Chapter XI
An Unexpected Secret
It had been a little under a week since leaving Bree, and so far nothing had really happened. Which meant nobody had been killed yet. Thorin was pretty sure that, if this girl was an assassin, she was the most patient, irritatingly charismatic assassin he ever had the ill fortune of meeting. There were no sure signs of her actually being an assassin, but Thorin was stubborn – and would keep cautious till it was no longer needed.
Now Balin had always been shrewdly insightful, especially compared to many of his own race. Given this, Balin noticed the things Ashley did or said. She didn't ask many questions (though that seemed to be because she knew they would not be answered). That's not to say she didn't talk. She talked a reasonable amount – mostly to the hobbit. Balin thought that she would be spending more time talking to the two princes, but when Thorin had told them (including the rest of the company) to keep their distance from the girl, they complied without much complaint for they were still quite scared to approach her after she had dragged them by their skins. She had accepted their apology along with giving one of her own within the first hour after leaving Bree, but they still were quite nervous when talking to her. Though, it was strange to Balin how they could be. Even though Miss Ashley looked fit, she was no dwarf – and could easily be brought down by anyone of the company, save for perhaps the hobbit.
Balin felt slightly bad for the small man. He was completely out of his element, and got even more flustered every time Thorin barked at him, which unfortunately happened a lot. Ashley seemed to be the only one that could keep his spirits up (not that many of them tried). Balin feared that if she was not here, Master Baggins would have already closed himself off from the rest of the company.
Speaking of the company, Balin reminded himself that he needed to write up another copy of the contract for Miss Ashley. He would have had it done already but Thorin seemed to keep giving him tasks to do. As said before, Balin was quite insightful, and knew exactly what Thorin was trying to do. Thorin was attempting to delay his making of the contract in hopes do prevent Miss Ashley from signing it, joining her to the company. Balin mentally chuckled every time Thorin did this. He would get it written eventually, and Thorin couldn't keep him busy forever. He'd just have to wait till Thorin ran out of ideas of how to occupy his time.
It was warm that night and Balin and company had just finished their bowls of stew. It was descent stew, containing some rabbit meat that Fili and Kili had caught earlier in the evening.
Thankfully, Thorin was in deep conversation with Balin's brother, giving the old dwarf some time of his own. Balin took out a roll of partchment, ink, and a quill and started writing the woman's contract. It wasn't all that difficult, considering he had already written it over a dozen times, and he found that it did not take much concentration either. Briefly looking up Balin noticed that the girl was not in their small camp. Going back to his writing Balin wondered what Miss Ashley could possibly be doing out there in the growing darkness of these woods. She had left the camp two days ago as well, right around the same time; when she had finally come back everyone was settling down getting ready for sleep. She had seemed more calm and relaxed then. Not that anyone else noticed; it was the loos swing of her arms that gave her ease away.
Balin had a guess of why she left to go out on her own for a period of time. Although she seemed to like company and conversation, her behavior of seeking alone time probably meant that she liked her solitude, and that being with a bunch of people who were male, as well as dwarves, probably took much energy out of her. She regained her strength with silence and quiet thoughts, settling her mind – preparing it for sleep.
At least that's was what Balin had concluded.
He hadn't talked to her too much, only answering questions here and there. He would like to ask her some in return if he ever got the opportunity.
Most of the company was now snoring in their sleep, and the rest were soon to follow. Balin was tired and wished to join his kin, but unfortunately Thorin had assigned him first watch.
Probably as payment for starting the contract, Balin thought.
A couple minutes later Balin heard quiet foot falls and silent movement over the snores of the others, now all asleep. Putting the unfinished contract, for he had only finished about a quarter of it, along with the ink and quill back into his pack, Balin stretched as well as he could while sitting in his current position. He waited till he could see the figure of the girl come into the dim light the dwindling fire provided. She stopped at the tree line opposite from where he was sitting. They made eye contact; she smiled at him, and he in return inclined his head. She looked around, taking in the loud sleepers sprawled out on the ground. Her lips pursed in thought for several long moments, and Balin wondered what could be streaming through her thoughts.
She took attentive steps toward him and wordlessly asked if she could sit next to him. When he nodded she sat down, tucking her knees into her chest while laying her chin to rest on them.
"You missed supper again," he decided to say, making sure his voice was low, but knew that it would take more to wake the others.
"I wasn't hungry."
"You seem to be not hungry quite often."
"So?" she said casually.
"Well, lass, we don't eat very often while traveling, and if you miss any more meals you could very well get sick from malnourishment." Balin didn't want to bring it up but if she wasn't eating then he would have bigger problems.
"…can I tell you a secret?" she asked hesitantly.
"Of course." Balin tried to keep the surprise out of his voice, but only managed slightly.
"You have to promise not to tell anyone. Not even Thorin." She looked into his eyes, trust gleaming in her own.
"I promise. Not a soul will hear of it." he said, hoping that this secret wasn't important, though he highly doubted it.
"Well …sometimes… eating food… makes me… sick." She glanced at him from the corner of her eye to observing his reaction. Balin felt his eyes go wide and his mouth hung open. Seeing her eyes dart back to her feet he quickly shook of his baffled surprise.
"What do you mean by that," he asked.
"When I eat, sometimes it doesn't stay down. My stomach just won't handle it."
"Has this happened before?"
"Yeah. But it usually only happens in certain situations. Like when I'm highly stressed, or… I've been outside for too long." She slid her head down till her forehead rested on her knees. "Guess both of those are causing this now."
"This is serious, lass. We have to tell Oin."
"No," she almost shouted, snapper her head up to look at Balin with pleading eyes. "No… I-I'm alright."
"If by what you just told me I believe you're not alright." How could she think she was alright? She can't keep anything down. Balin wondered if she had been able to keep any past meals down.
"But I am, I promise. I already take medication. It gives me all the nutrients I need, so I'm not sick, nor will I get sick. I take it with a little water. I'm fine. I… just needed to tell someone." Balin patted her shoulder, in attempt to comfort her. He wasn't sure about the medicine she was taking, but she had said this had happened before. Balin would keep an eye on her, making sure she didn't over exert herself. If anything seemed wrong he would go straight to Oin, promise or not.
"Is that why you've been going in the woods? To take this medicine?"
"Yeah… I didn't want to raise any speculation. Especially from Thorin. He'd just add it to the list of things of why I shouldn't be here." She gave a humorous chuckle. "I-If you don't mind, may I please sleep near you tonight?"
Balin smiled at the small request. "Of course you may lass. It would be a great comfort."
She smiled back at him, the first smile she had given all evening. "Thank you." She walked over to retrieve her bedroll and belongings, and laid them down besides Balin where she had been sitting before. Snuggling down into her bedroll she mumbled some goodnight before settling for sleep.
Balin now knew why she had been so relaxed when she had returned to camp. It wasn't because of some long needed solitude (though it might have helped). It was because she had just eaten, so to speak. Having barely any food in your body was bound to make you rigged and ill at ease.
Without knowing it Balin had become severely protective over the girl. He was the only one that knew about this. If something went wrong the fault would fall on his shoulders. She trusted him with this. He couldn't betray that trust. It wouldn't be easy, but then again, when had anything ever been easy for the old dwarf.
…I bet none of you saw that one coming.
Ashley really is okay, by the way. Her medicine does help and she is in no danger of starving. She doesn't have an eating disorder, her body just freaks out when she eats in certain situations and throws it all back up.
If you guys have any questions, ask away.
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