shrugs, and finally there is emotion on Blaine's face; a flash of raw hurt in those golden eyes before he looks down at the kitten. Sebastian isn't sure he should be glad or not. Blaine being hurt means he cares, but Sebastian doesn't want to hurt him. He never did. He knows Blaine was hurt by him a lot but it was never Sebastian's intention, Sebastian just… well, sometimes his own feelings and goals were more important than Blaine. Isn't that how everybody thinks? Human beings are selfish fucks; that's a fact of life. "What are you going to do with that kitten? You can't bring it into the restaurant."

"Blackmail or threaten the waiters to let me in with her. Or seduce them."

"Her?" Sebastian frowns, deciding to ignore everything else Blaine said.

"Yes," Blaine raises his head to glare at Sebastian. "Do you believe me or do you want me to show you her…"

"Don't," Sebastian interrupts him quickly. "I believe you. Did you also already name it, sorry, her?"

Blaine looks like he isn't sure Sebastian is mocking him or he just doesn't know how to keep the conversation going.

"Not yet, but… I have a cat called Courage with Kurt so maybe we could name her after our relationship, how about that? Maybe she could be Deceit or Distrust."

Oh, very witty, Sebastian thinks, giving Blaine an unimpressed look before raising his hand and carefully touching the little head of the kitten. It – no, she – purrs, probably contently. The kitten turns her head towards him, looking bored. Sebastian guesses it's better than if she was trying to claw his eyes out. He leans closer and Blaine's scent hits him suddenly; the same cologne he had when they had sex. Sebastian feels so overwhelmed he has to take a step back, his arm falling to his side.

"Or maybe she should be called 'Meeting by chance, jumping into bed and then thinking we are boyfriends even though it makes absolutely no fucking sense and…"

"I would punch you if my hands weren't full," Blaine sneers, glaring up at Sebastian fiercely, somehow managing to be adorable and just a little bit threatening at the same time. "You know what? You are a spineless dick, but of course I shouldn't have expected anything else. In high school you almost blinded me and then didn't even send me a text to apologize! Yes, I made a mistake, I was an idiot, I'm not denying that, I... I shouldn't have… assumed that… But you should have talked to me. Do you have any idea how humiliating it was to find that letter?"

Ah, so Blaine is mad at him. Sebastian isn't sure it's only his hurt pride or maybe something more, though.

"I thought it would be even more humiliating if you had to actually talk with me. I was just being nice."

"You were a selfish coward!" Blaine spits out viciously and Sebastian glances around quickly, hoping Blaine won't raise his voice too much or slap him or, since his hands are full, kick him in the nuts or something. "Don't you dare to pretend it was about me! You just wanted it to be over as quickly as possible. You…" Blaine screws his eyes shut and shakes his head. "I'm leaving. Tell Dave we can meet another time. I would just be the third wheel anyway. Kurt and Dave have to talk about a lot of things that are none of my business."

"I'm sorry, Blaine."

Sebastian isn't exactly sure what he is sorry about. But he knows that if he wants to see and talk and maybe have something with Blaine he has to apologize sooner or later and it's better to just be over with the apology now, isn't it?

Blaine blinks up at him warily.

"You said I should have talked with you. So we should do that. Let's talk. There is a café just a few blocks from here. I will send a text to Dave. Is that okay?"

"You will just make fun of me or humiliate me or…"

"No!" Sebastian shakes his head, not knowing what to say to convince Blaine he doesn't want to hurt him, he just… fuck, he has no idea what he wants. "Okay, I… Listen, what exactly did you expect from me? I mean okay, I understand that I maybe should have talked about it with you or whatever, but I… I don't fucking know what to do with a boyfriend! I never had one! And suddenly you were there saying we are boyfriends and we didn't even talk about it, you just… why the fuck would you think we… It makes no sense. You know I'm not that kind of guy!"

"And you know I'm not the kind of guy who would have sex with someone who isn't my boyfriend!" Blaine shoots back. "Or at least I thought you knew."

"I thought you changed! I mean… Come on, people change all the time."

This is ridiculous. It isn't Sebastian's fault. It was a misunderstanding, a mistake, yes, they shouldn't have done it, okay, Sebastian can even pretend it never happened if this is what Blaine wants, but he refuses to let Blaine blame him. Sebastian has done many shitty things but this one wasn't… he didn't mean to deceive Blaine.

"Where is that café? I don't think we should have this conversation here."

Sebastian sighs in relief and nods. He sends Dave a quick message – Going to another place with Blaine. Have fun with Kurt, don't tell him anything compromising about me, not even if it's just a funny anecdote – as he starts to walk, Blaine following him silently. They don't talk on the way to the café, but Blaine is busy – or pretends to be busy – with the kitten so it's not that awkward.

"Here we are," Sebastian grins when they arrive to the café, opening the door and gesturing for Blaine to go in first. Blaine gives him a suspicious look, like he isn't sure what to make of Sebastian's gentlemanly behavior, but he does walk in first. "One of the waiters has a crush on a girl who is always with her dogs so they are more lenient when it comes to pets. As long as they don't pee into your coffee."

Blaine laughs. It sounds just like when he laughed after telling Sebastian that he will teach Sebastian things about being a boyfriend while Sebastian can teach him more about sex. It's a really nice sound.

"It's a lovely place! Very elegant. Are the vases porcelain?"

Blaine has a small but joyous smile on his face and Sebastian smiles too at that. He knows it's not because of him, that Blaine would smile because of a bouquet of roses or a cookie given by his sworn enemy, but it's still nice, seeing Blaine happy, even if only for a moment.

They find a table in the corner and sit down opposite each other, the kitten curled in Blaine's lap.

"I'm sorry too," Blaine begins, staring at the cake, picking up the fork but not starting to eat yet. "I… I really should have known better. I should have known that when you said you no longer enjoy one night stands you didn't mean you want a boyfriend. I just thought… maybe I wasn't thinking at all. Damn, this is just like it was with Jeremiah, except I was much younger then. We had coffee twice, if I remember correctly, and I assumed there is something between us even though there was nothing."

"I wouldn't say there is nothing between us," Sebastian corrects him before pulling his plate closer.

"What is between us?" Blaine asks seriously, his eyes distrustful.

"I don't know," Sebastian sighs. "I really don't. I have no idea. I could have lied and told you I loved you so that we could be boyfriends and I could fuck you a lot, would you have liked that? You said you didn't love me in high school but you had some feelings for me and it's the same with me. I feel something for you but I don't know what and I… Well, I don't think I could be a great boyfriend or that I could ever love anyone or…"

"Of course you could love someone," Blaine tells him gently, his pretty eyes soft and kind and Sebastian isn't sure whether he should be glad Blaine is no longer angrily glaring at him or annoyed because he is pretty sure Blaine is pitying him and Sebastian hates that. "Everyone can love. That you are still there for Dave; that shows that you do care about other people. Even if your friendship started because of his suicide attempt and because you were feeling guilty it's clear you two are great friends now. Dave talked on the phone about how you helped him and everything. Do not think that you…"

"Your coffee will get cold," Sebastian interrupts Blaine because this cheesy pep talk shit is starting to get really obnoxious.

"You will find someone one day, Sebastian. I know you will."

Blaine's meaningless words and this strange little smile, like he doesn't actually believe it but he wants Sebastian to have hope or something like that, it's all so frustrating Sebastian regrets inviting Blaine to the café.

"Stop this," Sebastian shakes his head. "I don't care."

"You want to be lonely for the rest of your life?"

Sebastian almost chokes on his cake. How did this conversation spiral so out of his control?

"Listen, Blaine, I'm young, I don't know anything about romance and I… I want to focus on Yale right now and…"

"And then you will want to focus on your work and you will spend your whole life focusing on your work and you will die with no one at your side."

How did they go from 'spineless dick' to Blaine looking like he feels sorry because he is imagining Sebastian dying all alone, bitter and regretful and wishing he was brave enough all those decades ago to…

Shit.

Sebastian shakes his head, desperate to change the topic.

"What was with the roses?" Sebastian asks, watching Blaine lick whipped cream off his lips before shrugging.

"I wanted to have some dignity." Blaine doesn't look angry, but there is something miserable about him, about the way he avoids looking at Sebastian and his lips twist into a bitter, self-deprecating smile for a moment. "I thought it would be less pathetic if I pretended not to care, if I pretended not to be hurt. I wanted you to think it didn't matter to me. But you were my second man and it did mean something to me. I had other boyfriends but I felt like we never, you know, worked together or I don't know and we had dates and I even made out with them, but I didn't go all the way with any of them. I didn't have anyone after Kurt until you and… I… I can't believe I'm telling you this, but I guess it's not like I can humiliate myself even more, so..."

Blaine falls silent.

"Yes?" Sebastian asks, trying not to show how curious he is.

Blaine doesn't answer instantly. He takes his time eating his small piece of cake, glancing around the café like the people sitting at the tables are the most interesting things ever and Sebastian starts to get actually uncomfortable. Is Blaine ignoring him?

"Well," Blaine begins after he swallows. "I had dreams about you in high school. That kind of dreams. Not very often, but…" There is a blush on Blaine's cheeks now and it's probably the most adorable thing Sebastian has ever seen. "But there was more. I thought, sometimes, that maybe if I didn't have Kurt and maybe if things would be different, like if you weren't such an asshole and everything, maybe we could go out… And I saw that you were trying to be a better person after what happened to Dave. Even Kurt and Santana saw it. So when we met in the grocery store and I went home with you, I thought that… well, I'm no longer Kurt's boyfriend, you are not into one night stands anymore and I didn't know at that time that you are still Dave's friend but I thought you are more mature now, not such a dick and everything. And I thought… well, we already had a friendship and all that sexual tension and since all the reasons we couldn't even try a relationship are now out of the way why not give it a chance? If we break up a few days later, well, we break up. That's okay. But at least we tried."

"You make it sound simpler than it is," Sebastian laughs. "I wouldn't be a good boyfriend, believe me. Not even for a few days."

"Oh god, no, I'm not asking you to be my boyfriend!" Blaine tells him, sounding almost panicked. Sebastian frowns in confusion. "I'm just telling you why I thought we are boyfriends. Making excuses for my dumb behavior. It was stupid and arrogant of me to think that you think just like I do. Sometimes I jump to conclusions and don't think stuff through. I respect that you don't want to be my boyfriend, anyone's boyfriend right now."

"Okay," Sebastian says. "I understand. It's cool. Misunderstandings happen all the time."

Blaine nods, giving Sebastian a not very honest looking smile before raising the cup to his lips. When he lowers it he licks his lips and Sebastian's breath hitches as he thinks about how those lips sliding against his own felt and if they were boyfriends he could kiss Blaine right now. He would taste like coffee and sugar and the artificial flavor of orange jelly.

"I wasn't bad," Sebastian scowls, lowering his voice a little. "Do you think I'm such an idiot I would believe I was a letdown when your only other lover ever was Kurt Hummel?"

"I'm not saying you were bad." Blaine snickers loudly, like he is terribly amused, like what Sebastian said was just so hilarious. "But with Kurt it was… ah, you wouldn't understand." Blaine makes a dismissive motion with his hand. "You know what?" Blaine whispers, leaning closer like he is telling Sebastian a secret. "Yeah, your cock was a bit longer and thicker than his. But you were still nothing compared to him."

Sebastian is left speechless and he doesn't remember the last time that happened.

It isn't supposed to be like this.

When they first met, the first time he saw Blaine Anderson in that ridiculously cute gray sweater Sebastian thought he will have Blaine bent over for him in a few days at most and that's it, he can tick the name of the famous ex-leader of the Warblers who was dumb enough to leave Dalton for a public school boy off the list (not that Sebastian knows most of his one night stands' names, of course).

It was supposed to be a victory. And it is, he guesses, but it feels empty somehow.

And Sebastian doesn't feel smug. Not only did Blaine not choose him instead of Kurt but had sex with him after his break-up with Kurt, but he told him Sebastian wasn't as good as Kurt. And yeah, maybe it was just a lie to humiliate Sebastian like Sebastian humiliated Blaine with the letter, but somehow it doesn't feel like a lie.

Blaine sips his coffee like he doesn't have a care in the world, smiling sweetly down at the kitten.

"It was disappointing for me too, actually," Sebastian tells Blaine, half because he feels petty and half because it was disappointing and maybe talking about it would make this nagging feeling in the back of his mind disappear, like it wasn't supposed to be like this and why is it like this. Blaine glances up questioningly. He doesn't seem to be hurt or even surprised. "I had a lot of fantasies about you, I spent a lot of time masturbating thinking about scenarios where I had sex with you, and the truth is that you were exactly like every other guy I had. Okay, no, that's not true. You didn't try to bite my ears off and there was no annoying dirty talk, so it was better than some of the others, but it wasn't the best. It was just so… ordinary."

"Of course it was," Blaine scoffs. "Why did you expect it to be anything different when you treated me like all your other one night stands?"

"I did not treat you like that! I wouldn't bring my one night stands to my apartment, let them take a shower there and cuddle with them and fall asleep with them in my arms!"

Blaine looks taken aback.

Sebastian remembers how Blaine looked when Sebastian woke up; the slightly open lips he kissed so many times last night and the adorable tousled curls he grasped as he fucked Blaine. And of course Blaine looked so fucking sweet and comfortable in Sebastian's bed, like he belonged there or some sentimental bullshit like that that made Sebastian's blood run cold.

Maybe this is what Blaine thought while he was sleeping; that he belongs there now, in Sebastian's bed, next to Sebastian, because they are boyfriends now.

"What should we do?" Blaine sighs and Sebastian draws his eyebrows together; he doesn't understand the question. "Kurt once told me – after he found out he didn't get into NYADA – that sometimes he feels like every time anything good happens to him, every time he succeeds in something it's like something horrible has to happen soon. And this something between us, Sebastian, it's like that too. We apologize and forgive and try to be honest with each other and become friends again, give each other, give us a chance again, and then there is a misunderstanding or something, one of us is selfish and stupid and the other gets hurt but he is too proud so he tries to hurt the other too and we push each other away again. It's like we can never get it right. I thought now that we are out of high school maybe it could work but…"

"You make it sound so overdramatic," Sebastian says, but he gets what Blaine means. It really is like that. He watches Blaine roll his eyes and suddenly it hits him that he doesn't want to let go of this man. Not until it's sure they really, one hundred percent sure wouldn't work. "But you know, maybe we are more mature now. Okay, yeah, we didn't really act mature with you thinking we are boyfriends and my letter wasn't very grown-up either, but still."

"Still what?" Blaine wonders.

"Let's give it another chance."

Blaine opens his mouth, his eyes widening in shock.

"I don't trust you," Blaine hisses and Sebastian fights the urge to roll his eyes. Does Blaine want to be boyfriends with him or not? Probably Blaine himself is just as confused as Sebastian is. "This is one of the many reasons our friendship didn't work, Sebastian. Not just because of the unresolved sexual tension and because Kurt was my boyfriend and this frustrated you. But because not being able to trust someone close to you is really tiring."

Sebastian glances at Blaine's hand resting next to his empty cup and he hesitates only for a moment before taking it between his own hands. Blaine gasps loudly but he doesn't pull his hand away. Sebastian raises Blaine's hand to his lips and kisses the back of his hand. Maybe it's a bit bold, but Sebastian is not the kind of person who likes to play it safe when it comes to guys. And come on, they fucked; a hand kiss surely isn't pushing their boundaries too much.

"You trusted me enough to let me fuck you and think we are boyfriends," Sebastian reminds him, almost not able to stop the smug smirk when Blaine groans in exasperation and twists his hand out of Sebastian's grasp.

"That was before your note. And you said you don't want a boyfriend," Blaine tells him, his hand hovering awkwardly in the air before he takes his cup into his hand and raises it to his lips, laughing quietly at himself when he realizes there is no coffee left. "I'm not doing the fuck buddies or friends with benefits thing."

"Let's be boyfriends," Sebastian says. "If it doesn't work we can just break up, like you said."

"If you are doing this because you want to show me you are better than Kurt and you know the only way I would let you fuck me is if we are boyfriends…"

"I'm not!" Sebastian isn't sure how to continue. I wrote the note because I thought being with you would be too much hassle, I wouldn't have enough time for you with Yale and Dave and Santana and trying to avoid my mom and I don't want to hurt you and it's inevitably going to happen if we are boyfriends because that's the kind of person I am but you always forgive me for every shitty thing I do and I'm sorry if I'm taking advantage of your huge heart but I'm selfish and I want to spend more time with you doesn't seem to be the wisest thing to say. "I kind of… wasn't exactly thinking straight when I wrote that letter. You are not the only one who doesn't think stuff through. Why do you think Dave called Kurt up a week after we met? I was the one who told him he should finally do it because, well, I didn't have your phone number anymore. And I couldn't stop thinking about you and what a fucking mistake letting you go was, but I was… you are right, I'm a coward and I couldn't admit that it's because of you. And anyway, I thought keeping what happened that night a secret from everyone would be the best thing to do. Not because I was ashamed of it, quite the opposite, actually, but because I thought you would be. And I was right, wasn't it?"

"Okay, let's be boyfriends." Blaine says it with such a complete lack of enthusiasm or joy that Sebastian is almost hurt. "But it's going to be our secret. At least for a while. Like a month. Or maybe two. If we break up before that our relationship clearly wasn't strong enough that it's worthy of telling about it to other people."

"You are worried Kurt is going to think the reason you instantly agreed to go out with me after not seeing me for years is that we had something in high school behind his back and that's why you want to keep it a secret for a while."

For a few seconds it looks like Blaine wants to deny it, but then he just sighs, briefly closing his eyes.

"Fine, yeah… that too."


"You kept my flowers?" Blaine asks as he puts the kitten carefully down Sebastian's couch. Sebastian tries not to cringe but the very idea of an animal in his apartment makes him shiver in dread. He loves that couch, he doesn't even let Dave drink beer there and if that fucking kitten poops on it or something Sebastian will kick her out faster than Blaine could pout and beg him not to.

"Well, they are new because you gave the flowers to me a week ago," Sebastian says, walking to the couch and sitting down next to Blaine.

"Obviously, smartass," Blaine rolls his eyes but his small smile is fond. "You know if you really want flowers in your apartment maybe you should buy potted ones. They last much longer."

"Maybe," Sebastian smiles back absent-mindedly, wondering if he should mention to Blaine that Dave's cactus is still alive. Maybe it should be a surprise one day. Which is very silly, Sebastian knows, but it's something Blaine would like, probably, so really, why not? "By the way, why yellow? It's not a very usual color."

Blaine snuggles a bit closer, his thigh pressed against Sebastian's. It seems that he wants to rest his head on Sebastian's shoulder, but then he changes his mind. "Red means romance, you would think pink is too feminine, white is for weddings and blacks is the color of grief and death. And I didn't want something like blue or green. So yellow."

Sebastian hums in understanding. Blaine makes a small sound of surprise and Sebastian looks down to see the kitten climbing into Blaine's lap.

"You know maybe she has a family or something? She seems to be really clean."

"I will try to find them but if I can't she will have to stay with us. I think Courage would like to have a little buddy too." Blaine laughs when the kitten starts to claw his sweater. "Are you hungry? I'm sure Sebastian has something very delicious in his fridge." His sweet grin turns into a pout when he glances up at Sebastian.

"There is ketchup and some cheese and I think Dave left half his beer there last night and maybe, um, there is possibly an apple there. Maybe some eggs too."

Blaine glares at him and Sebastian shrugs. "What? I had no idea you will bring a kitten here! I don't even know what they eat! You should have bought some lasagna or something on the way home!"

"Lasagna?" Blaine splutters, quite indignant. "Real cats are not Garfield! You really don't know anything? I need to give you a few courses. First: How To Be A Decent Boyfriend. Second: How Not To Kill Cats. Third: How To Have Food Normal People Have In Their Fridge."

Sebastian laughs, feeling both offended and happy Blaine feels comfortable enough to joke like this with him. The kitten, apparently deciding she won't get food from Blaine, clumsily climbs into Sebastian's lap.

"What if she needs to pee or something?" Sebastian asks. "I'm wearing expensive jeans."

"Well, Courage once vomited on Kurt's super important essay about the fashion of European aristocracy in the seventeenth century or maybe the eighteenth, I don't remember anymore. Compared to that it wouldn't be that bad."

"Why didn't he just print it again?" Sebastian wonders, wanting to shift on the couch before realizing the kitten is in his lap.

"Because he has this really old and conservative professor and he only accepts it when it's handwritten."

Sebastian grimaces. Geez, that must suck.

He feels Blaine's hand brush the side of his face and he turns towards Blaine. He gasps in surprise against Blaine's lips. Sebastian grins before his tongue flickers out, feeling Blaine's closed lips tremble. He wasn't sure Blaine would want to have sex with him again and he is really pleasantly surprised.

"That's it for today," Blaine whispers as he leans back, smiling. "I was thinking and I came to the conclusion that one of the reasons we were both disappointed was that we went all the way too soon, too suddenly. We should be slower this time. We should spend time doing other stuff too, not just have sex. Like going on dates, having conversations, stuff like that. I didn't go from first kiss to first fuck with Kurt on the same day either. So we should start with just kisses, and then we can, I don't know, make out with our shirts off, and then we can touch each other's ass too, and then we can be completely naked, then jerk each other off with our hands and I'm not sure how you feel about blowjobs, I think in high school you were not a big fan but if you want to we can do it too and then when we both feel like we are ready we can do the actual penetration. This sounds good, right?"

Well.

This could mean that maybe he will get to actually fuck Blaine only months later.

What he is thinking must be written clearly on his face because Blaine's smile slips off his face and an unsure, slightly worried look takes its place.

"I know you are not used to this. I know it was different with your other guys. If you don't want to do this then we should just break up right now. If being my boyfriend would only worth it if you got to fuck me instantly then you can just…"

"No, Blaine, it's not like that," Sebastian starts, pressing a quick kiss against the angry curve of Blaine's lips before leaning back. "It's okay. We can do this." Or try to do this, Sebastian thinks, but he doesn't say it out loud.

He isn't even sure the whole idea makes any sense. But maybe it does. Blaine knows a lot more about this boyfriend thing than Sebastian, after all.

"Okay. Yeah, let's try this. We will just stop if it doesn't work." Blaine turns away from him. "It's not like we have anything to lose, right?"