Wanted by many

Chapter eleven

Ste's point of view

I woke up feeling disorientated; it felt like I had the worst hangover in the world, my head was banging. I had to really try hard to focus as things still seemed a little blurry. I hurt in places and certain images flashed before my eyes. Helping Walker, getting him a T-shirt, the way he looked at me, the cup of tea I made…that was it the drink, he must have put something in my drink. I started to cry as I remembered certain things that I was powerless to stop.

I remember him doing things to me that no one should ever have to go through, he invaded me mentally and physically and now I'm left to deal with the aftermath. I looked around the room realizing where I was…fuck I was in Brendan's bedroom and then I looked next to me to see him sleeping. He was fully clothed as I was and even in his sleep he looks pained, like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. I remember he helped me, I remember how warm I felt when he picked me up in his arms. Trouble is how do I even begin to deal with what's happened? I sit up and hold my head in my hands, the tears fall heavily and the noise of me crying must have awakened Brendan.

"Steven…you're awake…come here"

He pulled me down to him and held me tight and I felt safe, like his arms would be the only place that I would ever feel safe again, like they were the only place where I belonged. I wanted to stay there, truly I did. Those arms nearly made me forget everything, Doug, the man I'm supposed to love, Walker and the things he did to me, fuck they could make me forget my own name at times. I moved away from him, detangling myself from his addictive embrace. I couldn't afford to get lost in him right now.

"Why Brendan?"

Brendan sat up and I felt his hand rest on my back. I turned to look at him, he looked older, liked he'd aged five years over night. His eyes looked red and puffy, like he'd been crying and he looked the saddest I'd ever seen him.

"Why what Steven? Do ye know what happened to ye?"

"Yeah unfortunately I do. It was like I was aware of what was happening but I couldn't do anything to stop it. I did try, not that it was any use.

I started to cry even more then and I felt Brendan pull me towards him, I could tell this was affecting him just as much as it was affecting me.

"Why did Walker hurt me?Did he do it to get back at you? Did you know? Oh my god…were you there?"

I saw the crushed look on his face as I asked those questions, especially the last one, but it was a question that I had to ask.

"No! Steven no! Do ye seriously think that I could see someone hurt ye like that? I…could…never!…"

I could see tears forming in his eyes. I know that he could never stand back and let that happen. He killed someone who wanted to hurt me once, I knew deep down he wasn't capable of that.

"I know Bren…I'm sorry"

With everything that had happened to me and all I do is feel bad for upsetting him.

"So why then? Bren I need to know"

I felt his arm drop from around me and he moved off the bed and stood up. I felt cold and scared all of a sudden. I wondered if it was through the loss of him moving away from me or in case he told me something I didn't wanna hear.

"Honestly Steven I don't know why. I do know that he watched ye, fucking hell I even watched him watching ye. It was weird and I wanted to kill him for it"

"So you did know then?"

No! I didn't know anything; I just thought he fancied ye. I never knew he would do this and hurt ye so badly…Jesus Steven…what do ye take me for?"

I couldn't feel bad for wanting to know why; this had happened to me not him.

"So why were you there Bren?"

After nervously pacing around the room, he sat back down next to me on the bed.

"I noticed how friendly Walker was being with ye, I saw the way he looked at ye. I got Joel to follow him and he broke into ye flat"

"Fucking hell and you didn't wanna tell me?"

"Steven…please, I tried to…"

"You should have tried harder!"

"That's not fair. Would ye have even listened?"

I was looking for someone to blame and blaming him was easy. I still hadn't forgiven him for putting me through everything he did, then walking away. He should have fought for me.

"I went to the deli looking for ye. I spoke to Douglas but he didn't know where ye were"

"Shit…Doug, he must be worried sick, I'd better go"

Did he even know? What am I going to tell him?

"Don't worry about him Steven. Joel went to see him; he told him that you're comforting Chez. Stay…please"

"Shall I go to the police?"

"That is your choice Steven, I can't make that decision for ye. Either way he will pay for what he's done, I will make sure of it"

I didn't really wanna go to the police; I couldn't handle telling other people, they probably wouldn't believe me anyway. I don't want anyone else knowing.

"Don't do anything stupid Bren, I don't want you to get hurt…I mean I don't want you to get in to trouble"

"Don't ye worry about me; I can take care of myself. So what are ye going to do? Police?"

"I just want to keep this between us Brendan. I am ashamed"

"Listen to me; ye have nothing to feel ashamed of. Do ye hear me?

I tried not to cry again but I couldn't help it. I had been drugged and used and again involved in a negative situation, one that would have repercussions for the rest of my life. I thought I'd move on from trouble, but it always seems to find me.

"I'm gonna go Brendan, I need some air"

I stand only to fall back down again; obviously the effects of whatever Walker had given me hasn't quite worn off.

"You're not going anywhere"

"Haven't I heard that before?"

"I'm not joking Steven. Lie down and get some rest, ye need to sleep it off"

"What about you Bren?"

"I'll be here with ye. I'm not letting ye out of my sight"

So I did exactly that, I laid back down on the bed and watched as Brendan did the same. Was is right that I felt happy next to him? And before I knew it I had slipped underneath his arm and my head was resting on his chest. I wrapped my leg over his and held on to him tightly. I felt his arm wrap around me and he kissed the top of my head. I could hear his heart beating and in a funny way it brought comfort to me. Almost feeling normal again, I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.

Please review :) xxxxxx