Chapter 11
I Gave You All
Alice stood and offered me her hand, helping me to my feet. "I was going to offer you a drink, it looks like you could use it, but I guess that's a little inappropriate right now." I nod in agreement. "I'll make us some coffee I bet this is going to be one of our marathon conversations," she says as she walks to the kitchen.
"Decaf?" I ask as I follow her.
"Fuck!" she curses. "This is going to take some getting used to. Ice cream?"
"Perfect."
I sat at the table and watched her scoop out two full bowls of ice cream and slide one across the table to me. "So you're pregnant," she says to start our conversation.
"Yeah. So you're married."
"Yeah, I guess we've both been keeping secrets, huh?" We paused for a moment. But finally Alice interrupted the silence. "I don't even know where to start. So much shit went down. People died. People I knew, they were murdered. I watched it happen. And the end, when we got out... it was so confusing. I didn't know what happened. You were there, I don't have to tell you. But while we're in there we think that as soon as we get out we can go back to our normal lives. And it wasn't like that was it? We were all in the hospital for one reason or another. There were funerals to attend. And no matter what I tried I couldn't do it. I just couldn't go back to life without remembering it all." She paused to look at her melting ice cream and take a bite. "Jazz had a hard time, he didn't know what to tell Sam. So he freaked out and left." She sniffled as she held back the tears. "I freaked out and had a meltdown. I had already been through so much and then the love of my life just leaves. He walked away without even hardly saying goodbye. I get it now. He explained it and everything but at the time all I knew was that I was alone. And I was scared. And I lost it. I was bat shit crazy. I was pretty much catatonic. Carlisle forced me into a mental hospital." She paused again for another soupy spoonful of ice cream. "I just kept thinking about all the bad things. Almost everyone was in a hospital. Edward was shot. Emmett was fucking almost dead. Jazz was gone. And you, Bella, you were almost killed like every five minutes. Everyone and everything fell apart, me included."
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
Alice ignored me and continued her story. "We all had to have our rude awakening. Jazz had his in the arms of some prostitute. I had mine when I woke up in a drug induced haze in the mental wing of a hospital. We both realized the same thing separately, it sucked but it was over and we were alive. And we didn't want to waste that. There were others that weren't so lucky. How mad were they as they watched us waste our lives like that? I went to therapy and it helped, I was released. Jasper came back and everything came together just right. We didn't want to waste another second of our lives. We rushed to get married. I always planned this huge elaborate wedding but I couldn't dream of anything better than what we got. It was just us and Sam and that was all that really mattered. Our families weren't the happiest to be left out but they were happy for us. And sometimes life still sucks. I'm never going to forget. It's never going to be easy. But its easier this way." She stopped there.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."
She wiped away the tears that had fallen. "You had your own shit. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."
"Did Edward tell you I was living with him?" Alice nodded. "I needed to get away. Charlie is great but he's a cop and he's thinking like a cop. He just can't look at me the same anymore. And Jake... I couldn't deal with him anymore. I wanted to get away but I didn't know where to go. It won't last long. Just until I can figure out... I don't even know. I just can't figure anything out right now. I'm worried about Emmett and everyone else. I shut everyone out and everything I've learned about it... everyone is dealing with some heavy shit. So I'm feeling so guilty. But then I'm so consumed with this baby thing. I can't figure that out. What do people in these situations do?"
"I don't know, baby," she said, grabbing my hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze.
"I never thought about kids. I knew I wasn't ready yet. Me and Jake took precautions. And then... I'm taken hostage and almost every decision then over three days was made by one of three people. They took complete control of every aspect of my life. I didn't have a say anymore. They took control of me... of all of us. But now... It's kind of still happening for me. They took control of my body and I didn't get it back. I have to share it. And then I'll have to share my life. And it wasn't my choice."
"It's not fair."
"No. And I don't know what to do."
"You'll figure it out."
"I don't want to figure it out. I just want my life back."
"This is your life now. There is no going back to the way it was before. We all tried and we all failed. There was the life before the incident and now there is life in the aftermath. You can do everything the same but you won't ever be the same again. And that's the honest to god awful truth." She's right and I know it. But it doesn't make it any easier to hear.
Alice and I talked for a little longer before we finally hugged and called it a night. She walked me to the door. "Call me tomorrow. We still have so much to talk about." I nodded in response. "Please don't be a stranger." I nodded again. "Thank you."
"You don't have to thank me."
"Yes, I do. You... Just thank you. And I'm sorry." I turned around to ask her for what but I could tell from the look on her face that the conversation was over for now. I offered her a weak and halfhearted smile before I made my way back to my truck. And I nearly had a heart attack when I climbed in only to find Jasper sitting in the passengers seat.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" I cursed as my heart slowly began to settle to a normal beating.
"I thought now would be a good time to finish our conversation. I sneaked out of Sam's window after he fell asleep. Did you really think I was going to leave it on that note? So you and Alice patched things up?"
"Yes," I responded to both questions. "Alice no longer thinks we're fucking."
"Did you tell her it's because you're fucking Edward?"
My heart again began to race. "I am not fucking Edward."
"Then how the hell did you end up pregnant with his kid?"
I looked away from him and pouted. "It's not what you'd think. Fuck! I shouldn't have told you. Just let it go. Please let it go."
He ignored my pleadings. "So you and Edward... this has been going on for a long time?" he questioned me uneasily. "Both of you cheating on your significant others and all of that. I didn't peg you for the type. Edward either for that matter."
"I told you, it's not like that."
"Then what is it like?"
"I can't tell you."
"Can't or won't?" he practically screamed at me. I ignored him again. "Was it before or after?" I continued to ignore him. "Is that why you've moved in with him? Does he know? Does Tanya know?"
"No one knows. Only you. And it's going to stay that way."
"So now you don't want to be a home wreaking whore."
I lost my temper and smacked him across the face. "You have no idea what you're talking about. Get the fuck our of my car!"
"Bella, I'm sorry," he apologized. "I didn't really mean it like that. But... he has a family. Tanya and Raena."
"I know that," I wiped away the tear that had slipped from the corner of my eye. "I didn't want this."
"Then why'd you do it?
"I can't explain it. It's so complicated. I'm not a bad person. I never meant to hurt anyone. I didn't intend on this. That's why I'm keeping it a secret."
"Don't you think he's going to find out? If this all happened before and you tell people it's not Jake's, he's not stupid he can do the math. How long can this have been going on for, Bella? I never thought that he was the type. Jesus fuck!"
I shook my head. "He's not going to find out," I spoke adamantly. "You're going to keep your mouth shut. Because you know nothing about it. It was a one time thing. And you know nothing about it. So just drop it. Forget all about it."
"Bella," Jasper argued.
"No." I shook my head. "No, you don't get to do this. You don't get to argue or have an opinion. Because you don't know."
"Do you love him?" Jasper asked and I sucked in my lower lip, eyes falling to the floor. "Don't get me wrong. You're great and it's not that I don't like you and all but please don't be stupid about this. Edward…Tanya…Raena…He already has one family. And he's happy. At least I think so. I thought so," Jasper stuttered trying to find the right way to say it. "Shit!"
I sighed heavily. "It-it didn't happen before."
Jasper arched an eyebrow. "After?" I slowly shook my head. "Well, what the fuck does that mean?" I lowered my gaze and a small sob escaped me. I could hear him gasp as the realization set in. "While we were there? That explains a lot, I guess. How did…Didn't…How did you two get alone?"
"I'm going to pretend like you didn't ask that. Because I'm done. That's all I have to say about this right now." I noticed the look on his face. He was silently begging me for more information. And it wasn't because he was selfish and wanted to know it was because he truly became a great friend to me. He knew that he had somehow become my confidant and was willing to be the listening ear and shoulder to cry on. He knew that I needed to talk to someone. But he needed to know that I wasn't ready yet. "I'm sorry. But please, can't I just give out one secret at a time? Please be patient with me. Baby steps. I just need to take baby steps. This is so impossibly hard for me. You have no idea."
Jasper nodded and remained silent. "Should we do lunch tomorrow?"
"Don't push. I need time. I'll call you."
"Promise?"
I nodded. "You won't say anything?"
"Not yet," Jasper said as he hopped from the cab of my truck.
"Thank you," I said as he closed the truck door and disappeared into the darkness.
XXXXX
It was now or never time. We didn't tell anyone what the plan was. The less that knew the better. The plan was set all we had to do now was to set it all into action and pray for the best. Emmett and Cody were set up and waiting for my signal. Aaron was ready to grab some kids and run. And I was ready to provide the distraction.
I nodded at Emmett and he nodded back, and so it was set in motion. I waited and watched as Emmett and Cody skillfully kicked around the soccer ball, it only took about three kicks and thirty seconds for Cody to kick the ball at the small button and disarm the door alarm. And thank God for that because it got Omnis' attention immediately. She took four long strides towards them. "Put it away. This is no time to play." Emmett immediately backed off, picking up the ball.
Sorry, won't happen again," he apologized as he held the ball. She rolled her eyes at him and returned to her post in front of the hall.
And now I was on. I turned my back on the action and began my walk to the other side of the gym. But before I could make it to Nemo, Edward appeared in front of me. "Let it go," he whispered to me.
"Not now," I insisted as I brushed past him.
He grabbed hold of my arm and turned me towards him. "Bella, let it go. You're not going to change his mind."
"I don't care if I change his mind but I at least have to try."
"Bella, you're going to get yourself killed." I ignored him and again began to walk towards Nemo. "Bella, stop!"
I turned around and gave him my most menacing glare. I didn't have time for his bull. There was a distraction that I needed to provide. "I don't have time for this." He grabbed my wrist again and I again tried to pull away but he tightened his grip. I had officially lost my patience with him. "I mean it, Edward! Back the fuck off!" I screamed so loudly that my voice echoed through the gym. I bit my lip nervously as I felt every pair of eyes settle on me. Well, I suppose this could work as a distraction too. I'd just have to ad lib a little bit.
"Well, it looks like little miss perfect finally lost her shit," Nemo said as he approached us.
"You have to let her go. Think of it as a sign of good faith. The police will be willing to cooperate with you if you show a little sympathy," I pleaded.
"Darling," he spoke with a laugh. "If I gave a damn about the police, don't you think I'd have made contact with them already?"
"I'm not letting her die," I announced in another echoing scream. I took a deep breath and began to walk towards the infants.
He laughed again as he watched me. "And what do you think your going to do about it?" I ignored him and kept my quick pace. "Honestly, sweetie, you think you can just walk out the front door with her?"
"Something like that," I said as I reached into the crib and picked up the limp swaddled body.
"You're crazy," he called as he chased me. "Put her down and get back over here." I ignored him. "Do you think I'm just going to let you leave?" he shouted as I heard his footsteps quicken behind me. "Get the fuck back here!"
"Bella, stop!" Edward called and took a step forward before Nehil grabbed him and held him place. "He will kill you." I heard him cry in pain as Nehil hit him.
My pace slowed as I came to the hallway I stared at Omnis, her gun trained on me. "Stand down. Let me handle this," Nemo called to her as he approached me from behind. I waited until he was right behind me before I took off running. I didn't even get halfway up the hallway before I was tackled from behind. The blanket flew from my arms and landed six inches to my right. Nemo laid on top of me, crushing me and limiting my breathing. "Is it worth dying over?" he whispered in my ear as he sat up, pressing his knees deeper in my back.
"Yes," I responded breathlessly as he eased the pressure on me and rolled me over to face him.
"Stupid little girl," he said as he threw his head back and laughed. I took the opportunity to throw him from me and reach for the blankets and scramble to my feet again trying to run. But he grabbed me from behind and lifted me from the ground. I kicked and screamed and did everything in my power to break away from him but he held me tightly. He carried me down the hallway and I stilled. "Stupid, stupid girl. Do you have any idea what you've done?"
"Yes," I said softly. Nemo ripped the blankets from my hand and threw it to the floor, aimed his gun and pulled the trigger three times. Nemo had an angry grin on his face, seemingly satisfied that he got to end another life with his gun. The room erupted into a loud chorus of heard shrieks and screams and sobs but I remained calm. I watched his angry grin fall away when his eyes settled on my stoic face.
Nemo looked to his feet to the bullet ridden blanket. "Where's the blood?" his voice was soft as he tore open the blankets. "Where is the fucking blood?" He screamed in pure rage as he finally found the only thing swaddled in the blanket was a baby doll.
He rose to his feet in an instant and pointed his gun right between my eyes. I could feel the cold metal shaft on my flesh as he pulled back the hammer. "I told you I wouldn't let you kill her."
XXXXX
When I got back to Edward's house it was completely dark. I hadn't realized how long I had been with Alice and Jasper. I cursed myself for being out so late and now being locked out. Now I would have to come face to face with either Edward or Tanya, the two people that I had no desire to see at the moment. But at least one prayer was answered when I tried the front door to find it unlocked. Not safe but at least it spared me a conversation. I locked it behind me and tiptoed through the house. I used nothing but the light of my cell phone to illuminate my way, I didn't want to take any chances at waking anyone. I was silent until I reached my room and turned on the light to find Edward asleep in my bed. I let out a loud gasp that woke him. "Hey," he said through a sleepy yawn as he jumped from the bed. "Where have you been?"
"Out," I responded softly as I kicked off my shoes. "I had things and stuff..."
"I was worried."
"You don't need to worry about me," I said, shrugging off my coat.
"But you've been acting so strangely."
I couldn't help but laugh at him. "And how would you know? You barely know me. We spent three days together but that doesn't mean shit. No one was acting like themselves in there. And no one is acting like themselves now either. We all changed. And how could you not? We're all fucked up and nothing is going to change that."
"Bella, it's more than that. I know you better than you give me credit for."
"If you know me so well then tell me what it is. What is my problem? Because I would love to know what you think!"
"Please stop shouting," he commanded me. "I don't want you to wake anyone."
"You're such an ass. You can't play this both ways, Edward. You don't get to do this to me. You don't get to keep me here like this, like some dirty fucking secret right under everyone's noses. You said things and did things in there and now... did you ever mean any of it? Or was it all bullshit because you thought you wouldn't have to deal with it? Were you planning on them killing me? Do you regret that I lived?"
"Jesus, Bella!" He shouted at me. "How can you say that?"
"What else am I supposed to think? I get that we all changed in there we saw things that we never wanted to and it changed us. But it didn't make us liars. You said... you promised... You lied! Everything you said in there was a fucking lie. And like the idiot I am, I fell for it."
"It's not like that! You have no idea what its like-"
And with those words I completely lost it. "I have no idea what its like?" My voice was loud enough to wake the neighbors and the tears fell fast in my hysterical sobs. "I have no idea what it's fucking like? Do you even hear yourself? You have the most perfect life. You're marrying the perfect woman with the perfect child. You get a happily ever after. You know what I get? I get a bastard fucking baby. And what do I get to say to him or her when they ask about their father? That I was raped? That I never wanted this? That for months I hated the very idea of having this child? I have no idea what I'm doing anymore. I have no idea how I'm going to afford this. I don't want to go back to work, I'm scared shitless but I have no choice do I? I can't live with you forever and ruin your fucking picture perfect life."
Edward approached me and opened his arms, welcoming me into a hug but I quickly backed away from him. "I don't want your fake sympathy," I said pushing him away from me. "I'm leaving in the morning. I can't do this."
"I wish you wouldn't," Tanya's soft voice filled the room. "You just got here."
I backed myself into a corner. "I'm sorry I woke you. I shouldn't have been shouting. I'll leave now."
"No," she insisted as she walked into the room. "It's late. You're exhausted. I won't let you drive like this. And I'm certainly not letting you leave all because Edward is being an asshole." He opened his mouth to defend himself but she instantly silenced him. "Edward, go check on Raena see if all the shouting woke her." He again opened his mouth but Tanya ignored him. "Please leave us alone. I think this is a girls moment."
"Tanya, no offense," he finally spoke. "But I don't think you'll be able to help much. You don't even know-"
She interrupted him. "Edward, no offense but you haven't exactly been helping much so maybe you should leave the poor girl alone." Edward shut his mouth and stalked out of the room. "Do you still want me to be not so nice to you?" Tanya asked with a soft laugh. I shook my head. I don't think she is even capable of being mean to anyone. There doesn't seem to be a mean bone in her body. She closed the distance between us and wrapped her arms around me. "I can tell you've had a long day and have no desire to talk. So why don't you let me get us some chocolate pudding and we'll have a good cry." She was so nice. I hated the fact that I was expecting something different from her before we had met. I hated that I had somehow fallen in love with her fiancee. I hated that she was so nice to me. If only she knew the truth. I don't think she'd be as nice and forgiving as she seems to be right now.
"Forget the pudding," I said between sobs.
She laughed and sat us down on the bed without loosening her hug. "Then let's just have a good cry." And I did. I cried myself to sleep in her arms.
