That night, Alfred was laying awake in bed. Well, he hadn't been alone a few minutes ago. Mimi had been in and out of his room, so he left the door open a crack for her. If one good thing had come out of today, it was her. And the fact that maybe now Matthew would be more cautious around him, and not give him any more chances to jump him.
Waking up with a start, Matthew didn't even need to think as he got up from his bed. It had become more of a habit now to sleep with Alfred when he had a nightmare so he didn't think about it. Still, he pushed it open to see if he was awake or not. Not seeing any movement, Matthew started to walk in before he felt Mimi weave between his feet so he picked her up gently as he crawled onto Alfred's bed.
Feeling the movement of the bed, Alfred opened his eyes. He had half been expecting the kitten, even though he hardly felt it when she gets on the bed. "Matt? Why are you here?" After the night before, he didn't think Matthew would ever crawl into his bed again.
"I... I had a nightmare. Would you like me to leave?" He asked quietly, not wanting to bother Alfred by being in his bed. Maybe he didn't want Matt to feel uncomfortable being so close to another human after all the pain he went through in the camp. Though, he didn't know the real reason behind his emotional breakdowns whenever he was touched a few months ago.
"But I kissed you! Aren't you scared I might do it again?" Or go farther, his mind added. No, he wouldn't. He just couldn't do that to Matthew! He was too precious, too delicate! Alfred tried convincing himself that he was not a fucking Nazi and wouldn't do that to him.
Letting Mimi go to curl up between the two of them, Matthew looked to the bed. "If... I trust you Alfred. I have also forgiven you. You could have done much worse..." Feeling his throat get thick with tears of his time in the camp, he stopped. He didn't want to cry even after his frequent nightmares; he didn't have to do so in front of Alfred now.
"Fuck Matt! I'm trying to not do the same things to you that that gu...!" Alfred stopped himself suddenly, a hand flying to his mouth. Fuck... fuck no, he just said it! It had just burst out of his mouth, his stupid mouth, God why didn't he think about anything before he blurted things out?
Matthew openly stared at Alfred, his tears beading down his cheeks slowly. "Wh-What were you going to say?" He still asked, hoping he didn't just jump to conclusions. How could he have known about that? He didn't tell Alfred because he didn't want him to worry even more about him!
Taking a shaky breath, Alfred lowered his hand and looked away. He didn't want Matthew to know that he had known this whole time, but he still didn't want to lie to him! "I... oh fuck. Me and the doc, we go way back, you see. In war, I saved him, and he saved me, so we were really close. So," Well this was it. No turning back now. "He- he told me." Alfred looked at him, taking in the tears and the look of betrayal. "I'm so sorry, Matt! I know I should have said something..."
"I-Is that why you f-felt you needed t-to apologize?" He stuttered, unsure just what this feeling was. Of course Matthew still trusted Alfred, but... He knew just what happened... Unconsciously he had brought his legs up to his chest to hide himself as he continued to stare with wide, tear filled eyes.
Confused, Alfred blinked. "Um... I'm also sorry for kissing you..." What was he supposed to be sorry for? Maybe being so close to him when he knew Matthew had been raped... Fuck this was not going the way he wanted it to.
Shaking his head, Matthew rubbed his eyes before getting off the bed. "I'm s-sorry for disturbing you." He whispered before leaving the room, fighting with himself not to run. Why was he so upset that Alfred knew about what the men did to him? Well, it seemed like he thought it was only one soldier which was probably for the best.
Closing his eyes, Alfred put his head in his hands. Dammit, Matthew now knew that he had been hiding the truth from him! Why were things getting so messed up after they had been so good? He punched one of the pillows, angry at himself. That last look Matt had given him had been gut wrenching.
A few minutes later, he got up from the bed. Just as he had guessed, the house was empty. It was midnight, but he figured he wasn't going to get any sleep, so why should anyone else, either? He picked up the phone, dialling the number for the hotel doc was staying at, waiting impatiently for the small wheel on the phone to turn back.
David groaned as he picked up the phone from beside his hotel bed. "Who's'it?" He mumbled, sitting up so he could start waking up. It better be important to be phoning at one in the morning.
"I fucked up." Alfred said into the phone, emotion making his breath hitch slightly. He looked down, feeling something on his foot, and saw that it was Mimi worming her way around his leg. He bent down to pet her, comforted by her soft fur.
Frowning at the tone of Alfred's voice, David straighted himself further on the bed. "What happened? Are you ok? Is Matthew?" There were only a few scenarios that he could think of that would have his friend phoning him at this time saying that he fucked up.
"He's gone. I told him I knew." He sat down on the chair, the cord for the phone stretching longer. "You should have seen the look in his eyes! What am I gonna do?" David was really the only person he could talk to. He understood him better than anyone.
"Told him you knew... About the man?" The doctor asked quietly, not wanting to get Alfred more upset than he was. It was already a touchy subject and he didn't want to feel more awkward with his guy friend crying. It was obvious just how Alfred felt for the smaller blond. "What do you mean he's gone? Did he leave the house? If he didn't, you need to stop him."
Picking Mimi up, Alfred cuddled her. "He left. Not sure where. But can you fucking blame him?" He hadn't swore so much for a while, but he didn't care anymore. "Shit I hope he's ok..." This was night time, and Matthew was all alone. What if something happened to him?
Not sure what to say, David mumbled. "I hope so too. New York is fairly big and not everyone has the best intentions in mind like you do." It went without saying that Matthew was not the best equipped to walk around by himself in such a big city.
"Fuck I have to go find him. Bye." Alfred hung up the phone, putting Mimi on the couch. He got his jacket and went back to her, giving her one last scratch. "If I don't find him soon, I'll be back to feed you, don't worry." Because she would still need care.
Hanging up his phone as well, David laid down for only a few minutes before hearing a timid knock on his door. Who was it? It couldn't be room service because of the time, nor could it be Alfred since he would have just pounded his door down. Curious, he opened his door a crack to see a thin blond standing there with tears in his eyes and down his cheeks. "Matthew?"
"H-Hello Dr. Hughes." He mumbled, looking to the floor for moment before looking up at him again. "I'm sorry to b-bother you so late... May I come in?"
What was he doing here, of all places? Still, David stepped back to let his old patient inside. "If you don't mind me asking, why are you here?" Even if he knew about him finding out Alfred knew. Maybe he was here because Matthew was angry at him for telling his friend?
"Well... I figured... Because you know what happened to me... I could trust you." He ended simply. Matthew hadn't really thought where he was going before he was walking around, but he had remembered Alfred saying he was going to the bar with the doctor that took care of him. He also said where he was staying in case he ended up there when he was drunk.
Taking a breath, David ushered him further in the room. "Why not sit down? You must need to talk." After all, why else would he be here than to talk? Perhaps about what had happened just now with Alfred, or what had happened at that camp.
Sitting on the edge of one of the two beds, Matthew played with the ends of his hair. "I... I know you told Alfred about it." He whispered, unable to say that he was raped out loud still. "I feel bad for making him worry about me..." After all, his feelings had shown through for a second and Matthew was still taken aback by them. "But I know I needed to talk to someone else."
Nodding, David sat in one of the chairs. He needed Matthew to know he wasn't a threat, at least. "Alright. What do you need to talk about?" This boy really cared about other people too much. He felt bad for making Alfred worry about him?
Taking a deep breath, Matthew ignored the dried tears on his face and his flushed cheeks and his red eyes as he stated. "It... It wasn't just one. I don't know if you could tell, but it wasn't. I don't remember how many there were... But they were all German. They were anywhere from common soldiers to higher ranking captains." Without trying to stop himself, Matthew's body started to shake as his pent up tears released. "I just feel so bad... H-He gave me a kitten because he k-kissed me when he was drunk..."
"He kissed you?" He hadn't said that on the phone! What was he thinking? What had been Matthew's reaction? Now David was really curious about what had happened. And he had given him a kitten?
Nodding, Matthew felt himself wishing that he had either Mimi or his old teddy bear from when he was a child to hug and hide behind. Instead he settled for his knees against his chest. "H-He came home and was r-really happy and wh-when he laid down he kissed me lightly... I w-was scared at first but I knew Alfred w-wouldn't do anything..."
David was starting to get the full picture here. It seemed what they needed was some truth. "Sorry for that, I should have cut him off, but to tell the truth I had been drinking as well." He cleared his throat, trying not to think of the awkwardness of the situation. "He loves you, you know." If only his wife could see him now, telling a man another man loves him.
"Wh-What?" Matthew squeaked, his tears momentarily stopping their path down his face. "Alfred wouldn't feel th-that way about me... He already is taking care of me so much, and I'm s-such a burden..." He wiped his shining face off with the sleeve of his pyjama top.
"When drunk, you usually do things you would want to do normally, but wouldn't because of differing reasons. So you said he kissed you, that must mean he wanted to kiss you." And he had said earlier that night that he was worried he would do something like that. Ironic it happened that same night.
Shaking his head furiously, Matthew denied it. "Alfred doesn't feel that way about me. He is just worried he will make everything worse when all he had done is make things better. I... I don't even trust my boss as much as I do Alfred, and he looks more like the men than a lot of people..."
Looking at the time, David frowned. He had to wake up to catch a plane in a few hours. "He has told me he does. Alfred doesn't lie, especially about things like this." He wanted to tell Matthew that he really should be having this conversation with the man in question, but assumed he would soon want to anyway. Hopefully.
Pausing, Matthew let go of his legs and rubbed his eyes. "I..." He stopped, not quite sure what to say to that. Is that why Alfred was always so worried when he would go to sleep with him after his nightmares? Did he really feel as if he would do the same thing because he cared so much about him and wanted to show him? Was Alfred really in love with him?
Staying silent, the doctor wondered what was going through his head. Either Matthew was completely straight and felt disgusted at the very idea of a man loving him, or he was slightly flattered at the idea, even if he didn't want to admit it. Or he was remembering the many men in his past, which wouldn't be good.
"I need to see him." The small blond finally got out, staring at the doctor. "I... I need to tell him to stop worrying. In America... Is it uncommon for a man to love another man?" He asked in a small voice, unsure if he wanted the answer or not right now.
Thinking for a second, David took a breath. "Well, I'm not too sure. You don't really hear about homosexuality. But I assume it is the same everywhere, not just in America." It was still a little strange, but Alfred was his friend.
Matthew nodded before getting up from the bed. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you so late. I will leave now." With that he gave a hesistant smile before going to the door. "If Alfred gets in touch with you, please tell him I am home."
"Alright. I hope everything will work out." Because he really did hope that. Both Alfred and Matthew deserved to be happy in their lives. Both had been through more than anyone should have to, and they would both be good with each other.
Nodding again, Matthew left the hotel room and soon was walking back home. Alfred... Alfred loved him? It certainly explained his outburst earlier tonight not to mention the fact he knew he had been raped. It seemed like he only thought it was one person, and Matthew didn't know if he could correct him right now. Maybe it would help them... Them... Could he even handle being in a relationship after everythig? Sure he trusted the American, but would his body let another man touch it?
