I sat on the couch in Dylan's living room catching up. We hadn't talked much for awhile and I felt the need to reconnect. If Alicia wasn't gonna talk to me didn't mean that I had to wait out for her. Sure I would love it if we could make amends but until then I was up for reconnecting with my old friends. Like Dylan. I had actually forgotten how funny she was.
It was the first time in days that I wasn't with Derrick. He spent every second with me when I was sick. But since yesterday I felt fine. Maybe it was a 48 hour thing. I got my voice back, I could breathe, and my chest didn't ache every time I coughed. Though I missed Derrick I think time apart would do us some good. I wouldn't want him to get sick of me.
Dylan walked back into her spacious living room and handed me a Diet Dr. Pepper. She settled with plain Sunkist. She sat down next to me on the couch and belched. I laughed. Some things never changed.
"So how are you?" I asked her.
She set her soda down. "I'm doing pretty well. If you haven't heard Chris and I are going out now." Dylan blushed the same color of her hair.
"Oh Dyl! That's so awesome." And it was. Chris and Dylan had secretly liked each other for years. It was about time that they got together.
"Yeah. So what's up with you?" she asked.
I hesitated a moment. Should I just give her the simple 'oh everything is fine' line or tell her the truth? I decided to go for the truth. There was no use in reconnecting if I wasn't going to be straight up with her.
"I'm doing great. I just got over a nasty bug and Derrick's staying at my house," I blurted out.
Dylan had taken a huge drink of Sunkist so as soon as I said that she sprayed it all over the coffee table. I would have been mortified but I just found it hilarious.
"What? No freaking way! What about Claire?"
I sighed and told her everything from the night of the break up to what was going on now. I even told her that I loved him. That I was in love with him. But by the time I was done I was crying slightly. It was hard to talk about what Derrick had done to me but it was all in the past now. Derrick was a new person and he was going to be there for me. He promised.
"Oh Mass. I had no idea…"Dylan trailed off. Somewhere when I was telling the story she had hugged me and comforted me. It was like old times.
"Well it's not like I was helping any. I kind of shut you out of my life and for that I'm sorry. There was…there was just so much going on and I didn't know what to do. I was afraid that you would betray me like Claire," I managed to tell her.
Dylan nodded and pulled me in for a long hug. It felt good to know that I could trust Dylan. She had been my best friend once upon a time and maybe we could get there once again.
"I think you should tell him that you love him, Mass," Dylan said.
"I know. I've loved him since I was eight when he pushed Kemp for pulling my hair," I replied.
Dylan rolled her eyes. "Then tell him."
I sighed. "I can't."
"Why not?" Dylan asked.
"Because I'm falling for him all over again and I'm so freaking scared," I replied.
"I know that Mass but you need to be straight up with him or else you won't get anywhere with him," she said.
I nodded. "I know but it's just…he's hurt me so bad, Dyl. I don't wanna go back to that ever again."
Dylan patted my hand. "I understand but do you really wanna go into every day thinking what if?"
She had a point. I could tell Derrick but what if…what if he rejected me? He wasn't really the kind of person to reject me to my face but it would still hurt.
What was I to do?
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I sat at Josh's kitchen island sipping Red Bull. Massie had said she was going to Dylan's today so Derrick thought it was the perfect opportunity to catch up with Josh. He hadn't really talked to him since he and Claire got together. It seemed like a lifetime ago.
"So dude, how's it going?" I asked as Josh walked back into the kitchen from using the bathroom.
"Not bad. Alicia and I finally got together," he replied.
"Yeah I noticed you guys together the other day," I said. That had been the day Massie and I got stuck in the rain. The day she got sick. But really it was a blessing in disguise since I had a good reason to be with her every second of the day. And to be quite honest I thought she has never looked more pretty then when she was just herself clad in a t-shirt and sweats.
"Really? So I here you've been hanging with Massie lately," Josh said reaching into the fridge to grab a water.
"Yeah I'm staying at her place right now," I replied.
"So what's the story there?" He asked. I looked up and scanned his face. I couldn't tell if he honestly wanted to know or if he just wanted the dirt on Massie and I. Josh was a bigger gossip that Alicia. But I thought what the hell, right? Just tell him.
"I think I'm falling for her," I blurted.
The stunned look on Josh's face was priceless.
"Then you should tell her how you feel," Josh said.
I fidgeted in my seat. "I can't. It's not that easy."
"And why not?"
"Because she scares the crap out of me."
I waited for Josh to laugh at me. To tell me that I was being one of those sappy guys who talked about his feelings but he remained silent.
I knew that Massie loved me or at least I suspected but it wasn't that simple. Sure I was moving towards getting over Claire but the hurt was still there. My heart was still broken. I knew that Massie wouldn't mean to break it but what if…what if she somehow did without intentionally doing it?
Was it even possible to love with a broken heart?
