Disclaimer:All of the characters are the property of Dick Wolf. I thank him, the writers, the directors and all the great actors who brought them "to life" for our benefit. Any "liberties" I have taken with them is motivated only by my fond admiration (and a few personal quirks I will seek "help" for).

AN: This story is not set within the accepted "canon" for the characters as it is only officially portrayed by the TV series. So I get to "fool around" with them in ways in which they've never been seen, stretch the limits of that and totally suspend the "reality" that is "fiction" to start with…now there's a contradiction in terms!!

(And yeah Goren I know the proper word for that is oxymoron…why are you sharpening that pencil? And don't you think the lawnmower is rather a dangerous thing to use to do it? Told you so)

At last…and thanks to my sources at 1PP…The Holy Grail…a poem from the rest rooms on the Major Case floor of the building…

THE LADIES ROOM : FLOOR ELEVEN

Aaargh! These poems! There seem to be reams!

And I know you wrote some of them, Eames

How many times must I say?

No, never, no way

If it happens, it's just in your dreams.

And as to the rest of you girls,

Forget hair of mine that has curls.

What are some of you thinking?

Or what are you drinking?

To think these literary pearls?

Here's some tips for the writers in here

Lay off the gin and the beer.

If from me you want thanks,

Cut down on the angst

And give me something to cheer.

If from me you are wanting affection

Please avoid the blatant projection.

I don't know what I'll do

With the next Mary Sue,

The only thing it gives me? Indigestion!

And if you really must do your worst,

Write "romance" before you just burst,

Heed the hint that comes next,

If you must write of sex

Try doing it once, at least, first.

Some of you are like dogs with bone.

For the record, I never groan.

But what gives me much laughter?

The idea I talk after!

I'm a guy. I sleep. Now YOU moan.

And since I'm listing my gripes

Here's one for the "family" types.

It gets to be very tiring

These kids that I'm siring

And I'm allergic to ALL baby wipes.

Carelessness is not one of my sins

And what about all of those twins!!

Should I say congratulation?

On excessive ovulation

Or are hormones the cause of these things?

If I read much more of this dross

I'll start looking strange at my boss.

Take care drama tarts

Or I'll break all your hearts,

Go live happy after with Ross.

AN : OMG!! This was written in pencil and signed…"Badge No: 4376" !!…(swoons)

AN : And no I don't know why he was in the ladies room…but then 5000 buys a lot of ignorance and amnesia…