Chapter 11
Grissom woke just before 4.30 in the morning to the sound of James crying. He could hear Sara getting out of bed and James quickly stopped crying. Grissom lay listening for any more sounds from above for a few minutes, before deciding to go to the bathroom.
From the top of the stairs he could see Sara propped up in bed feeding James, she looked up and smiled at him.
"Sorry, did he wake you?"
"I think so but he must have been up before now and I didn't hear him so maybe I needed to get up. Don't apologise." He wanted nothing more than to go and join Sara in her bed, but instead he turned in to the bathroom.
He acted on impulse when he came out of the bathroom and stood in Sara's bedroom door way. Sara was yawning.
"Would you mind some company while you feed him?" Sara smiled as she stifled another yawn.
"That would be nice, I'm fine at midnight and two when he wants feeding but I find it hard to stay awake at this time, its funny two years ago this would be the early evening to me, my body changed back to regular time quickly." Grissom walked into the room slowly, strangely nervous about sitting on Sara's bed. He first sat gingerly on the edge of the bed furthest away from Sara, and reached his hand out to touch James foot which he was wriggling about while he fed.
"We don't bit you know you can sit a bit closer where you can reach him comfortably." Sara mocked his nervousness.
"Sorry, I'm just, well we sort of finished, although it was not what I wanted we can't pretend that did not happen and I don't know how you feel about me being here at all never mind sitting on or in your bed." Grissom looked very uncomfortable but scooted further on to the bed sitting next to Sara lent against the headboard as she was.
"I know it happened but just for now let's enjoy that we are both here with our child and make the most of the time we have together." Sara smiled at him and as he returned the smile Sara felt confident enough to lean against his chest, she was relieved that he followed her lead and put his arm around her. "See we can still feel comfortable together." Sara snuggled in closer as he started to relax.
"If this is inappropriate tell me but I have to tell someone about this." Sara paused and glanced down, "Have you seen my breasts?" Grissom was a little startled by her statement but followed her gaze down.
"Shit Sara what happened they did not look like that last night. Sorry its not that I was looking its just you feeding James and that I would have noticed I'm sure. There huge, really really huge, are they meant to do that is normal." Sara could not help laughing at his reaction and particularly the look of shock and horror on his face, to the extent that James stopped feeding and started to cry. Sara quickly composed herself so that James could latch on again.
"Yes, it's supposed to happen, well they told me that they would get bigger when my milk 'came in' which has obviously happened, but I was not expecting this. It was a bit of a shock when I woke up just before two and they hurt and huge and there really hard, feel." Before he knew what was happening Sara had taken his hand from James foot and placed it on the underside of her free breast. "And there really heavy, see" She released his hand so he could feel the weight, he was shocked at Sara's action and the change in the feel of her body, although he had not touched her for months he still new the feel and texture of every part of her body.
"That's unbelievable, but if that's your milk coming in how have you been feeding James before?"
"Its something called colostrum that new borns need that's why it's important to feed them to start with, but he is meant to go longer between feeds now its milk." Grissoms hand was still rested under Sara breast as he watched James feeding from her other breast.
"Sorry" He suddenly said removing his hand after several minutes. "It's just so amazing how it all happens. I don't mean to stare and don't take this the wrong way but I wasn't staring in a sexual way." James released her other breast.
"Don't worry I understand its new to me too, its nice to have someone to share it with, to experience all the changes, I could have called Ellie in to see what had happened but she did not really know what they were like before. And you can enjoy the experience like an experiment like I do I don't know anyone else that looks at life quite like that trying to see what happens and why and wanting to test experience everything." Sara chuckled and adjusted James to the other side and snuggled them both in closer to Grissom resting her head on his shoulder. She took his other hand and brought it to her empty breast "They really are full of milk see that one feels more normal now that he has fed" Grissom felt it briefly this time and removed his hand, resting it on her hip enjoying the closeness of having her in his arms.
They sat in silence for a while watching James flick his hands and feet about while he fed. A few minutes later Grissom realised that Sara had gone to sleep. He shifted slightly so that she was rested more securely against him and moved his free arm under James head and body to hold him in place while Sara's arms relaxed around her child. A smile spread across Grissom's face for the first time in a long while he felt comfortable and happy.
When James finished feeding and fell asleep Grissom carefully lifted him on to his lap and lay Sara down on the bed. He placed James back in his crib and headed to the door.
"Stay…Please Gil…Stay with me?" Sara sleepily asked from the bed without opening her eyes. He did not have to be asked twice he quickly climbed back into the bed and lay his body against her back putting his arms around her waist to hold her tight.
"Thank you Sara." He whispered into her ear as he fell asleep.
