Jenna left the Lounge a couple minutes later, noticing that Raph and Leo had retreated to the kitchen. She'd passed Luke and April talking in the Den, and came around the corner in time to see Splinter just leaving the Lab with his kettle.
"Is it alright if I talk to them a bit more?" Jenna asked him.
He nodded reassuringly. "Go ahead child."
Donatello was a little surprised to see Jenna coming back in, and quickly set his cup aside. "Hey! How did the Lounge work out for you?"
"You guys have a great set-up. Do you all play?"
"Little of this, little of that. Ninjitsu can be a bit consuming...it's healthy to have another hobby that can serve as an outlet." Donatello told her.
"I asked Leo where it all came from...he said you could explain it."
"Genius here is our source of income." Mike spoke up. "Pretty handy to have around."
"If I had the energy, I'd come show you how handy I am." Donatello cracked up.
" I'm game if you are." Mike shot back, making Jenna laugh as well - but she had seriously wanted to know about what Mike had alluded to.
"I kill bugs." Donnie offered. "Big, bad...computer bugs. I do free-lance work for a rather large corporation. I'm completely unattached, clearly, they've never seen me. Everything goes through April - they send in their issues, I fix 'em. I'll take whatever they give me, but uh...the badder the bug, the better the pay. April set up a bank account, and all the funds are automatically deposited. It works rather well...and we have money when we need it."
"That's impressive."
Donnie shrugged. "It's not really a big deal, but it helps us out, y' know?"
"So what do you play?"
"Guitar's my first love, but I play piano too, same as you. Mikey here can blow your socks off on the drums."
"I'd like to hear that."
"What's really fun is when we all get together sometimes. Raph's got a voice you wouldn't believe." Donnie told her.
"You're kidding."
"Nope." Mike backed him up. "But it is a closely guarded secret."
"I wouldn't peg him for a singer."
"There are a lot of things that still might surprise you." Donatello said.
"Tell me about it." She said quietly, and suddenly broke eye contact to look down briefly.
"What about you?" Mike asked. "Do you do a lot of writing?"
"Fair amount I suppose. Nothing I've ever done anything with. The music I write, I keep it to myself mostly. My parents have heard a couple of things but...I just like to keep it to myself." She stammered as her voice broke slightly.
"You don't have to talk about it." Donatello said evenly.
"I get tired of keeping so much inside." She said, and paused for a long moment. "My life hasn't been what I would have chosen. When I was four years old, my mum killed my father...nearly killed me, and took her own life. My parents were basically modern-day gypsies the way they moved around - I didn't have any other family that I knew of. I became a ward of the government, spent ten years in foster care, shuttling from one place to another. I was...difficult. I supposed if I'd been a better child I might have been adopted. But I didn't trust anyone, I didn't love anyone, and I didn't want to rely on anyone. I made it as hard on people as I could, so I wouldn't get nailed down again." She blinked back tears as she paused for another long moment.
"I never told anybody that before. You guys know what it's like to have to hide, to be unable to show who you really are. I've been hiding in plain sight for almost my whole life...and before my adoptive parents came along, no one saw me. I made sure of it."
"They must be wonderful people." Donatello said carefully.
"They are, God bless them. They were so patient, and willing to love me where I was without having to change me. I love them dearly...but I sometimes feel so lost, like I don't know who I really am, or who I'm supposed to be. Music is one of the only things that's kept me sane. That's where most of my emotion has gone, because I don't like for people to see my weakness." She paused again, sniffing as tears took over. "You guys have it so hard. But you're so lucky that you have each other. Don't ever take your family for granted." She forced a half-hearted laugh, and then smile at them. "I'm sorry. I'm didn't mean to do this. It's dangerous to leave me to my own thoughts for too long."
"Don't apologize." Don said tightly. "You're right...things aren't always easy for us. But we do have each other, and we're never alone. Unless we choose to run off without the others." He added sardonically, and then grew serious again. "I can't imagine what your life has been like. I'm sorry."
"Being here has stirred things up for some reason. I don't think it's really a bad thing...it's just forcing me to deal with emotions I'd rather ignore."
Donnie shook his head slightly. "Emotions are a funny thing. Do you know why I happened to be in Central Park at the exact time you were being dragged there?"
"No...I don't."
"I was mad. I was trying to work some things out...stuff that pales in comparison when you really think about it. Hiding emotion, hiding yourself...you know it has far reaching effects. As painful as it is to force yourself to rehash things that should never happen to anyone...I think that's how you become a whole person."
She shook her head. "That's the kicker Donnie. That's what I fight to be every day of my life. Just to be able to be real with the people I love...that would be quite a feat."
"Well, I think you're on your way." Mike said quietly. "You sure sound real enough right now."
"You have...a real strength in you." Donatello said slowly. "I saw it the first time I laid eyes on you...and I knew you were different. Strength is a good thing - it enables you to do things that others wouldn't dream of. Like staying to help a strange creature you've just met, instead of running. That's strength. Courage. Sometimes...strength also means being able to let go of control. Kinda the way you put yourself into my family's hands with no guarantees of anything. You trust your parents?"
"Yeah, I honestly do. They're the first people I've ever opened up to at all."
"That's good. But have you told them everything that you've told us?" Mike asked her.
"No...I just haven't wanted to get into it, and they never pushed me. They just tried to make me feel safe."
"How did you meet them?" Mike said curiously.
"My mom, Victoria, she was part of a music program, a teacher of a summer session for kids inside the government system. It was their attempt to socialize and civilize some of us. I don't remember why in the beginning, but she just started talking to me. I already knew how to play the piano, but she got me started on guitar that summer, began teaching me to read music.
She treated me differently than anyone ever had before - she was the first adult I let anywhere near to me. I'd just actually been released from another home late in the music program...when Victoria went to bat for me like no one ever had." She paused, and continued in a slightly wistful tone. "I never told her I was listening - but the conversation I heard completely won me over."
________________
"Mrs. Stolle - I want to discuss the matter of one of the children in the program with you." Victoria told the Head Mistress, an uptight woman who looked fifteen years older than she actually was.
"Is this a matter of discipline that you can't handle?" The woman asked smartly.
"No Ma'am, it's only...Mrs. Stolle, my husband Michael and I, we don't have children of our own. Over the course of this summer, I've fallen in love with one of your fosters. My husband and I have been discussing it for weeks and...well, we'd like to bring her to live with us in Sydney."
"You know it's a little more complicated than that."
"Yes Ma'am, and we're willing to work inside your system."
"Which child are you interested in Mrs. Richards?"
"Jenna Porter."
The woman made a strangled noise somewhere between a laugh and a cough. "You don't want Jenna, Victoria...Nobody wants that girl. She's been utterly blacklisted. Eight foster homes in ten years - and the one she's in now has thrown in the towel!
Now there are many children that would be well-suited to you, much nicer, and younger. I have several files I could show you. But the last thing you need in the Diplomat's household is a surly fourteen year old who hates everyone and everything. You may think you have a connection with her, but take my word for it - nothing good will ever come of her."
Victoria stared at the woman for a long silent moment. "To you, she may be a lost cause. But she's still a person Mrs. Stolle - a girl who's been hurt worse in her lifetime than most people can even imagine. I see something so special in her, so incredible. I think she's so much more than this office would suppose her to be - and I'm willing to take the risk that she could break my heart.
Will you please prepare her paperwork? My husband will be here in fifteen minutes."
______________
"Victoria saw through me." Jenna said softly. "All the facade I'd built to protect myself. I met Michael for the first time that day, and they invited me to come and get to know them, no strings attached. The rest is pretty much history, the adoption was final last year. Some people called them crazy. I call 'em my parents." She finished wryly.
There was a light knock at the door, and Luke poked his head inside. "Am I interrupting? I kinda need to check these two over again."
"No it's alright." Jenna said as she rose to her feet. "I've been talking their ears off long enough." She cast Donatello a lingering glance. "I'll see you later. You don't mind if I use your Lounge?"
"Of course not. There's even equipment to record if you want to - Raph could show you." He replied with a smile.
"Thanks...and...thanks for listening guys. Meant a lot to me."
