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Scene 11: Allegiances Form
or
"The Choice"
The trembling clerk behind the counter with a dangerously tall smile repeated his prescribed line: "Welcome to MTT Brand Burger Emporium, Home of the Glamburger! Sparkle up your day!"
The red-haired, round headed little monster in a trench coat before him cleared their throat. "Actually… I have a special instruction for you. Splendiferous!"
The clerk seemed to snap a little at the sound of the word. "Splendiferous?! Well, of course! Right this way!" He opened up a section of the counter and gestured through with unnecessary helpfulness. "The big cheese did say he was expecting a visitor, but I don't think I've ever seen you around before!"
"Aheh… well, I'm just one of his fans. You know how he is… always reaching out to fans!"
"Oh, I sure do! He'll reach out to anyone if it'll make his employees jealous!" The clerk pressed the handle of a soft-serve starfait machine the wrong way. Dark red goop started swirling from it, steaming as it hit the grate. A section of wall bearing a poster full of employee regulations opened up, revealing a narrow red staircase. "Right through here, sir and/or ma'am!"
The redheaded monster in the trench coat stepped up the stairs one by one. Then the door shut behind her, leaving the staircase lit only by twinkling pink and purple lights and by glowing hearts affixed to the wall. Alphys took off her disguise and rolled it into a neat little packet. She might have gotten by without it, but then, there were an awful lot of monsters these days who wanted to talk to her about their loved ones. That could easily have been… awkward.
Not like this meeting. This meeting wasn't going to be awkward in the slightest! It was just another ordinary, routine meeting of the Underground's Human Fanclub. Ugh, these funhouse stairs were always annoying—by the top, they got so tall that Alphys had to climb up. Maybe she should invent spring shoes for herself? Right, sure, that would probably be a good use of her time. If she ever did, she wouldn't be surprised if Mettaton made his private office even harder to get to in response.
He didn't even wait for her. His amplified voice crackled through the stairwell from speakers that he'd apparently installed everywhere. "Alphys, dear! You seem to be having trouble! Would you like help?"
Alphys looked up. "I guess?" she called.
Machinery crackled. The stairs started to heave up and down, leaving huge gaps between one and the next. Alphys shrieked and struggled to catch her balance on a single step.
"What are you doing?!" she yelled.
"Do you like it? It's my personal take on the 'escalator' concept," said the voice over the loudspeakers. "Automated stairs are a fabulous idea, but one simply rising above the next? How boring! This way, you can proceed by stepping down from one stair to the next, only to find yourself sky-high in seconds!"
The idea sounded terrible and turned out to be even worse than it sounded. Alphys was lurched up and down as she made her way slowly forward, sometimes retreating backward in order to escape a particularly dangerous step. She nearly toppled once or twice, but managed to skitter forward when the stairs were close together, and eventually she made it to the top without being physically harmed. She'd lost her disguise, but maybe she could retrieve it on the way out?
Mettaton emerged proudly from his office to meet her before she could get her bearings. "Why, if it isn't Dr. Alphys!" As if he somehow hadn't known it was her. "It's so good to see you again. Won't you please come in?"
The foyer was painted garish colors—crimson, lime, carnation pink, drab orange—with circles and zigzags and dots everywhere, and even a fake door or two. It was poorly lit, like a funeral home for clowns. Mettaton himself was wearing a dark blue leisure suit with a pink and black shirt peeking out. The funny thing was that he didn't normally wear clothes in public at all—his EX body was designed to look respectable and glamorous on its own—which meant that he was actually putting in extra effort in order to dress casually. Alphys assumed there was some message there.
"S…sure!" she replied. "You, uh, look good!"
Saying nothing in response, he strode forward and kicked open a door that Alphys hadn't even seen amid all the confusing wall patterns. It flew open as if it were designed to be kicked. Inside was Mettaton's familiar office, appointed with desk, chair, file cabinet, chaise lounge, numerous huge pillows with his face on them, and a deluxe, oversized sound system. The window, with a seductively curved perimeter, overlooked the third level of Hotland and the entrance to the resort. Alphys suspected that he actually slept in here sometimes.
"Please close the door, Doctor. After all, we wouldn't want anyone eavesdropping, in case sensitive things are discussed here!"
Alphys closed the door a little nervously. "H-How's the new body working out?" After his dramatic and televised defeat to the human child, Alphys had rebuilt Mettaton with a more energy-efficient system. It wasn't capable of such dramatic poses and kicks, but it could last a lot longer before having to be recharged. In theory, at least. Alphys hadn't seen him at all since then, except on the television.
He sat down in a swiveling office chair and crossed his legs, which still had hot pink highlights on the calves—Alphys had made sure of that. "Oh, I've been getting by. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that since I went EX, my ratings have risen like birds!" He grabbed a tumbler of something caramel-colored with ice and gulped deeply from it, his arm curving like a giant noodle. "Or perhaps I do need to tell you. You've been rather reclusive of late, haven't you, Doctor?"
"Can't—um, can't you just call me Alphys, like you used to? I, uh.. yes, I guess I have been pretty busy, what with one thing and another. But I asked to see you, didn't I? That must count for something."
"Indeed!" A jovial smile crossed Mettaton's metallic features as he grabbed up a gavel from the desk. "And on that note, I hereby declare the fourteenth meeting of the Official Human Fanclub of the Underground… open!" The gavel struck the desk so hard Alphys cringed. "Would the official secretary care to read the minutes from our previous meeting?"
This wasn't entirely in character for Mettaton, who didn't usually stand on formality for their little two-person club. "Um, can't we just… dispense with that? I mean, it's just the two of us, and I… didn't really come to talk about humans…"
He leaned in abruptly, sliding one heel across the floor with a loud squeal, until his smiling face was far too close to hers. "But isn't that what we're here to talk about, Alphys? Perhaps…. about one human in particular?"
This did not bode well. "Um… I guess if you want to?"
He leaned back. "It's rather the news on everybody's lips, isn't it? A tiny human—a mere child—drops into the Underground, slays a prominent resident of Snowdin and a peon in Waterfall, then finds themselves repeatedly doing battle with the Underground's paramour, and somehow! Somehow, triumphs every time, with the genius assistance of a certain reptilian inventor!" He grabbed a megaphone from his desk—had he prepared for this?—and threw his face to the ceiling, crooning, "THE GREAT! DOCTOR! ALPHYS!" It echoed for longer than it should have. "So, finally, I put my foot down. I reveal the diabolical scheme you inveigled me into, reveal my true beauty—!" He paused to throw out his limbs, tossing his shining hair. "—and attempt to end the threat to monsterkind, thus cementing myself as our greatest hero."
Alphys didn't remember it quite like that. "But I thought—you only wanted the human's soul so you could go to the surface and b-become a star there."
His face was suddenly in hers, making her cringe again. "Darling. Beloved. Is that really how you want people to remember it? Because as selfish as I come off looking, keep in mind that you. Look. Even. Worse."
Alphys blinked. Was that true? "I… well, yes, I mean, I know…"
He thrust back, his chair slamming into the wall beside the window. "I announced, on live broadcast television, my intention to steal one of the most valuable resources in the Underground—a human soul—for my own purposes, rather than turn it over to the king. Did I change my mind? Certainly! But the human child I chose to spare went on to kill the king… and so you see, darling, when dealing with some people, you simply can't win."
He was definitely right about that. "But… did you get in trouble for it?"
"Not yet!" Mettaton kicked up his heels and landed them loudly, one at a time, on the corner of his desk. "You see, I knew I was being technically treasonous, but King Asgore—there was no way that softheart would actually try to prosecute the Underground's greatest star. But now." He glared at Alphys. "Now, we have a new ruler—have you heard about it? Another boss monster, claiming to be Asgore's long lost wife, has assumed the throne and started making inquiries. How long do you suppose until she hears that the creature who took her husband's life was on my show and that you and I, working in tandem, failed to detain them? Yes, I went along with your inane plan, but at least I gave stopping them a legitimate try at the end. You, on the contrary, helped the murderer from start to finish."
This was exactly what Alphys was afraid of.
"Do you… do you think she'll have us arrested if she finds out?"
"When she finds out, my dear Alphy. If she somehow hasn't already. And I don't honestly know! From what I hear, she's the tender type, so perhaps she'll forgive our softness toward a child lost in a strange world, on the argument that we didn't know they had such a murderous nature. But that begs an important question, Alphys…" Suddenly pinpoint spotlights swirled, and familiar game show music played, as Mettaton stared Alphys down. "Did you know that the child had already killed?"
Alphys froze up, her mouth open. "Uh—"
"DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT KNOW?"
Alphys painfully recalled watching the young adventurer end the lives of a skeleton and a monster shaped like a bathtub with legs. "Y-yes, I guess! But… they were just defending themselves, mainly, trying to, to incapacitate monsters so that they could spare them, and, um… I guess a couple of times, they misjudged?" Not with the skeleton. With him, it had been methodical. But saying so wouldn't help.
"You watched with your hidden cameras," said Mettaton.
"Yes," Alphys admitted.
The music stopped, and he dropped to one knee before her. "You saw a murderer cutting through our people, and your take on it was, 'Ooh! A murderer! I wonder if I can impress them!'"
Alphys hid her face in her hands. "Yes."
"You are pathetic, Alphys."
"I know, I know."
"And you put my reputation in danger as well! I thought we were toying with a harmless child, not a deadly scourge!"
YOU BETRAYED ME! Alphys was tempted to shout. I'm the one who should be mad at you! But she couldn't. Shouting in anger wasn't her nature. So she only cried, "I KNOW! I'm sorry!"
"You must NEVER reveal that you knew. Our story must be that we had no idea the child was capable of murder!"
But you were capable of murder too—you were going to kill them! …was another thing that Alphys didn't say. "All right. All right, I'll never tell."
"And you should really remove those hidden cameras, just to be on the safe side. They could arouse suspicion if anyone tracks them back to you."
Alphys nodded helplessly. She would get rid of her cameras. She didn't deserve to have special knowledge of what people were doing.
"As for this queen," Mettaton continued, "I really don't know what to expect. Did you know, Undyne has been going around trying to muster support against the queen? First I heard rumors in the resort, and then, sure enough, just yesterday she asked to meet with me, and asked whether I would support her as queen instead."
What. "Undyne… a-as queen?"
"Why, yes, darling! 'Support from our only TV star would go a long way,' she said. 'You can win over hearts and minds! You can bludgeon hearts and minds with your charisma powers!' Do you know, I think she has things about right?"
Alphys didn't know what to hope for. "So… d-did you tell her yes?"
Mettaton threw his arms up in frustration. "I didn't know what to tell her! This new queen may spell the end for me, yes, but how can I be sure Undyne as ruler would be any better? You know she doesn't like my show. And I think she still holds a grudge for what I did to her piano that one time. She probably isn't aware of what happened any more than Mrs. Asgore is."
"…But she'll find out," said Alphys.
"Undoubtedly. And when she learns that the seventh human soul, the one to break the barrier, could have been ours, and we let it slip through our fingers?"
Alphys gulped. "Sh-she'll be mad."
The robot loomed balefully over Alphys. "Undyne is always mad. When she finds out, she will be furious."
Fear threatened to subsume Alphys. She felt her breathing getting shallow.
"People are choosing sides, my beloved Alphys! We must make sure to be on the right one. It's like a game show, writ large!"
"Ch-choosing sides?"
"Undyne versus the Queen of the Ruins! Dramatic, yes? Which side shall we choose?"
Alphys wanted to disappear. "Well… Undyne's side. She's… one of my best friends… and besides." Her face went red. "I think it might be because of me that people are taking sides to begin with?"
Mettaton looked surprised and scooted his chair over to the giant pillows, each bearing his face with a different expression. "Oh, really? Do tell!"
"Yes, I, uh… well, I kind of… told her that the new queen is asking me a lot of questions… that I don't really want to be asked. And she, uh… she said she'd make sure the queen never gets any power."
Mettaton grinned and laughed. "Well done! Oh, Alphys, you still do surprise me sometimes. Think of it—reclusive little Doctor Alphys, making a power play! Setting things into motion!" He spilled backwards from his chair into the pillows and laughed some more. "Undyne's claim is based on the premise that the Queen of the Ruins is an impostor. But as with most things, my yellow friend, I believe this one is a matter of appearances."
"Appearances?"
"There's probably no telling either way! So it's not whether she really is an impostor that matters… it's whether the people think she is."
Alphys gulped. "Oh, uh. She's, uh, definitely not an impostor. She's the real queen!"
The robot peered up ominously from his pile of pillows. "Oh? How do you know?"
"I, uh, have a VHS tape? With her voice on it? And she makes the exact same sort of, uh, food-and-mother-related pun on it that she made to me in person."
Mettaton frowned. "Well, you'll have to destroy that tape, darling."
Alphys gasped. "Um! But… what if we need to prove the truth someday?"
He sat in thought for a few moments. "Quite right! Brilliant thinking, Doctor. We may need it someday to blackmail Undyne, in case she turns against us after assuming power. Hide the tape well, but leave it intact!"
This all seemed awfully clandestine. "So you actually think we should go along with Undyne? E-even though Toriel is the real queen?"
"Well, if you don't want your career, your reputation, and for that matter quite possibly your freedom to go up in smoke…" He blew on his fingers as if dispersing something to the wind. "…then I think we'd better! It's perfect, Alphys. This way, we get to play it both ways!"
Alphys huddled on the floor in doubt.
Mettaton stood up. "What's coming isn't pretty, my friend. But the two of us—we have an edge! You happen to be friends with one of the two claimants! Indeed, if your shelf of secret shipfics is any indication, you may even be more than friends."
Alphys hadn't known she could blush this hard. "She doesn't like me like I like her…"
"Well, no one can crush quite like you, darling. Even so! Undyne likes you enough to be merciful, and as you and I are like peas in a pod…" His arm fell gently around her shoulders. "…it would be downright indecent of her not to be merciful to me, too!"
Alphys started to feel hopeful again. "Yeah… I guess that's true…"
"And if there is to be war, both of us will be invaluable assets. You can provide weapons, and I can give her a ratings boost, so to speak. We'll be sure to win! And once we do? How could she do anything but forgive us for our crimes? Why, I've almost forgotten what those crimes are, just talking about it!"
"T-treason," stuttered Alphys.
"Treason! Well, Undyne can hardly accuse us of that without calling the kettle black, can she? Not after she overthrows the rightful ruler. Alphys, I think our course is plain! Somehow, things are so much clearer when I have you to talk to. How do you do it?"
He lifted her up over his head. Was he kissing her? Yes! That was a kiss on the lips! Alphys hyperventilated and tried to decide whether to kiss back. But before she could make up her mind, he'd set her down on the floor again.
"Thank you so much for coming over, Alphys. I think this has been a very productive meeting of the Human Fanclub."
She tried to calm down. "I'm… glad you think so?"
He went and lay down on the chaise lounge. "Do we have any more business to discuss?"
Alphys's mind raced. She wanted to leave, but she'd come there for company, and somehow it felt like she'd only gotten… conspiracy. "I… guess I did have one question for you."
"Yes, doctor? Anything."
Alphys stood forward. "Did… you really think you could cross through the barrier and… just, become a star in the human world? Just like that? Without even any agents, or… or anything?"
Mettaton frowned. "Well, I knew it would be a challenge, but when have I ever shied away from one of those? I still fully intend to entertain the surface world someday. Perhaps, when the barrier finally falls, I can be the icon to unite monsters and humans under one fabulously beautiful entertainment banner!"
"You didn't… think they might k-kill you?"
He sat up. "Now, Alphys. Haven't we discussed this often enough at our club meetings? You and I both agree that just because the humans drove our race underground millennia ago, and despite the occasional bad apple that may drop into our realm, doesn't mean the entire human race is bereft of decency!"
She nodded. She knew that any creatures who made such amazing and uplifting cartoons and comics couldn't be all bad. "They've probably changed a lot since the War of Humans and Monsters!"
"Exactly. And besides…" Mettaton grinned his most adorable, coyest grin. "What creature, man or monster, could possibly hurt a face like this?"
Alphys grinned. He had a point.
"So there we are. Someday, Alphys. Someday."
She had to admit the thought of Mettaton as a superstar on the surface appealed to her. Maybe if she couldn't have her happy ending, he could at least get his. "I hope you get to see the surface someday, Mettaton. I know they'll love you up there."
"Thank you for having faith in me, dear friend." Standing, he strode to the desk and picked up the gavel. "Is there any other business?"
Alphys shook her head.
It sounded on the table. "Then I declare this meeting of the Human Fanclub adjourned! I trust you can find your own way out, beloved?"
"Yes… but maybe you could make the stairs just be n-n-normal on the way out?"
He sighed and pushed a button. "Ordinary, mundane stairs it is. Anything for you, Alphys. And remember—hide the tape; remove the cameras; deny all knowledge; support Undyne. I trust that we're on the same page?"
Alphys nodded several times. "We're on the same page." Even if she didn't care much for the book.
Mettaton walked to the door and kicked it open again with a slam. Somehow, it opened outward both ways. Maybe when Undyne was queen, Alphys should offer to install a door like that for her.
She timidly waved goodbye and worked her way down the stairs, retrieving her disguise and putting it on again before she exited back into the Burger Emporium. All the while, she was worrying about the plan they'd decided on. Well, that Mettaton had decided on, really. Would Undyne really be as merciful as he thought? Would the change of power really be that easy? Would she even be willing to blackmail Undyne, if it came to that?
It was lucky that Alphys had friends with ambition, like Mettaton and Undyne, so that she didn't have to have any of her own. Alphys loved learning new things and creating new machines, along reading and watching TV, but she didn't really have any ambitions past that.
And yet, as she trudged home incognito, she suffered a funny little twinge of disappointment. Now that she was going to help overthrow Queen Toriel, did that mean she'd never get her giant, quiet sleepover?
A sound emitted from her pocket: "Bee-da-doop!"
She pulled out her phone and read the text message. It was from Undyne. Undyne rarely texted; she preferred to yell over the phone, arguing that capital letters didn't fully convey the complexity of all her different levels of volume. So this had to be something special.
"hey Alphy, u wanna help me be [queen]?"
The word 'queen' was represented by a queen bee emoji with a tiny crown. Undyne's huge, grinning buddy icon sat beside the message, as if goading her on. Alphys shut her mouth tight into a nervous wiggle of uncertainty.
Another text followed. "i need ur help 2 prove toriel is impostr"
And another. "u can be my chief advisr whaddya say?"
Alphys sighed and daydreamed for one indulgent moment of a kingdom-wide, peaceful sleepover run by Queen Toriel. It was too cute for words.
Then she hit Reply and typed:
"kk sounds good."
Well, in the real world, you couldn't have everything, right?
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