Most of Merlin's energy had been put towards hiding his magic and facing the Primal Dusk in secret. Then exposing his magic and facing the Primal Dusk in what was supposed to be secret. Then explaining his magic to Arthur so they could face the Primal Dusk together. Not in secret.
Arthur knew now, accepted the battle ahead, and they could face this beast together. The hard part was over. Right?
Ha. No.
There was still that giant question that remained with them since the beginning. How? How were they supposed to face this great prophesized thing? What were they supposed to do?
The fact that the creature seemed to fear them together, doing everything in its power to separate them, was encouraging but not in the least bit useful. What could they do together?
Merlin snickered when he thought of the answer. The prophecy did say it came about from 'bonding together' under the moon and dawn. Bonding could be a part of the solution. Arthur did not appreciate his suggestion, though there was a small pull at the corner of his mouth.
"If that were true, wars would start and end on a daily basis. A cup of mead would be the most powerful weapon."
"Cup of whiskey."
"Shut up, Merlin."
The comfort they took in their morning dance, circling in each other's arms, was fleeting. With the knights leaving so soon, they had a limited time to develop a strategy. They spent it exchanging information and preparing for another trek onto the battlefield.
"It's magic," Merlin insisted as part of the argument that sprung after using magic to clear his body of all bruises. He just couldn't have Arthur looking at him like he was some kind of wounded bird anymore. Apparently that was the wrong thing to do and now they were fighting. "Only magic can defeat the creatures. Your armies won't be able to do anything."
"Well what else am I supposed to do? I cannot abandon my people."
"If we don't stop this thing before it kills them you won't have any people to abandon."
Eventually they decided that Merlin was right. It took Arthur a great deal to admit so, especially as Merlin unraveled more tales from the past. Arthur wanted to hear about every time he used magic, especially when it involved saving his life, and Merlin wanted to do right by him, even if it meant needing to tiptoe around him and his pride the entire day.
A large part of him savored making Arthur flabbergasted and he took pleasure in shoving it in his face, just a bit. No, he didn't need to do that. But those stutters and shakes of the head made his long imagined fantasy play out exactly how he hoped it would.
"Your friend did not have magic."
"Nope." He at least managed to keep his joy tucked behind a tight smile.
"You created that storm."
"Yup."
"But I-"
"Yup."
"But you-"
"Yup."
"But...what?"
Another parted of him hated Arthur asking questions. His tone regarding magic made him seem innocent, confused, somehow smaller. Merlin didn't like hearing him sound anything but the strong and decisive man he was. It only reminded Merlin that he had lied. That he needed to make up for it all. That this was Arthur open, hurt, and betrayed.
That, and Arthur was very nosy.
"Have you ever used it to...you know. Get yourself off? Turn yourself on?"
"Arthur!"
After tracking back to matters of importance, they concluded it would take far too much time for the knights to travel and fight all the way back up to North Umbria and it would cost far too many lives. As Merlin said, magic defeated magic, not metal...unless the metal was magic.
Merlin made the mistake of pointing out that they wouldn't have to travel all the way back up if Arthur hadn't ran off in the first place. Countering was the point that he wouldn't have, had he known about Merlin's magic and/or the prophecy in the first place.
It was an awkward breakfast.
They managed to work through the tension for the sake of the future and agreed they would have to travel to North Umbria on their own, defeat the source, and do it fast. Faster than they had the first time. Faster than any mortal man could. That's when they paid another visit to the Great Dragon.
"I am not a horse," Kilgharrah said. "You cannot mount me as you would any common mare."
Merlin could feel that he offended the dragon in asking but pushed forward in favor of logic, hoping it would be enough. "You are the only one that knows where we are truly meant to go. All you have to do is bring us there and then you will be free." Merlin turned to Arthur and caught his short nod. "Just as I promised."
Arthur had not been happy, about anything really, but specifically about letting the giant, ancient, and probably vengeful beast loose on the world and on Camelot. He was even angrier when he found out Merlin had already promised the fire breather his freedom. Merlin was called an idiot many times while Arthur explained -at length- why that was a convoluted, horrible, foolish idea.
"How can you possibly be that stupid?! Does the magic burn your brain every time you use it?!"
It led to even more arguments over cold oats but they eventually reached this as being their best option.
"Give us your word-" Arthur said as he stood at attention, the perfect image of a prince -a king, "-that you will do no harm to Camelot or my father. I know he has done wrong to you but our people are suffering enough. Revenge can be a strong temptation. I have felt its pull as any other and if I were in your position, I would feel it stronger than ever. A promise that you will not follow that path and you will be free to live your life in peace. You will not be hunted; I will see to that. You will have my word in turn."
"I see you are wise, young prince." If a dragon had ever smirked, it was then. "And yet, the word of a Pendragon means nothing to me."
"You can trust him," Merlin cut in. "I promise you he is not like his father. His word is binding. He means what he says."
In the small moment of silence, Merlin did not dare turn to see how Arthur felt about what he said. At least there was not a sword to his throat this time.
"You are very trusting young warlock. Very well." Kilgharrah bowed. "In return for my freedom, I give you my word that no further damage to Camelot will be dealt by me as it is bearing enough now."
"So, you will help us?" Merlin clarified.
The dragon nodded and they parted with a promise to return the following night.
Merlin stayed hidden in the shadows as he followed Arthur through the castle. There were many people he needed to avoid. Most of all King Uther. Arthur did not need to be exposed as a liar and Merlin did not need to witness his excuses –all of which he saw ending in an execution.
It prompted Merlin to ask, "What about your father? He will never accept you leaving your post. Who will lead the army?"
"Leave that to me." Arthur led the way to Sir Leon who was mortifyingly surprised at Merlin's presence.
"We thought you were dead!"
"Turns out I'm not." Merlin smiled charmingly and Arthur was on the verge of another eye roll.
"Sir Leon, you have served me long and you know I would not ask anything of you if there was not a great purpose and a great risk." Arthur's speech was hearty as he continued to explain that he needed to slip away from the battle in order to protect the armies and Camelot and there was a possibility he would not return. It was all for the well-being of the people in many kingdoms and his father would not understand.
Sir Leon agreed to Arthur's terms of privacy, completely trusting in his prince and fellow knight even when not given the full story behind Arthur's leave. Leon agreed to lead in his stead and leave out certain details of Arthur's presence if asked. He would not lie but he would not tell the truth either -something Merlin knew greatly about, as Arthur harshly reminded him.
After their visit, Merlin tugged Arthur by the hand and away from the safety of Camelot's walls.
"Where are you taking me?" Arthur asked as Merlin led their horses down the path towards the Lake of Avalon.
"I need to give you something."
"What?"
"A sword."
"I have a sword."
"Not like this." Merlin smiled at him and continued before his princely face could get stuck in that grimace of confusion. "This was forged in the dragon's breath. It can kill anything, alive or dead."
"Why would anything dead need to be killed?"
"Do you remember your father confronting the Black Knight?"
"I believe I was unconscious at the time," Arthur grumbled.
"Well, he took your sword from me. He used it to kill that which was already dead. It was because he- because of that, that I hid it away. The sword is too great for just any man to wield."
"Sounds powerful."
"It is."
Only the sounds of hooves meeting mud filled the space as they traveled another stretch and Merlin let this new information sink in – a pattern developed from the morning's confessions, one that seemed to work best. Excalibur was magic after all, and for Arthur to use it would mean going against his father's law. Treason. Even if his father unknowingly broke the same law with that same sword.
Arthur was first to break the silence with a tentative question forced from a deep grunt. "You said the sword is mine. What makes you think it is? That I can wield it?"
"Afraid of a little sword, Arthur?" The glare was not receding so Merlin decided to play nice and reassure his stupidly insecure prince, "I made- It was made for you."
The glare was soon followed by a burst of obnoxious laughter. "You made a sword?"
Oh, yes. Laugh it up. Merlin can't do anything right. Merlin's too clumsy. Merlin's an idiot. Merlin has saved Arthur from plenty of wayward swords with magic that could blow your trousers off but- actually. That didn't sound like a bad idea.
Merlin shook his head and turned with a glare of his own. "Gwen's father forged it and I brought it to the dragon, so it wasn't really me."
"Well that makes sense then." Arthur ignored Merlin's exaggerated eye roll. "And why is it at a lake?"
"It's in the lake."
"It's in…" Arthur trailed off and the grimace returned. Merlin let it sit there. Maybe it would do him good to get stuck like that. "In the lake."
"Yes."
"Are you swimming then?" Arthur teased.
"No." Merlin hummed awkwardly. "Um- I'll just-" The wild hand gestures spoke for themselves.
"Right. Magic." Arthur nodded sharply and let them sit in the return of uncomfortable tension a moment more.
Funny how one moment everything could seem completely normal with banter and laughter and the next filled with the sudden image of an axe separating Merlin's head from his spine.
"Still seems strange," Arthur mumbled to himself.
"You're telling me."
The lake looked just as serene and peaceful as ever, even more so with the rain falling on the water. Still, the agitation would not roll away. This was a place he never thought he would bring Arthur. At least not so soon. What was Arthur thinking? Could he see how nervous Merlin was? Could he sense this lake was special?
Magic was in the air and Merlin breathed it in with reverence. Quickly followed by guilt.
He shouldn't feel guilty. Arthur had forgiven him, as much as he could. He was no longer hiding from him or lying -the usual cause for the nasty pangs. That was not the source of it.
It was more that he wanted it. He wanted to do the spell, to see Arthur's face. To show him. It would be so strange to perform but Arthur would finally see him for what he truly was. A sorcerer first and a boy second.
Was it so wrong of him to want to show off, just a little bit?
Merlin looked to Arthur for some sort of permission but he was busy studying the surface of the water. "Who thought the best place to put a sword was at the bottom of a lake?"
Merlin groaned, "It was a place no one would find it."
"Of course it was your idea."
Merlin frowned. Who needed permission? He stuck out his hand and closed his eyes briefly in concentration. When he opened them, he articulated the words to a spell from his old book, meant to reveal, and felt the power flash. Arthur gasped at the golden color in his eyes but soon turned to the lake as that's where the magic truly was.
The water was noisily parting. It split into two halves, the creatures inside swimming away from the waves building high and bending with the current. The mist sprayed off the rough tops, mixed with the rain, and fell into the crevice, puddling on the already soaked stones spread across the bottom before looping back into the spell again. At the end of the parting lay the sword, shining bright and untouched by everything.
Merlin pulled up his other hand and called it forward with another spell. The walls of water splashed behind Excalibur as it quickly spiraled into the air and whipped towards them. Arthur jerked when the sword came directly at his gut but caught it by the base, gripped it around the hilt and held it in front of him. When Arthur settled it in his palm, the pair glowed with power and precision, just as Merlin had imagined they would.
The water finished caving in on itself with a splash and settled into the calm it was before. Only the drops of rain and gusts of wind made the surface ripple. It was as if he had never done the spell at all.
Arthur looked at him with wide eyes and an open mouth -the only signs he showed of being surprised and more than enough for his usually expertly controlled features. It was clear he was in awe and perhaps held a bit of fear, but Merlin tried not to linger on that.
"What do you think?" Merlin shifted in his place as he gestured towards the sword, a grin sliding up half his face.
Arthur dropped his gaze to Excalibur and started to play with it, inspecting the engravings close, and swinging it around. "Fantastic balance. Not damaged by the water. I suppose that was magic's doing. It feels...different. Like it holds energy. It's strange. But I suppose I can make it work."
Merlin smiled at his stubbornness and went on to press him for just a tiny bit more, "And what else do you think? Of um- of what I just did."
"Are you looking for praise Merlin?" Merlin suddenly wondered if it was the best idea to talk about his magic when Arthur had a magical sword right there and at the ready. "Because all I saw you do was flick your wrist and make your eyes go shiny. You were being lazy. Now if you dove in and brought it to me that way, well then that might have impressed me."
Arthur was being an arse and Merlin could not stop smiling. "Dollophead. I'd like to see you do that."
Before Arthur could retort, the leaves around them started to shift.
A small gust of wind grazed them and where it touched, Merlin's skin prickle. Arthur must have felt the change as well for he raised the sword and protectively placed a hand in front of Merlin's chest. More rustling came from every direction as the wind picked up and the rain started to fall. Hard. A small roll of thunder sounded from overhead just as the animals started to crawl towards them. Every animal that could be seen on a normal day -squirrels, birds, boar, deer- banded together at the edge of the forest and each growled in its own way, glaring at the two of them, preparing for attack, imposing on the natural aura of the lake.
"Arthur?" Merlin squeaked. "I think we should get out of here."
"For once Merlin, I think you might be right."
They ran to their horses and galloped the rest of the way to the castle.
After a visit with Gaius to explain his future absence, Merlin snuck back into Arthur's room for the night. They thought it would be easier to leave unnoticed that way. Arthur would play his part with the knights during the day, sneak back to Merlin, and sneak them both back to the Great Dragon.
Arthur stepped out for dinner with his father and Merlin found himself alone in Arthur's room yet again. It felt so natural. It reminded him of a time when none of this mattered. They were just Prince Arthur and manservant Merlin. On a regular day Merlin would be doing chores, probably drawing a bath and cleaning the floor, until Arthur returned. Then he would tuck his royal arse into bed before running back to his room to catch up on sleep so he could do it over again. Or, if he was lucky, crawl into bed after him.
Now, Merlin was laying out extra blankets on the floor and trying to calm his beating heart as he studied the book Vivalda had given him. He could only memorize so many spells in one night and he had barely cracked it open since his return. He really needed to find a spell to clean the blood stain off the back.
Many seemed impossible, too great for him to do. Water he could create, but to make a beast made of it from thin air? That seemed to be similar to the tales told of the Primal Dusk's beasts. Maybe that was the point…if only he could ask.
"Merlin?" Arthur came in and he hastily slammed the book closed, as if he had been doing something wrong. He still wasn't quite sure if he was. "What are you doing on the floor?"
"I thought," Merlin panicked and flushed in embarrassment as sat up in his makeshift bed. "I thought you said I could sleep here?"
"Yes but…" Arthur gestured to his nest and back at the real bed. "You don't need to sleep on the floor."
"I thought you were still-"
"Oh, I'm livid," Arthur agreed with a smile that held more than he was saying. He kept it up while he checked on Excalibur one last time before removing his clothes and climbing into bed. "But don't sleep on the floor." He tossed back the blanket from Merlin's side and patted it down. "It's bad for your back and I need you in fighting shape. Well, as in shape as you can get by tomorrow."
"Thank you." Merlin smirked at Arthur's poor excuse and crawled into the space he provided. "Prat."
Arthur slipped onto his side as Merlin did the same, back to back but content to be sharing the same space.
It was...confusing to say the least. Arthur had barely touched him all day and it was driving him mad. He wasn't quite sure where they stood on that.
Right there, that pillow, that was where he bit down to keep his cries silent. There was the spot on the wall that earned him an extra long scrape up his back. That was quite the rush. That dresser there gave him a bruise on his thigh when Arthur accidentally bumped into it while carrying him. Hmm. Arthur seemed to carry him a lot. With muscles as thick as those, he couldn't exactly complain. There were other thick parts of him he couldn't complain about either.
But there was none of that today. Only small pats or accidental grazes. He was doomed to curl his toes in frustration as his face heated and his muscles twitched. He stared at his member, slowly starting to grow, already half hard at the thought. He peeked over his shoulder and wondered if it would be wrong of him to indulge in himself, just a tad. Of course, the thought of getting caught was mortifying so he settled back down and grit his teeth.
He could try bumping into Arthur. Wiggle back slowly, and feign surprise when their bodies touched. Or when they were walking, he could try stopping short and jumping back. That sort of worked before. But he was sure Arthur would appreciate it just as much as he did the first time. Which was not at all.
Things had to be taken slowly. Or so he kept telling himself. Arthur said he wasn't ready, said he was still mad, and he had every right to the time he needed. Or so he kept telling himself.
But to have Arthur so close, the heat of his bare back rolling hot between the mere inches of space, he couldn't help wanting more.
All he really wanted to do was roll over and pull Arthur's arms around him. He wanted to tell Arthur for the millionth time that he was sorry. He wanted to be called an idiot again. Not because he was an idiot but because Arthur thought him his idiot.
Then, just when he thought Arthur had fallen asleep, he heard him mumble, "G'night." Followed by a quiet whisper that he wouldn't have heard if they were not closed off from the rest of the world, "Idiot."
Merlin fell asleep with a relaxed smile but woke with a great fright.
In his dream, he had returned to the field that kept plaguing him -the same one he fantasied about Arthur and the same he watched him disappear and die. Of course, he did not remember these things until he was in the field again, standing amongst the burned grass and twisting in circles as he looked for the body.
Instead of finding him or having his shouts answered, a terrible sound pierced the air. He turned and suddenly the field was filled. Surrounding him were dozens of deformed banshee's all screaming in unison, directly at him, closing in.
It was as though the vibrations were tearing him apart from the inside out. His heart was pumping too fast to be humanly possible. His vision was blurring and fading into shades of black and red. The sounds waves were shaking in his muscles and cracking his bones open.
He clamped a hand over his ears and fell to the ground, trying more than anything to will them away with magic. But could not think of a spell. He could not think. He failed.
He could feel himself exploding and the ripping screams slashing his ears open. A small puddle of hot blood trickled down his palm and he screamed back.
He woke with a start and popped up in Arthur's bed with a yell, the exact same moment Arthur did. They were both panting fast and hard as they looked around the room and to each other with fear in their eyes and sweat tricking down their foreheads.
"Did you do that?" Arthur asked, one hand on a dagger pulled from his pillow and the other gripped tight into the linens. He put the dagger away and pulled the sheets off. They had become a crumpled mess anyhow.
Merlin shook his head and gulped, trying to remember what he just saw. The images were already blurring but the sounds stayed strong. "I don't think so. If I did, I didn't mean to. You had the same dream?"
"Those screams…"
After they caught their breath they laid back down, a little closer. Merlin took a chance and slipped his hand against Arthur's, glad when Arthur entwined their fingers and squeezed him back. He even pulled Merlin closer and allowed him to rest his head against his shoulder.
Arthur fixed the blanket around their bodies and tucked them into a tight cocoon as Merlin snuggled into his side and settled into in the gentle contact. With every inhale of Arthur's scent, the screams faded further away. Arthur was warm and soft and his fingers tethered him to the small space they shared. Merlin was forever doomed to be lost but when Arthur was by his side, things seemed to be a little more bearable.
It was another moment of fleeting comfort. It wouldn't last beyond the night.
He understood a bit better in that moment, with Arthur's forehead brushing the top of his head, than he was not the only one terrified. The prince, the knight, the warrior, hated not having a plan. To go into battle blind –he was truly putting a lot of faith in Merlin's magic and intuition. He had never seen Merlin fight. He didn't know what to expect. They had only glimpses of battles together and even less with this creature.
Death was a very real possibility.
It had been a constant companion for Merlin and his magic but now Arthur was at his side in an entirely new way. At least Arthur would not leave him again. As if to prove it to himself, he nuzzled into Arthur's shoulder and swiped his fingertips over Arthur's ribs.
It took a long time for them to fall back asleep and it was never deep enough, but it was all they had until the sun rose.
The wait was antagonizing. Merlin paced in Arthur's room for hours and hours before he came back through the door.
Too early.
"We have to go now!" Arthur yelled.
"What?" Merlin scrambled from the ground and started to gather his things. "Why now?"
"Camelot is under attack."
Merlin ran alongside him as Arthur explained the creatures had moved overnight and they were fighting the knights and allied armies as they spoke. It was their chance to sneak away unnoticed as everyone would be too busy worrying about the beasts.
The Great Dragon smiled when they entered the cave this time, ready to at long last to be free of his chains and spread his wings.
"As promised," Arthur greeted, Excalibur resting in his hand. "We free you and you bring us to this evil."
"As promised," the dragon bowed its head and Arthur nodded to Merlin who lifted the torch and led them to the rock where the great chain was attached. It seemed so much smaller from the ledge.
"You want me to do it?" Merlin asked, holding out the torch for Arthur to take.
Arthur scoffed -Merlin apparently having offended his honor in some way- and walked past him with a shrug. "You said this sword has magic?"
"Yes, but it doesn't-" Arthur nearly took his ear off when he threw the sword back and sliced it against the large chunk of metal. "-work that way," Merlin mumbled and shook his head as Arthur took another swing.
Of course, he was skilled and knew where Merlin was at all times so the close range was of no importance. That didn't stop Merlin from taking a step back and raising his hand, bringing forth his magic and muttering a few words he remembered from his book taken by fire. Excalibur slammed the same moment his magic landed and the chain broke in half, freeing itself from the rock. Arthur had been making a dent, yes, but this was much quicker.
"Did you say something?" Arthur swung around and glared.
Merlin shook his head, "No. Just, good job." It was still strange and Arthur didn't need to know every single little spell just yet. Especially not the one Merlin used for cleaning his armor. Then he would never hear the end of that.
Kilgharrah was indeed eager to spread his wings and leapt from the rock before either could stop him, almost knocking them to the ground by the chain swinging from his leg –despite their yells. He flew up with a gleeful roar and shifted into parts of the cave he had never been before.
A dread sunk over Merlin as he watched the dragon fly away. Arthur was right on the brink of screaming when he disappeared from sight. Maybe they put too much faith in him. Maybe he really was going to take any chance he got to be free and never captured again. But, after a few moments, the Great Dragon did return for them, laughing at their worry.
The cave took them away from the castle but they were sure to be noticed by some of the villagers. It was the middle of the day after all. They could only hope that the magical catastrophes would be blamed and no one would realize that the dragon in the sky carrying two boys was an actual dragon carrying the Prince of Camelot and his manservant. Uther did not need to know about this.
The ride itself was unnerving. They somehow situated themselves on the back of the dragon's neck but there was nothing to keep them strapped in but the strength of their legs and the grip of their hands. Arthur would not relinquish his reluctant hold on Merlin's middle as Merlin grasped onto the dragon's spike, holding on for dear life. He would have used magic to help them stay still and keep the wind from making their eyes water but he couldn't think of anything with the world spinning so fast under his feet. Kilgharrah consistently laughed any time they screamed –Arthur doing the majority of the yelling and cursing.
Eventually Merlin started to enjoy it. He was flying. He was actually flying on a dragon. A real live dragon. And Arthur was there with him. He smiled wide as he looked to the ground below and started to whoop to the sky but that only made Arthur more nervous and he gripped him tighter and tighter until he had no air to holler with. That made Merlin laugh harder until the dragon skimmed the clouds, looped in the air, and whipped more cold water directly into their faces -enjoying his freedom as much as Merlin was enjoying the adrenaline.
It took hours before they dipped below the clouds and descended to the ground somewhere in North Umbria.
They jumped down with shaky legs and faced the Great Dragon. Merlin smirked to himself when he felt Arthur's hand stray back to his waist and grip, trying to hide his nerves. The disciplined prince managed to straighten his back and nodded in thanks.
"Thank you," Merlin voiced.
"And I thank you," Kilgharrah bowed to them. Arthur was too busy staring at the ground to notice. Trying not to throw up most likely. "Now go. You have a great battle ahead of you. You must be ready to pay the price it asks."
"What does that-"
The dragon flew away in a rush of wind and left them to their fight and the many questions he would not answer.
That's when Merlin turned around and realized where they were. His jaw fell open as he recognized the field. High green grass covered the landscape, no signs of fire or storms. The lack of storms was actually quite eerie given their recent travels.
Merlin's eyes flickered around the place, looking out of the corner of his eyes for movement or the banshees from his recent dreams.
"Merlin?" Arthur placed a hand on his shoulder and he jumped. "Are you alright?"
"I know this place," Merlin pointed around, gasped, and twisted to look behind him. "I've dreamed about it. It was in your dream. Last night. In mine before. Why here?"
"Come on." He frowned and clasped Merlin's arm, leading him in the opposite direction. "We might as well eat while we wait. I have a feeling with a name like Primal Dusk we can expect it to come at night."
They made a small camp and Arthur inspected his new sword as Merlin pulled the food from his small pack and set up the wood for a fire.
"Um-"
"What?" Arthur jumped, ready to fight at a moment's notice.
"I don't have flint." Merlin continued to search, though he had already done so four times. "Can I-" He held his palm towards the fire and tilted his head to the ground. "Um- I mean, I don't have to- That is-"
"Just do it." Arthur's tone was carefully controlled and Merlin couldn't be sure how he was feeling.
This would be the first time he had permission from Arthur, of all people. Commanding him. How could he disobey?
Arthur watched closely as Merlin lifted his hand and whispered the words he used to bring the fire about. It cracked to life in an instant and Arthur's only reaction was the faint rise of the brows. "Do you do that a lot?"
"Um- a lot? I wouldn't say a lot-" Merlin drawled and fiddled with some twigs because, in fact, he was fairly certain that he had done it more often than not.
"Seems useful." Arthur snorted, a noise that wasn't quite a laugh. "I can't believe I didn't see it before."
Merlin shrugged, "That was kind of the point."
"It couldn't have been easy for you." It didn't sound easy for Arthur to say so. "Knowing that death awaited you if someone found out. Having to keep it a secret. From everyone. From me. I'm not sure what I'd have done if I found out differently. In Camelot. In front of my father. Moths ago. I don't- Even if you were saving my life at the time. Which, according to you-" Arthur was still having a hard time believing Merlin was truly that capable, "-you probably were. But now...I'm glad I know now."
"I'm glad you know now too." Merlin's goofy smile would not recede and, just as his blatant affection always seemed to do, Arthur grew uncomfortable and grunted to break the silence.
"How's your side doing?" Arthur lamely gestured towards the scar. He had asked about Merlin's general wellbeing that morning but learned that only led to an argument about Merlin being able to take care of himself. "I haven't had a chance to ask. Or apologize."
"Oh." Merlin instinctively turned away and started throwing more sticks on the fire, the smile wiped clean away.
It had all been a blur at the time. The only pain he remembered flashed after Arthur rode off, leaving him for dead. That was more than enough to suffocate. To think of what he felt whenever he looked at that scar -the reminder. He was proud he got it defending Arthur, saving his life, but it brought on so much more pain than any simple flesh wound could. When Arthur touched it that morning, looking so guilty, it made him feel as if he weighed a thousand pounds. It was part of the reason he healed his bruises. At least those could easily disappear. This scar would unfortunately remain forever. He rather they didn't linger.
"No," Merlin said, trying to stop himself from rubbing at the fabric that hid it. "It's um- it's fine. It was an accident after all."
"Yes but when I left…" Arthur frowned and stared at the spot on Merlin's torso where vibrant, red blood had seeped into his shirt and dripped down his trousers. "Did you use magic?" Arthur sounded quiet, like a child.
Merlin smiled towards the fire though it did not reach his eyes. "Yes," he answered. "The spell Vivalda taught her students. To heal."
"Hmm. Bears?"
"What?" Merlin turned. Bears?
Arthur studied him with a bittersweet smile. "I'm not quite so sure you're an idiot anymore. Somehow your stupidity is starting to make sense."
"Is that a compliment?"
"Oh, Gods no."
"Good, I was worried."
They fell into an silence that could not be filled by anything but the buzzing in their minds.
Arthur practiced stances as Merlin read through his book and both waited for something they knew nothing about.
They both wondered, sometimes aloud, how Camelot was fairing and if the knights would be alright when they returned. Would anyone? It was all up to them.
It seemed so surreal. Perhaps it was his dreaming causing him to feel that way. It was half fantasy –Arthur playing in the field while he read a book of magic by the fire- and half nightmare –a disaster that was slowly approaching.
"I still don't understand what we're supposed to do." Merlin mumbled as the sun started to slip behind the trees in the distance.
"We fight," Arthur said as if it were that simple.
"Well, yes, I understand that but-"
"Merlin. You know more than I about these prophecies. They speak of us and destiny, do they not?"
"Always," he groaned. "But-"
"From what I understand, if we stick together and fight for our future then we shall have one."
"The future can change."
"So let's make sure it doesn't." Arthur's finger's tipped Merlin's chin up so he was forced to look him in the eye. "I will fight to my last dying breath for Camelot and her people. If flying on the back of a creature that is not meant to exist, standing in a field with a magic lake sword by the side of my apparently powerful magical manservant, and waiting for something evil to slither up from the ground with no true tactic in fighting it is the only way to do that, then that is what I shall do."
Merlin slipped a hand up and pulled Arthur's into his own, sighing when Arthur gripped his fingers back. "You're right, Arthur."
"Of course I am."
Merlin rolled his eyes and heard Arthur's faint chuckle.
"I know there are a lot of uncertainties." Merlin gripped tighter, reminding himself again that Arthur was not going to run away. Perhaps he also did it to keep Arthur in his place. Arthur wasn't the best at accepting compliments from people who actually meant it. That was never going to stop Merlin. "But I'm certain about you. The way you fight, what you believe, who you are…I believe in it all. And I know you haven't seen what I can do, not truly but…I hope I can show you. Share everything with you."
"If what Gaius says is true-" Arthur took a step closer and Merlin's breath caught in his throat, "-that may take some time."
Merlin smiled and took a matching step. The backs of their hands rubbed against their legs and he spoke towards the place he felt Arthur touch. "I hope we'll have a chance at all of it."
"Merlin…we are facing a great threat. We have no army, no plan, no reinforcements. We may not come out of this unharmed. I want you to know that I don't hate you. I could never hate you. And if I die-"
"Arthur-"
"If I do, then I want you to promise me something." Arthur sighed and a thumb swept over Merlin's knuckles, stopping his next argument. "Promise me you will stay the same. Promise me you will always be you."
Merlin felt warmth bubble up inside and if he had been in good graces with Arthur, he would have pulled him down for a death defying snog, just to give the muscles in his face a break from smiling so hard. This was not the time for that.
Instead he leaned the slightest bit forward until his shirt was brushing against Arthur's armor. If they had the time to prepare, Merlin would have been dressed in the same garb. Yet, this somehow felt right.
Merlin had something he needed to say too. "And if I die-"
"Merlin-"
"Shut up, Arthur. If I do, promise me something too. That you'll be the king I know you can be. That you will always do what you think is best and stay true to who you are. Because that's who I want you to be. True to your heart."
Merlin gasped when he felt Arthur's lips briefly graze his forehead and a small puff of air tousled his hair as Arthur whispered, "I promise."
Merlin leaned against him with a sigh. "I promise too."
"That's settled then." Arthur pulled away and clapped him on the shoulder, the moment quickly gone. "Neither of us are dying."
"That sounds like a good plan."
"Thought of it myself."
"Did you though? Because I distinctly remember that being my plan."
"Shut up, Merlin. I have to prepare."
"Prepare? What have you been doing?!"
The good-natured glare he received was short lived as the last part of the sun dipped just below the horizon and the thunder started to rumble.
They were both drawn at the same time to the sounds of leaves rustling and branches snapping to their left. As they looked, they dropped their jaw. Both hearts leapt, both legs quaked, both stomachs flipped. They stood gawking at the figure emerging from the woods, filled with more fear than they ever could have expected.
Arthur gasped, "Morgana?"
"Not quite," she grinned and her eyes flared grey.
AN: I cannot look at this anymore. Feel free to con crit or make me aware of mistakes or glaring repetitiveness or obvious flaws. This filler is boooOooooOooooring.
It's also long so I can shorten it if at any point you think blah, blah, blah. Or if you think it's missing something, let me know. Really. I just can't try to fix it anymore. Apologies for any suckishness.
