10 – Stalemate

"You know how I feel about this. The answer is still - no!" Remus stormed at Belby, his usually pale features flushing with anger.

Once again, Belby was insisting on studying Remus during the full moon, and Remus was holding fast with his refusal. I had tried to intervene during the last argument, and the result was most unpleasant. Remus refused to have any contact with us for nearly two weeks. We were at a standstill. The MRI that was performed a month ago clearly pinpointed two glands that seemed to control the intracellular transmission system that was malfunctioning. These glands were slightly larger than they should have been and, in an initial test, responded both positively and negatively to different stimuli. We needed to track the changes in these glands and the signals being sent during the change, but Remus was being uncooperative. I stayed out of it this time. Maybe he'll rant to me later, and I'll be able to talk him into it. I'd have to wait and see.

I had thought to speak with Albus about this but really didn't want to involve him, even though Remus had gone to him to complain about the situation. Albus had far too much on his mind at the moment. Severus had gone to the Near East to follow Voldemort's trail and had been very successful. His lack of knowledge of the country and customs was a hindrance, but he learned quickly, and his personal demeanour was one that the males in that area could relate to. He discovered that Voldemort had changed hosts several times, even to the point of taking a human host. However, each transition eventually cost the host its life, leaving a trail of bodies. He seemed to be heading for North Africa. When I was working with the Italian Ministry, I had discovered that certain countries in the North were supportive of Voldemort's philosophies and were sympathetic to his cause. He may try to seek asylum there.

Severus had returned on the evening prior to the first day of classes having very little time to prepare, but his highly organized mind immediately set to the various tasks of establishing himself as the most reviled teacher at the school. In his role, he would also need to identify which parents still supported the Dark side and which had merely been pawns in the war. His function as spy was far from over, and my heart went out to him. He was completely immersed in his charms and spells. He didn't even look like the man I knew. In late summer, I had an opportunity to see him briefly at a symposium given by the Society. I thought to approach him, to thank him for the rose, but when he saw me he steered away and, after thinking for a moment, I supposed that he was probably right. He needed to concentrate on what lay ahead, as did I.

It was very late when a light knock sounded on my door. Casting the usual spell, I opened it to allow Remus in. He looked drawn and tired and very frustrated. Before I could offer him a seat, he agitatedly began to pace the centre of my chamber.

"I know you need to do this," he began nervously, stopping before the lit trio set on the dresser. "But, please understand how difficult this is for me." He paused, gathering his nerve to continue. "This is something that I have not shared with anyone in a very long time. Besides the pack, my parents, and my best friends, very few knew what I am. Belby tried to help before, and it didn't work. My parents are gone, two best friends are dead, one is in prison, and now I'm being asked to open myself up to examination again. I do understand how important this is, but it's hard. I don't want to hurt anyone, especially you, and I can't guarantee that that won't happen." He turned and took a large pace to stand before me. "I can't let that happen," he repeated gravely.

I tipped my head to look him in the eyes. He was scared. Running my right hand down his arm, I grasped his hand tightly and assured, "I'm glad you realize how important this is. We, I," I corrected with a grin because we still weren't certain about Belby's motives, "only want to help. You know that we can't go any further until you allow us in, but I'm willing to wait a little longer. Maybe we can come up with some kind of arrangement. Maybe I can follow you from a distance. I'm quite good at stealth." I grinned into his serious face.

"I would still smell you. A werewolf's sense of smell is very acute, and you have a distinct scent," he replied looking down at me.

"Are you saying I smell?" I joked, trying to lighten the conversation.

"This is no joke, Daniella," he continued seriously. "I have no control over my actions when I'm in that state. I would be devastated if I hurt you."

"You won't hurt me," I reassured. "I have a few tricks up my sleeve that you don't know about, but I'll be patient…for a while… as long as you understand that we must progress."

"I understand, but I also want you to understand the dangers."

"I do."

The mid-October dreariness cast everything to the shadows. Heavy clouds threatened rain, but none had fallen yet. Candles were lit in Belby's lab casting a glow against the walls. We had been working on the MRI scans again and researching the isotones that the glands produced. We had also been testing some new ingredients that we were confident would have an effect on the nervous system, ones that I had procured in Switzerland a month ago on a very quick trip. There was something in the chemical composition of the brain that altered when the moon was full, but we weren't certain if the curse reacted to a twenty-eight day cycle or the gravitational pull of the moon, but there was a definite biological basis. It was a tough call, especially with an uncooperative subject.

Belby leaned forward, his brow furrowed, his glasses at the end of his nose, and took one of the books that lay open in front of me. He flipped the pages back and forth between two passages, comparing the studies. I had been doing the same with another set of articles. There had to be something here.

"So," he began abruptly, not raising his head, "you haven't had any luck convincing Mr. Lupin?"

"No," I replied, still reading the text. "He's concerned for our safety. You know that he can't control his actions in that state. He's afraid that he may cause us harm."

"May cause you harm," he corrected with a twitch of his lips. "I don't think he cares whether he causes me harm or not."

"That's not true," I rose my head to look in his direction. "Mr. Lupin is a gentle man. I don't think that he would want to cause anyone harm."

Belby humphed and resumed his reading. "Well, I hope he changes his mind soon. I'd like to get on with this. We're at a stalemate"

I nodded. We couldn't move forward without Remus' cooperation.

I stood at the edge of the forest as the sun began to set, the chill of the evening settling in. Remus would be so upset if he knew what I was about to do, but the last conversation I had with Belby prompted my action. Stalemate. He was right. All I needed right now was to determine what happened at what time of the night, to have a rough estimate that would give me an indication whether the gravitational pull of the moon was responsible for triggering the curse, and thus, the change. I stood, waiting.

The moon rose above the edge of the trees, the Goddess in all Her glory. I stepped from the perimeter, making my way to the grassy knoll where Remus and I had sat during the summer. Without casting a circle, I called to the Goddess Moon and to the Elemental Guardians, explaining what needed to be done and why, and asked for their guidance and protection. The moon's white aura shimmered as I spoke and stretched toward the earth, and the earth vibrated faintly as the rays touched the ground. I felt an overpowering presence. They would be with me.

My head spun sharply as an eerie howl sounded from the Shrieking Shack. The change had occurred. I quickly noted the height of the moon and the time of night and crept toward the wooden fence. Remus would emerge and probably head toward the forest. I didn't know if he would join the pack or not, but I stayed low and waited, leaning against a thick fence post, Omnioculars in hand.

Finally, a dark figure came into view from the far side of the neglected structure and, as I predicted, headed for the trees, its loping gait indicative of a werewolf. I followed at a distance, my years of jogging being put to the test over uneven terrain. The moon was high, and I felt the Goddess and Guardians with me, and although I was afraid, I felt safe as I entered the Forbidden Forest, a good thirty feet behind my target.

Remus spent most of the night alone simply wandering the woods. His single encounter with another werewolf was one that ended in a fight. I sat, frozen in my spot, too frightened to move as the werewolves battled over territory. At one point, they both tipped their heads back, sniffing the air and turning in my direction. As they began to move toward my location, a strong gust of wind blew my scent away, and they steered back to the clearing. The fight was over. Thank you Guardian of the Eastern Quadrant. Remus received a large gash on his right shoulder and a slice across his left cheek. I thought that they would leave scars if not tended to promptly. The other werewolf faired just as badly.

Moments before dawn, as the moon sat on the horizon and the sun glowed below the opposite horizon, Remus returned to the Shrieking Shack, almost as if he consciously knew that it was time to go home. Did he, at some point, start to recognize his actions, even in the changed state, or was it instinct that drew him back? I added this information to the notepad that had rapidly filled with events from the night. Waiting outside by the fence until the moon had completely set and the sun began to glow through the dark clouds, I thanked the Goddess and the Guardians for protecting me.

Ducking under the top fence post, I jogged up the hill to the shack and crept in. The battle-scarred front door was slightly ajar and creaked as it opened. Standing at the bottom of a rickety, dusty stairwell, I listened for any sound of movement from the floor above. There was none. Hesitatingly climbing the stairs, I paused when one creaked under foot, and held my breath for a moment before continuing. At the top, on the small landing, three wooden doors were present. I reached out empathically for Remus and moved to the door directly ahead. It was half open, and I cautiously poked my head around the edge. The room was of medium size, containing a couple of broken chairs, an old wardrobe with a shattered mirror and a double bed with tattered, grimy sheets. The fireplace against the far wall looked like it hadn't been used in years, and the sunlight of early dawn was having enough difficulty struggling through the clouds and was even duller as it tried to penetrate the filth that covered the window. Remus lay on the bed, huddled in a ragged grey blanket, shivering in the cold. His exhaustion from the night's ordeal rendered him incapable to tending to himself. I stood, trying to decide what to do. Morally, I was compelled to help, but I knew that he would be horribly upset with me if he knew what I had done, but if I left him as he was, with that shabby, old blanket half wrapped around his naked body, he would freeze and become sick. I couldn't let that happen. I decided to accept the consequences of my actions and do what I knew was right.

Silently, I entered the room and drew my wand. The night's events had taken a toll on me as well. My energy reserves were low. A flick of my wand transfigured the old blanket into a soft, down-filled comforter. Another flick cast a Warming Charm on the room, and the chill was promptly taken from the air. I moved to the bed and cast a Diagnostic Charm over the exhausted man, checking the glands and the isotones. The levels were incredibly high. Shifting the comforter away from his shoulder and face to tend to his wounds, I noted that his shivering had diminished, and he lay comfortably still as I cast a Healing Spell. Exhausted, I stumbled to the opposite side of the bed and sat in the unstable wooden chair. Its straight back was missing a rung and was uncomfortable and hard, but as I pulled my coat tightly around me, my head tipped forward, and I was asleep within seconds.

Jolting awake as the grey mid-morning light struggled through the grimy window, I shivered in the cold. The Warming Charm had worn off at some point, and the chill had infiltrated the room. Too tired to recast the spell, I transfigured my coat into a quilt and rolled onto the bed beside Remus. He was snuggled deeply under the comforter, and I lay on top wrapped in the quilt. Sleep came quickly again.

A sudden jerk from the opposite side of the bed startled me awake. I was on my side facing the edge and rolled onto my back to find Remus propped on his forearms, his hair tousled, eyes blurry and unfocused as he gazed around the room eventually landed on me. A variety of emotions crossed his face from anger to embarrassment and back to anger. I had betrayed his trust. I knew it and would have to deal with it.

"Good morning," I said sheepishly, poking my head out from the comfort of the quilt. "Before you bite my head off, let me apologize. I went against your wishes, and I deserve your anger."

"Bite your head of?" he snapped. "Poor choice of words." His face was beginning to flush. "When did you get here? Did you follow me last night?"

"Yes, I followed you," I answered, knowing that the truth was best.

"From when?" he shot out again.

"I arrived before sunset and waited near the forest. I followed you through the night and when you came back here, I followed you in."

"You're obviously good. You're still alive. Had I discovered you, I could very well have bitten your head off." He shook his head and pressed his face into the musty pillow.

I rolled onto my side to face him, pulling the comforter over his bare shoulders.

"But, you never knew that I was there. I told you I was good at stealth," I replied softly, leaning my head onto my hand.

He raised his face from the pillow and stared at the cast-iron rungs of the headboard, his face and neck growing scarlet.

"You realize that I'm naked under this blanket."

"You realize that that's not the same smelly, old blanket."

He looked at the comforter for the first time, and his face landed in the pillow again, this time from embarrassment.

"You'll also notice," I continued, "that I am not under the same comforter. I stumbled onto the bed a few hours ago when it was cold, and I was too tired to cast a Warming Charm."

He raised his face again; his eyes moist, having left wet patches of the pillow. He looked at me for the first time, his eyes encircled with dark rings. He was still recovering, and I yawned deeply, covering my mouth with my left hand and turning my head away. I guess I was recovering, too. Reaching up and adjusting the comforter again over his shoulders, my lips twitched up.

"If you don't mind, I really could use some more sleep," I said, yawning again.

He nodded slightly and lowered his head to the pillow, watching me as I rolled onto my back and then onto my opposite side. I felt him shift as well. I guess he rolled over, too. My mind was filled with a dozen things as I drifted back to sleep.

It must have been early afternoon when I woke again. Rolling over, I couldn't feel Remus beside me. Opening one eye, I saw him standing at the wardrobe, his back to me. I held my breath. His back muscles rippled as he reached for his clothes that were neatly folded in a pile on a shelf and as he bent to pull on his boxers, I couldn't help but follow the length of those long legs to his well-formed buttocks. I had to bite my lips to stop from grinning. All decency told me to turn my head, close my eyes, look away, but I couldn't. His battle-worn body and strong muscle development held my attention until he pulled his grey wool sweater over his head and began to turn around. I shifted and pretended to stir, acting as if just waking up. Stretching, I looked up at him as he approached the bed.

"Plan to stay there all day?" he asked tersely. He was still angry.

"It's warm," I replied with a playful grin but relented under his glare. "But, I suppose if I must get up…" I threw the warm covers off and shook myself awake as he continued to gaze at me. Swinging my legs over the edge of the bed, I watched as Remus moved carefully around the room, stretching and shifting his arms, legs and body. He was trying to determine his condition.

"You were hurt last night. I tended to your wounds. You should still be in bed," I said as I transfigured the quilt back into my jacket.

"Did you get the information you needed?" His tone was not as sharp.

"Some, but not all. That was just one night. I would have to do a series of studies in order to have a definite base of information."

"You'd have to do this again?" He sounded concerned.

"Yes, a few times."

He sighed but kept his back to me. "I can't control what I do…" he said quietly.

"I know, and I understand. I'm not being cocky, but I know that you won't hurt me."

"I wish I was as confident as you."

I smiled at him as I approached his side. Wrapping my arm around his waist in a gesture of support, I gave him a slight squeeze. "I have faith in you and in my Goddess."

His frown slowly softened and with a slight nod, he finally agreed. I would continue as I did last night, but I would have to keep my distance.