Author's note: It may not look that way in the beginning of this chapter but I think we're getting closer somehow...
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A good idea
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The mediterranean sun rose and the fainthearted silence was back.
The next morning Barbara politely thanked Tommy once more for the pleasurable evening but then they barely spoke a word. The pleasure and fun and the comfortable closeness they had yesterday evening under the loosing influence of the red wine now had turned into guilt for betraying their friendship by having those thoughts and desires about the other. It had turned into even more hesitancy and fear that the other might be offended, might not reciprocate those feelings. They did not know that all their emotions were mutual, yesterday night at dinner and afterwards as well as today at breakfast.
In Montani's office they had spent the time until noon with finishing this 'case'. They had found nothing new, nothing that would have led anywhere. Hillier was called and told of the results so he gave the order to return to London. They finally closed their files and wrote each a short report. Those loose ends were tied into a neat but useless bow.
Montani invited them for a last lunch in Rome and then they packed their stuff and catched a regular flight back home to London. On those two and a half hours they mostly kept silent. Every now and then their arms met on the armrest between them and they smiled apologetically. They were DI Lynley and DS Havers again. Both captured in their safe but confining net of good friendship and it felt as if they had built up a fence on that thin line between them.
In reality Barbara longed to lay down her head on his shoulder when she took a nap. In reality Tommy would have loved to tip up that bloody armrest and pull her into a hug. Or hold hands. Or kiss her.
She could not get rid of his scent in her nose and he constantly was aware of her perfume.
Once more it seemed that they had taken the wrong exit and found themselves on one of those dead end roads. They were too close the entire time, it nearly hurts. So close all the time but nothing happened, frustratingly nothing.
Daylight is a devil.
Late that afternoon they arrived in London and stopped over at the Met. Hillier already had left and after a short call they had an appointment with him on Monday at ten. Now it was Friday and until that appointment they had a free weekend ahead without being on call.
Tommy brought her to her flat. He carried her bags to her doorstep. Barbara did not find the courage to ask him in so they stood in her door and just shook hands.
"It had been some strange days. I'm glad they're over." Tommy said. Inwardly he cursed for sounding as if he had not enjoyed the time in Rome. He had meant the Sheffield case and the hasty flight to Rome, then the awkward moments about this old case and the embarrassing discovery about those fan stories. And a bit he had meant the closeness to Barbara and that he had been such a coward to maintain this stupid barrier between them. He should have felt his way across it.
"Well, yes, in a way." Barbara answered. She scolded herself for cowardly not inviting him in. Yesterday evening had been the perfect evening but with a stupid end. She had thought he would do something, say something, show her somehow that he had enjoyed this evening as much as she had, but stupidly she had declined his invitation for a nightcap and thus spoiled the evening for herself. She should not have retreated into her room immediately. But she had.
They stared into each other's eyes. Tommy saw a longing in hers to do exactly what was written in those Rese and Liam stories. But she did not say a word. Barbara saw a yearning to prolong the time they spend together. She saw him bending a little forward. Her eyes widened and she squared her shoulders.
She held her breath and expected a kiss but then - nothing. Not even a peck on her cheek. He had misread her anticipation and thought of her movement to be a withdrawal.
"See you on Monday." he croaked and nearly fled back to his car.
In his back he heard her door loudly slam shut. He could not have known that inside Barbara slumped against the door and cursed.
Tommy got into his car and banged his head against the steering wheel. After a few moments he drove to his own big empty home. Denton welcomed him and saw to his baggage.
"Is that yours, Sir?" He held up a bag with lady's shoes.
Tommy sat on his sofa with an untouched whisky in front of him and a random news show on TV. He looked up and froze.
He remembered when Barbara had rummaged through her hand baggage in his car on search for her keys. She had put out several things before she found it on the bottom. She must have forgotten to put the bag with her new shoes back. An absent smile found its way into Tommy's face.
"Cinderella..." he whispered.
"Pardon, Sir?" Denton did not understand. Tommy blushed.
"Oh, umm, Bar... Miss Havers had left them in my car. You can put the bag onto the table in the hall. Thank you." His face returned to the TV. "I'll give them back on Monday."
This night's sleep was packed with disturbing dreams that left him highly confused and all the more lonely and frustrated on the next morning. Some things had been left undone during the previous days and they kept him busy. Saturday evening was occupied with a formal dinner with some businessmen. He had never found them so dull like he did now. And he never would understand how people could handle these matters in such an unemotional way, forgetting the fact that those horses are precious lovable animals. One or the other moment he had found his thoughts drifting back to a day he had spent with Barbara showing her his stables at Howenstow. She fiercely had objected to mount 'one of those huge beasts' but he had secretly observed her while she was tenderly stroking the head of one of his 'giants' and breathing calming words onto its nostrils when she had waited for him to return from a short exchange with the stable master.
One day I'll place her on one of my horses and we'll go riding. I'd love to teach her. He imagined her on a horse in the beautiful landscape around his Cornish home and suddenly his heart made a jump. I love her. His smile irritated and interrupted the speech of his business partner so Lynley quickly put himself back into the dull reality of this dinner.
On Sunday he shortly called his mother to tell her of the evening's result about the horses but other than that he had no more appointments so he mostly sat around, stared into nothing and got more bored, deeply frustrated and entirely lonely. He hated the fact that he had such deep feelings for Barbara. Feelings he should not have. Feelings she obviously did not reciprocate. Eventually he found himself in his study in front of the computer. The internet was tempting and the fan fiction site called for him. The Rese and Liam community showed another Get Together story.
Unnoticed by Tommy his mind played tricks on him and he only pictured Barbara while she was taking her birthday present. He felt embarrassed and spirited at the same time. And deeply ashamed of having those thoughts about his Sergeant once again.
He read Barbed Wire's comment: congratulations! what an exciting ride! I like this adventurous side of her. HE could do with some of it too!
Is she referring to me?! No, this isn't possible! And shame on you, Tommy!
Tommy knew about that TV show playing in Edinburgh, knew that there were some similarities to him and Barbara but he did never watch it regularly so in order to get to know more he read a bit about those two on the internet. He found out that Liam had been divorced at the end of series five and Rese had been held as a hostage once, which was in series three. This caused Tommy's thoughts to wander back in time to a case where the photograph of a young man with a thing for the divine proportion had led them to its solution just in time to react because back then Barbara had been held as a hostage too, just being back into service after she had been shot.
A thought struck him and suddenly he knew what he had to do. He got up and poured himself another whisky.
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