Disclaimer: I don't own anyone.
Rated: M (Mature)
Warning(s): Slash, Incest, Drug Use, Mob Influence, Murder, Bloodshed, Mental Disorders, Rape, etc.
The next few weeks were a breeze. I still saw Ryback three times in a week and I found that with each session I became a little bit more comfortable in my own skin. I realized that, while I may never receive the closure that I crave, to be able to come face-to-face with my issue and to understand it will help to illuminate those dark corners. Ryback also told me that I don't need to be accepted by others. The only opinion that matters is my own.
It was now month six. It had actually been seven months since I had first left home, but it was month six of my relationship with Dwayne. He had asked me to move in with him and I had said yes. Trish had been extremely excited for me. Since I moved out with thirty days notice, she wanted to give me back my full security deposit. However, I told her to keep half so that she could afford to maintain the townhouse until she found a new tenant.
Steph had been over the moon as well. She had wanted to stay for the full four months, but her husband had been attacked at the bar by an overly-drunk patron and had suffered a broken arm and some torn tendons. I had assured her that I was fine and that she needed to be with Hunter, and she had been extremely thankful for that. She left before the move was final, but the fact that she approved of the relationship made me feel much better.
And now… I think I'm ready. No, I know that I'm ready. Over the last two months, we've danced around sex with occasional touches and heartfelt caresses. It's never developed further than that and Dwayne has never pushed the matter. I really admire him for that. But now, I'm ready. It's the first night that we're living together as a couple and I want to make it special. I want to show him how much I love him. And even if he's not my first, he'll be my last.
"Dwayne." I entered our bedroom and sat down on the bed beside him. The older man had a book in his hands and I realized that it was a collection of stories by Poe. "Um… I wanted to tell you that I'm…"
Dwayne set the book on the bedside table and rolled over onto his side so that he could look me in the eye. "What's the matter, Candy-Ass? You look a little nervous."
"I wanted to tell you that I'm ready. I want you to make love to me." I mumbled. I mouthed the words behind the sleeve of my shirt, totally embarrassed. My face burned with shame.
"Are you sure?" Unfortunately, Dwayne had heard me. "You seem a little nervous, baby."
I smiled a little at that. Dwayne only called me 'baby' when he wanted to comfort me. "I'm sure. I want to be with you."
Dwayne nodded and carefully coaxed me to stretch out on the bed. I wasn't sure how I felt about the fact that he treated me like an expensive China doll, so easily breakable that it should sit on a shelf for its entire life. However, I didn't want to seem as if I wasn't interested. His hands tenderly guided different parts of my body to lay in a certain way, and when I was situated in the way that he wanted me to be, he started to take off my shirt.
Immediately, I was uneasy about this. What would he think about my body? And then I scoffed at my insecurities. It wasn't like he had never seen me naked before. This was just a different circumstance… it didn't mean that he would suddenly find me unattractive or some other such nonsense. Slowly, methodically, he peeled off my shirt and tossed it off of the bed. And then, he traced a hand over the numerous scars on my torso. Some were old, others newer.
"Where did these come from?" Dwayne wondered aloud. Since this was the first time that we would officially go 'all the way', it was best to lay all of my cards out on the table.
"My brothers." I mumbled softly, ashamed as tears came to my eyes at the memories. "They were extremely abusive, especially when I was high. Sometimes, I couldn't fight them off and they would…"
A look of disgust came over Dwayne's face and I was worried that it was directed toward me, but it wasn't. "I don't understand why anyone would want to hurt someone as precious as you. They should rot in hell."
I sniffled like a child and asked weakly, "You're not mad at me, then?"
"How could I be mad at you, baby? It wasn't your fault." Dwayne said easily. "Now, do you trust me?"
"Yes." I answered immediately. "I trust you with my life."
Dwayne smiled that laid-back, comfortable smile that made my heart melt. "Good. I want you to forget what those bastards did to you, okay? Only think about me. Only think about how wonderful I'll make you feel."
I nodded, but my mind was instantly numbed as Dwayne bent down and started to swirl his tongue in intricate patterns over my scarred flesh. I moaned and bucked into the gentle, wet touch. It awoke pleasant sensations within me that I had never felt before, and to be totally honest, it was addicting. If this was what my first time would have felt like, then maybe I wouldn't have been so scared to see Dwayne for the loving man that he was.
Almost instantly, I felt myself become hard. I mewled softly when Dwayne settled over my body and our erections brushed, the only thing between them the fabric of two thick pairs of sweatpants and two pairs of boxers. Dwayne rotated his hips and I saw stars, having to bite down on my bottom lip to keep from crying out. But Dwayne shook his head and bit down on my lip, gently sucking on it and earning a drawn-out moan in return. He wanted to hear me.
Dwayne took his hands and slid them down my sides, warming them from the cool air that blasted from the air-conditioner. But when his hands reached the waistband of my shorts, he stilled. His brown eyes looked to mine, as if he needed permission to advance further. I hesitated for only a moment. Dwayne didn't so much as blink. And then I nodded, a small smile forming as he pulled the pants and boxers down and off in one fluid motion.
"I'll always ask for permission before I touch you, Johnny. I don't want you to feel like I've forced you into anything, okay? And if I have to wait forever for an answer, then I can do that." Dwayne said honestly.
I closed my eyes and breathed softly in relief. "Thank you. But you don't always have to treat me like a China doll, you know. I'm not that breakable." I said calmly.
"You are a China doll. You're my China doll. Johnny, you're the most precious thing to come into this house since my baby girl was born. I don't want to take a chance and ruin that." Dwayne said.
I smiled and nodded, finally understanding. "I think I can live with that."
Dwayne only smirked, not giving me an official answer. He reached into the bedside table and took out some lube, which he used to slick his fingers. Carefully, he spread my legs and touched his middle finger to my entrance. I was a little bit scared, I hadn't done this in several months, but Dwayne leaned forward and kissed me. When he drew back, he whispered words of reassurance in my ear as he slid the first finger inside.
It felt unusual, but it didn't hurt too badly. My brothers had never prepped me before, so I didn't know what to expect. Dwayne continued to whisper words of comfort to me, and when I couldn't understand him anymore, I followed the movement of his mouth. Words continued to spill forth as his hand closed around the base of my erection and started to pump up and down, causing me to rock my hips and push down on the finger inside of my channel.
While I was preoccupied with the overwhelming sensations, Dwayne slid another finger inside of my hole. He started to scissor them back and forth, and that is when I felt the first twinge of pain. Briefly, I wondered if that was an omen of what was to come. I didn't have much time to dwell on it, however. A few seconds later, Dwayne stuffed another meaty finger inside of me. I could really feel the burn now. But then, all of a sudden, I saw stars.
"Does that feel good, baby?" Dwayne asked. He continued to jab his finger into that spot until I could feel my orgasm building fast. "Do you like the feel of my fingers inside of you?"
"Mmhmm." I moaned, unable to say more.
Dwayne drew his fingers out. "I'm just warning you, this is going to hurt a bit. But it will get better. If it doesn't, I want you to say 'Summer' and I'll stop immediately, okay? I don't want to hurt you."
I nodded. Like I said before, I trusted this man with my life. And the fact that his daughter's name was the safe word made me trust him even more. "Okay."
Dwayne slicked his cock with lube and rolled me over so that I was on my hands and knees, my ass in the air. Dwayne's meaty hands took hold of my hips and I steeled myself for the pain. He rubbed my back slowly and tried to force me to relax. He warned me that it would hurt more if I didn't. So, with a lot of difficulty, I forced myself to calm down and felt him start to slide into me.
It hurt like hell. His cock felt as if it was trying to tear me in half, but he didn't stop until he was balls-deep inside of me. I breathed heavily and tried to control myself, but the tears came unwelcomed and started to roll down my cheeks. Dwayne kissed the area between my shoulder blades to try and ease the tension, before he reached between my legs and started to stroke me back to full hardness.
After a moment, the burning pain melted into pleasure when Dwayne cocked his hips a little bit and the head of his cock brushed over that pleasure center within me. "Move." I ordered weakly.
Dwayne didn't hesitate to follow the command. He started to move at a brutally slow pace. First, he would draw out almost all of the way, only to slam back in and hit that bundle of nerves head on. Faster and faster he went, and now he stroked my cock with every slam of his hips. I buried my face in the pillow as I screamed with my release, the white-hot essence splashing over the bed. Dwayne came a moment later, spilling inside of me.
Dwayne pulled out and walked into the bathroom, only to come back with a wet, warm washcloth. He used this to clean off my spent body. "You did wonderful, Johnny. You were perfect."
I smiled and blushed, more than a little bit embarrassed by the compliment. "You're the first person who has ever called me perfect before." I confessed shyly.
"Well, then. I'll have to say it a lot more, won't I? You're perfect in every way, Johnny. You have no idea how happy I am about the fact that you're mine." Dwayne said with a smile.
I watched as he threw the towel onto the laundry pile. "Is it anywhere near as happy as I am to be with you?"
"I think that they're pretty damn close."
I had an appointment with Ryback the next day. I couldn't have been more excited. Does that seem a little bit odd, to be excited to see your counselor? Anyway, I walked into his office with a little bit of an extra bounce in my step. Everyone noticed. Ryback even commented that it was like I was a new man. I had a new confidence in myself, brought on by the fact that Dwayne didn't care that I had been hurt before. He wanted to make me better.
"There has been a part of my life that I haven't told you about. I haven't been comfortable with talking about it until now." I told Ryback honestly. "You always ask me about my brothers. You want to know the truth about them."
Ryback nodded and took down a few notes onto his clipboard. "You talk about them often. Kevin, especially, who was extremely abusive. But you never told me what they did to you."
I took a deep breath and steeled myself. If I could tell this to Dwayne, then I could tell this to Ryback. "I've already told you that it was my father who originally got me addicted to morphine, right?"
"Yes. We talked about that on your first day here." Ryback confirmed.
"Well, by the time I was eighteen my addiction spiraled out of control. Most of the years between my eighteenth birthday and my twenty-first birthday are a blur. But I do remember one thing." I said grimly.
"And what is that?" Ryback asked. The tension in the air could be cut with a knife.
"I was raped. My four brothers took advantage of my drugged state and raped me." I answered lowly.
Ryback was proud of my achievement. He said that it was a sign that I was accepting the fact that I was an addict and was embracing the help that I needed to get better. He refilled my prescription for my anti-depressants, but this time the dosage was cut in half. When I looked at him in confusion, he said that once the demons were out of the closet, I didn't have to be afraid of them anymore. I didn't exactly understand what he meant, but I accepted it.
However, I did have to admit, it felt nice having the weight of the rape lessened on my shoulders. I knew that it was a reality that I would have to carry around for the rest of my life, but now that someone else knew, it didn't affect me as much somehow. And I knew exactly who I would call to celebrate. It felt like an eternity since I had last talked to my friends from the townhouse duplex, Phil and Jeff. Maybe I could convince Dwayne to let me invite them over…
"Hello, you've reached the Hardy residence. This is Phil Brooks. What can I do for you?" I heard Phil's voice come over the speaker. Dwayne and I sat on the couch with the phone on speaker phone.
"Hey, Phil. This is John. How are you feeling?" I asked. I hadn't talked to them since Phil had gone to rehab from the hospital and I wanted to know how he was.
"I'm fine. I think that Jeff told you that I had to leave the force because they took a chunk out of my lung, but that's okay. I don't have any resentment or anything like that." Phil said. "How are you? I heard you moved in with Dwayne."
"Great. Yeah, I did move in with Dwayne. He's really nice and he treats me really well." I said with a smile. "But, actually, the real reason that I called was that I wanted to invite you and Jeff over for dinner."
"Really?" Phil sounded shocked. I think that he was still shocked that I hadn't been upset about the screaming babies.
"Of course. Dwayne is an awesome cook. I'm sure that you'll love his food. Oh, and Dwayne said that the kids can come too, so you don't have to worry about finding a sitter." I offered.
"That sounds great. I just have to double check with Jeff, but I'm sure that we can work something out."
And everything was set.
A/N: Please Review!
