AN: So I figured that instead of going into detail about what the hell Happy and Taylor both did on their time apart with separate people I would just skip it here. I can post it later as a one shot in companionship to this story if you guys would like. For now instead of a completely filler chapter I thought I would move on with it. I'm hoping to wrap this up soon and either expand on my one shot of "Surprise" which I have been getting a lot of requests for or maybe just starting out a new story with a different character. And no it would not be Jax… lol So anyways Happy reading :)
Three Days Later
For some reason, the bikes parked in her driveway didn't surprise her but at the current moment, nothing would bash her mood. It was almost impossible to bring down the high she was riding on from her three day vacation with Jay. Nothing mattered but the small happiness and the large piece of mind she found to keep her going for the rest of the year. As always she had been sad to go but knew it was the best option and like it always did she wondered if maybe this was the last year it would happen. Something about this time, about leaving that town, his bar and him seemed so final to her. It had hurt but as she had learned to a long time ago, she shoved those thoughts down as far as they would go.
She parked her car on the street and headed up to the door. She planned on enjoying her last day off. The bikes parked in her driveway were proof that the girls were home. She was sure that Ali had filled Cora in on what little she knew that Cora would be pissed and demand answers she would never get, to questions she had no right to ask. Taylor was a private person with somethings more than others and this was one of things that would never be shared. It was no ones business but her own and she was a grown woman.
Walking in the door, she heard the laughter was happy to hear it. She was happy that her girls were happy and had found love and were being loved in return. Both of them deserved that. She was happy they had forgotten so she didn't have to spend the day wishing she was somewhere else but was instead free to go to where she wanted to be. She felt bad though because it was Happy's birthday, she had been avoiding him and well she didn't get him anything. In fact she still would much rather go on avoiding him without really avoiding him. It was just… she had no place in the clubhouse, had no reason to attend the weekend parties of craziness and she really had no want to do so. She was more than glad to be in her little bubble only involving herself when she had to.
Walking around the corner and into the living room, she wasn't surprised by Juice or Tig being there. She was however surprised by the third man that sat on her couch. The man she had just been planning on avoiding still. No him sitting on her couch did not please her but she knew deep down inside that him being there shouldnt really be a shock or a surprise.
XXX
Everyone went quiet when they heard the sound of a bag drop on the table. Ali and Cora exchanged nervous glances before looking over. Taylor was home and Happy was still sitting on the couch something neither woman though would please Tay.
Happy had been coming around a lot that weekend. It seemed as if he was making an effort to get to know them but neither one of them had any doubt about his reasoning behind it. Something had happened after they left his party or maybe something had already happened. Either way Happy had become the odd man out with the two couples.
Ali and Cora had watched him as he looked around their home, seen the look on his face as he examined every single picture placed in the living room. It seemed as if he was trying to figure out what was going on in that moment and with a little prodding from Juice or Tig the girls usually shared the story. It wasn't the first time that someone had fallen for Tay but it was the first time either girl felt comfortable enough to release any information about her at all without her being present.
Both of them looked at Taylor who smiled at them gently before heading into the kitchen. Ali and Cora got up from their seats to head towards the kitchen but were effectively cut off by their men. They watched in some type of shock as Hap got up and headed that way instead. Before either girl could protest Tig spoke up
"He needs to do this. If it turns into a shit storm we break it up. For now, let him clear his chest."
Ali and Cora exchanged worried glances before Ali turned the TV down to listen from anything being thrown, broken or raised voices. But so far all was quiet.
XXX
Taylor busied herself with pouring a drink but she felt him enter the room before she heard him. She didn't even turn around, hoping that maybe ignoring him would give him the hint he needed to just leave her alone. Unforentently it didn't, she felt his hand pull at her collar causing her to whip around and shove him away with a glare.
"Don't put your hands on me Hap." She said in a calm voice before picking up her drink and taking a large swig.
Taylor made a move to go around him but before she knew what was happening she was shoved against the kitchen wall. Hap's hand again pulling down her collar tracing the bite marks and hickeys on her neck, the same ones she had been looking at in the mirror this morning.
"So it is true." He said as he continued to trace the marks. "All left by the same person though, you can tell by the teeth. Does he make you feel good? Does he see into your soul Tay? Does he understand a part of you that you seem to share with no one? Except you shared it with me didn't you?" He whispered in her ear.
Taylor shoved at him. "Its none of your business what I do in my life Hap." She replied the anger lacing her words.
Hap shoved her harder into the wall "But he's not good enough for you to stay is he? If he was you wouldn't be here right now."
Taylor shoved harder at Hap. His words causing her anger to rise, Taylor wasn't one for raising her voice but being shoved into a wall in her own home and having to admit something out loud she never wanted to caused her to raise it.
"You think you have me all figured out Hap? You think you understand my pain? You have no fucking clue the hell I live in every day. You have no right to ask me anything but you want some truth? You want some insight to my soul? Well here it is. I never stay because hes too good for me. He deserves better than me." She screamed in his face before shoving her hardest.
The group in the living room rushed in, only to see Hap against the sink, staring at Taylor as she grabbed the bottle and stormed out of the kitchen. All was quiet until the house shook from the force of Taylor slamming her door.
XXX
Hap had never taken Taylor for the type to scream when in a confrontation. He knew that he went too far but seeing those marks on her skin left by someone who wasnt him set a fire to his anger. Her yelling in his face shocked him enough to allow her to shove him off her and well she shoved him hard. He could do nothing but stare in shock as she stormed off, the fury in her letting him know that he fucked up good.
The slam of the door seemed to echo in the house. Seemed to sallow them all for a moment before Ali and Cora glared at him, Hap watched as both women stepped away from their men.
"I think, you guys should leave." Ali replied
Tig and Juice went to reply, shit Happy wanted to spit out something but Cora effectively cut them all off "All of you." Before turning around and exiting the kitchen.
As they were leaving Happy finally placed a name to an emotion he hadn't felt in a long time, guilt. The quiet ride off the quiet street made him realize that he really did fuck up. Pulling into the clubhouse, Hap climbed off his bike looked at his brothers and uttered something no one had ever heard him say, not even when he was a prospect.
"That was my bad guys." Was all he said before heading in.
XXX
Cora stared at the door she was standing in front off. She was angry at Tay but after hearing what she said to Hap, she realized she couldn't be angry anymore. She didn't have a right to be mad in the first place. There was plenty of shit she did and never shared with either Tay or Ali. But hearing Taylor actually raise her voice and yell at someone had shocked the shit out of her. In all the years she had known her, Taylor had never yelled let alone raise her voice at anyone. She never needed to, the calm way she spoke her anger and the look she gave was more than enough to effectively shut someone the fuck up and prove her point. Cora knew that Hap had hit a nerve, a bad one and that nothing good would come from this. As she stood staring at that door she wondered if maybe this was the first sign of that breakdown the shrink had talked about.
XXX
Ali could remember the last time she heard Taylor raise her voice, it was also the first time she saw her cry. She wondered if it was a bad mis-fournte that it had happened about this same day nine years ago. She remembered sitting outside the room as she listened to Taylor yell at Anthony, she remember the fearless look on her face and the tears streaming down her cheeks when she reentered the room that Anthony had slowly backed out of. The shock and fear clearly missing from Tay's face was instead placed on his own. That was the only time she could recall hearing Taylor yell until tonight. Yelling just wasn't her way. She didn't need it to be effective, she didn't like to yell, it reminded her too much of her childhood where the tears had been beaten out of her. After the brutal death of her baby, Ali had never seen Taylor submit to anyone again. But it seemed almost as if Taylor yelling at Hap was a submission of some sort.
Ali stood next to Cora at the door watching, waiting and listening because even over the country music Ali could hear Taylor's quiet sobs. Ali didn't worry that this was Taylor's breakdown, she knew that it was. It wouldn't turn major but it would be minor and Taylor would come out of that room tomorrow with a bitch face like no other and Ali knew that she and Cora would be lucky if Taylor talked to them again by the time the week was over. Even though Taylor wouldn't blame them for this, she would blame herself like she always did, she would avoid them and every single member of the Sons of Anarchy for awhile. Shit she might avoid the Sons of Anarchy forever.
It broke Ali's heart to hear Taylor say that she never stayed because she felt like she wasn't good enough too. It broke her heart to hear that Taylor lived in her own personal hell each day but it wasn't something that she didn't know. Ali had figured long ago that the only reason she always come home was because she felt like she didn't deserve that kind of happiness, that kind of love. And if he wasn't already dead, Ali would of went and killed Anthony herself for the simple fact that he was the one to make her feel this way. He was the reason she carried that burden, that guilt and that hatred towards herself.
XXX
Tig and Juice stared after Happy in shock. Never once had anyone ever heard him say anything close to sorry but he just did. Neither man were sure what the hell that was supposed to mean but it had to mean something.
"I suggest we never bring this up ever again. To anyone." Juice said finally breaking the silence.
Tig nodded his head in agreement, because he knew that even though right now something was wrong with the killah, it wouldn't be for long. And Tig sure as hell didn't want to be the one to push that.
XXX
Happy was still sitting at the bar hours later when he heard the click of heels. He figured it was a sweet butt until he heard the voice.
"I wanna talk to him. I think I have something to say that he needs to hear"
Happy looked up and over because for some reason he had a feeling it was him they were talking about. He wanted to chuckle as he watched the little blonde push past her old man and head towards the bar and him. At one point he thought that Taylor was the only one in their little group with any balls but the fact that she was here and ignoring what her old mad had to say proved something. Either she was more gutsy than he thought or she was just plain stupid.
She asked the prospect for a beer before she started "Look about tonight.."
"If you're here to try and yell at me your looking at the wrong personal girly. Juices girl or not I'll break your neck." He cut her off.
He watched as she took a drink of her beer. "Actually Hap as much as you scare me, right now I don't care what you'll do. You need to hear what I have to say. Than you can decide if my disrespect warrents a broken neck and loosing all shots at Tay." She replied before finishing of her beer and motioning for another one.
He watched as she lit up a smoke with one eyebrow raised, the only indication he would give to agreeing hearing her out.
"Ive only heard Tay yell once in our whole entire lives aside from today and that was the day the same exact day as today when Anthony showed up at the hospital to tell her he was sorry. He showed up to beg for her forgiveness and beg for her back." He looked at her as she took a deep breath before continuing. The clubhouse was quiet and he knew everyone was listening but it didn't matter to him, he wanted to hear the story and learn more about this Anthony.
"it was the first time I ever saw her cry either. It was like when he beat that baby out of her, he beat all the emotion out of her. It was like watching a shell she just laid there with her hands on her stomach never speaking a word to anyone until he showed up three days later. His boys drug me out of the room and god I swear I wanted to kill him. It was like he killed the only person that ever mattered to me, who had ever been there for me, the only person in the world who understood me. Seeing him though, it broke something in her. She screamed at him, she scared the shit out of him and me and everyone else in that hospital. What she said doesn't matter now but it was amazingly beautiful and horrifying at the same time." Ali stopped to take a drink of her beer and Hap wanted to get up and find that Anthony dude and hurt him, kill him, make him pay.
"I know what your thinking, ive thought it a million times myself tonight alone but you might as well forget it. He's dead, drive by three years after that. I know it's a running joke that Tay is the crazy one out of all of us but I don't think you understand how crazy she really is. The shrink said that whatever emotional and mental walls Tay put up might not last forever and that if that dam breaks she would be a large danger to herself and anyone else. She said that for someone to have survived so much trauma in her life she is the most mentally stable person she has ever meant and that in its self is some scary shit. Seeing her tattoo is seeing into her soul Hap, seeing the pictures and hearing the stories is all part of her as well but theres a large part of her that not even Cora or I know or could begin to understand. I know you want to see that part, shit maybe it's a game to you or maybe you really do care. I don't know but I do know that you might just be the only person who would ever be able to know and handle all the parts of her. She carries around this weight of guilt, she doesn't feel she deserves to be loved by someone. She blames herself for the death of her son, she lives in her own personally created hell everyday because she feels like she didn't try hard enough to protect him, didn't fight hard enough, care enough to walk away when she knew she should of even though we all knew Anthony would of never let her go. She has no fear Hap, she has no faith and she truly doesn't believe she deserves anyone or anything. She gives and gives and gives because she feels guilty. And she tries so hard even though she knows that nothing she does will ever bring that baby back."
Happy watched as Ali wiped away her tears and watched as Juice put his arms around her. She stood to leave even taking a few steps away before changing her mind and bending down close to him and whispering loud enough for him to hear but no one else.
"Your jealous or possessive or whatever just know that the next time you push her to that brink, if she doesn't have someone grounding her, keeping her here, she might never come back."
XXX
Taylor didn't come out of her room or turn the music down. She didn't wonder where the girls went when she heard the car start and pull off. She just let the tears flow and kept drinking the bottle of Captain she grabbed on her way in here. She let her sorrows bleed in with the country music and drank and drank until she fell asleep.
She would never admit this out loud but Happy did understand her better than anyone else. He did see into her soul in a way she never wanted anyone too and that scared her. She didn't want someone to see the part of her she kept hidden. She didn't want anyone to see all of her at all. She just wanted to go on with life, live and than die. The rest that happened in between didn't really matter. She just knew that she would never allow anyone to see her as weak as Ali had seen her when she lost the baby. She would never allow herself to go into that kind of emotionless shell state. She would just keep moving and put Happy and the Sons of Anarchy out of her head.
And for the first time since the first year she had meet Jay she really really wished that she hadn't came back.
XXX
Ali brushed her tears away and walked outside to her car. Juice was following closely behind her but she didn't really have anything left to say. The whole night had been taxing, laying out Taylor as well as she could for Happy to see and understand had taken a large toll on her mentally. Ali turned around and gave Juice a small smile and a kiss before climbing in her car and driving off.
She didn't head home, she couldn't head home yet. She had too much to think about. She didn't feel as guilty as she thought she would spilling all that about Taylor but she wondered what Happy would do with that kind of information. From what she had learned, Happy wasn't the relationship type but no one had even see him posses the kind of interest he had in Tay in anyone else.
Ali didn't think they would get together, not in a give her a crow be together kind of way. She just hoped that Happy would help her find a way to stay grounded. Because what she had whispered to Happy at the end had been the truth. Herself and Cora were no longer enough to keep Taylor glued to the world. But maybe Happy could, she wouldn't have to love him because he would probably never love her. It seemed as if love wasn't something that either one of them could or would ever be able to feel which ideally made them perfect for each other.
Ali continued to drive around until the sun came up before she headed back home to get ready for work. Walking in the house, she almost felt like an intruder and she wondered if that was how Taylor felt every morning when she came home to a completely quiet house where everyone was sleeping. Which then caused her to start feeling guilty for spilling all that she had a few hours ago at the clubhouse. She had no reason to tell Tay's business like that except she really was worried about her. She didn't want to lose her best and lifelong friend….
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