Hey all, just popping in to say I hope you enjoy this chapter! Another will be out soon!
"Thank you for doing this Commander," Hackett's gravelly voice grated along my eardrum in the small space of Udina's office. "I know how...resistant you were to being here today."
I looked at the salt and pepper haired man and gave him my best polite smile along with a curt nod. "When I was told how much it would mean to the families, I couldn't say no."
"I understand this must bring back painful memories for you," Hackett shuffled his feet a bit as he spoke. "If it gets to be too much just let me know."
"It's nothing I can't handle," I insisted as I ran a hand through my short crop of hair. "Its not something I enjoy revisiting, true, but if my speaking will bring some closure to someone in attendance, who am I to deny them that?" You are literally talking out of your ass, Shepard, if I wasn't in the presence of the Admiral I would have rolled my eyes at the words coming out of my mouth.
Truth be told the only reason I was here was because if I didn't show it would look bad on me, and though I had achieved N7, I wasn't going to give anyone any reason to think I wasn't a team player, or to give the impression that I was as broken as I am.
Hackett 'hmmm'd and side eyed me like her knew I was spouting a fountain of shit, but before he could say anything more on the matter, the door 'woosh'ed open revealing Captain Anderson.
"Commander Shepard," his stride was sure and quick as he crossed the room to shake my hand. I met him half way, a small smile on my nude glossy lips as I greeted my old friend. Normally, I would be expected to salute someone of higher rank, but we had worked together so often that we just decided to skip that part.
"Captain Anderson," my tone just as warm as his. "How the hell are you?"
"Good, good," his hands clapped together in front of him after the shake had finished. "And you? Noticed you've been taking advantage of that back stock of R&R you've acquired."
"Better," I nodded feeling slightly unnerved that it seemed like my absence had been the matter of at least one discussion. "I just needed some time to recoup, you know? Been working hard these last few years."
"Understandable," Anderson gestured to me with his clasped hands. "You ready to get back to it? If so I have something for you."
"Ready and awaiting orders, sir," I did my best not to grin like an idiot. Assignments I had gotten from Anderson in the past were always my favorites. I could play things a bit loose, as long as I got the job done and didn't spit on the Alliance's code of conduct.
"You two go over the specifics," Admiral Hackett started toward the door. "I need to go see Udina and make sure everything is coming together." Without another word he walked out of the office leaving Anderson and I on our own.
As soon as the door closed, Anderson looked at me, his large brown eyes swimming with concern. "You okay, kid?"
"Been better," I tried to smile for him, but I'm sure it only came out as a grimace. "I hate this time of year."
"Explains the R&R," he nodded solomly. "I wouldn't want to work on an anniversary like this either...took me years after First Contact to be able to feel okay being out on the job around the time of Shanxi. Still get a rotten feeling in my gut to this day."
"It gets better, though, right?" My head tilted along with my question.
"Over time...but you have to let it get better," Anderson's look was that of a knowing father. "No one says you have to carry this on your own, kid."
"I know," my head bowed. He wasn't telling me something I didn't already know. I had been purposefully holding all of my anger, regret and guilt about Akuze inside because, I guess I don't feel like I deserve to feel better. Of course it would be easier to let it out, and talk to someone, and get help-but then I couldn't kick my ass for leaving forty-nine of my brother and sisters beneath the soil of that fucking planet.
"One day, you'll forgive yourself." Anderson sounded sure in his statement. He reached out and put a warm comforting hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze for good measure. "Now onto business," he gave my shoulder a hard clap before retracting his arm and meandering over to the balcony of Udina's office.
"My new ship is almost ready and I want you on my crew to head my ground team. Can't say what the assignments are, yet, but I need an answer now," he looked over his shoulder at me for a moment before turning back to the view of trees and and the lake below.
"Really, Anderson?" My interest was definitely piqued, "I thought she wasn't going to be ready for a few more months-maybe a year?"
"The team working on it have been pulling doubles, and have added extra crew to get her going. I say its been interesting seeing a Human and Turian partnership on this but things have been running smooth as can be." I wandered over next to him and set my gaze at the scene below.
The ceremony was being set up in the courtyards between the embassy offices so everyone could ogle at the monument. A pair of combat boots with a rifle sticking out of them topped by a helmet that stood nearly ten feet high on a pedestal out in the center of the lake.
Chairs were being set up, and the finishing touches were being put on the stage. I could see Admiral Hackett down there shaking hands with the head of security that I had been introduced to on my way up to Udina's office.
"So how about it, Shepard," Anderson nudged me with his elbow. "You game?"
"So you want me to follow you into space with no idea where I'm going or what I'll be doing?" I quirked a brow, side-eyeing him with a playful smile on my face.
"Well...yeah," he shrugged.
"I've had worse assignments," I laughed and cast my gaze back down to the scene below. "Count me in."
"Excellent," Anderson clapped his hands together before bringing up the interface of his omni-tool and typing a message. "I figure now is as good a time as any to introduce you to one of your crew mates. I do believe you two know each other."
I 'hmmm'd only half listening as I watched the guests of the ceremony begin to stream in and find their sheets. Some were talking to others, shaking hands and exchanging names of the dead. Others were keeping to themselves lost in their own revived greif.
"Amelia? Uhh-I mean Commander, Captain," a familiar voice wound its way to my ear from the door. Can't be...
"At ease, Alenko," Anderson waved a dismissive hand from next to me.
Shit. Kaidan.
I hadn't seen Kaidan for a few years now, and there was a reason for that. Kaidan had gotten...attached.
I vaguely remembered a drinking in Flux looking for Garrus and running into Kaidan, who had sat himself down next to me and re-introduced himself as 'that guy you shot down in the Academy'. His statement had an air of 'look at me now', and I did. He was buff, standard issue haircut and eyes for me. I still had my long hair back then, so my scars were mostly hidden, but I could tell from the way his eyes searched my face that he knew they were there somewhere.
We had spent some time reminiscing about the days at the Academy. I checked in to see if he was still in touch with Ashley Williams. He was. Then we got down to the brass tacks of why he was really there.
Less than an hour later we were a moaning writhing mess in my bed. It wasn't the first time since Akuze that I had fucked someone, but it was the one where I was least in control-and I liked it. I had tried to gain the upper hand, but you try taking control of a biotic when he knows what he wants. Fun fact: It doesn't end in your favor.
Unfortunately, my most vivid memory of those few days was how attached he had gotten. He began talking about the future, and what it would hold for us if we made it official. That terrified me. Back then I wasn't sure I would have a future-and here he was planning one out for me.
I dumped him as gently as I could for being a trembling mess of anxiety at the words 'union'. I had told him the truth-I wasn't looking for anything serious, and I was sorry that he was, but it wouldn't be with me.
"Kaidan," I turned doing my best to make sure my smile didn't seem forced. "Long time no see."
Kaidan's return smile was curt but genuine, and I expect it had a lot to do with Captain Anderson standing next to me. "Good to see you too, Commander."
"You, and the Staff Lieutenant will both be joining me for a while, so I wanted to make sure you both reconnected ahead of time. I know how you don't like surprises," Anderson's voice boomed through the office, and I blushed. He was right-I hated surprises. I liked control, and well thought out plans.
"Still no word on where we're going, Captain," Kaidan was at a rest, but he still managed to look on edge.
"That's a secret," the smile in Anderson's voice was evident even though I wasn't looking at him, my eyes were on Kaidan.
If I thought he was beefy before, he had sure put some mass on him since we last spoke. It almost looked like if he crossed his arms he'd split the back of his dress blue's. I hated to admit that he looked good, and I hated it even more because I had just reconnected with Garrus.
A 'ping' from Anderson's omni-tool halted the conversation. He had gotten a message from Hackett saying we had fifteen minutes and to get down here and start shaking hands and kissing babies...well he said it in more diplomatic terms, but that was the gist of it.
For my part, I was supposed to be waiting at my entry point in ten so that I could make my 'grand entrance through the crowd and up to the stage for my speech.
As soon as Anderson left you could almost see the stick leave Kaidan's butt. His posture though still proper was more relaxed, and he actually gave me a full on smile, his brown eyes glinting in the light of the Presidium.
"Good to see you again, Amelia," his slightly husky voice washed over me as he took a few steps closer to my sentry at the balcony. "It's been what, three years?"
"About that, yeah," I nodded. "How've you been, Kaidan? Keeping out of trouble?"
"Of course," he winked. "Or at least not getting caught."
"That sounds more like it. Ashley still doing okay?" I felt bad that I hadn't kept in touch with her over the years, but thought it would be weird to start messaging her out of nowhere. She and I had become fairly close over my year at the Academy, and I missed her almost as much as I missed Desi.
"Yeah, oh yeah," he waved my question off, "of course she's fine. You know her-gotta be better than everyone. I told her you said 'hi'. She says 'hey' back...that was three years ago, but who's counting?"
"Kaidan-" I sighed.
"No, it's fine, I'm not trying to be a jerk or anything. I understand you weren't ready for anything serious, and I did jump the gun-I see that now." He took another couple steps closer and reached out, grabbing my right hand and enveloped it in his own. "That doesn't mean I'm not still hoping that one day you will be ready, and that I'm there for it."
I looked down at my hand encased in his and sighed. Of all the times... Do I tell him about Garrus? Hell do I tell anyone about Garrus? We had decided that when we are together, we're together, but when apart, we're apart. Together would mean on leave, and apart being work, and I liked to keep those parts of my life as separate as possible.
No. He didn't need to know about Garrus-but that didn't mean I was ready for anything close to a relationship outside of that. Being with Garrus was easy, like breathing. We just hung out, enjoyed each other. Normal relationships were messy. At least all the human ones I'd had were. Why would Kaidan be any different?
"Don't say anything now," he continued, "it's stupid of me to think that today would be the day for it, and I'm not expecting anything. Just, keep me in mind, Amelia." He squeezed my hand once, and then let it go.
"Okay," I averted my gaze to the floor feeling unable to look the poor guy in the eyes.
"Well, you should head to your spot," he prompted. I looked up and saw he was checking the time on his omni-tool. "I have mine to get to, as well. Just know you have a friend out there, Amelia." He graced me with another boyish smile, turned, and left.
I let out a 'woosh' of air, unaware that I had been holding my breath the entire time he was giving me his little speech. It's showtime...
I readjusted the cuffs of my dress blues, pulling gently on the gold piping to pull the sleeves back down and headed to the mirror Udina kept on his wall. Thankfully he was just as vain as I was.
I checked myself in the mirror carefully wiping smudges of way-word gloss from around my lips. My neutral eye shadow was expertly blended and uncreased as well giving me hope that more things were going right today than expected.
The two pointy black wings that I drew from the corner of my eye were even as well, adding to my superstition. The last time I had them this perfect I met Garrus, and that was a good thing, right?
My perfectly groomed eyebrow arched causing the three inch bullet scar next to it to stretch and become taught. I had purposefully not concealed it to be able to easily show the audience that this was not just some tragedy. It was real, and not even the lone survivor got out unscathed.
I double checked the placement of my heavily waxed mohawk and sighed. I had gone a bit overboard with the product, so my hair didn't move normally-it just stuck out in different angles that perfectly highlighted the layers cut into it. I felt like a child that had gotten into her mother's hair stuff and gone ham. Christ almighty-it'll have to do.
I made one last sweep over my appearance. Over all, I liked the way I looked today-uncovered scar and all.
Heading down through the hallways I could hear the mumble of the crowd growing louder as families talked to other families; sharing stories of their lost loved ones. I zoned out to the droning hum of fifty families conversing. It was almost beautiful. If healing had a sound, I thought, this is what it would be.
I was turning the corner going down the final stretch when I saw a shadow move behind a wall. I paused for a moment, wondering if one of the family members had gone to the bathroom or had gotten lost. I was about to call out to the shape when I remembered the the entire Presidium hadn't been shut down for the event and there was likely other embassies still working through the din.
Shrugging I continued down the hall and made my way to my mark and open door at the back edge of the space opposite the stage. I had a clear view of the monument, all shiny and new, and my heart froze in my chest as I gazed upon the bronze sculpture.
"If everyone could bring their attentions up here, we're going to get started," Hackett's gravel edged voice filled the area through the loud speaker.
I stood quietly hands clasped in front, waiting for my queue. The crowd quieted down and turned forward all their focus on the Admiral.
"We want to thank you for coming today. Today marks five years of grief, loss, and tragedy and we appreciate you all having the strength to be here with us as we commemorate this statue to honor your sons, daughters, husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, brothers and sisters.
"As we stand here today, still grieving the lost of the brave and honorable people that lost their lives looking to try and save lives, we are comforted by knowing that all their problems are gone, and their troubles at rest."
Hackett shuffled some papers at the podium and looked at the crowd for a moment, the room was dead silent save from a few sniffles from various family members.
"Now for the elephant in the room," Hackett's eyes rose and found me over the sea of people. Gee, great. Thanks. "I know most of you are here because of one of our speakers today, hoping for answers about your loved ones.
"She, the only survivor of this dark day is here to speak and share what she can to hopefully put a salve on wounds that have been festering for five years."
The crowd began to murmur, and my stomach churned. When this was in the early stages of planning, I had heard rumors that most of the familys didn't want to come if I wasn't going to speak-which is why the Alliance pushed me so hard into finally agreeing to give a short speech. After my attendance was added to the invitations, RSVP's skyrocketed.
"Commander Amelia Shepard," Hackett announced gesturing to my direction. The crowd turned in unison trying to get a peek at me. Swallowing the lump in my throat I began what felt like the longest walk in Human history to the stage on the opposite side of the opening.
As I continued my journey to the stage, I could hear and see the reactions of people as I passed. There were a lot of "look at those" and "I wonder if those are from...", some mumbled about how lucky I was and I had to stop myself from turning and letting them have it. Others just followed me wide eyed, and still some waved for my attention. I gave those that waved a curt nod as I saw them, but kept my hands firmly at my sides, for some reason fearing I would break whatever resolve I had if I moved more than just a simple nod.
Climbing the steps to the stage I began the short succession of handshakes on my way to Admiral Hackett and the podium. Ambassador Udina was first. His handshake noodle armed and very whispy. Next was Captain Anderson, who's handshake was warm and familiar and helped me feel the tiniest bit better about what I was about to do.
Then I got to Admiral Hackett. He gave me a small smile as I approached, and as soon as our hands were locked, he pulled me closer and whispered: "you got this."
I nearly laughed at the lax turn of phrase coming out of the Admiral's mouth but I appreciated it nonetheless. He eventually released me and headed to the empty chair next to Anderson and sat, leaving me with the podium, and a crowd of heartbroken people.
Stepping up to the podium, my heart pounding in my chest I looked over the crowd of people all in a dead silence waiting for me to say something. I swallowed loudly, still unsure of exactly what was going to come out of my mouth and began:
"Morning. I would have said 'good morning', but nothing about this day for five years has been good. For any of us.
To get something on the table, before we go any further I am not going to be speaking about specifics of what happened on Akuze. I live with those images every night. I relive those deaths, deaths that I know you all have questions about. It's like a plague that infects you and never lets go. I will not infect you with the horrors I see whenever I close my eyes. I promised myself that when I agreed to speak here today."
There were a couple of mutters coming from the audience, and a few people actually got up and left, leaving others around them looking upset.
"Let them go, if I can't give them the answers they are looking for, they don't have to stay and listen to me ramble.
"What I will say is that though the things I have seen, are mostly things that someone should never have to see-I have good memories too. I worked with that platoon, and many of your loved ones for a long time. They were all good people, brave. Dutiful. Ones that had my, and each others backs no matter what.
"Even in the nightmare we faced that night five years ago, they were still brave, dutiful and had each others backs. They were Alliance Marines, through and through. I know that's not much of a comfort to those-"
As I was looking around the Presidium trying to make meaningful eye contact with as many people in the crowd as I could I noticed a figure up on one of the catwalks that caught my attention.
At a passing glance I thought it was a family member that just didn't want to sit amongst the crowd, but a movement drew my attention back to it. A Batarian, with it's gun drawn lining up a bead on me.
"GUN!" I yelled and dove off to the side just as the blast of an auto rifle echoed through the courtyard. I felt the bullet graze my right bicep and then I hit the floor.
The screaming began as the gunfire continued, and I was surprised I wasn't swiss cheese by now at the amount of gunshots I heard coming from above. I opened my eyes and looked up to see people stampeding to get to the exits as they were mowed down due to the bottle necking that happened as too many bodies tried to fit through the too small doorways.
Fucking Christ. I followed the path of the rounds up to two shooters-one on the catwalk opposite the stage and another shooting over the balcony to Udina's office.
I scrambled to my feet, arm oozing blood turning the navy of my uniform purple. I couldn't see anyone else on stage, and I hoped that Anderson had gotten Hackett and Udina to safety.
I ran down the stage, arms over my head as at least one shooter had noticed I was still up and kicking, jumping over the side swiftly and heading for the side exit under the second shooter. Bullets whizzed all around me, the Batarian not quite hitting its mark as I zigged and zagged my way across the twenty or so feet between the stage and relative safety.
"Shepard!" I heard Anderson call from somewhere behind me, but I didn't dare turn and stop. I had to keep going.
I have to stop this, adrenaline coursed through my veins as I crossed through the threshold and into the hallways of the embassy building. No more, no more, no more.
I sprinted down the corridors, my dress shoes sliding on the slick flooring. I could only get to one, but if I could get to one and disarm them, I could take down the other shooter. I figured the shooter holed up in Udina's office would be easier since there was nowhere for the Batarian to run, my only issue would be crossing the distance between the door and the balcony without getting taken down myself.
Where is C-Sec, I grimaced from the pain in my arm, and cursed myself for not making sure security was on hand before this whole fucking thing started. I had asked about it earlier in the process and the consensus was, C-Sec is too strapped to send a security force to a memorial in one of the safest parts of the Citadel. They did assure me that officers working that beat would be nearby, but not effort was made to have extra forces on hand. Idiots.
After heading up a flight of stairs, I was near the door for Udina's office. If I hit it from an angle, I would be able to flank the shooter and get the gun. I was still hearing gun blasts but I couldn't tell if it was from the office, or from the catwalk. I ran at the door full tilt, arms pumping ready to apprehend the shooter. The doors 'wooshed' open at my proximity and I just barely caught a glimpse of the Batarian as it disappeared around the wall of the balcony to the unit next door.
"Hold it right fucking there," I screamed running for the last bit of Batarian I could see-it's leg. I was two feet away when the leg disappeared, and I heard scampering from next door as the shooter made its way through the office.
My momentum couldn't be stopped at this point and I barreled right into the railing, just barely stopping myself from tipping over the edge.
There was a pause in the gunfire from the catwalk, and then the hail storm of bullets set itself upon me again. A few hit the wall behind me causing my arms to fly to my head to protect my skull. Last thing I wanted was to die today-especially today.
I was mid-duck when another bullet tore into my right bicep. I felt the reverberation of lead hitting bone and my arm dropped limply to my side leaving my head uncovered for the few seconds it took me to hit the floor into the pile of popped heat syncs left by the shooter.
I laid there listening to the screams of the families of my fallen brothers and sisters. The sound was so familiar, it was like my dreams had followed me into my waking hours.
Then the gunfire went quiet. I waited a few seconds to see if it was just a reload, but when the silence continued I popped up again and looked across the courtyard to where the other shooter was.
He wasn't there, but there was a Turian in blue C-Sec armor standing with his gun pointed at something on the floor. Relief hit me like a ton of bricks. Though one of them might have gotten away, at least the shooting was over.
My gaze fell to the courtyard and my stomach dropped. Not a living soul was left in the area the crowd sat. Just bodies-at least thirty of them strewn about like rag dolls over chairs and across the floor.
I saw Kaidan pop out from behind the stage followed by Anderson, Udina and Hackett. Kaidan had a cut on his head, but the other three were thankfully unharmed. After making sure the superior officers and Udina were on their feet, Kaidan started checking vitals on the fallen, shaking his head gravely after each and every one.
I watched as he headed to a smaller form, and as I focused my eyes through the pain I saw him check a child, a little girl still clutching her teddy bear in death.
I threw up. Bile, coffee, and my breakfast pop tart forced their way out of my gullet and onto the ground below me. Not a fucking child, my mind screamed. She was probably here to honor her brother or father when she was mowed down like an animal.
A cry of rage tore through me, echoing through the small office and into the courtyard below. I dropped to my knees into my own puke and tried to hold back the tears that were now threatening to spill out onto my cheeks. I tried lifting my arms to wipe the budding tears away, but the screaming pain from my right arm did that for me.
I looked down at my deadened arm in wide eyed wonder at the perfectly circular hole left by the bullet. The blood was coming out of it thick and syrupy, it had already soaked the arm of my dress blues and was now dripping down my little finger onto the ground. But I would live.
"Shepard?" I heard a familiar voice from down the hall and the clack of dress shoes on the shiny metal floors.
Why? My head dropped to my chest and the tears I had been trying to keep at bay began to flow freely. Why the little girl? Why any of them? They were here to mourn. A wracking sob escaped me just as the door opened.
"Amelia?" It was Kaidan. I didn't care. I just wanted answers.
"Why did this happen, Kaidan," I cried. "Why does this shit keep happening?"
Kaidan took a few steps closer and squatted down a few feet away from me. I looked over into his soulful brown eyes somehow dry still dry after the carnage. He shook his head slowly, and sighed. "I have no fucking idea why."
"Shit," I sniffled my head finding its way back to its hung position. "I can't fucking deal with this Kaidan. Not again. It's too much-it's too fucking much." He reached out to touch my knee, but I pushed his hand away with my good arm. "Don't. I can't. I can't fucking handle this-how am I supposed to handle this? They came here to see me-they came here for answers, and now they're dead!"
"Most are still alive, Amelia," Kaidan offered.
"Most is not enough! They should all be alive. That little girl should be heading home with her mother, not headed to the morgue.".
"You're right," he stood, "none of this should've happened."
"It was Batarians. Two of them...the one I came after, it got away," I shook with rage both at the shooter and myself. I could have done more, I clenched my fist, nails digging into the soft flesh of my palm, I should have done more.
"The other shooter was dispatched," Kaidan said as he kicked a stray heat sync back into the pile with the others. "We'll find the one that got away, don't you worry, Amelia. C-Sec already has the Presidium locked down, they won't get far."
"Good, that's good," I wiped my runny nose with the back of my hand and tried to take that for what it was-a positive in this heap of shit.
"C'mon, Amelia," an outstretched hand made its way into my field of view. "We gotta get you to a medic."
Nodding I reached out with my good arm, took his hand was hoisted to my feet, I stumbled a bit slipping in the vomit and the small pool of blood that had gathered under me. Kaidan let out a small 'woah' of surprise and caught me before I fell back to the floor. "Let me help you out of here, huh? You've lost a bit of blood." He didn't wait for an agreement and wrapped an arm around my waist. Kaidan pulled me to him, tightly, and began leading us out of the office.
Though it took a bit we made it outside of the courtyard to where the ambulances, and unfortunately the press were waiting behind a clearly marked perimeter.
"Shepard!" Captain Anderson called out as soon as Kaidan and I stepped back into the artificial light of the Presidium. He jogged over with Admiral Hackett not far behind, looking between Kaidan and I face etched with worry. "What happened? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," I mumbled.
"Alenko, report," Anderson ordered apparently not taking my answer.
Kaidan stopped moving and therefore so did I. Kaidan went back to his super rigid 'an Officer is giving me an order' posture and took my hunched ass with him, cracking my back in the process.
"The Commander, from what I know, chased the other gunman to Ambassador Udina's office. The Commander says the gunman got away, so it looks like the Commander just missed him sir." My eyes shut spilling out the last of my hot tears onto my cheeks. I could have stopped the assailant, I just wasn't quick enough.
"I'm sorry, sir," my hoarse voice cracked as I apologized. "I should have done more."
"By the look of you, Commander, you've done enough." Anderson's voice was warm and less that of a Commanding Officer and more that of a friend.
"Get her to an ambulance, Alenko," Hackett ordered. "No more questions for now."
"Aye, aye," Kaiden began moving immediately towards the nearest ambulance.
A quick check later and it was decided I needed to have surgery to remove bullet fragments from the meat of my arm. If the bullet hadn't hit my bone, and had been an inch or so to the left, the paramedic said it could have entered my chest.
They strapped me down and carted me off to Huerta, Kaidan in tow. He wouldn't take 'I'm fine' for an answer, and said someone needed to be there for me when I woke up.
But I do have someone, the thought popped into my mind without much provocation. I have Garrus.
Oh god, Garrus. I would have messaged him right then and there if I wasn't strapped to a back brace with my arms pinned to my sides. I figured by now the news of what happened was everywhere, and unless he was catching some shut eye he would have seen it by now.
That at least I was a little glad for. He would find me, and he would be with me soon enough. I needed the familiar. I needed someone to be my rock, and I knew I didn't want that to be Kaidan no matter how much of a help he had been since he scooped me off of Udina's floor.
