Dipper Braves Weirdmageddon

Part of The Cowardly Christians Shake up the Falls challenge

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Ford was taking inventory of all the sham oddities in the Shack that Stan invented to swindle money out of the rubes that came to see his awful shows when Dipper came back from his talk with Manly Dan.

"Ah Dipper! Come help me inventory all the useless junk my brother has made all these years. I'm clearing this place of lies and filling it with the truth: Science!" Ford said Gleefully.

"Grunkle Ford how do you plan to pay for the research we are going to be doing?" Dipper asked worried he may have bitten off more than he can chew.

"With my Grant money of course. It's kept in a secret underground bunker not too far from here it's-"

"Accessed with a secret lever on a tree?" Wendy interjected after entering the room.

"Yes Miss Corduroy. How did you know that?" Ford inquired.

"Dipper and I went down there with Mabes and Soos a few weeks before you came back to this dimension. We found a shapeshifter that tried to assume your form but instead took the shape of a food mascot. Dip that reminds me let's go down and destroy that thing with our new equipment, if it's just left alone the power will go out eventually and defrost." Wendy explained.

"You two went down there and froze it? I'm impressed." Ford congratulated the two intrepid youngsters.

"Still that thing is far too dangerous to be left on Ice Wendy and I'll take it out easily with our Rider powers. But back to the topic at hand, how much money do you have?" Dipper asked handing a calculator to Ford.

"This much. It's a lot huh? I saved a ton of money by salvaging parts from the UFO and buying discount foods Fiddleford enjoyed. although my intestines didn't." Ford boasted.

Dipper took that number and started crunching with Wendy observing.

"Can you give me some tutoring in Algebra?" Wendy asked hopefully

"Sure Wendy. 9 years."

"What?" Ford asked.

"9 years is how much time you have left with your grant money in the current economy. And that's if you stopped researching and just retired. Fact is we need Stan as much as he needs us. The guy's able to rake in huge amounts of profits with little investment. And Stan admitted in his tale of how you two came to be in Gravity Falls that most of it went to paying your mortgage that he has 2 more payments left and figuring out how to fix the portal to get you home. Grunkle Ford we can't throw out Stan to the curb, we need him to fund our research, it's not like the people that funded your research 30 years ago are going to give you more, you've been gone for so long the scientific community has probably forgotten you exist." Dipper explained.

Ford sat down at the table in the Foyer to looked over Dippers numbers, and if they were correct he was going to need to Stan more than ever. Speak of the Devil Stan just so happened to be walking by with his suitcase ready to leave and to say his goodbyes.

"Hey Dipper I guess this is goodbye kid." Stan said as he started hugging Dipper.

Soos just entered trying to find out what is going on.

"Mr Pines? Where are you going? Las Vegas again?" Soos asked.

"No Soos, I'm leaving for good. No more Mister Mystery." Stan said before getting hugged by Soos firmly.

"NO! YOU CAN'T GO MR PINES THE MYSTERY SHACK NEEDS YOU DUDE!" Soos started crying.

"Actually Zeus Stan isn't going anywhere." Ford said before prying them apart. "I was originally intending to shut down the Mystery Shack so I can continue my research but Dipper pointed out to me that I was unaware of the rising prices for life's basic necessities and will need Stans shrewed business sense to fund my research and our livelihood. So the Mystery Shack will stay." Ford explained to a teary eyed Soos.

"And Grunkle Ford his name isn't Zeus it's Soos, short for Jesus Alzamirano Ramirez." Dipper explained.

"Yeah when I was a kid others would call me Jesus and it sounded like 'Hey Soos' which I was fine with." Soos explained further.

"So does this mean you forgive me Ford?" Stan asked warily.

"Yes Stanley it does. Thank you for bringing me back to this dimension." Ford said before hugging his brother.

Soos tried to join but was stopped by Wendy just as Mabel came downstairs.

"What's going on?"

"Sweetie I'm staying! I don't have to leave!" Stan said wiping tears from his face.

"Hey Dipper let's go take care of that Shapeshifter while we have the opening." Wendy suggested.

"Agreed." Dipper replied.

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30 minutes later.

"WOW!" Wendy said as she collapsed in one of the Shapeshifters tunnels.

"I know." Dipper said also incredibly worn out.

"It just didn't want to die. Good thing we got it though. Little bugger was fierce." Wendy complained.

"I'm cool with just laying down here till we are no longer tired, you?" Dipper asked.

"Agreed."

After 5 minutes of silence Wendy asked a question.

"Dipper you remember what I told you last time we were here?"

"Yeah." Dipper replied, the thought turned his stomach sour.

"I've changed my mind. I love you too." Wendy said before leaning over and giving Dipper a wet kiss.

"I thought so with you being so protective, but I didn't want to say anything. You called me babe in the Fearamid." Dipper said after letting the kiss go.

"Think we should tell Mabel of out new relationship status?" Wendy asked.

"Maybe at Christmas, she's going to want details, details we don't have a lot of at the moment." Dipper replied.

"Agreed."

After another 15 minutes of just laying in the tunnel with the occasional kiss they left to find 3 running in terror from Stan.

"Mister Pines what are you doing now?" Wendy asked.

"I just asked Dippers clone to mop the kitchen for me, it's not that hard of a chore." Stan explained.

"Stan he's a copier clone, the moment he makes contact with Water he's going to dissolve into paper pulp, that's a terrible way to die," Dipper explained.

"Oh Geez I didn't know kid! Come back!" Stan tries throwing out chore ideas but each either involves water or proximity to fire, neither the paper clone is willing to make contact with.

3 fled to the forest from Stans deadly chores, Dipper and Wendy chased after him and saw that he took shelter in the remains of the old Church.

"Oh no..." Dipper said.

"What?"

"This is where the dinosaurs are." Dipper said terrified.

A faint scream could be heard from the mining tunnels under the churches remains. Dipper and Wendy returned to the Shack to get Ford to help them.

"Fascinating... so the stories were true. Dinosaurs preserved in Amber for Millions of years..." Ford said while recording everything with a Camcorder.

"Some escaped god knows how long ago, and some are still trapped in amber." Dipper commented.

"Reminds me of that Summer Blockbuster from before either Dipper and I were born, Triassic Trip." Wendy mentioned.

"But several of the dinosaurs in that movie weren't from the Triassic period, several were Jurassic and Cretaceous." Dipper said.

"I think we found your clone." Ford said pointing to a very large puddle of Amber sap that appeared to be in the shape of an enormous droplet with 3 encased frozen with a look of fear.

Wendy called Soos to get a tow truck to haul the Amber encased 3 from the tunnels and back to the Mystery Shack.

"Fascinating, the sap has incredible preservative properties. The ancient trees that secreted the sap must have been unlike anything seen by man. A human encased in this sap could live millions of years and not age a day." Ford geeked out. "This discovery alone could fund research for all sorts of medicinal purposes."

"But what about 3?" Dipper asked.

"We won't know till we managed to break the amber, but we have to be careful not to just throw the amber away it's far to valuable, and not hurt your duplicate."

And as Ford finished that statement Pacifica walked into the Shack, having become good friends with 3 during their own ordeal during Weirdmageddon, hoping to see him that day.

"3? Are you- WHAT THE HELL?!" Pacifica screamed.

"Oh no..." Wendy said.

"What happened?!" Pacifica demanded.

"Long story but we are trying to get him out. Grab a chisel and hammer." Dipper said before pointing to the tools on the table.

Everyone present helped chisel away at the Amber sap until Mabel managed to break free 3s head.

"HHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH! Air! Wonderful Air!"

"How're you doing pal?" Dipper asked.

"At least we know he's alive." Wendy chimed in.

"You're okay!" Pacifica cheered before kissing 3s head and realizing who she did that in front of. "Can I pay you to not remember that?"

"No amount of money can do that." Mabel said ribbing Pacifica.

"That was wet." 3 mentioned.

"Oh no! He's gonna melt!" Pacifica cried.

"But he's not melting." Mabel said poignantly.

"Let's see here." For said as he pulled out a scanner. "The Ancient Amber Sap seems to have given our clone here real life. He's no longer a copy of Dippers image memories and personality, but a person in his own right."

Mabel tested that theory by throwing water balloons at 3.

Repeatedly.

With a bit of anger behind it.

"Mabel stop that!" Pacifica said.

"So... I'm real now?"

"We should give him a name since he's human now." Ford said.

"We're going to name him after the first clone I made and was the last to melt that night, Tyrone." Dipper said proudly.

"Thanks." 'Tyrone' said happily.

"Let's get this Amber Sap out of your hair." Pacifica said grabbing Tyrones hair and pulling.

But the sap wouldn't come out. As there was none in the hair.

"This is incredible, the Amber Sap has changed Tyrones hair color from Brown to a distinct Orange." Ford explained while taking notes.

"At least now I don't have to ask which one of you is who." Stan commented.

"Hey dudes. You know, now that Dippers going to be staying here as Fords Apprentice his parents are going to want to visit once in a while to see their boy. How are we going to explain to Dippers parents that an identical red haired version of their son lives here?" Soos questioned.

"Well... I was hoping to use this for the Pug Trafficking thing but since that blew over faster than it started I do have a favor in the Government I can use to fabricate an identity for Tyrone here. But we need to figure out a relation so he can legally stay here." Stan offered.

They decided on the story being that Tyrone is actually Fords till recently unknown grandson, his mother being the daughter of a one night stand Ford had after a particularly stressful final at Backupsmore, Ford had immediately received his research grant and left for Gravity Falls by the time the boys grandmother found out the result of that stress relieving night.

"I wouldn't buy it." Stan said. "Who in their right mind would think Mr Nose-in-a-book would sleep with any girl?"

"Hey I'm interested in women too Stanley! I just say the wrong thing is all." Ford replied.

"Whatever!" Dipper interjected. Mabel and I have a cousin now and that's all we need to know." Dipper said.

Mabel was crestfallen hearing the Dipper was staying at the Falls while she would be going home alone and it showed. The poor girl put her chisel and hammer down and walked to her room.

"I'm gonna go talk to her." Dipper said before being stopped by, surprisingly, Pacifica.

"No, if you do that then you might just go home with her to get her to stop crying. I'll go talk to her, as her gal pal." Pacifica said before heading to the Attic.

Pacifica climbed the stairs to find Mabel in Sweatertown.

"Mabel, come out of Sweatertown."

"No." Mabel replied earning a sigh of resignation from Pacifica.

"If I let you give me a makeover will you come out?"

10 minutes later Pacificas hair is done up and her nails are drying as Mabel is applying Blush and eye shadow.

"I know Dipper staying and you leaving is going to be hard on you Mabel but you don't have to worry about not being able to see your brother and the rest of us." Pacifica said.

"And whys that?"

"Cause I got matching presents for you and Dipper, when my nails dry I'll show you two." Pacifica said.

5 minutes later Mabel and Pacifica came downstairs and Pacifica went out to her Moped to bring in her presents for Dipper and Mabel.

"Brand new Laptops?" The Twins said.

"Yep, now you two can video chat whenever you want. A day won't go by where you won't see Dipper unless he tells you otherwise." Pacifica said before getting a warm hug from Mabel.

"Thank you Paz." Mabel said as she cried tears of joy.

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The day finally arrived, Dipper and Mabels birthday party and the day Mabel goes home to Piedmont.

"You guys made it!" Mabel cried as Grenda and Candy arrived.

"I convinced my parents that my talents lie elsewhere than music, hopefully they will accept my desire to study programming instead of music." Candy explained.

"And I convinced Marius to leave later tonight, it's his boat it leaves when he wants to, it's not a plane after all." Grenda said happily.

"So you two are going to keep an eye on my brother up here at the School right?" Mabel asked her friends.

"Actually Mabel... Mom and Dad had me tested a year ago. I've been qualified to skip a few years, the only reason they didn't go forward with it was they knew it would make you freak out if I wasn't in the same grade as you." Dipper admitted.

"How many grades?" Mabel asked.

"3." Dipper sheepishly admitted.

"Meaning he's going to be in my class with me. I'll have his back Mabes don't worry." Wendy assured Mabel.

"On ONE condition you can do this Dipper or I'm transferring up here in a heartbeat." Mabel said jabbing her finger in Dippers chest hard.

"What's that?" Dipper asked fearfully.

"You gotta help keep Wendy's grades up. I wanna see A's across the board honey! One B and I'm up here bugging you to kingdom come!" Mabel announced to the party.

"Wendy let's get to that Calculus! NOW!" Dipper said dragging Wendy into the next room.

The entire party erupted in laughter. Cake was served presents were opened, goodbyes were said, and tears were shed.

"I guess this is good bye?" Mabel asked as Dipper stood with her at the bus station.

"No Goodbye means we won't see each other again, this is farewell. Farewell Mabel." Dipper said before hugging his sister tightly.

"Farewell Mason." Mabel said back to her brother who's eyes widened. "You thought I forgot..."

Waddles looked at Mabel after finding his way up front.

"Oh no Waddles... I... I can't take you home with me... no animals allowed on the Bus." Mabel said with tears streaming down her cheeks.

Stan on the other hand couldn't take it and got into the Bus Drivers face.

"Hey you Driver! The Pig stays with the Girl, if you've got a problem take up with HR." Stan said as he brandished a pair of Brass Knuckles, Ford revealed his laser pistol and everyone else pulled out their Weirdmageddon weapons.

"Oh of course Mr Pig sit wherever you like!"

After Waddles climbed aboard and found a seat he liked Mabel looked back at Dipper just as a gust of Wind blew Dippers Blue and White Pine Tree hat to their feet.

"So that's where you went." Dipper said picking up the Hat before putting it on Mabels head. "Here, now I've got a reason to come down on Christmas. I gotta get my hat back." Dipper said before stepping back giving Mabel room to breathe.

"I guess this is it. Goodbye everyone!" Mabel said as she pulled her luggage up the steps sitting with Waddles and the Bus door closes pulling out and leaving town.

"So Dr Pines, what's the schedule for Dipper's apprenticeship lessons?" Wendy asked.

"Well Dipper has already told me that he likes getting his homework done during lunch and study hall so I'm going to be teaching him advanced calculus and biology a few hours each day and 5 hours a day on weekends. Why do you ask?" Ford replied.

"Because I'm officially submitting my application for Assistant Phenomena Asskicker." Wendy said proudly. "I can't be a cashier my entire life and this'll give me a leg up on college applications."

"Dipper? Did you put her up to this?"

"This is the first I've heard of this, but if their is anyone we could need to back us up on explorations expeditions or being chasing by a hoard of Gnomes it's Wendy." Dipper confessed.

"Alright Wendy you're hired. But you're getting the same lessons as Dipper and I expect your grades to be at least a tier below Dippers at the minimum. If he gets and an A your expected to get an A-." Ford warned.

"What is it with people and my grades?" Wendy asked.

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End of Chapter 11