I woke up with the sun shining on my face. I must of slept for at least 11 or 12 hours. I still felt exhausted, but this was more of an emotional exhaustion.

I haven't like this in a long time. I haven't felt anything in a long time, it's all just been numb. It all started when I caught feelings for Joel.

This is why I should do what my mother says: "Don't fall in love you'll just be disappointed."

She wasn't wrong, or at least I think she wasn't. I had never really had much experience with love. Mainly because love didn't matter.

Love from what I say only brought pain and heartache. I've been desperately trying to find a way to erase my feeling, but nothing's really worked. I've tried to point out is many flaws but it all just makes me love him even more.

I shouldn't fall in love with my victim. I shouldn't, but I did. God! I'm stupid! He hates me and I'm acting like a love sick school girl.

"Good afternoon." Frank said.

"Good afternoon."

"I already gave them the experiments." He said.

"Thanks."

Falling in love with someone was inevitable, but why did it have to be Joel?! Why couldn't it be someone like Frank?! That would of been easier.

"Everything okay?"

"Yah, why?"

"You seem distracted."

"I'm just thinking."

"What about?"

"Nothing important." I lied.

Joel probably thinks I'm crazy, if he didn't before yesterday. Maybe he thinking he's going crazy, either way someone's bonkers.

I got off the couch and walked into the kitchen. I grabbed an apple and studied it for a few minutes.

Maybe I was really crazy, I mean I'm staring at an apple as if it was the first one I saw one. I take a bite of it. Maybe I've always been crazy.

Insanity didn't scare me. It probably should, but it doesn't. Emotions that I've grown in the last month or so, scare me.

I should really stop visiting Joel, it's not helping. I'm gonna skip the visit today. Maybe that's how you crawl yourself out of the toxic vat people call love.