Reasons

"She's awake," Raven said from the common room door. The sun was just creeping up over the horizon, Starfire had been out for most of the night.

Cyborg, Beast Boy and Nightwing all got to their feet from where they'd been lounging half-asleep on the couch. They'd been up worrying and talking, and playing some console games to pass the time.

Raven held up a stalling hand. "Just Nightwing."

Cyborg opened his mouth. "But—"

"I'm sorry," Raven said. "She wants to speak to him. Alone."

Nightwing hesitated.

Cyborg huffed as he sat back down. "Good luck."

Nightwing thought he'd probably need it.

Raven walked him to Starfire's door. "Be gentle," she advised. "She's very fragile."

He nodded. "Thanks."

Starfire sat curled up on the window seat in her room, staring out her window at the early morning sky, looking like she might break with one wrong word. She was wrapped up in her thick blanket, with only her face showing. She turned her head as he entered and curled up tighter when she saw who it was.

"Hi," he said and removed his mask as a courtesy.

A tear slid down her cheek as she watched him.

He crossed her bedroom and sat opposite her, as close as he dared. He tried not to be upset when she shifted her feet away from him. "I'm sorry about Galfore."

Starfire choked on a sob, the despair on her face evident.

"He was a good man."

She nodded.

"He loved you so much."

She crumpled, buried her face in her knees and he reached out to place his hand on the back of her head. After a moment, she folded toward him, her head landing on his chest and he took that for an invitation to gather her up. She mumbled in Tamaranian, Dick caught snatches of words and even less of their meanings but he heard Galfore's name a lot. He stroked her back through the thick blanket, rocked her and murmured soothing words.

The sobs quietened for the moment but Dick knew she had a lot more tears to shed. Grief tended to wane and return with a vengeance. He hoped she would be coherent enough to give him some answers now.

She sighed, lifting away from him and scooted back to the corner to huddle.

Not sure what else he should do, he asked, "How are you?"

She wiped the tear away from her face with the blanket. Letting out a shuttering sigh which rocked through her body, she rasped, "Dick."

"Yes?"

"I require your help."

He tried to smile for her but it came out feeling tight and wrong. "I kind of figured that."

"You are not going to like what I have to say."

"I figured that too," he said. "Does it have something to do with why you snapped like you did?"

"It has… a lot to do with a lot of things," she murmured and wiped away another tear. She couldn't seem to stop them falling but it didn't stop her from talking.

"And the Royal Guard?"

She trembled. "They are here?"

He nodded. "Guests at the Watch Tower until your say so."

She looked out the window. "X'hal."

"We aren't going to let them take you back to Tamaran without your consent."

"I may not have a choice," she whispered.

"There's always a choice."

More tears and silence from Starfire. Dick wished he could hug her again, hugs always made her feel better, but he also knew he couldn't until she asked. Not with the state she was in.

"Do you remember much about last night?" he asked, trying to understand.

She sniffled. "We… do not have memory lapses like your species seems to."

"You weren't making much sense."

"I…" she swallowed. "I… know."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She nodded.

"Okay," he said and waited.

She chewed on her lip.

"Start at the beginning," Dick suggested. "Whatever it is, it can't be that bad."

"It is."

"Star…"

She took a deep, shuddering breath and let it out slowly. "I know you are developing the feelings toward Babs and that it is mutual, I do not wish to come between that."

He sat back and stared at her in disbelief. "So… this is about Babs and me?" He struggled not to get angry, he'd thought her above petty jealousy.

"Babs… will become part of this, I am certain." She swallowed again and tilted her head until it rested on the window pane. "Did I ever tell you of Madison?"

"Your…" He struggled to remember, the name was familiar. "Roommate?" he guessed. "From college?"

"Yes."

"Not so much."

"She is the one who told me of the friends-with-benefits."

Dick frowned, wondering why she was bringing this up now and what it had to do with what happened last night.

"She said there was a list of rules to follow and, if followed correctly… there is no better word for this other than 'trap' a man into a permanent relationship."

Dick stiffened. "Trap," he said in a dead voice.

"Not that I discovered how until discussing it with Donna," Starfire explained, still looking out into the new morning. "But naiveté is not an excuse. I should have been more careful. Researched."

"I always wondered where you got the idea of rules from," Dick said. "Because we didn't make any. And we should've, right from the beginning. It wouldn't have ended so badly if we had."

She raised her head from the window to stare at him. "Do you believe that?"

Dick nodded. He leant forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "I got angry because I wanted to return to what we had and it seemed you preferred it the friends-with-benefits way."

Starfire dropped her eyes. "The way she explained it, it was the perfect arrangement for someone who you wanted to be with but for reasons unforseen could not be with them yet. Not in a relationship capacity. I thought… I tried to keep it separate. I truly did."

"Sex and friendship. Yeah. I kind of figured that out after it was too late to take back what I said."

She sighed. "Well, it matters not."

"You wanted to be with me, too, didn't you," he stated.

She didn't answer. The blankets around her moved like she was curling up more.

"But you couldn't?" he asked. "Why not?"

"There are still many things about my people you do not know," Starfire said. "Or if you know, you do not understand."

Dick frowned. "What does that mean?"

"In essence… there is still a trap."

Dick narrowed his eyes.

She couldn't look at him. "One I have avoided mentioning. One… which I have denied myself for so long but the time approaches where I can no longer. I think… I think I allowed this to happen rather than face it."

He watched her. "Allowed this?"

"You will not like this."

"Star—"

"There are… few animals on Earth which have this, but it still exists. Tamaranians call it the teslait'n. The human word for it is 'diapause'."

"Okay."

She judged him and his lack of reaction. "Do you know what it is?"

He frowned. "No… I can't say that I do."

She buried her face in her blanket-covered knees for a brief moment, trying to hide. "Diapause is the ability to put an embryo's development on hold."

"…Okay…"

Starfire sighed and raised her head so she could look at him. "I am pregnant."

There was a flash of emotion which coursed through him. He thought it might be envy. "Oh."

"It is yours."

He stared at her in disbelief, his heart pounding. "That's… that's not possible."

Starfire didn't answer.

"How? We've always—we never— we were careful!" Wait, she said trap. "Did you get pregnant on purpose?" he snapped, scowling.

"Of course not," she said, appalled he would think so. "The condom broke, do you recall?"

He stared at her, unable to believe. "But that was years ago."

Starfire nodded. "Just before you said you wanted to go to Gotham for college."

He rose to his feet, taking a few steps away from her. He needed to move, needed to pace. "I worried about that for weeks and you never said anything!" he ranted. "Why didn't you tell me!? I wouldn't have gone!"

She watched him walk with veiled eyes. "Which is why I did not."

"Star… I... you've been pregnant this whole time?" he frowned, pausing in his pacing as he realised something. "This is the reason, isn't it?"

She remained silent.

He started moving again. "The reason you broke up with me. The whole thing about regrets and being normal. This is why you didn't fight when I stepped back from the friends-with-benefits."

Her lips pressed together, tears still streaking from her eyes but she said nothing.

"Starfire, do you really think that little of me? I would've stood by you. I wouldn't have—"

"I am not unfamiliar with the Earthen story of women falling pregnant to ensure their man stays with them."

"But—"

"I would not have done that to you. You had plans. You had hopes and dreams and I would not dash them."

"That's noble of you, but you didn't have to face this alone. We were partners—"

"We are not anymore," she said. "And the first thing you said to me just then was 'did I do this on purpose'."

"You didn't tell me on purpose," he responded.

She shrunk back. "You wanted normal," she whispered. "A baby would not have been normal, especially not one of dual bloodlines. I thought if I gave you a chance to experience the normal…"

He stopped pacing and ran a hand through his hair. "You should've told me."

Her nod was meek and small. "I did wrong."

"You did." He turned, pacing in tight circles. "Okay. Right. So, you're pregnant. Well, not pregnant exactly, pregnancy on hold?"

"Yes."

"Right. Well then, first thing is—"

"There is more."

He stopped moving. "Of course there is." Scrubbing both hands through his hair, he scratched his skull hard. Maybe if he scratched hard enough, he could pry his brain out and figure out what he thought about this situation. "Right." Rubbed his face and started the tight circles again. "Okay. Fine. Hit me."

"Will you sit?" she asked.

"Do you mind if I don't?"

"Please. I hate it when you pace," she murmured. "It always makes me feel as though you will lash out."

"What the f—" he paused and thought about that. "Right. Okay." Crossing over to her, he slumped down on the seat and put his back to the window.

"Thank you."

He nodded.

"Galfore," she choked the name out. She struggled and for a moment he thought she might burst into tears again, but she managed to continue. "He died during an overthrow. One of the other houses now holds the title of Grand Ruler. They have recalled me. I am… to wed. The politics of Tamaran are most complex, suffice it to say my heritage will ensure they hold the throne."

"Ahh. The old story, huh? Once a princess, always a princess."

"Indeed."

"Can you fight the wedding?"

"I could, but not in my current condition. The Royal Guard will know within moments of seeing me I am in teslait'n. They will not want an heir of dual bloodlines and I am physically incapable of having any sort of intercourse with anyone else while I carry her, let alone produce an heir. They will force me to terminate. If I refuse, they will kill me."

He jerked, opening his eyes to stare at her. "Physically… you've never slept with anyone else?"

"No."

His mouth dropped open. "I thought—"

Starfire turned bashful for a moment. "It has only ever been you."

He was surprised at how relieved that knowledge made him. He blinked, his mind going a different direction. "They'll kill you if you refuse? You?"

"I have no one sworn to protect me. They would wait until..." she frowned. "No, you will not understand… um… If I allow this pregnancy to commence… um…" She grimaced. "I am sorry, it is difficult to explain."

"Take your time."

She nodded. "Our young are fed by our green energy. Once the baby begins to grow, I will lose the ability to use it for anything else, such as flight or strength. That is why we can choose when to commence incubation when an egg is fertilised. Our partner must protect us during the course of the pregnancy and for several months after. We become very dependent, in most ways, including…" She shook her head and moved on. "Our males become fiercely territorial when we breed, most breeding pairs separate themselves from society until after birth. Some couples only choose to have one child, others leave their offspring to be raised by a k'norfka. As I have no protector… they would wait until I choose to bear her, then they will attempt to force me to abort while I was weak. I would… allow them to kill me."

"Allow?" His heart leapt up to his throat. She'd let them kill her rather than live without their child? "Why?"

"She is mine and I am hers," she said, more calm and sure of herself than she had been the whole time they'd been talking.

Remembering how she spoke last night he said, "And she is mine and I am—"

Starfire lunged for him, clapping her hands over his mouth. "NO! Those words, they are binding! You must not, not until you are certain."

She balanced before him, a wild look in her eyes. Her cold hands grew warm against his mouth and cheeks and he could feel his skin tingling. There was intimacy in her careless actions, an intimacy they hadn't shared in a long time. He gently tugged her hands from his mouth, keeping them to hold. "Explain."

"It is ritual. If you say them… it means you choose her. You choose—" She shook her head. "I cannot ask you to do that."

"She's mine too." He hesitated. "A girl?"

She burst into a smile. "Yes," she breathed, her whole mood uplifting.

Dick grinned in return, thinking she never looked more beautiful.

Her smile vanished just as fast and she extracted her hands, tucking them back under the blanket. "I am sorry."

He looked away from her, mourning the moment lost. "Hmm."

"You are taking this most calmly."

"I don't know what to think. I can't…"

"I am sorry."

"It's a lot to take in… I mean… seriously…" He laughed, the sound a little hysterical. "It's a little overwhelming to know not only is my ex pregnant, but that it was maintained through a biological process I was completely unaware of."

"Oh."

"How did you think I was going to feel?" he asked. "I'm angry you never told me. I'm upset you felt you couldn't trust me. I'm absolutely shit scared because I'm going to be a father and that definitely wasn't on the to-do list this year. I'm also…" he scratched his head. "I think it's excitement… I can't really tell, there's so much more going on. Did I miss anything out?"

"I…"

"Come to think of it, how have you been able to survive all these years? Dealing with it, by yourself."

"I… could not tell you."

"I think this is the most we've talked in… years. Proper, serious conversation."

She hid in her blanket. "I was afraid to tell you."

"You should never be afraid of me."

"We did not part in the best of terms," she explained. "Until two months ago, I had thought there would be no hope of ever…" She shook her head. "You are with Babs, I cannot—"

"Babs… she's not going to like this."

"You should speak to her before you decide."

He frowned. "What's there to decide?" he asked, anger suddenly the most prominent emotion. "There seems to be very little choice here. Either you have our baby and I protect you, or you go back to Tamaran and they kill you. I'm not going to let you die."

"Dick—"

"The Royal Guard's here already. You said they'd know—"

"We lie."

"What?"

"They will know I am in teslait'n, yes. But you are human, you will not have the same territorial instinct. We tell them you are my protector. They will leave."

"What about this wedding treaty?"

"Teslait'n supersedes that."

He gave her a narrowed eyed look. "Does it really?"

She flinched. "It will… until she is born at least. After that, I cannot say."

"So you might still have to leave."

"But it will give you time."

"Time for what, exactly?

She dropped her eyes. "To think. To discuss it with Babs. It is… a big change."

"I already told your guard you were under my protection."

She jerked. "You did?"

He nodded. "I mean, I didn't know what it could mean. But I'd do it again."

"You should not have done that."

"Why?" She didn't answer. Still so many unanswered questions, but one burning one. "You do want this baby, don't you?" he asked, seeking confirmation.

"I would not have kept her safe for so long if I did not," she whispered. She raised her head. "All I would need would be your assistance to begin the process. I would not ask anything else from you. I will raise her on Tamaran, you would not even have to acknowledge her if you did not—"

"Like hell," he snapped. "You will not cut me out. I will be a part of this, whether you like it or not."

She curled up again.

He lifted his legs so he could rest his feet flat on the seat and draped his hands over his knees. "Can you start without me?"

"It is possible," she murmured. "But unwise."

"Right… and how much longer can you put her on pause?"

"Once Tamaran knows… a few more months, perhaps."

He stared at the roof. Starfire wiped her face on the blanket and stared out the window. Silence ballooned in the space between them. Dick's mind was in turmoil, his whole world had been changed in a moment. Priorities were already rearranging themselves in his mind.

The fact she hadn't started the process spoke volumes to him. She must have always hoped they'd get back together in some form. Or perhaps it had been too hard to let it go, to carry someone for so long, he wasn't sure he even knew how she felt.

"I gotta ask…" he trailed off, unsure how to phrase it.

"Yes?" she prompted.

"How do you feel about me?"

She let a breath out slowly.

"'Cause if we're going to do this, I need to know we can at least be friends."

"Talk to Babs," she evaded.

"Starfire, she's my daughter too. I want to be a part of her life. But if her mother can't stand to be around me, that's going to make things hard."

"Please. I cannot answer that at the moment."

"Do you hate me?"

"Do you hate me?" she returned.

"No."

The tears, once quelled, started again. "You do not?"

He shook his head. "I don't. Never did."

"Oh… I thought…"

"I was very angry for a long time," he admitted. "But I never hated you. Not once."

She sobbed. "Oh. Dick."

With a small smile, he dropped his legs from the seat to make room and beckoned. "C'mere."

She came, blanket and all, creeping to him as though she expected him to turn on her any moment. As if she didn't believe she didn't deserve to be hated. He snuggled her against his chest, his back to the window and hugged her.

"What are we going to do?" she whispered.

He kissed her hair. "You said a few months, we can use that time to get to know each other again so we can be parents to this little one. I'll talk to Babs. We'll figure something out together."


Author's Note: Some of you got close in your reviews (some of you were right on and one person picked up a different plotline without even getting all the clues damnit) and I know I trolled you and made you question when I asked 'how'. I wanted to see if anyone knew this was a bone fide process or not =D