A/N: Thankyou most extremely to PerfectPureBlood for being a wonderful Snape! We had such a fun time doing this :)


Interlude

I can recall the sound of the wind
As it blew through the trees and the trees would bend
I can recall the smell of the rain
On a hot summer night
Coming through the screen

I'd crawl in your bed when the lightning flashed
And I'd still be there when the storm had passed
Dead to the world, to the morning cast
Its light all around your room

We lived on an estate where the tall elm shade
Was as green as the grass and as cool as a blade
That you held in your teeth as we lay on our backs
Staring up at the blue and the blue stared back

I used to believe we were just like those trees
We'd grow just as tall and as proud as we pleased
With our feet on the ground and our arms in the breeze
Under a sheltering sky

Twirl me about, and twirl me around
Let me grow dizzy and fall to the ground
And when I look up at you looking down,
Don't say it was just a dream

There was a big fight in our house one day
Then you packed your suitcase and moved away
Your room was no longer next door to mine
But I kept on believing you'd come back in time

Twirl me about and twirl me around
Let me grow dizzy and fall to the ground
When I look up at you looking down
Don't say it was just a dream

The day you left home you got an early start
I watched from the stairs as you left in the dark
I opened the door to your room down the hall
I turned on the light
And all that I saw
Was a bed and a desk and couple of tacks
No sign of someone who expects to be back


March 7th 1987

My dearest Draco,

Firstly, I apologise for not saying goodbye properly to you although, had I done so, I'm not sure I would have been able to leave at all.

Secondly, and most importantly, I am sure that you hate me right now and I completely understand if you do; my actions this evening were inexcusable and I shan't make excuses for myself or try to condone what I did. I am truly sorry though and I hope that you will be able to forgive me one day.

I wish you all my luck and whatever happens now, I want you to remember, Draco, no matter what anyone else tells you and there is somebody out there who cares about you very much and always will no matter what.

If you ever need somebody to talk to, even if it's just to get something of your chest, please don't hesitate to pick up a pen and write to me.

I remain, as ever, faithfully yours,

Severus Snape 'Sir'


I moped around my home for days afterwards, not being able to concentrate on any single task for more than ten minutes before a strong feeling of either guilt, regret or simply pure discontentment set in and I would be forced to so something else to try to clear my head.

I was about to go completely insane, and I am being entirely serious when I say that, when, just over a week after my hasty departure, an owl I recognised as Draco's flew through my window and dropped a hastily scrawled note into my lap, then it perched itself on the back of my chair to await my reply.

I unfolded the parchment with unsteady fingers, almost dreading what my godson was going to say to me. But even if it was a letter full of hate, at least I had a reply.


Sir,

Why did you leave? I know you said it was because you hit me but it can't just have been that. Was it me? Was it because I ask too many questions? Because if it is, I promise I'll be good from now on and I'll do everything you tell me to, only please come back.

Please don't leave me here by myself, I don't want to be alone, I don't want things to go back to how they were before you came. I don't want to be alone again and I haven't anyone except you, you were the only one I could really trust and now I haven't anybody.

And…and I'm scared, Sir. I'm scared what will happen now you aren't here. I know you didn't think you made any difference with Father but at least were there afterwards.

Please come back, I need you!

Draco


Dearest Draco,

Please, don't you ever feel that you are to blame, because none of this is your fault, always remember that it wasn't you. I left there are demons inside of me that I need to overcome, and I can't risk hurting you again, I don't know what I'm capable of and I'm ashamed of what I did to you.

I'm sorry, but I cannot come back. You are stronger then you know and you'll be surprised on what strength you can find in yourself when you need it..

You'll never be alone; I'll always be there, even though you can't see me, write to me anytime you want, with anything you want, and I promise that we will see each other again.

Draco, please don't be scared. You'll be ok, just keep your head down.

Yours,

Severus Snape.


Sir,

I don't believe it wasn't my fault, at least, it must have been partly. And if it's not me, who's fault is it? 'Cause it must've been somebody's. Was it Father? 'Cause if it was he might say sorry and then you'd be able to come back...

Do you really not want to be here? Are you're demons telling you not to, 'cause if they are you could just tell them to be quiet and do what you want to do anyway.

Thank you for letting me write to you and saying that I'm strong, even though I know I'm not really. I do try though, to be strong I mean, but it's hard, specially now you're not here. I know you said I could write but it's not the same, it's kind of like talking to myself, and isn't that what crazy people do?

I always try an' keep my head down, but you know what Father's like. He's advertising for a new tutor in the Prophet this weekend, I'm sort of nervous about what the new one will be like. I hope they're nice. Are you going to get a new job?

Draco


Draco,

I need you to tell me that you don't believe that it's your fault, you have to know that. I must say, I consider your father is to blame, he is a controlling and violent man and no father should hit his children. But I'm afraid Lucius refuses to see it that way.

Draco, sometimes I forget how young you are, these demons, they are things I can't just order around, they control me, they're shadows of things that I cannot erase, wounds I cannot heal, do you understand? I promise I'll explain it to you one day.

I suppose you could see it that way, but just imagine me reading over your shoulder, pretend that you're really talking to me.

Oh, is he? Well, I wish him luck with that. And I do hope wholeheartedly that he or she is kind to you.

Me? Well, we'll see. I'm thinking of applying for a teaching position at Hogwarts, although I don't expect it to come to much.

Severus.


Sir,

But it's not Father's fault! He doesn't know it's wrong to hit and if it was he wouldn't do it, I know he wouldn't! And how can you say it's wrong when you did it yourself? You're just like him! No, you're worse 'cause you ran away when you promised you wouldn't! You said you'd look after me and you lied!

I knew you were just like the others but I kept telling myself that you weren't. I suppose I was wrong again, wasn't I?

I'm not that young and you said I understood a lot for my age, but I guess you weren't telling the truth there either…what kind of things are they? If you told me, I might be able to understand.

Thanks, but I don't 'spect they will be, Father says he doesn't want to make the same mistake as he did with you, so he's going to be very careful with who he picks this time.

Draco.


Draco,

Your father knows full well what he's doing

I know, I stooped to his level and it was wrong I lost control and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Draco, please don't feel resentment toward me, if I could be with you I would, but I can't face it.

Please Draco, I haven't broken my promise, I will look after you. You may think like this now, but you have to trust yourself, I cannot force you to believe me. I just hope that in time you will realise who cares about you and who doesn't.

I see. Well, you will tell me what this new tutor is like, won't you?

Severus Snape.


Sir

Don't be sorry, I'll be okay, really I will. Like you said, I am strong, I suppose I'll just have to try to be stronger. Don't worry about me.

Please don't lie to me anymore, you can't look after me when you're not here, but I don't mind. I can look after myself and I'll be able to do it better now than before you came 'cause I'm older. I'm trying to stay in my room as much as possible now, like you said, I should keep my head down so I'm trying to stay out of the way when Father's home.

Draco


Draco,

I know you'll be ok, I know you can cope, and know that I'm so proud of you for that. So proud of your strength and of the young man you are becoming.

I'll be with you in spirit, and whenever you want to contact me know that you can.

That is very wise, stay with what your doing, and keep me informed, I want to know everything that man does.

Severus.


Sir,

I know you'll always be in my mind, but it's not the same! I need you here! Please Sir, you don't understand, you don't know what it's like here without you. I hate being alone, I hate it so much especially at night and I am trying really hard to be strong but I get so scared

And…Please I can't do it anymore; I just want you to come back, just for a day…please…I hate it here so much!


Draco,

I know, dragon, I know. I understand how hard it is for you, but you must see it through! That's what makes you strong in later life, this is what moulds you! I know it's tough and unfair but I can't fight your battles for you. You have to do this on your own

Maybe for a day but I don't know…I can't promise anything. How would you like to come out? Away from the house? Write back with your decision.

Severus.


Severus,

I want you to stop writing to Draco; the boy's been upset enough already without you giving him false hopes. If you wish to have further contact with him, although I must say I can't see why he should ever want to speak to you again, you will go through me first.

I don't pretend not to know that I am partly to blame for this mess, but it isn't just me Severus, as well you know. Before you came, whilst he certainly wasn't happy, Draco accepted how things were and then you came along and messed with his mind, making him want things he's never going to have. You've hurt the boy more than I ever have and writing to him is just making things worse. After your last letter, I caught him crying in his room. He hasn't cried for years and it's down to you that he's learnt how to now.

For Draco's sake, leave him alone.

Lucius Malfoy.


Lucius,

How dare you! You were the one that made me hit him; you're the one keeping me from seeing him! You abuse him, physically and emotionally! You're all to blame for this! You've crushed him, broken his spirit and stolen his childhood! He has no reason to "accept" things the way they are, he deserves to feel safe and loved! And he only felt that when I was around! I made him remember that he is human, children are supposed to cry Lucius! He can't bottle his emotions up like he is! Let him be normal!

I admit I have hurt him, and I hate myself for it, but at least I feel remorse, I'm trying to make it better, how can I not write to him, for all I know your destroying him! I don't want him to become bitter, like we did.

Though I have to hatefully admit, you have rights to him so I need your permission, but I think its in his best interest that he has contact with someone who actually cares about him. But it is up to him ultimately, if he doesn't want to talk to me I will accept that, but if I have upset I want to know why and I want to solve it.

Severus Snape


Severus,

You know, I didn't actually physically force you to hit my son, you did that of your own accord I simply…pointed you in the right direction. I did, also, offer you an alternative. You chose to cane him and no one made you run away afterwards. Poor little Draco, beaten by the only person he's ever trusted and then abandoned in the hands of his evil, abusive father. You really need to sort yourself out Severus.

Who says I don't care for the boy? If that were true, he'd most likely be dead by now. Just because I am strict with him, doesn't mean I don't care. Quite the opposite, in fact. Letting children run wild and think that they are in charge will only damage them, they need to know their place. It didn't do either of us any harm.

Don't you dare presume to know what are in my own son's best interests! I am his father, I know what's best for him! And I think we both know that you don't really care for Draco after all, you did run away when he needed you most.

Lucius Malfoy


Lucius,

Oh, Lucius, you really are a vindictive snake. The right direction? Hitting a child is never the "right direction". And as for a so-called 'alternative', you gave me nothing! How could I have chosen to never see my godson ever again!? That wasn't an option! You may not have forced my hand literally, but you forced my hand figuratively!

You are an abusive evil person, you don't deserve to be called a father! You twist the truth and poison people with your lies!

. And maybe your right, that's why I ran away, I couldn't face what I did, I do need to sort myself out, but at least I admit it. Lets look at you for a second? Abuses his son and has no relationship with his wife?

That is the saddest thing I have ever heard, "if I didn't care for him he'd be dead." You don't know what compassion and affection is, you don't care for him in the slightest, you only care for an image, a little carbon copy that you can show off like a trophy. Draco is a child, not your possession to mould. Strict is one thing, I'm strict, you are beyond that. You are cruel.

I agree you need to enforce a sense of discipline, but not by physical abuse, by respect and compromise, Draco would never "run wild" you just need to talk to him. Have you ever just sat down and talked to your son? If you think it didn't do us any harm then just look at your self in the mirror, look at your hands bearing your son's blood and you might consider retracting that statement.

You don't know what's best for him, you know what's best for you, not him! I know more about your son then you do! How does that make you feel? Of course I care about him. I agree at first I didn't know him well, but now I care for him like a son. And I want you to tell him that. You know why I left, you drove me to it.

Severus Snape.


My dear Severus,

You do make me laugh! How can you possibly lecture me about the relationship I have with my family, particularly Narcissa, when you have absolutely nobody? I'll have you know that my relationship with my wife is a very good one.

Well, I suppose one might say that I didn't give you much option, but what really amuses me is the fact that you ran away after you did what I had asked. Really Severus, I thought you were intelligent, if you had really taken the time to think about things instead of diving head first into everything, you might have realised that you needn't have hit Draco in the first place if all you were going to do afterwards was to run away.

For the millionth time, I do not abuse Draco! He would be little better than a muggle if ii didn't come down hard on him when he disobeys me. That's exactly the reason why muggles are so primitive; they aren't allowed to hit their children. I guarantee, if these foolish 'child protection acts' were abolished, he muggle world would be a much better place.

What you fail to understand, Severus, is that Draco does belong to me. He is my property. He owes his very life to me. Perhaps if Narcissa showed a little more interest in the boy I might feel less need to mould his, as you put it.

There's no point trying to talk to him, he's seven years old for Merlin's sake! He doesn't understand anything. And when did anyone ever get anywhere with bringing up children by simply talking to them? Children need to be physically shown their place or they'll never do as they're told.

Coincidentally, I have had several replies to my advert, as I am sure Draco has told you. I am sure they will prove satisfactory and won't question my authority as you did.

Lucius Malfoy


Lucius,

Don't patronise me.

That's true, I don't, but when I get into a relationship I'm going to do it for love, not for carrying on a family line, that's the only reason you married Narcissa, if you think what you have with her is a good relationship then you really haven't got a clue.

You might say?! You will say! I had to, I couldn't face what I did, I couldn't risk hurting Draco, I couldn't risk becoming like you, if you could persuade me to do that, what else would you try to force me to do!

Don't talk to me about intelligence, any intelligent man wouldn't strike his child, wouldn't treat his son's back like a canvas. How was I supposed to know it would go that far?

Yes Lucius Malfoy, you do. You come down hard on him with a staff in your hand. Primitive? Oh Lucius, you are what they would call primitive! Resorting to physical abuse, I have said it before, you can discipline successfully without hurting a child! Draco is afraid of you! How can you even utter those words, you sick little man! Did you enjoy the beatings? Did you?!

I can't believe what I'm hearing, a child is not your property! Draco will never "belong" to you! He is not a broomstick! Maybe you're right there, Narcissa certainly isn't the best mother in the world, far from it, I suppose it must be hard to raise a child basically on your own, but you aren't doing a very good job.

Oh, Lucius, you have just confirmed what I said, if you took a second and tried to talk to him you would discover what an intelligent, mature boy he is, you should be proud of him, he understands a lot more then you know, he's better then you give him credit for.

That isn't true! Draco knows "his place" you've already enforced that.

Well then I'm very happy for you, good luck in trying to get Draco to talk to them.

Severus Snape.


Severus,

I'll have you know, I love Narcissa very much, just because we don't going around holding hands, doesn't mean we don't love each other.

What you don't seem to realise, Severus, is that you have hurt Draco, both physically and emotionally, just as you accuse me of doing so, and you hurt him even more deeply by leaving him.

You know perfectly well that I have never beaten Draco with my staff! And I resent the implication! It would kill him for Merlin's sake! Besides, I find leather is much more effective. Severus, I will not tell you again; I don't abuse Draco! Yes, he is afraid of me, but that isn't a bad thing. No, Severus, I did not enjoy my own beatings, but you aren't supposed to are you? It sort of defeats the whole point.

But it worked didn't it? Or at least it did in my case, you on the other hand, could probably do with a hard slap.

He bloody well does belong to me! He is mine to do what I please with and you know that perfectly well. If he didn't have me, he wouldn't have anyone; his mother doesn't love him and you certainly aren't capable of bringing up a child!

Severus, he is seven years old. I would hardly call that mature. Well, maybe if he proved his so called intelligence to me, I might be persuaded. But even you couldn't say that he's the brightest of children.

Lucius Malfoy.


Lucius,

Well, then I must be mistaken, I apologise, it just appeared differently to me.

I realise that very well thank you, and I feel terrible, that is why I want to talk to him! I want to set it right, I made a mistake, I admit that, but I hurt him once, you hurt him every day of his life. Now come on Lucius, you say I hurt him by leaving but if I ever expressed wishes to return could you honestly say that you would let me?

Well, how do I know what goes on behind closed doors? I know you would have no real inhibitions to do so! Teach him a real lesson, right?! Well, at least you have one shred of morality.

You make me sick, "leather is much more effective" makes my skin crawl. .

I just thought that maybe since you knew how it felt, how Draco must feel, that you may feel some kind of remorse.

Calm down! No, I do not know that perfectly well, he is yours in a sense of being your son, but not in being your property, he has some rights.

Maybe your right, but I could certainly give him a better life then you are giving him.

Not in age no, but in his mind he is, he's older then his years. He's been through more then he should at seven. Well, maybe if you gave him the opportunity, instead of demanding perfection, he could prove himself.

How many children have you met?

Severus Snape.


Severus

Well, that depends doesn't it? Of course, my duty towards Draco as his father comes first and I wouldn't let anyone near if I thought it wouldn't be good for him, so you'll have to persuade me.

Oh, don't act so naïve Severus! You know perfectly well what goes on in our home, and don't pretend that you don't! Well, leather is the most affective. Although you certainly did make a big impression on Draco with the cane, didn't you?

Do enlighten me, exactly what rights do you think Draco has? He is mine, in every sense of the meaning.

I demand perfection because I know he can achieve perfection. I am simply pushing him to do his best; it isn't my fault he doesn't try, it isn't my fault he doesn't reach his targets. If anything it's your fault! You were his teacher!

To be honest? Not all that many. But it is up to me and me alone to decide how to bring up my son, so bloody well butt out!

Lucius


Lucius,

Well that's very noble of you Lucius, but you know full well that nothing I say will ever persuade you.

Yes, unfortunately I do, but I mean that you have no limits in your cruelty. Charming.

Don't, Lucius, I know what I did and I hate my self for it, that's what you wanted, right? To shatter the trust I had with him. Well, you certainly got your way. As ever.

He has rights as a living, breathing human being. When will you grant Draco his freedom as an independent man? When he's eighteen? Twenty-five? Or will you never let him go!

You've been preaching to me about that he's merely seven, he doesn't understand things, so how in hell is he supposed to achieve perfection! He's learning! And of course he tries; he does everything to get your pride and approval! But he never gets it does he! No matter how hard he tries! No matter what he achieves! Yes, I was his teacher, past tense.

Exactly, you don't know how mature Draco really is for his age.

I can't just butt out as you put it! I can't, knowing what you're doing to him!

Stop hurting him and I will butt out! Its true he's yours to raise, I can only observe, and try to plead with you to stop hurting him! Your worse then your father!

Severus Snape.


Severus,

Very true. You're not quite the same man you were before all this palaver happened. I, of course, blame myself for asking you to get involved in the first place. If I'd really thought about it beforehand, I'd have known that it probably wasn't a good idea to mix you and Draco together. Ah well, what's done is done.

Of course I have my limits! I have said this many times, but it's not as if I'm going to anything that will kill Draco or damage him permanently. I always have my reasons for hitting Draco, apart from when I completely lose it, but that isn't often.

Draco will have his 'freedom' when he is seventeen, if he wants it of course, but I'll have no control over him by then. Hopefully, he'll be capable of making the right choices on his own by then.

And you've been preaching that he's a bloody protégé! If he has been trying, he obviously hasn't been trying very hard, has he? I have been testing him recently, trying to decide what the new tutor will need to cover and I must say that I'm not impressed with the level of work Draco is working at. It is far bellow the standard I would've expected.

Look, there's nothing you can do about it and you are only causing yourself unnecessary stress by worrying about it, and you're upsetting Draco too. We were fine before you started sticking your nose into our business.

Lucius Malfoy


Lucius,

What do you mean "I'm not the man I used to be"?

Well, at least you blame your self for something. True, what's done is done, and now I can't just forget about my godson.

When you completely loose it? How do you know you aren't going to go too far then? That you aren't going to "permanently damage him" as you call it? And yes, pretty poor reasons, he coughs, you slap him?

When he's seventeen? I pray for that day, but how he is ever going to stand this until then! And what happens if he becomes a headstrong fifteen-year-old who doesn't want to follow your rules? Who wants fights back? What will you do then?

I'm not saying he's a protégé, I'm saying he's a smart boy. Yes, the levels you expect, not the level of a normal, yet intelligent seven-year-old, give him some leverage.

Then I'll cause myself stress, I've said it before, I can't forget him. If I'm upsetting him I want to set it right! Let me set it right! You were not fine.

Severus Snape.


Severus,

I mean, you never used to be this good-intentioned or as interfering or as damn right annoying as you are now! At Hogwarts you were never like this, you just accepted the way wizards did things. Actually, I feel quite put out that you didn't intervene on my behalf, as you are doing now, when you came and stayed at the manor that summer in our third year. The situation was practically the same, but I suppose we were both young. But still…

I do not slap him for coughing! And it's completely unreasonable for you to even say that! Anyway, from what you've told me, and judging by the state you were always in after the holidays, your father was far worse than I am towards Draco! He was abusive, my father wasn't and neither am I. There is a difference, albeit a slight one, between an abuser and a disciplinarian. My father had a reason, yours didn't. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

Of course he will! He knows better than that and even if he does obtain some rebelliousness at school, I know you'll hate me for saying this, but it'll soon be knocked out of him. Anyway, as I said, he'll know better by then.

We were fine and we are fine! Before you came, it was me to whom he came for affection, but you took that away and left me being the bad person. I do love my son, despite what you think. You just haven't seen that side of it, we were at a particularly low point, that's why I had to take Narcissa away. As you've probably noticed, she isn't the most stable of people and she has funny turns of going a bit…mad, and it was upsetting Draco terribly and he was behaving very badly. We were both at the end of our tether, he'd stopped talking and I had absolutely no patience left with anyone, and then you came into the equation and just made things worse.

I have found a new tutor for Draco!

Lucius Malfoy


Lucius,

I never knew Draco then.

Yes, I was young, what was I supposed to do? March right up to your father and ask him nicely to stop please?

I had respect beaten into me. I can't believe how far away those days seem now. Yes, he was but this isn't about my father or me, those days are behind us.

There is a difference, but to hit a child is to hit a child, in my eyes there is never a good reason. I regret heavily that I became like that for a moment.

Yes, I hate you for that! "It'll be knocked out of him", I feel so much for him, he has all this ahead of him, and he'll never live freely for ten years. You'd hope he'd know better, I hope he does challenge you, I hope you don't destroy his resolve.

Ok, I am mistaken from what I see then. Yes, he came to you for comfort, and what did you do? Shoved him away. If you love him then maybe you should let him know that. Oh yes, I've seen her "mad turns"

Well, then I apologise, but it was you who asked me to come, and I was the one who got him talking again. And what is this new tutor like?

Severus Snape.


Severus,

I refuse to talk to you when you're being like this! Having strong opinions is all well and good, but not when you refuse to listen to anyone else.

Write when you have decided to be reasonable.

Lucius


Lucius,

Fine, then I'll listen, tell me how you are justified?

And please, Lucius, tell about the tutor.

Severus


Severus.

How very gracious of you. I am justified and you know perfectly well how, so I shan't go into that now.

Perfectly adequate actually, and just what I have been looking for. He knows what he's talking about and has had some previous experience of children, so he'll keep Draco in his place.

Lucius Malfoy


Lucius,

Whatever you say Lucius. How is Draco now?

Good, I'm glad you've found a competent person, lets hope it stays that way. I'm glad he has previous experience with children, Draco needs someone who may understand him.

Severus Snape.


Severus

Draco's...okay. But he's not settling very well with the new teacher, in fact he's being most unhelpful. I appreciate that Draco finds it hard to come to terms with the fact that it's not you, but he isn't even trying.

I'm afraid I'm going to start getting angry if he doesn't pull himself together soon, but I think Dr Southard will be able to handle him.

Lucius Malfoy


Lucius

Ok? Oh, well, you have to expect it, it's not easy being introduced to new people at his age, and he may become resentful. I'm sure he's trying, and he'll come around, if this tutor is patient with him.

Don't you start that Lucius! Don't get angry with him. That won't help! I hope he does.

Severus.


Severus,

Yes, well that may be true, but he'll just have to accept it, won't he? He'll have to meet new people when he goes to school, so there's no point indulging him now.

Well, Draco won't be allowed to get away with everything as he was with you, but I'm sure Dr Southard will be patient when necessary. I'm determined that Draco will actually learn something this time, rather than just being spoilt.

Lucius Malfoy


Lucius,

Well, as you are convinced that you are right and there is absolutely I can say that will ever persuade so otherwise, I shan't bother to waste good ink arguing with you.

I'm glad you think 'Dr Southard' will be patient with Draco, I think that's what he needs more than anything, somebody who won't pressurise him too much. I hope I will have a chance to meet him one day.

Severus Snape.


May 27th 1987

Severus,

I'm glad you have finally decided to see sense.

Well, I was thinking; it is Draco's birthday soon and I thought that perhaps, if you aren't too busy with your own life, it would be nice for Draco to see you. Maybe when you've seen for yourself how well he is doing, you will finally stop pestering me and 'wasting good ink' as you put it. I think the sixth would be better instead of the fifth, as I know how much you detest parties.

Consider this a formal invitation and send your reply as quickly as possible.

Lucius Malfoy.


My surprise was such that I could ignore the blatant sarcasm I sensed when Lucius was referring to 'my own life'.

I did as I was bid and sent my note of acceptance back the second I received Lucius' letter.

So, after four months, I was going back. I was going to meet Dr Southard and see my godson again. I only hoped that he would be as glad to see me as I was to see him…