Chapter 11- The Scoobies

"Where have you been?" Buffy asked when she saw Spike at school by her locker. It was three days after the incident at the institution and Spike had been released after Giles decided Spike was not a threat to himself or society. However Giles wanted to continue to work with Spike, concluding that he some sort of personality disorder but Spike wasn't sure which one because he stopped paying attention when Giles got into his psychobabble.

"You want the truth or what I plan on telling everyone else?" Spike said.

Buffy closed her locker, took Spike by the hand and led him into an empty classroom. She wrapped her arms around him for a few moments. "Is everything okay?" The two broke apart.

Spike folded his arms and leaned against a wall. "Captain Forehead made me go see this shrink…it ended with me being wrestled to the ground, drugged and institutionalized for a few days."

"You're brother institutionalized you?" Buffy asked in shock. She wobbled over to a seat and fell onto it, as if her legs could no longer support her.

"Nah, he tried to get me out of it but the damn doctor insisted because I told him I murdered some chick."

Buffy's head snapped up.

"I was joking, but the damn doctor can't take a joke."

Buffy stood up. "You're an idiot, Spike." She walked over to the door.

"I don't know why I do the things I do."

Buffy reached her arm over to Spike and grabbed his hand. She pulled him over, opened the door with her free hand and led him out of the classroom. Spike kind of like how Buffy took charge of their relationship and was very no-nonsense with him. She walked him over to his class, placed a gentle kiss on his lips and walked away.

"Did Buffy just kiss you?" Xander asked from behind. Spike jumped, surprised and unaware of his surroundings because he was lost in a daydream about Buffy.

"Uh, yeah, what's it to ya, Mate?" Spike walked into the classroom and took his seat.

Xander took the one next to him. "How they Hell do you get all these blonde girls? Do they like guys with the same color hair or something?"

Spike leaned back in his chair and let out a chuckle. "I can't explain it, Mate."

"I thought she hated you. What happened?"

Spike shrugged. "I'm pretty sure she still does. Love ain't brains, it's blood. And underneath all that fiery hatred is a fiery passion. She desires me."

Xander folded his arms. "She has no idea what she wants. If she did she wouldn't be with you."

Spike raised his eyebrow. "Jealous much."

"As if. She'll figure out your good for nothing eventually."

There was a lot of spite behind Xander words. It surprised Spike. He had thought he and Xander were best mates but if that was true then Xander wouldn't have let a girl get between them.

Spike stood up from his seat as soon as the teacher entered the room. He headed for the door. "Leaving so soon, Mr. Pratt, after ditching my class three times already this week?" the teacher said.

"I was in a sodding institution," Spike said to her. He pushed his way past her and into the hallway. He didn't care that he just revealed to his whole class that he was crazy and by lunch the whole school would know. Spike just realized that he didn't know how he could trust. He thought Xander and Willow were his friends but did they just hang out with him because no one else would?

And what about his new relationship with Buffy? She obviously didn't like him, but there was some sort of passion between them. That's what he thought at least, but what if he was wrong. What if Buffy was just some blonde bitch and he was just a game to her? And what about Angel? Did Angel actually care about him or was he just pretending to because of guilt over their mother?

Then Spike collided with another student. When Spike found his balanced he noticed the person he knocked over was Willow. He helped her up and started to walk away but she followed him.

"Been out of school for three days and ditching again already?" she said.

"And what's your excuse for being out of class?" Spike said. He turned a sharp corner and headed toward the exit door.

"Getting a book from the library."

Spike reached the door.

"Spike, please don't ditch school."

Spike turned around. He saw Willow staring at the ground with a puppy dog pout on her face.

"My exgirlfriend gave me the scar," he said.

"What?"

"Her name was Drusilla. She was my first luv. She was batshit insane too. She attacked me, plunged me with metal spikes and murdered my mother."

"Metal spikes? Like your name?" Spike could tell Willow was horrified by so much of what he just said.

"That's where it comes from. And then I come here and the only girl I can attract is that ditz Harmony. And I've got you and Xander for mates, and you two are great. You two are the best friends a guy with no emotion could have. But then Buffy came here and she screwed everything up. I really like her. A lot. I feel safe with her and that scares me."

"Oh, Spike, that's a good thing." Willow was smiling now, though horror still shined behind her smile.

"And then I went to see that stupid shrink that Angel's making me see, and I ended up in an institution for a few days for observation; that's why I wasn't here."

"Oh my god." Sad face again.

"But Angel and I had a heart to heart and now we're getting along and that just doesn't make sense."

"Yay?" Willow's face was confused.

"And today Buffy and I had our first kiss, which should've been really great but now Xander's piss at me for no reason. I guess he likes her. But screw him, Buffy's an independent woman, she can choose whoever the Hell she wants to. The only problem is, now I'm questioning everything. Is Xander really my friend? Are you really my friend? What the Hell is going on with Buffy? What does that mean for me and Harmony? Why the Hell do I care about what happens to Harmony? Why the Hell am I getting along with Angel? Is he actually a good person on the inside? Does he actually care about me?"

Tears started rolling down Spike's face. "Why did he leave me when I was four?" Spike continued, "Why did my Dad leave after I was born? Why did my mom have to die? Why did I let that monster into my house? Why do I still love Dru?"

"Oh Spike," Willow said. She walked forward, but Spike took a few steps backwards trying to evade her. He fell backwards onto door, which swung open and he fell onto the ground. "Spike!" Willow said and ran to try to catch him.

Spike's head hit the pavement, bounced back up then hit it again. He started laughing. And crying. He couldn't stop.

"Spike are you okay?" Willow was kneeling by Spike's side. She touched his head.

Finally Spike calmed down. He got up. He looked Willow straight in the eyes, gave her a hug and then walked away. He left the school grounds, content on never coming back.


A/N: Basically my goal in this chapter was to convey that poor Spike is just broken. I hope I did it well. Please review.