*Thank you all for reviewing and adding the story to your favorites or alerts. Feedback is really important to helping the story to keep going. It's like coffee with crack in it or something.

One thing that will be different in this story is Justice. I remembered how much I liked him in DA: Awakenings and I think that part of Justice is still like that. Yes, he's going to go ape crap on Templars and he will support mages and make Anders go all badass, but I'm going to develop Justice as a character as well and bring in some of his qualities from Awakenings. Part of the fun of writing a fanfic is getting to make the story what you want right?*

You Don't Have To Stand Alone

Chapter 11 – Time To Talk

Anders blanched when Allison said she had gone to the Blooming Rose. She had been with Isabela which means that she any number of awful things might have happened. And since she came back with money and food, she had obviously gotten it somewhere. He dreaded thinking about what she had done to earn it.

Damn it! I shouldn't have let her run off like that!

"Please tell me that this story doesn't end up in the obvious place." he begged.

Allison looked puzzled. "What's the obvious place?" she asked.

Anders ran his fingers through his hair; something he had been doing since Allison had left that morning.

"You went to a brothel with Isabela and you came back with money and food. You tell me what the obvious conclusion is?" he replied, his voice rising.

Anders would have said that Allison looked offended but that word wasn't strong enough. She looked as if molten lava could be pouring out of her ears. She stepped to him and poked him in the chest, hard.

"You think that I'm a whore?" she accused in a low voice. "Why? Because I was dumb enough to let you kiss me and because I wasn't ashamed of it?" She shoved him back a few inches. "I can't help it if you're a flighty coward who makes a move on a woman and then runs off like a child!"

Anders didn't know which accusation to address first. Allison's gray-blue eyes were flashing and if looks could kill he'd be in a puddle of flesh on the floor.

"I wasn't saying that. It's just that you're not from here and I thought that Isabela may have talked you into something…unsavory." he explained.

That didn't help.

Allison's eyes narrowed. "That's making the assumption that I could ever be talked into selling my body for money, you jerk!"

"I didn't mean that you could it's just…Isabela…never mind. I'm sorry, again. I keep making a mess of things. First this morning and now this. I used to be much smoother than this." Anders stammered.

Allison made a face. "I doubt that."

Anders winced. "Alright, let's start over. Tell me what happened at the Rose, please."

Allison told him about Marjorie, Geralt and Isabela's deal with the Madame. He was left gaping.

"That didn't exactly make me feel better." he said, still reeling from the fact that Isabela had dragged Allison into a con.

"I didn't kill anyone, unlike some people." she commented dryly.

"True." he conceded.

"Look, I'm not proud of what we did, but no one got hurt and we have some food." Allison said gesturing at her purchases.

Anders took a look at what she had bought.

"You got meat?" he said. "Real meat? I haven't had that since I was running away from Ferelden and living in the Wilds. I caught a hare once and roasted it. One of the best meals I've ever had as an apostate."

Allison felt awful. In her world she took that kind of thing for granted but it was quickly becoming clear that she couldn't do that while she in Thedas.

"I know that making food last is important so I'm going to make jerky." she explained.

"What is jerky?" Anders asked. It was such a strange word.

Allison laughed. Of course that would sound weird to him. "You see this vinegar and salt? I'm going to soak the meat in it and season it. It will dry out the meat but it will last longer and we don't need refrigeration."

Anders frowned. "What's refrigeration?"

Allison sighed. "Um, where I come from there are these big storage cases that keep food cold. That way it doesn't spoil."

Anders looked stupefied. "That's incredible! It sounds like magic."

She snickered. "No, not magic, just science." She grabbed a bowl and started pouring the ingredients in. "Let me get this started and I'll throw the vegetables into the pot for soup."

Anders was quiet for a moment. "Thank you."

Allison didn't turn when she spoke. "For what?"

"You've been good to me, despite how I've acted. I've seen your face and I know that you recognize how little I have. It still shames me, but you've never made me feel like less of a man because of it." he said quietly.

Allison threw the vegetable in the boiling water over the fire and then walked over to where he stood, staring at his boots.

She touched his arm hesitantly and he looked up at her, his defenses down.

Anders responded to her touch even though he didn't want to. It was natural he supposed. Allison was incredibly lovely and caring. How could he not be affected? Add to that, the fact that she kept feeding him and she was perfect, he thought in amusement.

Allison rubbed his arm comfortingly. "Now that the food is cooking can we have that talk? I don't want to fight and I hate feeling uncomfortable around you after what happened."

Anders nodded and pulled out a chair for her. "Please, sit down. You deserve to know the truth and I'm sorry that you had to hear it from Varric and Isabela instead of me."

Allison smiled. "It's ok. I imagine that it's hard to strike up a conversation like that. How do you tell someone like me that you've got a spirit from the Fade living in your body?"

"Indeed." he chuckled. "Still, there were a few times when Justice has made himself known since you arrived and I should have told you then just in case he came out."

Allison nodded, remembering. "It was when the blue light came out wasn't it? When we were talking about the jobs you take and about mages?"

Anders was reticent but he needed to explain it to her. "I honestly thought that I'd be able to get you home before Justice became an issue."

Allison caught his tone and felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. "You say that like you don't believe that I'll be going home any time soon."

Anders took her hands which were folded in her lap. "I did study the phenomenon more like I said. There is a place we can go to see if our theory holds but, it's complicated. There's no guarantee that we're right and even if we are we can't be sure that we can simply activate the mechanism that made your trip possible."

He hated to see her face fall in despair. If he could he would just wave his hand and send her back to her home, but he couldn't.

Allison forced a small smile. "Well, let's just see what happens ok?"

Anders nodded. "So, what would you like to know about Justice?"

Allison stared at her hands which were still being held by Anders. His hands were warm and it felt good to have him touching her. She felt like a fool but it couldn't be helped.

"Isabela and Varric told me that Justice got trapped outside of the Fade and that he inhabited the body of a dead Gray Warden. I understand that as much as someone from my world can." She hesitated because her question was personal and his answer had the capability to humiliate her.

Anders saw her struggling and he squeezed her hands in encouragement. "Just ask me."

Allison swallowed. "They told me that they thought it was Justice that made you leave after we kissed. They said that he tried to keep you focused on the plight of mage and that he won't let you have any fun."

Anders felt Justice's pique at that statement and he tried not to laugh. It wasn't funny. He had hurt Allison's feelings and she didn't deserve it. She deserved honesty.

He rubbed his thumbs across Allison's knuckles, feeling the tension in her.

"They were right in a way. A long time ago, in another life, I was a very foolish boy. I slept with many women and I viewed the world through idealistic eyes. As I got older and after I escaped the Circle that final time, I started to see the truth. I couldn't ignore the abuses that were heaped on mages both in the Circle and out. It was in this state that Justice found me. When we melded, he absorbed so much of my anger and indignation that it changed him. When I first met him, Justice was honorable and brave. At first he didn't understand humans but after spending time with the Hero of Ferelden he came to admire us and the beauty of our emotions."

Anders glanced up to find Allison listening intently, so he continued.

"I admired him as well. To be a spirit and to be ripped away from your home and find yourself trapped in a decaying body; he handled it very well and he wanted to carry on Kristoff's work of fighting the darkspawn. We became friends. But my hatred of the Chantry, of the Templars, the Circle; it was too strong and Justice was lost." Anders felt the familiar guilt settle on him. "It was my fault and because of me a good…person is gone."

Allison didn't say anything for a long time and Anders let her think it through.

"So, Justice was so altered by your feelings that he can no longer feel friendship or affection? And if you do he what? Stomps it down?" Allison asked, watching his face for any hint of the spirit.

Anders shook his head. "No, that's not true. I can feel what he feels. He still views me as a friend. It's just that he thinks we have a higher purpose now and that we need to concentrate on that."

Allison tried to see where Justice was coming from but it didn't sound healthy.

"To the exclusion of all else? What about your happiness?" she inquired, a hint of temper in her voice.

Anders clenched his jaw. "Working for the freedom of mages makes me happy." he said, a little too forcefully.

Allison looked doubtful. "Oh really? Yes, I can see how happy you are. If that's true then why did you kiss me?" she challenged.

Anders pulled away from her. "I just wanted…"

"What? What did you want Anders?" she pressed.

He looked away. "I just wanted to be close to someone. It's been so long and I care about you…" he shook his head.

Allison took his hands this time. "And why is that wrong? Why is it wrong for you to want to be with someone?"

Anders stared at the floor. "We cannot allow ourselves to be distracted from our cause." It sounded like he was reciting something someone had told him repeatedly.

Allison took another tactic. "So your cause is make mages free so that they can live where they want without the threat of being hunted by Templars and without being hated by ignorant people?"

Anders looked at her then. "Yes, that right, in part. Why do you say it like that?" he asked cautiously.

Allison didn't answer that question; instead she asked another.

"And what would the mages do with this freedom?"

Anders didn't understand where her logic was going. "I suppose that we would live like normal people."

"And what does that mean? What is your dream for mages?" she continued.

Anders eyes took on a distant look as he thought about it. The goal that he and Justice had been working for so long.

"I like to imagine mages living in cities and villages with everyone else. When a babe was born with magical abilities it wouldn't be a cause for sadness but one of joy." He smiled slightly, letting the picture form in his mind. "The child could be trained to use his powers to help others, and he would grow up feeling loved by his parents."

Allison watched Anders wistful expression and it pained her to see him like this. All he wanted was a normal life and the freedom to use his gift to help his fellow man. He spoke of it like it was a fantasy and Allison hoped that it could come true someday.

"And what of that child's future?" she said.

Anders was still looking inward and his smile grew larger. "He could grow up and fall in love; have a family of his own, a home. He could grow old with someone and watch his grandchildren play at his feet."

Allison decided to make her point. "And you and Justice feel that a mage can't try to find any happiness until all mages are free? It's all or nothing?"

"Of course not. I help many mages in the Underground to escape and I pray that they are able to find some peace away from the Circle." he contradicted.

Allison quirked a brow. "Oh, so I see; you're the only mage who isn't allowed to have any peace. I mean you wouldn't want to give the other mages hope by seeing you a teeny bit happy would you?"

Anders came out of his reverie, grasping what she was trying to say. "It's not like that! I'm fine. Someone has to fight!"

Allison stood up. "While you live half a life?" She looked around the clinic. "It's like you're doing penance or something! What did you do that was so bad that you have to cut yourself off from feelings or joy?"

Anders rose as well, his anger swelling. "Who are you to question how I live my life?"

"I'm the woman that you wanted to get close to. I'm the woman you kissed and then pushed away!" she countered. "Do you know how hard it was for me to open myself up like that just to have you turn tail and run?"

Anders gritted his teeth. "That's why we can't do this! I'm not a man anymore; I can't have that life."

Allison gave him a withering look. "I think it's easier for you to believe that because you can just hide down here instead of trying to have what you claim you want for other mages. Maybe you're afraid of failure."

A strange webbing of light crackled over Anders' eyes and in a sudden burst of brightness he began to glow.

With a quickness that Allison couldn't have guessed he possessed, Anders put his arm at her throat and pinned her against the wall.

The voice that came out sounded nothing like the man she knew.

"You have baited him long enough!" the voice boomed.

Allison was frightened. The voice sounded oddly amplified and the timbre was different from Anders'. She couldn't even see the warm brown of his eyes anymore. It was like looking into electricity.

She tried to speak despite the pressure against her windpipe.

"Is this Justice?" she croaked.

"Why are you filling his head with dreams? The Circle is a threat. The Templars are a threat. The mages must be free." was the response.

Allison shoved against Anders' arm but he was very strong. She wasn't sure if the spirit gave him that strength or not.

She tried to remain calm even though she was lightheaded.

"Then you don't… care about Anders… anymore?" she asked, gasping.

Anders/Justice tilted his head to side as if confused. "Of course I care for him; he is my friend. That is why we must fight."

"And he's not allowed to be happy while he fights?" Allison responded, gaining no ground in getting free.

Justice sneered at her. "And you believe that you can make him happy?"

"I'm not talking about me. I care about Anders too and it's obvious that he's very lonely." she said.

Again the puzzled expression came but Justice let her go. "Why would he be lonely? I am with him at all times."

Allison rubbed her neck and coughed. "If you live inside of him why can't you see what he's feeling?"

Justice looked slightly put out. "When I am not needed I try to disconnect myself from him as much as possible. Being in a living human can be…uncomfortable."

Allison laughed derisively. "So, you have the luxury of ignoring Anders emotions and desires because it makes you uncomfortable? How convenient! Anders doesn't have the ability to just stop feeling, and if you were listening you know how unhappy he is. Maybe you should tune back in for a while and get a grip on reality."

Justice frowned. "I do not wish him to be unhappy. But the mages must be free of the Chantry."

Allison looked at Justice like he was a simpleton. "Did it ever occur to you that people have more energy to fight when they have something to live for? Living in Darktown and helping the sick and the poor is incredibly generous. Anders deserves to rest and enjoy himself. He needs to remember that he's part of the human race for God sake!"

Justice looked skeptical. "And you human; you think that you are so wise?" he mocked.

Allison felt tired suddenly. "I'm human, which you aren't so I'm going to assume that I have more experience with this. And yes, I know what it's like to feel cut off from other people; to isolate yourself and to forget what it's like to have someone care about you."

An unreadable expression crossed Justice/Anders' face as Allison sat back down.

"I will think on what you have said Girl." And with that the light died out and Anders staggered backwards.

Allison hopped back up quickly, catching his shoulders. "Are you ok?"

Anders nodded, himself again. "Yes, I'm fine." He gave her a long look. "You gave Justice quite a talking to didn't you?" he said with a wry grin.

Allison gasped. "You could hear me?"

Anders laughed. "Yes. Justice and I are one. When he is out and about, I can still hear what's going on. He can do the same but as he told you, he tries to stay distant."

Allison suddenly remembered the soup and rushed over to the fire to check it. The vegetable were tender and after adding a pinch of salt and some herbs, dinner was ready.

"Grab some bowls would you? Talking to a spirit of the Fade is exhausting!" she joked.

Anders brought the bowls over and held them while she ladled the soup in.

"Are you alright? You look very tired." Anders said with concern.

"I'm fine. I did have a busy day, what with the brothel and all." She grinned and Anders groaned.

"Don't remind me!" he exclaimed.

Anders breathed in the scent of the soup and his stomach stabbed him with hunger pains.

"Go on and eat." Allison said seeing him practically drooling over the food.

"Thanks." Anders dug in and couldn't be bothered with social etiquette.

Allison thought that maybe she should look into buying napkins and a tarp the way he ate.

Anders had three bowls of the hearty soup before he finally stopped. Allison chuckled and she had to admit that she felt quite satisfied seeing him like this.

The people she catered for were typically happy with her work but it was different cooking for Anders. He did so much and got so little in return. She was glad to be able to give him something.

Anders took their empty bowls and put them on the table.

"Since you were so adventurous today, perhaps you should go to bed. It's getting late." Anders suggested.

Allison was already yawning so she didn't argue. She stood up and stretched and Anders watched her with hooded eyes.

"What?" she asked, feeling self-conscious.

"Nothing. I was just thinking that's all." he said quietly. "Go on. Off to bed with you."

Allison turned and she felt a cold sweat break out on her skin. She felt short of breath suddenly and her limbs were tingling.

Anders saw Allison stiffen a moment before she fell to the ground.

He ran to her side and fell to his knees, placing his hand under her head so it wouldn't smack against the hard floor. Thinking quickly he grabbed a pillow from a nearby cot and put it under Allison's head. Then he stripped his robe off and covered her with it.

Even though magic hadn't worked before, Anders tried to heal her. He sent a wave of healing magic through her body and sought out the sickness. Again, as his powers reached her mind they were thrown back at him. Anders grunted with effort and refocused his energy, trying again. The same thing happened.

Allison was still flailing about and he was helpless. He had no idea what to do. His powers could not help her.

Anders best his head close to Allison's ear and spoke softly to her, Perhaps she could hear him even in this state.

"Allison, I'm here. You're going to be alright. I've got you, and I'm not going anywhere." he whispered as he wiped the sweat from her brow. "Come on Sweetheart, come back." he murmured.

He wanted to hold her but he was worried that about gathering her in his arms.

Her breathing was shallow and her skin was glistening with sweat. Anders rose quickly and dipped a cloth in water. He continued to wipe her skin until she finally stopped moving.

There was a terrifying moment when Anders wasn't sure that she was breathing. He felt a shaft of icy fear pierce his heart and then he heard Allison's ragged breathing resume.

He touched his lips to her cheek. "Thank the Maker."

Anders lifted her in his arms and carried her to her bed. Her clothes were wet with perspiration and he didn't think that it was good for her to sleep in them like that.

Hopefully she wouldn't think him a cad when she awoke because he honestly wasn't trying to get her clothes off. Allison was beginning to shiver and he wanted to keep her warm.

Anders removed her shoes first and then got behind her so he could prop her up to take her shirt off.

She wore a breast band of a kind that Anders had never seen before; and he had seen many. It was black and covered with lace. He considered removing it and thought better of it.

He laid Allison back down and began to tackle the closure of her strange trousers. He had unfastened the button when a voice called to him from out in the main room.

"Hello? Anders? I came to make sure that you hadn't killed Allison for being naughty." Isabela yelled.

Anders went to the bedroom door, grateful for Isabela's sudden appearance.

"Isabela, come here. Allison had a seizure and I need your help." he said urgently.

Anders was surprised to see genuine concern on Isabela's face and she ran into the room quickly.

"Is she alright!" Isabela asked, kneeling by Allison's cot. "Oh poor thing. Allison can you hear me?"

"She's unconscious Isabela. This happened the last time she became ill. It took her a while to wake up." Anders said.

"She looks cold." Isabela observed.

"Yes, that's why I'm glad you're here. Her clothes are wet from perspiring and I was trying to take them off. And if you say one dirty thing to me I'll burn your hair."

Isabela believed him so she controlled herself. She was more worried about Allison anyway.

"I'll get her pants off. Do you have anything that she can sleep in Anders?" she asked.

Anders opened a drawer and took out a shirt. He was taller than Allison so it would cover all of the necessary parts.

Isabela got Allison's jeans off and then with Anders's help she put his shirt on her.

"Here, give me her clothes. I'll take them with me to the Hanged Man and have them washed. That will make her feel better tomorrow." Isabela offered.

Anders was taken aback by Isabela's thoughtfulness and he handed Allison's shirt and pants over to the woman.

Isabela looked critically at Allison and then made a decision. "Turn around." she ordered.

"What for?" Anders asked.

"If I'm going to wash her clothes, I may as well wash everything. Turn around. I know she wouldn't want you to see…yet that is." Isabela said with a wicked laugh.

Anders understood that Isabela meant Allison's smallclothes and he spun around, blushing like a boy.

"Don't think I didn't see that delicious red hue on your face mage boy." Isabela commented.

Anders said something nasty under his breath and Isabela laughed again, quite pleased with herself.

In a serious tone she asked, "Do you think this was my fault?"

Anders kept his back turned. "Allison getting sick? I don't think so. She ended up meeting Justice and they had a talk. I think it was too much for her. She got very tired right before she collapsed."

Isabela stood up. "All done. I'll have these back to her tomorrow."

Anders turned and saw Allison sleeping; her chest rising and falling under his shirt. Her dark hair was slightly curly and she looked peaceful.

He felt a strange tightness in his chest as he watched her. He wanted to…

Isabela cleared her throat. "Take care of her ok?"

Anders didn't look at Isabela but he nodded. He heard the door to the clinic close and he walked over to where Allison lay sleeping.

Anders felt Justice's concern and was dismayed. The spirit apparently had a grudging respect for her. When Anders tried to sense why, he felt Justice's acceptance of the simple fact that Allison cared for the mage. That was enough to make Justice more comfortable with her presence, even though the spirit was still mulling over their argument. Justice didn't wish to see Allison harmed though so at least he and Anders could agree on that.

Anders brushed some strands of hair away from Allison's face and watched her carefully. It looked like she was breathing easier and he was hopeful that she would awaken soon.

Anders became aware of a sudden truth. When Allison went back home, if they could get her there; he was truly going to miss her. He had gotten used to having her there.

It was nice to have someone at home, someone to talk to, to share a meal with. He liked having her feminine presence around. He loved the sound of her laugh and the way her fascinating eyes got wide when she learned something new about Thedas. He loved that she accepted him as he was; with Justice and all.

He had never met anyone like her, and she made his dreary clinic feel more like a home.

Anders traced her cheekbones with his fingers, dedicating the feeling to memory.

What am I going to do about you?

*I've always had this fantasy of wearing one of Anders' shirts to sleep in. Yum. Please review!*