A/N: Another short chapter! Ugh, I've lost my touch!

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Stephenie Meyer

Nine Months

Chapter 10

"March: Part 1"

Everything hurt.

A rhythmic beating to my right awoke me in the state of consciousness. At first I was confused, but once I saw the plain white wall and the breathed in the smell of death, I knew exactly where I was.

Standing by the window was a lone figure. Right away I knew it was Edward. I didn't jump or look away when he turned to me. He smiled, sweetly and I returned to favor with one of my own, weak smiles. I should be afraid of him, knowing what he was and how he lied to me, but I couldn't stop the feeling in my heart earning for him. I was officially confused, yes, but I knew what my heart wanted. Now the question remained: will I allow it to have what it wants?

"Hey," he said, keeping his distance. "How are you feeling?"

His voice sounded so uncertain, anxious. "I'm alright, and yourself?"

He chuckled, quietly. "I'm fine, Bella. You gave me quite a scare."

"Yeah, it came right out of the blue too. My head just started to feel light on the way to the bathroom and then I just collapsed. How long was I out?"

"About a day." He still seemed anxious like he was hiding yet another thing from me.

"What is it?"

He looked away and outside again. "It's not my place to tell. Carlisle will tell you."

His answer led me to believe it was medical related, meaning it wouldn't be good. "Is it bad?"

He shrugged; making sure his back was turned towards me. "Let's just say it's something I can't protect you from."

I nodded. "It's my illness, isn't it?"

"Like I said before, it isn't my place to tell."

I let it go realizing I was going to find out sooner or later. But there was one other thing on my mind "Edward, can we please talk about this?"

"I already told you-"

"I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the fact that you kept your biggest secret from me. I thought you trusted me."

"I do trust you, Bella! It's you who doesn't trust me," he snapped, turning to me with hurtful eyes. "You ran away before I could explain why I didn't tell you. I had no choice!"

I blinked, scared. I had never seen Edward like this before. He almost looked like a vampire. "Edward…I'm sorry…I was just confused."

"Yeah? Well how about now? Are you confused now? Should I tell you why I never told you my secret? Should I tell you I kept it from you for a good reason? Should I tell you it was all to protect you? Bella, you knowing my secret only puts you in danger, and I can't have that happen."

I was speechless. A point in my stomach nagged at me- a guilty feeling. "I'm sorry."

He huffed and started to pace. "Sorry doesn't keep you safe. There are vampires out there more dangerous than me, where they won't hesitate to kill you. Bella, I can't let you die."

"But I'm already dying?"

"That isn't the point."

"Then what is?"

"That I have to watch over you twenty four/ seven or you'll end up dying sooner, and it won't be from cancer."

"Are they already looking for me?"

He ran his fingers through his hair, frustrated. "I don't know. I haven't spoken to Alice for a few days."

"Alice? What does she have to do with this?"

"Alice can see the future."

"Did she see me coming?"

He nodded and sat down by my bed side. "She saw us together. Happy. I was so confused when she told me. I never thought I would fall in love with a human, let alone a human with health issues."

I giggled. "Yeah, I wish I could say the same." I paused for a second and looked at him seriously. "Are you still in love with me?"

"Of course I am."

A knock at the door interrupted our conversation. I glanced over to see Carlisle walk in with a small smile. "Glad to see you awake, Bella."

I nodded, weakly. "Just tell me, Carlisle." I watched as he glanced at Edward and back at me. "He can stay. I don't care. Besides, he already knows."

He sighed and took a step closer. "The cancer is spreading faster than I anticipated. Your kidneys are now failing and will require surgery but…"

"But what?"

"Bella, you are not strong enough to go through surgery at the moment."

This was bad. The last few times I had surgery I was strong as a bull to take it but now…would I even survive the month? "Carlisle, you said my cancer is spreading faster, how much faster?"

"At this rate, you will only have a few weeks maybe month left."

I blinked, trying not to cry. My life had been shortened and now, there was nothing left. Life had failed me. "I'm not going home anymore, am I?"

He shook his head slowly. "I'm sorry, but we want you to be transferred to the cancer ward in Seattle to make you more comfortable."

"I'm not going to Seattle."

Edward cut in. "Bella, it might be for the best."

I shook my head. "No, I'm not leaving Charlie!"

"You haven't seen him in what, a month? Do you even know where he is?"

"That isn't the point! You can't just move me without my father's approval."

Carlisle then spoke, calmly. "I already have approval from your mother to move you."

I couldn't believe this! Not only could I not go home and go back to school but I couldn't even stay in the same crappy, depressing town. No, I had to be moved to the city. This was ridiculous. "This isn't my mother's choice. It's mine and you aren't moving me. Forks in my home and I'd rather die in a rainy, depressing dump then a city where I've never lived before. I'm staying."

"Carlisle," Edward jumped in, "are you sure we can change her?"

"Change me?"

"No, Edward. I've already said she isn't strong enough."

Then I realized. "You mean…change me into a vampire?"

I didn't know how to react. A part of me wanted to scream yes and be with Edward forever. Still, Carlisle said I wasn't strong enough. Then there was another part saying no, because it was wrong to do so. In the end, I agreed with the other part and came to conclusion.

"Carlisle, can you give us a moment?" he asked.

Carlisle retreated from the room and I looked at Edward. "Bella..."

"Edward, how…?"

"All I have to do is bite you. But it's painful and usually you have to have some strength."

"You never told me how you became…"

"A vampire? It was in 1918 and I was dying of the Spanish influenza. Carlisle got to me in time before I got any worse but I was very lucky to survive the transformation. Not a lot of people do."

"So there is a chance I would survive."

"Yes, but Carlisle thinks you wouldn't. Bella, you are in a worse condition then I was."

I nodded, understanding my status.

My eyes wandered away from Edward and at the wall. I had to tell him my decision anyways. It was the only way. "Edward, I don't want to become a vampire."

Life isn't supposed to be everlasting. People are born, they grow old, and then they die. That's the world we live in. There isn't supposed to be immortality or superpowers or magic. Things like that aren't supposed to exist, and yet they do. Just not in my world.

I couldn't live know the supernatural isn't fiction. Life just doesn't seem real and I wouldn't be able to live the next few weeks with the guilt on my chest.

It was time I let Edward go.

Forever.


March started a few days later. It was bittersweet because Charlie came home with the house empty. He came to the hospital right when he heard the unkindly voicemail Carlisle sent him. Charlie was clearly not happy with my decision on staying in Forks, but like I said before, it wasn't his life to decide what was right.

My mother got involved with my decision making as well and even called me, giving me a two hour long lecture about my health. In the end I told her that my health wasn't going to get better if I stayed in a cancer facility in the city. Actually, I believe it would've made me worse from all the other patients slowly dying inside.

Edward still came to see me. Of course he came when I was asleep or when he thought I was asleep. But I was pretty sure he knew if I was awake or not from my uneven breathing and constant beeping from the heart monitor.

When I told him I didn't want to become a vampire he took it quite well surprisingly. I imagined he would freak and leave the room but no, he calmly placed a cold hand on mine and said, "Okay." And in my mind that was worse.

He did tell me Alice could see the future and she saw me and him together, happy, but then he mentioned that her visions change. Perhaps they've already changed. Still, it was nice to know I could've been with him if I was healthy.

I haven't even told him to let me go yet and I could never see him again. Clearly my heart was fighting with me, begging me to stay with him. Still, one single question stained my mind: was he dying inside more than I was?


A/N: So you all might not understand Bella's decision but don't fret, you shall all know soon.