Hello everyone - thank you all so much for your patience! I'm sorry I can't write more often – I wish, but life really does take over and I'm finding that I have more on than I can manage. Thank you as well for your support and encouragement. I started to write this because I wanted to read it, and it is incredible to know that you want it too :)
Anyway, this turned out to be quite a long chapter so I've split it into two, leaving Chapter 11 again on a cliffhanger – but in my defence this time you'll have Chapter 12 at the same time :)
Remember I warned about the risks of alcohol? Well, yeah.
I hope you like it!
(As I've not mentioned it in a while: I do not own Criminal Minds, Spencer Reid **sigh** or Ethan. The events, mistakes, and any other characters that don't appear in the show are mine.)
Chapter 11 – Twenty One
Reid spent most of the night mulling over his earlier conversation with Ethan and the nights' events. The next day they were up bright and early and Luna had to work, feeling like a zombie, so the fact that he was quiet and thoughtful escaped her. Later on, at the library, Reid sought her out and pulled her to one of the corridors under the pretence of finding a book.
"Erm... Luna, I was wondering... Well, I was wondering if our relationship was sufficiently evolved that I may ask you a rather personal question."
She stared at him blankly. They had slept – just slept – together. He had told her about his childhood. She was about to meet his mother in a few hours. And he didn't know if he could ask her a personal question? Sometimes she had to make a conscious effort to not murder him.
She released a long breath before answering: "Yes, Spencer, you can ask me anything you want."
"Ok... I was, I was thinking whether you – ehem – if you had erm... been with anyone?"
She held her breath again, not knowing what he was getting to. "What do you mean?" Surely he wasn't asking her if she was a virgin, right? In the middle of the library, for no good reason at all?
"I was just thinking that since I met you, I've never really seen you... you've never dated anyone, right?"
She breathed again. "No, no I haven't."
"And I was wondering, you see, why that might be."
Because of you! She held her tongue. She was not being rejected once again. "I guess I have been taking things painstakingly slow lately. Waiting for the right person to make the right move. Spencer, I don't need anybody else in my life right now, do you understand that? I have everyone I need." For a moment she stopped to think, chewing the inside of her cheek. "Why do you ask?"
"No... no reason, I was only trying to figure out..."
"Guys," Ella's head poked at the entrance of the corridor "sorry to interrupt, but I need to borrow Luna for a few minutes. The system is stuck again and I need my tech-savvy girl to help me process some registrations. The poor nerds have been waiting for a while." Luna punched her in the shoulder. "Ouch!" Ella gasped a little louder than she intended, and a few heads turned around. "What? I say it with fondness, you know that my Geek Queen. King of the Nerds, I'll bring her back pronto." She nodded at Reid as they both walked off.
Luna had been trying to sound reassuring when she said she didn't need anyone – meaning that her friends, and him, were all she needed. But she had the feeling she had been too subtle for Reid's insecure mind. And she was right. Reid was even more confused than before.
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Later on, Ethan was in a chatty mood while Reid was packing for his trip to Vegas. "Hey Romeo, you didn't sleep here last night" he stated.
"Shut up, Ethan. Just shut up."
"Did you...?"
"No, Ethan, I didn't."
"Calm down, dude. Are you ok?"
"Yes, I am fantastic. Look Ethan, I'm not like you. To you, everything is easy, but my mind goes over all possible scenarios and I just can't. I'm not like you, I'm not even like her. I don't fit in and I don't want to see her. So just leave me alone."
"You better change your mind about seeing her because she's meeting you at the airport tonight."
"I cancelled."
"But you're packing?"
"No, I mean I cancelled on her. I told her my mum was having a bad episode and it was better if I went on my own. I'm only going for two days and coming back. I need time to think."
"You... cancelled?" Ethan registered the trouble in Reid's features and decided to give it a rest. "Ok, Reid. This is affecting you too much, right? I'm sorry if I've been a jackass. Send my love to Diana. Here, I was coming to give you this. Can you take this book to her? She'll enjoy it."
Ethan disappeared from the room, saddened for his friend, and Reid continued his obstinate packing.
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Once she had properly woken up, Luna noticed that Reid had been acting weird all day and she was a little taken aback when she found him waiting for her after work.
"Luna, I'm sorry but I need to cancel our trip to Vegas tonight. I'm still going, but I need to go on my own. The Sanitarium called and my mum is not doing too well at the moment so I think it's best if you meet her another time. I'm sorry, I have to go."
Well, that wasn't awkward at all. Luna thought, perplexed, but then checked herself and thought that must have been why Reid had been distant – he was worried about his mum.
"Reid!" she shouted and he turned to look at her, "I hope she's ok. I hope you're ok. If you prefer to go on your own, I understand, but I'm right here – call me if you need me. You know you can talk to me, right?"
A pang of guilt consumed him. "Yes, I know... I'm sorry." He looked at her for a moment and then rushed off.
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After the trip to Vegas, Reid had made an effort to keep busy, seeing Luna only during class and avoiding her at every other opportunity. He had even come up with an excuse to not meet on his actual birthday, the day after class, and Luna had yet to give him his present – a signed first edition she had managed to track down of Houdini's Book of Magic and Party Pastimes.
Feeling a little selfish, she pretended not to notice and put his awkwardness down to worry. Conflicting emotions were building her internal struggle. On one hand she thought she should insist on being there for him, but at the same time she wanted to give him some space, which he seemed to need. On top of that, for the past few days while he had been away, and afterwards when they had hardly seen each other, she had started to entertain the idea that he was really just being polite, but was not interested in her. How could he? He was a genius who needed his mind to be occupied with more important stuff. She was making him waste valuable time and, resolute to not dwell in her feelings, she was slowly giving up. She had arranged to meet her classmates more often and had spent a couple of lunches hanging out with some girls and also a bunch of guys that didn't look at Reid very fondly. This hurt her, but helped her stay away from him and at least out of respect for her they had stopped the childish jokes about him.
Curiously, the classes had gone very well and Reid had a surprising amount of people attending them nowadays, which made it easier for Luna to take a back seat, and for Reid to not focus solely on her. He didn't even need much preparation any more, although he still had a quirkiness about him to which the class had become accustomed.
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Ethan had made it clear that he would force him to celebrate his 21st birthday even if he had to use chloroform to kidnap him and take him to the house party that someone was giving that weekend. The party was expected to be legendary and if Reid wouldn't let him organise one of his own, he was at least going to get wasted somewhere else. Not that it was all about the alcohol – Ethan was considering a social experiment, to see what would happen when that insecure brilliant mind was influenced by an uninhibiting external factor.
Much against his will and sulking all the way to the party, Reid had made it there. He was planning to disappear as soon as Ethan got distracted with Ella, but his plans changed as soon as he arrived and spotted Luna with a group of students from her class.
Upon arrival, Ethan had located two red plastic cups and a bottle of rum, poured a good measure in each and told Reid to just swallow one of them down. A few of Ethan's friends got wind that it was Reid's birthday and, being fond of the kid by association, they had taken him under their wing and were largely responsible for his state of drunkenness a few hours later. At that moment, still only twenty minutes in, Reid was so busy trying to inconspicuously keep an eye on Luna that he wasn't even aware of what he was drinking. He winced every time he swallowed a swig of whatever vile liquid Ethan put in front of him, but he was quickly getting used to the warmth spreading through his limbs and he decided that the feeling of the liquor impairing his thoughts was not half bad.
"Well, if it isn't Dr Spencer Reid." Ella gave him a big squishy hug. "Happy birthday, handsome. Are these bastards taking good care of you?"
"Hi Ella. Yes, they've kept a constant stream of alcohol coming my way, if that's what you mean."
"Mmmh, ok" Ella said, not sounding fully convinced. "Don't overdo it, though. You don't want to pass out on your 21st birthday and not even remember celebrating it. But it was the other day, right? You disappeared on all of us, kid!"
"Yeah, I wasn't much in a mood for celebrating, after visiting my mum and all and had committed to go visit Professor Keller."
"Oh, I hope he's doing ok these days. I used to attend one of his lectures, great teacher. Say, have you seen Luna? I just arrived."
His eyes involuntarily flickered in her direction as his mouth was saying "no" and Ella, sharp as usual, didn't miss a bit.
"I don't know what is going on between you two, or why you're keeping your distance, but I figure you must have a damn good reason. Right?" His slightly vacant stare told her he didn't. "So you're not coming to say hi?"
"She hasn't seen me yet and I don't want to interrupt her. She looks like she's having fun. Way more fun than she would be having babysitting me". He muttered the last sentence under his breath, but it still earned him a scowl from Ella.
"Listen, it's difficult for you to be silly, so don't try to be on purpose. Go and say hi. I'm not going to force you, but at least let me know if you want me to bring her here instead, ok?"
"Honestly, don't worry. I'll see her later. Oh, hey, how are you? Ella, these are Natalia and Sarah." A couple of freshmen girls turned up beside them, giggling. "They are attending my class on Tuesdays." The two girls were clearly not interested in making small talk with Ella and gently pulled him away, engaging him in conversation.
As she approached Luna, her first words were "Unbelievable. The guy is fucking oblivious."
"Hello to you too! Glad you could make it, Ella. Who are you talking about?"
Ella took her friend's plastic cup. "Beer? Seriously? You don't even like it!"
"That's why the plastic up is full and I'm sober."
"I was talking about Reid." Ella pointed in his direction. The girls had taken him to an area by the pool and it looked like they were convincing him to play beer pong. It was working. Ethan's friends followed suit and Reid was visibly becoming more relaxed, the alcohol helping him be more sociable than usual. The guy was actually having fun.
"He's been avoiding me, I think. Should I go talk to him?"
"He has been avoiding you. And you've been keeping your distance. Care to elaborate what is going on?"
"Not really. I'll go speak to him later. Let's go get me a vodka."
As predicted, the party was turning out to be a great success. People kept pouring in, the mood was good, Reid was enjoying being there and Luna felt strangely proud of him. They had continued keeping tabs on each other all night, after a brief exchange of words here or there, and they were never too far apart. For the first time in his life, Spencer Reid was drunk and slurring his words. He was also looking animated and obviously feeling more accepted than usual. The words peer pressure kept resonating in Luna's head, but the guy deserved a night off and the mild stupor clouding his brain seemed to be doing the trick. If only he was able to open up like this when he was sober, and see how funny he was and how interesting...
Feeling confident that his friend was in good hands and enjoying himself, Ethan had wandered off to mingle with other people and Luna felt it was her responsibility to stay sufficiently conscious to keep an eye on Reid, just in case. Unfortunately for her, Reid had noticed and gotten annoyed with her at one point, walking away and muttering to himself that she was younger than him and it didn't make any sense that she should treat him like a kid in need of supervision. She started to walk towards him, but got sidetracked by Tom and their classmates. With one glance, Luna saw that Reid had returned to his two students and their group. Tom was throwing one arm around her shoulders, talking to her.
"So, listen, Luna... You and I should hook up one of these days." Subtle, she thought. The girl beside them squealed with excitement.
"Yes, Luna, we never see you with anyone, what's your deal? Nobody you like?"
Before she could stop herself or think of an answer, she looked at Reid and everyone picked up on it.
"No fucking way. Egghead? Come on, Luna, you're pulling my leg, right? The smart-ass that teaches one of your lessons? What's up with that? He looks like an upside down mop." Tom was being deliberately cruel, his ego hurt but the mere suggestion that Luna might prefer someone other than him. As if in cue, the group laughed at Tom's stupid joke. Geez, it's like junior school all over again, she thought.
"Oh, shut up, Tom." Luna stood up and started to walk away, but by then Reid had already heard every word, and he was storming off. Fuck.
One of the fangirls followed him, grabbed him and kissed him. In his drunken state, he let his cup drop and passed his arms around her waist, allowing it to happen.
Luna was paralysed in shock, too stunned to control her emotions, or even to look away or leave. It took him a minute to realise, and by then Luna was already turning around and Ethan was watching him like a hawk, but Reid finally mustered sufficient self-control to raise his eyes. He saw the hurt on Luna's face, and again that subtle hint of resignation that he had sometimes spied in her. He tried to de-tangle himself from the fangirl, but she wouldn't let go that easily and they both tripped and fell into the pool. At that point, it was like everyone in the party had been waiting for someone to make the first move and mayhem started, with people jumping in the pool or throwing others.
Ethan was trying to help Reid out. Curiously, the shock of falling into the water had made him even worse. "Are you ok? Can someone take you home?"
The girl looked at him in anticipation, hopeful that Reid would invite her to take him home, but he just shrugged and avoided eye contact, casting a furtive glance at Luna instead. "Fine, suit yourself", Fangirl walked off to dry herself. Ethan was talking at him again but he was having trouble to concentrate.
"Reid, what the fuck, man?"
"Ethan... it's ok, I've got this, I can take him home." Luna was closer now, trying to help him stand straight, and he was instantly thankful for her familiar touch and proximity.Odd, that somebody's touch would comfort him when he hated such improvised physical contact.
"He's wasted, Luna."
"It's ok, Ethan. We'll walk slowly and he'll sober up by the time we get home."
Ethan looked at Luna with concern. "Are you sure? Listen, we're not far from our building, I can get him there and come back in half an hour."
"No, really, I'm fine, I don't want him on his own. Will you be coming around later?"
Ethan looked at the girl he had been snogging before Reid had fallen into the pool, who was definitely not Ella. "I might find somewhere else to sleep." Luna nodded in understanding and looked at the girl – she wasn't close enough to hear their conversation, but Ethan still kept his voice quiet when he continued: "No, not with her... Ella is somewhere around here and I want to find her."
Luna had been right. Ella had crushed him. She winked at him and smiled. "Good luck!"
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For a while they walked in silence, side by side, Luna hugging herself and Reid one step behind her, hands in his pockets because he felt uncomfortable without his bag and a strap to grab and keep his hands occupied. They had to stop a couple of times for Reid to sit down or rest against a wall momentariy to gather himself, and Luna had patiently waited, pushing his wet strands of messy hair behind his ears with soft fingers full of affection.
As they were arriving to the building, Reid grabbed her elbow and stopped her. He had been thinking the whole way back and some sort of unwarranted rage had crept up on him. "How could you do that to me?"
"Do what?"
"I heard you with all those people, mocking me. Why didn't you stop them? Why didn't you tell them it wasn't me? You let them think you liked me to get rid from that pesky Tom guy, knowing they would find it amusing, and sure enough, they did."
"Reid, I didn't let them think anything. I like you. I always have. That's why I don't date."
Again with his surname and the lies. "Well, if you like me so much then you won't mind me doing this." He pushed her against the wall with a bit more force than he intended, placing his hands on the wall at either side of her head. He looked at her for a second, her palms against the wall, her stare trained on him, her chest rising and emanating so much heat that he could feel it. He bent to kiss her, parting her lips with one thumb and looking at her wet tongue before covering her mouth with his.
To be continued...
