Thanks to my betas.
The Price of a Life
Chapter Eleven
"Are planning to sit there all day?"
Callen raised his head, his eyes slowly focussing. Sam stood in front of him, arms crossed and looking so concerned that he had to smile. "How long have I been down here?"
"A couple of hours."
The gym was empty and quiet. It had been the perfect place for him to sit and think through all the information provided by Vance and its implications. He vaguely remembered leaving his meeting with the Director, brushing off Sam's concern and demanding to be left alone. "Hetty?"
"Upstairs. The Director is on his way back to Washington. He and Hetty had a disagreement before he left. I don't suppose you have any idea what it was about?"
"He probably wanted to suspend me." Callen looked rather guiltily at his partner.
Sam shook his head. 'When are you going to learn not to piss off people in authority?"
"What can I say, Sam? I think it's hardwired into my DNA." His hope that Sam would let the subject drop was quickly squashed.
"Want to tell me what you and Vance were talking about?"
Callen's stomach rumbled, reminding him that he had probably missed another meal. "I'm hungry."
"Don't change the subject, G," Sam said irritably.
"I'm not. I need to talk to Hetty and then I want to get out of here and eat something unhealthy." He grinned at the look of horror that crossed Sam's face.
"Okay, but if I have to eat crap you'd better make it worth my while."
"I'll try." Callen stood and stretched to ease his stiff muscles. "Give me ten minutes."
He walked upstairs and stood for a moment watching the activity around him. It always looked chaotic, yet he knew that everyone understood their place in the puzzle. For a while he'd lost his objectivity and it would take more than one day to change that, but finally there was a glimmer of hope. Hetty wasn't at her desk. He looked around, finally spotting her coming down from the Ops Center. He had never seen her look so tired. He went to meet her.
"What can I do for you, Mr. Callen?" she asked, her feelings masked behind her usual professional courtesy.
"Can we talk?"
"Yes, of course."
He followed her to her office and waited for her to sit. "What did the Director tell you?"
"He said you were insubordinate. I told him that was a positive sign."
He raised an eyebrow in surprise before remembering all the other times Hetty had stood up for him and his team. "Why didn't you tell me that you tried to talk him out of the operation?"
"It wouldn't have served any useful purpose."
"It would have helped me to know that I hadn't been thrown to the wolves without someone fighting for me." He sat down and leaned forward desperate for her to understand the strength of his feelings. "Trask wanted me to feel betrayed and he did a damn good job convincing me of that. I couldn't make sense out of anything that was happening. It wasn't hard to believe that I couldn't rely on my friends to try to find me."
"You are being very hard on yourself. Remember that he knew a lot about your upbringing from your file. He was cruel and played on your fears while you were terribly vulnerable. The drugs alone would have compromised anyone's ability to think clearly. Add to that your other injuries and it's a wonder you held on for as long as you did."
"I guess I'm just naturally stubborn." He gave her a weak grin.
"You are a great deal more than that, Mr. Callen," she said with conviction.
He leaned back and studied his hands. "Vance asked if I would have done anything differently if I'd known that Trask would target me. I've been thinking about that."
"Have you reached a conclusion?"
"I'm getting there. I know I would still have accepted the operation. It might have helped me to prepare mentally for the possibility of capture, but that's always a risk when working undercover. I don't think anything would have made it any easier to face being tortured."
"I'm sorry you were put in that position. If we'd known what he was going to do, we would not have allowed the operation to continue. We didn't expect him to leave Los Angeles with you or to target Mr. Hanna."
"You're not that naïve. Vance would never have agreed to terminate the operation, particularly when he knew there was a good chance of improving his political capital by catching a traitor. He looks at the bigger picture and believes that sacrificing the life of one agent can be an acceptable price to pay."
"He's wrong."
"You don't believe that, Hetty."
"Oh, but I do, Mr. Callen. Times have changed since the end of the Cold War. Technology has advanced further than we ever thought possible and there are other ways to trap our enemies."
"Not always. That's what Vance wanted me to understand. You and I both took an oath to protect this country and we knew it could cost us our lives." He gazed intently at her. "I'd just like a little more warning next time."
Some of the strain left her face. "I will see what I can do."
Callen bowed his head, physically and emotionally drained by the events of the day. "You were right to take me off operational status. Sam needs a partner that he can rely on and I'm not ready to be back out on the streets."
"Take your time. I'm sure I can find plenty of tasks to keep you out of mischief. However, I will give you a piece of advice, if you are willing to accept it. Stay out of the Director's way for a while."
"I guess I crossed the line with him."
"You certainly did, but I'm sure he'll get over it...given time."
Callen nodded, knowing that the challenges weren't over yet. "I promised Sam some answers."
"Ah, yes, he doesn't like being kept in the dark any more than you do. You should tell him the truth. You might not have realized it, but your decision to keep quiet appears to have been motivated in part at least by a desire to protect me from Mr. Hanna's wrath. I assure you that I am quite capable of dealing with the consequences."
"I'm sure you are, Hetty."
NCISLA
Callen stared out the window of the diner while trying to decide how to begin. Cool air from the ceiling fans tickled his neck causing him to suppress a shudder. Sam hadn't pressed him to talk on the ride from the office but his patience would soon end. Something heavy hit the floor behind him sending Callen's heart racing. He instinctively reached for his gun forgetting that he was unarmed. His hand brushed against the water-glass sending it spinning onto the floor where it shattered. Sam's hand clamped down hard on his wrist.
"Start talking, G."
Their server hurried over to clean up the mess. Callen stammered an apology, feeling his cheeks burn with embarrassment. He waited for her to leave before licking his lips nervously and forcing himself to meet Sam's concerned stare.
"I was set up. Trask thought I had killed his brother."
"You didn't?"
Callen shook his head. "My file was altered to make it look like I had."
"Your file? How would Trask know what was in your file?"
"He had a source who was leaking information about the agents involved in his brother's death. The whole operation was about identifying where the leak was coming from."
"That's what Hetty was keeping from me."
"She kept it from me too." Callen stopped talking when their server arrived carrying their food. He looked at the bacon cheeseburger that he had craved and found his appetite had deserted him.
Sam frowned. "You didn't know?"
"Vance decided that I didn't need that information to do my job. Hetty...Hetty tried to talk him out of it."
"I knew she was lying to me." Although Sam kept his voice low there was no mistaking his anger. "She told me that she'd done a full risk assessment and that you'd been involved all the way."
Callen pushed his plate away. "I thought I had. It was only after Trask accused me of murder that I realized what had happened. By then it was too late." He glanced at his partner, recognizing the signs. Sam was furious, although his dark scowl at least seemed to be keeping people away from their booth and giving them some privacy.
"Are you alright?" Callen asked.
"If Vance was still here I'd punch him myself," Sam growled. "What was Hetty thinking when she agreed to such a half-assed plan?"
"I've asked that question a hundred times. She never tried to explain it to me. She just let me believe that she'd put me in harm's way without a second thought. It was the Director who told me that she'd opposed his decision and only retracted a threat of resignation because she knew she could be of more help if she stayed."
"So, that's it? You're just going to accept what she and Vance told you? They could have sent me as back-up. You didn't have to be cut off like that."
"I agreed to it."
"You didn't have all the facts," Sam stated firmly.
"I know but if you had been involved in the operation Trask might have caught you too and things would have become ugly really fast. He wanted me to know what it was like to lose someone important to me. He'd been told enough to know that you're the closest thing to a brother I've ever had. I don't think either of us would have walked away if he'd captured us both. He would have tortured you to death in front of me before putting a bullet in my brain."
Sam's expression had softened at Callen's admission that they were like family. "You don't know that. If I'd been watching your back he'd never have had the chance to snatch you."
"I was playing blind. Even if you'd been there...it wouldn't have helped."
"Why didn't you tell me this before?" Sam demanded. "Why are you protecting Hetty?"
"Because the bottom line is that we have to trust her. I don't have to tell you about the chain of command. When you were a SEAL you followed orders without questioning them. To do that you had to trust the officers above you. When we're in the middle of an operation we can't afford to second-guess or question Hetty's instructions. I'm not saying I'm ready to do that yet. It's going to take time but when I do get there, I need to know I can count on you."
"You're asking a lot, G."
"What other choice is there? I don't want to walk away from NCIS."
"You walked away from your friends," Sam said accusingly.
Callen sighed deeply. "I know and I'm sorry. Look, Sam, I told you about Hetty so that we can move on from what happened. You figured out that we weren't being honest with you and mistrust can be lethal. I should know."
"What about everything else? I am just supposed to forget about the mess you were in when we found you?"
"I know that was hard. You didn't even know if I was still alive when you assaulted his compound. That kind of debt can't be repaid."
"I don't want thanks. What I want is the truth."
Callen shook his head. "No, you don't. I'm pretty sure you can figure out most of what happened and hearing the details won't help either of us."
"Burying it inside isn't the answer." Sam clenched his fists in frustration.
"Have you told anyone everything that happened when you were a SEAL?" He met Sam's stare with a challenge of his own. "Sometimes we just have to deal with things in our own way. The most damaging thing Trask did was to make me doubt my friends. He knew that trusting people has never come easily to me and he used that against me. If there's one thing today has taught me it's that I never quite let go of that trust and that means I can heal."
"Damn right you can," Sam stated. "I'm getting too old to have to break in a new partner."
"Are we good?"
Sam stared at him silently for a long time. "That depends. Are you going to move back home and start answering your damn phone?"
"Yes, Mom." Callen's smile contained more than a hint of relief.
Tbc
Caroline
November, 2012
