Face to Face


Even with the child sleeping in her son's bed looking like a smaller copy of Xiao Jian, Zi Wei still found it difficult to take in the story that Er Tai just told her, and what she just read.

It was nearing dark, but Er Tai must have been out all day and had come back straight to Zi Wei's room, considering he was still wearing court robes. As if that was not strange enough, he had a screaming child in his arms. A child whom Zi Wei had never seen before.

"Who's this?" Zi Wei asked, looking up from her book.

Er Tai was prevented from actually answering, however, because the child was, as Zi Wei observed the moment they neared the door, screaming.

"I don't think he likes to wake up to realise he has been separated from his mother by a strange man," Er Tai said over the child's cries as Zi Wei took him. "This is Zhan Er."

"As in, Qing Er and Xiao Jian's son?" Zi Wei asked, astonished, as the little boy tried to squirm out of her arms.

"Yes. It's a really long story," Er Tai said, looking weary.

Zi Wei did not press for further explanation; or rather, she could not, being totally occupied with trying to sooth the very distressed child. She started to softly sing a lullaby she usually sang for her children, and after a while, Zhan Er seemed to calm a little and agreed to settle in her lap, sucking his thumb and letting out the occasional hiccup.

"I think he might also be hungry," Er Tai added softly when they could hear themselves again.

In the next hour, Zi Wei and her maids were busy tending to the child, feeding him and soothing when he suddenly looked around in panic and cried for his mother. Meanwhile, Er Tai went to change his clothes, with promises that he'd come back later and explain to Zi Wei why he just dumped their friends' child on her lap. Even though she had no idea what was going on, Zi Wei knew enough from Zhan Er's behaviour that he had just been through something terrifying, even aside from what Er Tai said was a reluctant separation from his mother.

Eventually, Zi Wei left him in the company of her children and asked the maids to keep out of sight, as Zhan Er seemed to be less fearful around the children. Before Zi Wei left the room to go look for Er Tai, she extracted a promise from her eldest son, Xiang Dong, that he would keep an eye on Zhan Er as well as his sister Chun Tian, four, and brother, Xiang Cheng, who was about the same age as Zhan Er. The promise allowed her seven-year-old son to feel quite important and grown up, though Zi Wei knew that the maids would just be outside the room if something really went wrong.

She found Er Tai already waiting for her in the receiving hall of her and Er Kang's quarters.

"All right, what's going on?" Zi Wei asked, sitting down opposite him.

"First of all, this is currently a state matter, so technically I'm not even supposed to tell you any of this, but I thought I'm bringing a child into your care, you at least deserve to know what's going on."

"State matter?" Zi Wei asked, frowning. "How does this relate to Qing Er and Xiao Jian? Where are they?"

"I will get to that. The thing is, yesterday, Zhong Ren Fu was informed of a possible meeting of a group of rebels. When they went to the scene to capture, they found only one person present, and he was captured, along with the rest of his family from where they were staying at an inn – "

"Don't tell me, Xiao Jian?" Zi Wei asked, aghast. "Surely he would not – "

"No. If only it was that simple," Er Tai said. "Anyway, this morning, Huang Shang asked me to investigate this case, and I started the questionings this afternoon. There wasn't much of real interest, until I got to meet the subject's sister-in-law, who turned out to be Qing Er."

"Sister-in-law?" Zi Wei repeated. "Xiao Jian doesn't have a brother."

"Well, about that. You should read this." Er Tai held out to her a stack of paper.

"Are you sure I'm allowed to look at that?"

"Of course you're not allowed," Er Tai said dismissively. "But it's much easier than me trying to explain it."

Zi Wei raised an eyebrow, but still slowly took the papers, and began to read.

"Have you told Huang Shang about this? Xiao Yan Zi?" she demanded when she finished reading and had taken a few minutes to let it all sink in.

"No, I came straight back here from Zhong Ren Fu. After I talked to Qing Er, she asked me to take her son out of the prison, so I cut the session short there and came in to take Zhan Er. I met Xiao Jian then, but I didn't get the chance to actually talk to him about any of this. It looks like Qing Er covered most of the facts already anyway, and there didn't seem to be anything else I could have gotten from them today. I had Zhan Er so I took him straight to you."

"You will tell them, won't you?" she asked anxiously.

"Yes, though I'm hardly going to stand in the middle of court and report it to Huang Shang. I will see him tomorrow after the morning audience. I suppose it would help if you were there when he tells Xiao Yan Zi."

"Yes, I think it would," Zi Wei said softly. "To be honest I don't know how she's going to even take this."

This was a good thing, she tried to tell herself. Kind of. Well, it was good in that Xiao Yan Zi's parents were alive, after all these years of thinking they were dead. But how they came to be alive was going to prove very problematic. Zi Wei just hoped they would eventually manage to think of a peaceful way to get out of this already very tangled mess. They always did, in the past, but never without a good dose of trouble and pain.

"Whatever happens, we can hardly keep this a secret from her," Er Tai said.

"Of course not," Zi Wei murmured. She had tried to keep secrets from Xiao Yan Zi once about her family. It hardly ended well. And this was entirely different. This was something that Xiao Yan Zi needed to know, and if Zi Wei ever attempted to keep this from her, she wasn't sure Xiao Yan Zi would ever forgive her.

"When is my brother going to be back from Shanxi?" Er Tai asked. "I have a feeling we'll need to get all our heads together to think of a way to get out of this."

"Not for a couple of days yet." Zi Wei shook her head. "Right now this seems like we're due another crisis. I was so sure we were over all these sorts of thing."

Er Tai chuckled. "I've stopped a long time ago trying to figure out why these things happen around us with an alarming frequency."


"You were right. This case is as twisted as a serpent," Er Tai announced as he strode into Qian Qing Gong the next day, after having taken care to not mention anything about the case earlier in front of all the other officials.

"Really?" Yong Qi asked, looking up at Er Tai standing in front of his desk. "What did you find out?"

"This," Er Tai said, placing a stack of paper down on the desk.

Yong Qi raised an eyebrow. "Can't you just summarise?"

"No. You should read that," Er Tai said, sitting down and making himself comfortable. Apparently that was also his way of telling Yong Qi that whatever the papers contained, he expected Yong Qi to take a long time to either read it or digest it.

Yong Qi picked up the papers and sat back in his chair. Before he started to read, he looked over at Er Tai again. His friend seemed worried and tense; whatever these papers contained, it wasn't a crime so diabolical to be angry at. It was something to be concerned with.

The reason for concern became extremely clear very soon into the records. Yong Qi looked up, alarmed, at Er Tai the moment he realised whose testimony this was, but Er Tai just gave a weary sigh and signaled for him to continue reading.

By the time he got to the end, Yong Qi could do little but sit and stare at the papers in his hands, then gulped down the rest of his cold tea.

"What."

Was it possible to be dizzy from shock? Yong Qi decided that it was. He placed the papers down and leaned into his hands, staring down at the words he just read.

"Yes," Er Tai said simply. Yong Qi wasn't sure what he was saying 'yes' to. It could be anything from "Yes, I know how you're feeling right now" to "Yes, you're doomed."

"What are we supposed to do about this?" Yong Qi asked weakly, looking up.

"You tell me," Er Tai said.

"Xiao Yan Zi's family. These people are actually Xiao Yan Zi's parents," Yong Qi said, almost trying to convince himself that what he just read really was true. "This is impossible."

"Yes, I actually questioned them, and Fang Yi, before I got to Qing Ge Ge and she told me who they were. And as if the fact that all this came directly from Qing Ge Ge wasn't enough, I went through the possessions that they confiscated from the family at the inn, and among them were the family sword and flute. I took Xiao Jian and Qing Ge Ge's son to Saosao and showed the sword and flute to her; she confirmed that they really are Xiao Jian's."

"They brought Zhan Er with them to Beijing? I suppose if the whole family is here he must be too. It seems rather risky, though, bring so young a child all the way here from Yunnan."

"Yes, he was taken with them to Zhong Ren Fu. No matter what we're dealing with, I can't stand by keeping a two-year-old child in Zhong Ren Fu. He will be taken care of, at home."

"You could have gotten all of them out."

Er Tai laughed humourlessly. "And set myself up for Fu Zheng accusing me of not taking this case seriously and pressure you to take me off it? Like that would help any of us. They should survive a few days in there, I have sent in blankets and such. But we do need to think of how to deal with this, soon."

"You've told Zi Wei?"

"Yes, she's as shocked about the whole thing as we are. I suppose telling Yi Fei Niang Niang will require a more delicate approach than shoving a pile of paper at her."

Yong Qi groaned. "Oh Heaven, I have to tell Xiao Yan Zi this, don't I?"

Er Tai smiled slightly, apparently amused that he only just realised this now. "Yes, you do."

"This is probably worse than telling her my mother is alive."

"Funny how that works," Er Tai said. "The two of you really belong together."

Yong Qi glared at him. "I hate how you actually think this is funny."

"I don't," Er Tai said. "I know it puts you in an impossible situation and honestly I don't envy you all the complicated relationships that will result from this. You may not want to wear your heart on your sleeve with this case."

"Meaning?"

"I just wonder who it was exactly that tipped off Zhong Ren Fu about the possible rebel meeting. Why do it anonymously? Perhaps they don't want the chance of being subject for revenge. Maybe it was something else. I would not be surprised if Fu Zheng presses you in the next couple of days to severely punish those involved with this rebel meeting."

"You think Fu Zheng knows something, maybe about who was staying at his inn, and set this whole thing up?"

"It's not out of the realm of possibility," Er Tai said thoughtfully. "He might think it worth it to put his reputation at risk if in the long run it benefits Xiang Guiren – or at least, this whole thing proves damaging to Yi Fei. And even if the whole meeting was a set up and no actual rebel group was meeting that day at that place, it hardly matters. Fang Yi thought they were and went with the intent of joining a rebel group. That in itself is a crime."

"And the imperial edict from Huang Ah Ma could only clear Fang Zhi Hang's previous crimes. It would not pardon his escape from his execution and certainly not his son's crimes."

"Exactly. Right now the only good card we have to play is the child Yi Fei's carrying."

"That hardly matters," Yong Qi said.

"Really?"

"The devious thing about this whole thing is that it seems totally straightforward. As you said, rebel meeting, rebel caught, rebel punished. The crime is perfectly clear, the twisted thing is all the relations behind it all. The baby will save Xiao Yan Zi's life, certainly, but it would hardly mean anything to her with her family in danger."

"You don't want to wear your heart on your sleeve right now," Er Tai repeated.

"You said that already."

"And I'm saying it again," Er Tai said, looking at Yong Qi in concern, "because right now, you're more concerned about how Xiao Yan Zi will be upset about her family in danger, and I'm wondering whether you've realised yet that her brother just basically declared his intention of joining a group with the expressed purpose of killing you."

"Yes, there is that," Yong Qi agreed, sighing.

"I really would feel a lot more at ease if you were to express a little more concern about that," Er Tai said.

"Honestly I think if I were fated to die at the hand of Xiao Yan Zi's family, it would have happened long ago, with Xiao Jian," Yong Qi said.

"Yes, well, when the time comes, do me a favour and don't take a chance."

"When?" Yong Qi asked, smiling.

"Please, I would try to talk you out of allowing Xiao Yan Zi to meet them – or really, of meeting them yourself – but what are the chances you'd listen?"

Yong Qi sighed. It wasn't that he was trying to dismiss Er Tai's concerns, which he knew were legitimate. It was just that running away from this truth would not solve any of their problems.

"Xiao Yan Zi deserves to know, Er Tai, and more than anything, no matter how well or badly it might go, she deserves to at least meet them."

Er Tai shot him a slightly exasperated look. But his voice was full of sympathy as he said, "And to follow up on that, you'd actually want us to try and think of a way to get them out of this alive, don't you?"

Yong Qi nodded. "Wouldn't you? It's her family. I would hate that, after everything, she'd lose her family all over again. Besides, Xiao Jian was able to let go of whatever idea of revenge he had once to not only accept my marriage to Xiao Yan Zi, but also to marry Qing Er. I have hope."

"No offense, but somehow I doubt that you are very high on the list of men Fang Zhi Hang might want his only daughter to marry," Er Tai said dryly.

"I know. Exactly because of that, I'd hate to the person signing his death sentence – his second death sentence."

"Most people only get one."

Yong Qi smiled. "Since when was anything remotely related to Xiao Yan Zi only anything?"

"So you want to meet them? With Xiao Yan Zi? Where? I thought you wouldn't exactly fancy the idea of Xiao Yan Zi going anywhere near Zhong Ren Fu anymore."

"No, I was thinking more of right here."

Er Tai stared at Yong Qi in astonishment. "You are kidding right? Please tell me you're not asking me to bring people with questionable intents into the palace, into Qian Qing Gong."

"It would look the most sanctioned, as opposed to, say, meeting at Fu residence where honestly it would just look like you've brought them out of jail illegally. I'd rather no allegations of anything out of line falls on you. Beside, the palace would be the ideal place where highly-armed guards will be within reach but not in our faces."

"Frankly in this situation I'd rather they were in our faces. At least one of us has to actually care about your safety."

"Believe it or not, I actually think if this Fang Yi does anything, Xiao Jian would be more likely to stop him than join him."

"Let us hope so!" Er Tai exclaimed. "It's riveting how much trust you seem to have in your brother-in-law's ability to care for your safety."

"Er Tai, I do take your concerns seriously. Do not think that I don't. I know that this is hardly going to be a happy family reunion."

"No, I have a feeling it will be the weirdest family reunion on earth."


Xiao Yan Zi was trying to count the tiles in one of the adjacent rooms in Qian Qing Gong. One step, one tile. Row after row. Up and down the room, until they disappeared under the woollen carpet. She would have tried to count the threads in the carpet too, if the intense focus on each thread wasn't straining her eyes and making her dizzy.

Besides, tiles were significantly easier to count.

It was probably the only way she was keeping herself sane at the moment, waiting for Er Tai to bring her family to Qian Qing Gong to meet her.

Her. Family.

So there was that.

Xiao Yan Zi didn't think her mind had stopped spinning yet. Or that she had even dared to actually believe the story Yong Qi told her the day before. Not when he showed her the transcript of the story Qing Er had told to Er Tai. Not even when Zi Wei had been there, telling her about her nephew who was now slowly trying get used to the new and strange sanctuary at Fu residence.

Because the transcript and Zhan Er could not even begin to prove that somehow – somehow – her parents were alive. She would not believe it until she saw them and heard their voices and touched them herself.

She had given up hopes of ever finding her family at a very young age. Even Huang Ah Ma and Zi Wei never rekindled that hope, because she had always known, as much as she loved them, they were never actually related. (And because of Yong Qi, she was rather glad for that, after a while.) Even when Xiao Jian came into her life, any tiny ray of hope she could have about her parents being alive had been almost immediate denied as well, when he confirmed what Xiao Yan Zi had always known – that they must be dead.

Except now, they were not?

No, it was too impossible to believe, even by the standards of strange things happening in her life. She would not allow herself to open up to the idea of it, when she knew how agonising it would be when she would have to accept it was not true after all.

Not until…

No.

So why was she here? Why was she pacing the length of this room while Ming Yue and Cai Xia stood to the side, looking at her with concern, expecting her to faint at any moment and poised to rush in to support her? Why was just the smallest part of her heart burning with this…this expectation?

It's not real. It can't be real. It's too good to be real. I can't have nice things because everything would go wrong, eventually. Things this nice never happen to me. Yong Qi and everything good that came with him was a fluke. A cosmic error. Heaven must have gotten drunk one night and made a colossal mistake. It can't ever happen again. It can't. It's not possible.

All this was a mantra that she had been repeating to herself through the sleepless night, but even now, she wished – oh how she wished –

She still didn't know how she survived the night between Yong Qi and Zi Wei telling her this fairy tale and the moment she was in now, waiting still.

She remembered the night before, her first reaction had been to laugh when Yong Qi and Zi Wei told her that her parents were alive. She spent the whole of their explanation in complete disbelief. She spent the rest of the night telling herself to forget anything she heard that night, torn between wanting to be mad at Yong Qi and Zi Wei both that they would actually joke about something like this, and telling herself that they wouldn't.

But it didn't matter if they believe it. She didn't. She couldn't. She didn't want to.

Because it was impossible.

It didn't stop her from spending the entire night not sleeping, keeping Yong Qi up with her. She felt like she must commend him on his determination to play this joke on her, by staying with her despite neither of them getting any sleep that night, and it was not even the good kind of sleeplessness. Or she could just believe him, because that was the only logical reason he stayed and listened to her rambling all night knowing it meant a tiring day after and not once complained.

But it was impossible.

If were possible, if she could have brought herself to believe it, Xiao Yan Zi would have rushed out of the palace the night before. The gates would be shut, but she would climb the walls of the palace again if she had to. Only if she could know that all that rush and haste would not just end in broken hopes...

So while she had been told that the night before, Er Tai had secretly moved her family to Fu residence where they could get cleaned up and some decent rest before bringing them into the palace this morning for what would be an over-charged emotional experience, she still could not be sure that her time waiting now in this room at Qian Qing Gong would come to anything at all.

It didn't mean she didn't nearly jump out of her skin, or that her hands didn't go clammy, when she heard voices outside the room. It was Er Tai and Shun Gong Gong talking. Shun Gong Gong was telling Er Tai that "Huang Shang was in the study with Liu Daren but Yi Fei Niang Niang is in this chamber here", at which point Xiao Yan Zi stared at the door and swayed dangerously on her feet, causing Ming Yue and Cai Xia to grip her arms in alarm.

She was clenching her hands so hard that her nails – which her maids worked so hard to keep a moderately respectable lady-like length and shape despite her best efforts to do the opposite – dug into her palms painfully when the door opened.

If time could stop, it probably did in that moment for Xiao Yan Zi. For all she knew, the earth could have stopped spinning.

Before her were Xiao Jian and Qing Er, first of all. Then next to them, there was someone who could be her mother, someone who could be her father. And someone who was apparently her younger brother and someone else who was supposed to be her parents' adopted son.

How was it possible that she found it easier to rationalise and entertain the idea that she had a younger brother, but not her parents, when her parents' continued existence was crucial to the existence of the younger brother in the first place?

Any attempt at trying to figure this out was lost as Xiao Jian came to her and hugged her, only at which point Ming Yue and Cai Xia felt assured enough that she wouldn't just crumble to the ground to let go of her and quietly slip out of the room to give them all some privacy.

"You owe me a lot of explanation," she gasped, barely holding back a sob as Xiao Jian released her.

Xiao Jian squeezed one of her hands and said softly, "I know. I promise I'll explain. I am so, so sorry, Xiao Yan Zi."

Then he stepped back to make way for Qing Er. It was easy to guess, from her upbringing and judging by the expression on Qing Er's face, though she was smiling, that she would at least attempt what she considered a "proper greeting" to Xiao Yan Zi under the circumstances. So Xiao Yan Zi pre-empted her and said, her voice still croaky with emotions though mixed with a laugh, "Don't you dare!" and pulled Qing Er into a tight hug.

"It's bred in me, you know; it's instinct," Qing Er said, smiling, of her failed attempt to observe etiquettes, but she accepted Xiao Yan Zi's hug without protest.

Xiao Yan Zi could only smile tightly back, because now that she had greeted the people she knew…it had come to the part she simultaneously feared, dreaded and could not wait for.

Qing Er saw through her myriad of emotions, and gave her shoulder a warm squeeze. "It's going to be all right," she whispered. Xiao Yan Zi wished she could really believe her.

Her hands were shaking. Xiao Yan Zi was sure her entire body was shaking too.

Xiao Jian pulled her forward while Qing Er gave her an encouraging smile.

"Father, Mother, this is Xiao Ci. Sister, this is our father and mother."

For a moment, Xiao Yan Zi couldn't do anything but stare. And they were staring back. The room was eerily silent. You could hear a pin drop. Yet, Xiao Yan Zi was terrified that the silence would break and the illusion shattered.

"Oh, my baby," the woman whom her brother said was her mother cried, taking a step towards Xiao Yan Zi and cupping her face in her palms. "Xiao Ci, my child. My daughter."

Her touch was warm, her voice soft and loving, and Xiao Yan Zi wanted so much, so desperately, to call out to her. She didn't dare, and yet at the same time, feelings of wretchedness filled her as – dared she say it – her mother was looking so longingly at her, and she felt like the worst person in the world for not being able to say anything back.

It was like something was stuck in her throat, physically stopping her from speaking or making any sort of verbal response. She could only look and stare, firstly at her…mother (yes, Xiao Yan Zi, your mother, you can do this…) and then at her father, aware that her eyes were glassy with tears and yet still unable to say anything.

Somehow, throughout it all, the only thought that really registered in her head was: this was insane.

Her father still had yet to say anything to her, and he looked at her with an expression that told her he must be feeling the way she was feeling.

In an instant, a terrifying surge of panic rose in Xiao Yan Zi as she thought of everything she'd known or been told about her family, about why they were even here now.

It only occurred to her now, in this impossible, emotionally-charge moment, that this was probably the last place in the world her parents would ever want her to be: here, in this place, in this position, dressed as she was.

As the thought occurred to her, so did another horrifying realisation: she had managed to disappoint her father before they ever managed to exchange a word. As he looked at her now, surely he must be seeing the daughter he wished he had raised, the daughter she could never be to him.

The sudden assault of fear and pain the thought triggered was enough to make her let out a strangled cry and she fell to her knees.

"I'm sorry," she said, as her mother sank down with her and pulled Xiao Yan Zi into her arms. It was exhilarating but not enough to drive away the fear that was reeling in her head, making her dizzy. It was also the strangest sensation in the world, because this embrace was different from any she had ever experienced before. This was her mother. Her mother. Her mother was alive and Xiao Yan Zi had no idea how to deal with this reality that had crashed down on her.

"No, don't say you're sorry. What do you have to be sorry for?" her mother said, holding her tightly, both of them sobbing, tears that Xiao Yan Zi did not even try to hold back, nor could she.

Xiao Yan Zi looked over her mother's shoulder at her father, who had crouched down beside them. She had felt this before, this burning need, this excruciating want to call the names she never was able or dared call before. It would be in a different language, different words, but she understood the power behind the sentiments now. She was afraid, more afraid now than she was last time, because now she knew once she said the words, it would break her if they were to reject her and she would never be whole again.

"Daughter," her father said softly, his hand came up to cradle the back of her head while her mother still had her arms wrapped around her tightly, almost painfully. She could feel his hand trembling and his face struggling against emotions; he had tears in his eyes.

It was as if something inside Xiao Yan Zi broke, and she buried her face into her mother's shoulder and just cried.

"Won't you call us Mother and Father, Xiao Ci?" her mother asked after a long while, pulling away, both her hands cupping Xiao Yan Zi's face and wiping away her tears.

Xiao Yan Zi swallowed a sob and looked through a haze of tears at her father. She needed to know that he wanted her to, that they both wanted it.

"Go on," he prompted, stroking her hair.

"Mother, Father," she choked out before tears drowned her again.

"My child," her mother said lovingly, almost reverently, as Xiao Yan Zi let out a half laugh, half sob.

"I still feel like I can't believe this," she said. "This is surreal. This is crazy. I must be crazy."

"Oh Xiao Ci," her father said, his voice trembling with emotions now as he took her from her mother's arms and into his own embrace. "It's real, my girl, it's real."

Xiao Yan Zi just sobbed even harder, her entire body shaking with an odd mixture of happiness, relief, guilt and disbelief. It didn't even matter that the name they called her was strange, since not even Xiao Jian had ever gotten into a habit of calling her that. It didn't matter, however, because to them, she was Xiao Ci. Xiao Ci was who their daughter was. Now that they were here, she could be Xiao Ci for them if they wanted it of her.

It took a long while before any of them were sufficiently calm again and Xiao Yan Zi had managed to convince herself that if she let go, her parents would not disappear before her eyes. They were a tangle of arms as Xiao Jian and Qing Er helped all three of them stand up.

"I'm all right," she said to Qing Er as she gripped her sister-in-law's arm for balance, lightheaded from all the emotions, making Qing Er look at her in concern.

The introduction to Fang Yi was a lot less teary and definitely more awkward. Her younger brother seemed wary through it all. Then again, considering what he was doing to get the whole family into this situation in the first place, Xiao Yan Zi was not exactly surprised to find him looking at her with a crease between his brows and greeting her in a deliberately unsentimental and reserved tone.

She supposed she should care that her younger brother did not seem eager to open his arms to her, and that he was obviously much less accepting of her situation than Xiao Jian had ever been. He claimed to be happy to see her and meet her. Xiao Yan Zi, even in her emotion state, saw that while the relief at her apparent well-being was probably sincere, however it was also tempered by doubt and something that perhaps she could call disappointment. Still, at that moment, Xiao Yan Zi was too much overwhelmed by everything else, about the fact that this meeting could take place at all, to feel hurt yet about the guardedness of his attitude towards her. She could accept his retreat for now, if it meant she had sufficient time later to change his mind.

Xiao Jian was shaking his head at her, in any case, telling her to let go for now the hints of hostility Fang Yi was displaying. It was not something that they could resolve in that moment, when all of them were so lost in emotions. So Xiao Yan Zi only gave her older brother a curt nod of understanding and did not provoke Fang Yi into any conversation that could turn sensitive.

The only person left to meet then was Li Cheng An, who, from the story Xiao Yan Zi had been told, and was confirmed now by Xiao Jian, was the person they all owed for this meeting to be possible now. Xiao Yan Zi thanked him profusely, though Cheng An mostly just looked dazed to meet her.

Xiao Jian was strangely uncomfortable throughout introducing Xiao Yan Zi to Cheng An, apparently. At one point, when Cheng An was about to say something to her, Xiao Jian changed the subject much too hastily. When Xiao Yan Zi looked at him with questions in her eyes, he shook his head emphatically. Xiao Yan Zi, for the time being, let it go. Whatever the issue Xiao Jian apparently was seeing in the meeting between Cheng An and Xiao Yan Zi, it was hardly the first piece of information her brother sought to keep from her, and she would get it out of him later. In any case, they had a long conversation coming about his attemptos to keep her so ignorant of so many things throughout all the time they had known each other.

Family reunion though this was, it was hard to not remember where it was taking place and why it had to take place here. Xiao Yan Zi could not forget that, just a couple of doors away, Yong Qi was waiting for them and another introduction would have to take place. If she was terrified before about meeting her parents when she couldn't quite yet convince herself that they lived, she was even more so now about this next meeting. Feelings of guilt and trepidation flooded her again. She knew it was much more than likely that her parents did not like the decisions she had made. Worse than even that, they probably couldn't approve of those choices either. It was the possibility of disapproval that sent waves of fear and panic through her.

Qing Er seemed to understand what she was feeling, and perhaps she knew what that felt like too, because she to Xiao Yan Zi's side and squeezed her arm in comfort. "Xiao Jian and I have already told everyone most of the facts they need to know about who you are married to and how all that came about."

"Right," Xiao Yan Zi said through a soft breath, trying to calm herself. She looked towards her parents. "I know this is hardly the ideal time to talk about this, considering we've just met, but how exactly do you feel about that?" she asked them hesitantly.

"We find it all very hard to believe," her father said after long hesitation.

"This whole thing is very hard to believe," Xiao Yan Zi murmured. It was not hard to see that her father was definitely holding back on just how he truly felt about the entire situation.

"Can we not talk about that later?" her mother asked, looking imploringly at both of them. "The important thing now is that we've found you and that you're safe. You don't know how much we've missed you and worried about you. I thought when we were reunited with your brother and he told us he'd been looking for you but has not found you, that we'd truly never see you again…"

"Yes, about that…" Xiao Yan Zi and Xiao Jian both said at the same time, though in vastly different tones. Xiao Yan Zi spoke in a dangerously low tone while side-eyeing her brother, whereas Xiao Jian shifted uncomfortably and looked guilty.

"I know you are angry at me," Xiao Jian said tentatively.

"You think?" Xiao Yan Zi snapped. Somehow, right then, being angry at Xiao Jian was the easier thing to feel compared to the previous confusion and dread regarding whether her parents would accept her current life.

"Xiao Yan Zi…"

"How long?"

"What?"

"How long have you and Qing Er known? How long has it been since you have been reunited with Father and Mother?" she demanded.

Xiao Jian hesitated for a long time, before answering, "…Soon after we arrived in Dali."

Xiao Yan Zi stared at him. "That was three years ago! And you were here last year! Are you saying that you knew then, and you didn't tell me? And in all your letters you couldn't bother to even mention it?"

"Xiao Yan Zi, let me explain! I – "

"What? Explain," she cried, her voice wavering and at least an octave higher. "Explain how this works! Explain I've never been able to find out anything about this family in some normal way that doesn't involve duels or death or someone being locked up! I know we joke about it but it's not funny anymore, Brother. Because you never tell me anything! You always, always hide things like this from me!"

"I know!" Xiao Jian exclaimed, cutting her off. Then at the sight of her tears, he softened his voice and repeated, "I know, and I'm sorry. Just let me explain."

Xiao Yan Zi brushed the tears roughly away, folded her arms over her chest and sat down on a chair. "So explain."

Everyone followed her lead and found themselves seats also, leaving on Xiao Jian standing – or rather, pacing – before them.

"Father, Mother, Xiao Yan Zi, I know I should have told you all everything a lot sooner. It's just that, it was complicated enough to tell you that my sister was married to a prince, but then he became emperor, it got even more complicated. I mean, then, I didn't even know how I felt about him becoming emperor, I thought I needed time to get used to the whole idea first before I could even begin to convince Father and Mother that this was a good thing. It's stupid, I know, but I didn't know what to do. Xiao Yan Zi, I came to see you last year and I thought I'd tell you at some point. I swear, I planned to. That was half the point of the trip. I thought I'd tell you first and then I'd have no excuse to not tell Father and Mother anymore. In Dali, away from you, it was so easy to avoid it. But then I got here and I saw how stressed you still were about all this changes in your life and I didn't feel like I could add to it. I didn't want to put that pressure on you, or on him, so early when you two were still trying to cope with everything."

"That's it?" Xiao Yan Zi cried. "You didn't tell me because you thought I was too stressed to know that my parents – my parents! – were alive?"

"I didn't say it was a good excuse, Xiao Yan Zi!" Xiao Jian exclaimed. "It's just that – "

"It's just what?"

"Your life is much too complicated, and it's just hard to know how harmless news of this magnitude would be."

"You do realise that you're the one making my life complicated half the time, right?" Xiao Yan Zi demanded. "Did it occur to you that maybe I needed some good news at the time?"

"This isn't just good news, Xiao Yan Zi, it would have turned your life upside down and then you would have wanted to go down to Dali. Then was hardly the time for any of that. Besides, if words had gotten out then about all of this, what kind of pressure would it have put on Huang Shang to protect you? It would not have been good for either of you so early after he came to the throne," Xiao Jian said.

Xiao Yan Zi stared at him for a long moment.

"Do you see how everything you tried to prevent is basically what's happening now?" she asked, choked with emotions.

Xiao Jian sighed. "Yes."

Suddenly, Xiao Yan Zi found her eyes filled with tears and she jumped to her feet, approached him and started to punch Xiao Jian repeatedly on the chest. "I hate you I hate you I hate you."

He didn't even try to push her away, however, and just said sorrowfully, "I know." Then, looking over the top of her head at their parents who had been witnessing this whole conversation, he said, "Father, Mother, I'm sorry. I know I deprived you of so much precious time – years – with my sister, and it's not fair, but I – well…there is no excuse for it now. I was really just trying to protect her."

Xiao Yan Zi stepped away from him and wiped away her tears with her sleeve. "I've been practically taking care of myself since I was seven and the men in my life still think I'm helpless," she muttered.

"I don't think you're helpless," Xiao Jian countered. "It's just that some things are really hard to share, even with those you love most. Especially with those you love most."

Xiao Yan Zi shook her head. "You are right, this is stupid. I'm getting an overwhelming sense of déjà vu. The stupid thing is I'm just going to forgive you eventually, because I forgave him."

Qing Er chuckled, while Xiao Jian frowned. "What?"

"Huang Shang. Tai Hou. Bai Yun Si," Qing Er reminded him. "Patterns repeat curiously often in Xiao Yan Zi's life."

"So it would seem," Xiao Jian said.

"Speaking of," Qing Er said, "I don't suppose Er Tai brought us to Qian Qing Gong just to see you. Are we just going to hide in here or is there more to this meeting?"

"No we're not just going to hide in here," Xiao Yan Zi answered. Then, she turned and came to kneel at her parents' feet. This would be a hard enough thing to say, even if her parents weren't still strangers to her. The fact that she and her parents literally just met moments ago gave Xiao Yan Zi no confidence to say what she said next, though she knew she must somehow try to explain. "Father, Mother, I know this cannot be the marriage you ever imagined for me…"

Even as she said this, Xiao Yan Zi was terrified. Would they really hate her choice? Would they ever be able to accept it? Exactly how disappointed were they in the choices she'd made? She must have turned these questions over in her head a thousand times in the last day, and every possible answer scared her, yet she couldn't help it. Even now, when they had embraced her, when they didn't outright reject her on sight like she half-expected, she still could not be sure…

"It was hardly anything that we would have ever thought possible to even imagine, Xiao Ci," her father said, and even Xiao Yan Zi could hear the calculated evenness in his voice. She pursed her lips against her emotions as she looked up at him. He met her eyes and it was full or sorrow. "He is the emperor, and yet – "

"He would not wish you to think of him as the emperor when you meet. I would not wish you to think of him merely as the emperor. We would both rather you meet him as my husband, as the man that I love," Xiao Yan Zi said earnestly, clutching her father's hands desperately.

"You may wish it, but it does not change the fact that he is the emperor, Daughter," her father said. "Perhaps it did not matter to you when you met him, so it does not matter to you now. But under the circumstances, we can hardly overlook that fact."

"Please try to – to accept him, despite the circumstances," she begged. "He…he is a good person, truly good, and he is good to me. That is more important to me than anything else. He is important to me."

Her father sighed and stroked her cheek. "I do not pretend that this is hard for me to accept, my daughter. But I do also know that being hostile to him would not only just hurt you, but would endanger our entire family even more. Therefore, for your sake, and for what is left of our family's chances at survival, you need not fear that I would behave with anything less than decorum."

Xiao Yan Zi gave her father a watery smile as he pulled her up to her feet. She knew it was impossible for her father to embrace the idea of her marriage, of Yong Qi, even if their family were not in their current predicament. How much the whole idea truly bothered him would probably only manifest when the actual meeting had taken place and was no longer an abstract

And Yong Qi would…

Actually, Xiao Yan Zi had no idea how Yong Qi would act when the time came. She had been too occupied the night before about her own disbelief and confused feelings to ask him much about how he was taking all of this. Her brother was right about certain things. As glad as they all could be about the fact that her parents were alive, and that she found her family again, it all added up to a big headache for Yong Qi, even with the imperial edict from Huang Ah Ma safely stowed away in Cheng Qian Gong.

And then there was Fang Yi…

If the warning looks she saw Xiao Jian giving their younger brother when she turned around was any indication, Fang Yi had decidedly less scruples about being hostile to the emperor than their father did. Then again, Xiao Yan Zi should hardly be surprised, considering that was the reason they were here.

It was a mess. A huge, huge mess. She wondered now whether there was another reason for Xiao Jian's delay in telling her and their parents about each other's continued existence. Perhaps, knowing of Fang Yi's ingrained hostility against those whom Xiao Yan Zi now called family, Xiao Jian had predicted this confusion, and that was a reason for all his attempts at secrecy and delaying letting both Xiao Yan Zi and their parents become aware of each other's continued existence. Xiao Yan Zi could not quite blame him for not confessing that reason when Fang Yi was right there with them.


"You actually are nervous about this meeting, aren't you?" Er Tai asked.

"How could you tell?"

"Your fingers haven't been still this entire time. You're either drumming them on the table or playing with the lid of your teacup. Besides, I grew up with you, I know when you're nervous."

Yong Qi scoffed, but did not say anything in protest. There were things that only Xiao Yan Zi knew, and then there were things that only Er Tai understood. If Yong Qi valued him less, he would not be privy to so much.

It had been fine when Er Tai first came in, with a look that confirmed he had brought the Fang family and they were with Xiao Yan Zi. Then, there had been another official in the room to distract them and gave them other matters to talk about. Now that they were left waiting for Xiao Yan Zi and her family, however, no other subject of conversation Er Tai brought up could hold Yong Qi's attention for long.

"It's going to be fine," Er Tai said.

"Really?"

"Okay, maybe not. The whole thing is a huge tangle that looks impossible to undo right now. But that's not what you're nervous about."

"It's her parents, Er Tai. Her parents. This meeting shouldn't even be possible in the first place."

"But it is coming now. I suppose I cannot blame you for being unused to having to actually earn the goodwill of one of your wives' family."

Yong Qi knew he was supposed to laugh at that, but could not. It was too true to be funny. Men were often thrilled to offer up their daughters to him, since it brought prestige to their names and a whole host of other advantages. Even those who saw through all the glamour and were accordingly reluctant about the entire thing – like Huang Hou's father had been at the beginning – they still knew him before hand, and there would have been mutual respect. Even Lao Fo Ye would never have been able to convince him to marry the daughter of someone he despised or despised him.

So this was all new territory: the knowledge that Xiao Yan Zi's father probably had every reason to think ill of him, and very little reason to think well of him. And yet, for the sake of everything between him and Xiao Yan Zi, he had never more fervently wished that someone would come to at least tolerate him than he wished now in regards to Fang Zhi Hang.

"It's not just that. They are important to her, even if she hardly knows them, and they don't have any reason to think well of me at all."

"I would rather hope that for all I've heard about Xiao Jian, he'd have given his family some reason to think well of you. Then there is always Qing Er."

"Of course, but how much weight is that going to hold when I'm the reason they spent two days in that hell-hole of a prison?"

"Um, no, you're wrong," Er Tai said. "The reason they were in there is because their son decided to listen to a complete stranger and join a rebel group trying to overthrow this empire…"

"…of which I am basically the embodiment."

Er Tai looked at him in shock for a moment. "I know it's a difficult dilemma we've found ourselves in, but have you gone out of your mind? Yes, that is true, but that does not put you at fault, as you are clearly trying to imply. If it were anyone else, utterly unrelated to anyone we know, everything from the imprisonment to whatever the sentence that would have been passed, would be a conclusion that no one could have any reason to call unjust."

"Exactly. Anyone else and we wouldn't blink about any of this. But the fact that it's Xiao Yan Zi's family means that it can't help but become personal and I can't separate the personal from the legal anymore. I cannot trust my own judgement in this anymore, Er Tai."

"Then trust mine," Er Tai said.

"Don't I always? What would you have me do?"

Er Tai hesitated. "You…would not like it."

"I don't like any of this. Tell me something new."

"I understand your wish to make this as painless as possible for Xiao Yan Zi, but you do know you cannot just let them walk away, right?"

Yong Qi did not answer right away.

"The crime is clear," Er Tai pressed. "By every law and justice there is, there should be some form of punishment. By law and justice, the punishment is death. Perhaps we can bypass the death sentence, but you cannot just let them go because you want to. You set yourself up for ridicule in that case, and no one would take you seriously again and you invite rebellion from sources much more dangerous than a seventeen-year-old boy too full of grudge to think clearly."

Yong Qi knew all of this, and Er Tai knew it, but it merited saying out loud.

"What are you saying then?" Yong Qi asked.

Er Tai hesitated for a long while before he spoke. "Well, there is imprisonment, exile or hard labour."

He was absolutely solemn, and Yong Qi knew he was being quite serious that these were the possibilities they were facing. Yong Qi could not quite bring himself to face them yet.

"Her parents would never survive the first and the last, and the second would mean she'd never see them again," he said, not entirely sure whether he was trying to reason with himself or with Er Tai.

"You can't do nothing," Er Tai said simply.

"I know. But she is my wife. What kind of husband am I to her if I make her lose her family all over again?"

"What kind of emperor are you that you would, because of someone whom the entire world sees as your concubine, break your own laws?" Er Tai countered.

Yong Qi threw him a frustrated look, but he knew, Er Tai was just voicing now what would be voiced later – much more aggressively – in court if the details of this ever got out.

"You're supposed to be on my side," Yong Qi said.

Er Tai gave him a smile that held no amusement. "I know. I am. I am trying to think of a solution to help you. When I come to it, I will let you know. In the meantime, you have to know the challenges that await you."

Yong Qi sighed deeply. "I can't bear the thought of taking her family away from her again, however briefly, however unpermanently. I cannot even think about the permanent."

"She would understand."

"No, she would not."

"Then it doesn't matter," Er Tai said resolutely.

One look at Er Tai told Yong Qi that he meant that. He really meant that.

"How can you say that?" Yong Qi asked, more sharply and more loudly than he intended.

"Huang Shang," Er Tai replied with equal sharpness and determination, "there are things you can sacrifice for Xiao Yan Zi, which I would wholeheartedly support you in; there are yet other things you cannever sacrifice! Among them are your reputation, your credibility and ability to rule your officials and your country! I know you know this! And if Xiao Yan Zi does not understand that, perhaps you should make her."

On the one hand, he hated that it was Er Tai saying these words to him right now. He did not wish to hear any of it, however truthful, however just, however necessary. This was the exact situation he had always been terrified of since taking his seat on this throne.

On the other hand, he was grateful to know that Er Tai would be one of the few people who would say this to him, and would still be on his side, and when it came down to it, do everything to help Yong Qi protect Xiao Yan Zi and her family as much as possible. Besides, they would not be friends as they were if Yong Qi could not trust Er Tai to give the absolute, painful truth like this when it was needed, or Er Tai could not trust Yong Qi to accept these words from him without blaming him.

There was, however, no time to discuss the matter further. At that moment, there was a call from outside the door from Shun Gong Gong.

"Huang Shang, Yi Fei Niang Niang requests to come in."