I was going to hold onto this chapter for a couple of days because I won't be able to write much for the next two weeks and I wanted to get started on the next one so that there wouldn't be a big gap between the two, but given the way the previous chapter ended, I decided not to make you wait. Plus I'm really excited and nervous about this one :)
I'm glad most of you seemed to enjoy Caroline's fantasy come true as well as that last line, I can't thank you enough for your comments :D
Looking forward to seeing your reactions to this one!
Chapter 10: Breathe
Breathe, breathe in the air
Don't be afraid to care
Leave, but don't leave me
Look around and choose your own ground
Long you live and high you fly
Smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry
All you touch and all you see
Is all your life will ever be
Caroline stays quiet for a while, her eyes narrowed at Klaus as she considers his question and the best way to respond without giving too much away. It's hard to believe that he really just asked her that after everything he's seen over the past month. But then again, she knows how perceptive he is. That he picked up on what she's been so successfully hiding from his siblings is not that surprising.
"You've seen the way I act. You've seen me kill someone. You know I wouldn't do that if I was still myself. Hell, I wouldn't be sleeping with you if I was."
"I'm not saying you're yourself. I know you're not. But I also know I've seen you show surprise once or twice over the past few weeks. You did flip the switch, I don't doubt it. I just don't think it worked exactly as intended."
Her eyes widen slightly at that, proving his point, and she shakes her head, at a loss as to what to do now. She knows he's got her cornered and she has no other choice but to come clean. When she comes to that realization, her body seems to relax slightly and she sighs in resignation.
"I think there's something very wrong with me."
"I think there's something horribly right with you," he counters quietly. "Tell me."
"I get these… glimpses, I guess. My humanity is off, and most of the time I really don't feel anything. But every once in a while, there's a flash of something. It's very dim and easy to ignore, but for a fraction of a second, it's there. It's mostly just surprise. Sometimes amusement or curiosity. There was also this moment of hatred when I first met Marcel, but I chalked it up to frustration. He did interrupt us at the most inopportune time." After a beat, she asks, "Have you seen this before?"
"Yes. And so have you." At her quizzically raised eyebrow, he elaborates, "The Ripper."
"Stefan doesn't get amused or surprised when his emotions are off."
"No, but he does feel remorse. That's why he poses his victims so that it looks like they're just resting."
She nods in contemplation. She's heard about this, about how he tears heads off only to place them back on the bodies before he leaves the scene, about how he remembers the names of every single person he's ever killed, even when he doesn't have his emotions.
"How does it happen?"
"Some vampires are so human, for lack of a better word, that the switch never really works to its full extent. They're never completely emotionless. Something remains of their true self. Guilt and self-loathing in Stefan's case, most likely because he never could accept what he is. You… well, clearly your enjoyment of life tends to make itself known. You're too vibrant to ever completely let go of everything you love about living. I can't say I'm surprised this happened to you."
"Duh. You don't get surprised."
"You know what I mean."
"When did you start suspecting it?"
"Honestly? As soon as I found out you had turned it off. It only happens to those rare vampires who are full of life, loving and inherently good. I've never met anyone who fit the bill more than you did. I didn't know for sure though, not until I heard you laugh."
"A laugh? That's what tipped you off? Emotionless vampires laugh, Klaus. You do," she points out.
"Yes, to taunt or mock. Your laughs, rare as they are, are genuine." There's a small pause as he reaches out to brush a strand of hair away from her shoulder, fingers caressing the side of her neck, and his eyes turn a few shades darker when she instinctively leans into his touch, still craving it in spite of their earlier activities. "I was right about you. You want to feel. You wanted to even back when you decided to flip the switch. You couldn't take the sorrow and the misery, but there was still a part of you deep down that remembered the good."
She gives another nod, thinking about what he's saying. It makes sense.
"If that's true, I guess I will be turning my humanity on eventually."
"Sooner rather than later, I expect. Unless you want me to compel you not to."
"What?" she exclaims.
He pointedly lifts an eyebrow at her little display of surprise but doesn't comment on it.
"If you really don't want to risk ever feeling again, I can easily compel you to believe that you will never want to."
"No," she says firmly. "But then you already knew what my answer was going to be, didn't you?" When he just shrugs, she asks, "Why don't you do it anyway? Why ask my opinion on the matter?"
"Because I don't care one way or the other."
"Why the offer, then?" she asks, remembering what she's been thinking for a few weeks now, how he never pressures her into breaking his siblings' rules and how she has to wonder if it's because he wants to spare her the pain of feeling.
"Just trying to be useful."
Her narrowed eyes express her unimpressed opinion about his lack of a straightforward answer but he ignores her and she shakes her head, knowing that she won't get anything else out of him – not about this anyway. She decides to let it go, and she slides down the headboard to settle more comfortably, lying down once more, giving a small sigh when her body relaxes against the cool sheets.
"It really was incredible, you know," she says suddenly. "I mean, I certainly hope that a thousand years roaming this earth are enough to pick up on a few things, but still."
"What happened to not inflating my ego?"
"I'm trying to see if I can make it explode," she shoots back. "Hey, you never did tell me what your fantasy was."
"Because you never guessed."
"I'll take that as a challenge." She thinks for a moment, and asks, "Is it knowing that your siblings can hear?"
"No. It's not something I mind, spend long enough living with people with enhanced hearing and you get used to it, but it's not a turn on."
"Being ordered around?"
"I still can't believe I let you get away with it."
"Neither can I. But that doesn't answer my question."
"No, definitely not one of my fantasies."
"You almost sound like you regret it. I'm offended."
"I don't. It was surprisingly fulfilling."
"I'm with you there," she says as images of Klaus teasing and stroking himself for her and then stopping at her command so that she could ride him flash before her eyes.
"We are not doing it again," he warns as he sees her getting lost in the memory.
"You're no fun," she fake-pouts.
"It's a wonder you put up with me."
"Well, you're a spectacular lover," she mocks, right down to the accent. "Was it that time I showed you exactly how flexible cheerleaders can be?"
"No."
"Watching me feed?" she asks, remembering his reaction that first time at the karaoke bar and every time after that.
"It's a close second."
"Pool sex?"
"No. Although I do like seeing you wet."
She rolls her eyes at him and falls silent. She's running out of ideas. Something occurs to her and she smirks to hint at what she's about to do before she's suddenly on all fours before him, her hands on either side of his hips and her knees nestled between his legs, her mouth inches away from his flaccid cock. Looking up at him with a sultry smile, she leans down and licks a slow path from base to tip, feeling him twitch under her ministrations. She stops once she reaches his head and asks, "Is that it?"
"No," he answers, his voice husky. "But please feel free to continue."
She makes a show of pouting and pretends to hesitate for a minute, but eventually the taste of him is too tantalizing to resist. Besides, he deserves some kind of reward for that orgasm he gave her.
'No. Don't do this. Please Klaus, no. Anything but this.'
This is the first thing Elijah hears as he enters the mansion after his morning spent with the witches to try and plan their next move – provided there is even a next move, since they still don't know where Marcel keeps Davina and they can't act until they've neutralized her. Taken aback, not only because of Caroline's words, but because of the desperation in her voice, he vamp-speeds to the study where he can hear his sister, needing some kind of explanation before he decides on a course of action.
"What is happening?"
"He compelled her," Rebekah says nonchalantly.
"What?" he exclaims, his usual composure failing him at the information, and at the fact that his sister seems to be perfectly okay with this.
He's halfway up the stairs by the time she calls him back.
"Elijah!"
"What?" he asks, this time in exasperation, eager to get to his brother's room and rescue Caroline.
"It's consensual."
For one short, undignified second, he just gapes at her.
"Why would… Oh."
"You should see your face."
"I'd rather not," he mumbles as he flashes back down the stairs and finds refuge in the glass she's handing him, ignoring her laughter and blocking out the sounds from upstairs after he's listened in for a few more seconds to make sure that Caroline really is okay.
"She's going to hate herself so much once this hits her," Rebekah says after a while, a hint of sympathy in her voice.
"More than she was already going to hate herself for killing people?"
"Oh yes. Giving up control like this? Reliving something she promised herself she would never go through again? I wouldn't want to be in her shoes."
"What do you mean 'reliving something'? Niklaus never…"
"No, not him. It happened back when she was still human. Nik hadn't even set foot in Mystic Falls yet. I don't think he knows, the guy's still alive."
"Who?" he asks, his voice dangerously low, his eyes deceptively calm even as his jaw clenches in anger.
It's not even funny how quickly he came to care for the baby vampire even though he doesn't really know her true self. It doesn't take a genius to understand where his protectiveness towards her stems from – he needs her help and he wants Niklaus to be happy – but this goes beyond trying to secure his brother's future with the girl. In spite of everything, he's come to respect her, to admire her cleverness and to be plain curious about her, about her real personality. He will never be interested in her romantically – she's so obviously off limits he shudders at the mere thought – but he does hold high hopes for a future friendship.
Provided she makes it out of this alive.
He still hasn't talked to his sister about the werewolves attack, and he's not sure how to go about it, especially since despite their distraction, Niklaus and his lover could hear them right now. He knows that Rebekah won't back down. He also knows that she must have compelled the whole pack to keep trying until one of its members succeeds in poisoning Caroline.
It's a good plan, he can't argue with that. But if Niklaus doesn't heal her…
"Damon Salvatore," she whispers, mindful of their brother's enhanced senses.
Brought back to the conversation at hand, Elijah lets out a sigh. Of course it had to be one of a handful of vampires he can't kill without hurting Elena, and therefore Caroline. Squashing his murderous impulse, he asks, "How do you know this?"
"Stefan becomes uncharacteristically talkative when he's mad at his brother."
"If Niklaus ever finds out, Damon will be begging for death before he's done with him," Elijah notes, keeping his voice as quiet as hers.
"If he ever cares enough to punish him."
"About that…"
"No."
"No?"
"No, we are not talking about this. I know everything you have to say on the matter. And I won't budge," she warns, her voice slightly louder, but she lowers it again for the next part. "Believe it or not Elijah, I don't want her dead. I may not be her biggest fan, but it's pretty obvious she's Nik's only shot at… something. Whatever this could turn into. Still, it's worth nothing if he never cares again. You know it as well as I do."
"I was hoping we could find another way."
"Like what?" she challenges.
He doesn't have an answer for her. They both know that they've tried everything else. Jealousy, fear, pain, threats, pleas, reason… As painful as it was for them, they even tried taunting him with Lyam's death. Niklaus hasn't responded to any of those attempts and the clock is ticking. The witches are getting suspicious, wondering why the hybrid never deals with them in person. Marcel seems blissfully ignorant for now, but it's not going to last forever.
Elijah doesn't like it, but Rebekah is right. The only reason for his reluctance is his fondness for Caroline, and though he suspects his sister doesn't dislike her as much as she likes to pretend she does, she's not weighed down by natural instincts of protection, not like he is. As loathe as he is to admit it, in this case, this makes her the better strategist.
Sighing, he gives his reluctant consent with a tired nod.
The morning after her sensual torture at the hands of Klaus, Caroline finds herself walking side by side with him, strolling around the Quarter after they had breakfast in the form of a young couple who must be on their way back to their hotel by now. The vampire can sense that something is off. Not necessarily in a bad way, but Klaus seems distracted, which is a rare enough occurrence that she ends up asking, "What is it?"
He doesn't bother faking ignorance or asking her how she even knows that there is in fact something on his mind.
"Tonight is a full moon."
"Oh." She takes a moment to process the information. "Are you going to turn?"
"Yes."
"Rebekah told me that you never did when you humanity was on, apart from the day you broke your curse. But tonight will be the second time in a few weeks."
He nods, hearing the question she hasn't quite voiced.
"Even if I don't have to as a hybrid, the yearning is still there. However, the process is painful and, quite frankly, terrifying."
"But now, you don't feel fear, and you don't care about the pain," she finishes for him, following his reasoning.
"Exactly."
"Will you turn back?"
"Why? Are you going to miss me?"
"I'm going to miss the sex," she replies. "So?" she presses when he doesn't answer.
"Honestly, I don't know. I intend to, but once the wolf takes over, it's easy to get lost in it."
"Well, I hope you come back. This whole possessive thing you had going the last time you turned was really hot. I wouldn't mind a repeat performance."
He smirks.
"That should be incentive enough." He stops and leans down to plant a quick kiss on her mouth. "Try not to get into too much trouble while I'm gone."
"Like you care."
He just shrugs, and in a flash, he's gone, leaving her to shake her head at an empty space before she starts making her way back to the mansion. Today is going to be a boring day.
She's proven wrong less than five minutes later.
She turns a corner and finds herself facing three men and two women, all ready to pounce.
Were-fucking-wolves. She stops dead in her tracks.
Damn it.
This is not going to be as easy as the last time this happened, when there were plenty of other vampires there to distract the pack and allow her to make her escape.
She's on her own, and she suspects that there are more of them. Just because she can't see them doesn't mean they're not here. Though she doesn't hear or see them, she knows that some of them are now behind her, blocking her only possible way out.
She considers screaming for Klaus, but he left at full hybrid speed, he must be well out of earshot by now. She'd call Elijah or Rebekah, only she never did get a new phone after hers got smashed by Marcel's minions. And anyway, she knows the slightest move on her part will only set the werewolves off.
She's well and truly screwed.
But she's not going down without a fight.
She quells down the urge to crack her neck and knuckles in preparation for battle, hoping that her lack of movement will buy her a few more seconds.
Not that she'd know what to do with that extra time.
It's a good thing she wasn't counting on it too much, because in the next second, everything becomes a blur of fists coming at her jaw and feet kicking her in the chest and knees slamming into her stomach and foreheads head butting her and hands holding her arms back and teeth trying to sink into her throat.
She struggles as hard as she can. She manages to avoid the threatening jaws, to break free and to tear out two hearts before a leg sweeps her feet from under her and she crashes hard to the ground, vaguely noting that the reinforcements have come into play and that she can't even see how many of them there are now. She rolls over to avoid a bite to her shoulder, only to be stopped by a foot planting itself painfully on her back. She lays there for a fraction of a second, trying to think of her next move. Then, pushing down hard on her arms, she jumps back up to her feet, sending the girl who was holding her down flying against a wall, and she gives a feral grin, all vamped out. Two wolves come at her from both sides. She breaks a knee and inflicts a deep bite, but after that she's surrounded, with two adversaries on each of her arms. Two hands on her left shoulder, two on her right shoulder, one on her left forearm, two on her right one, and one around her waist.
"Ever heard of a fair fight?" she asks bitingly even as she throws her head back to try and break a nose or a jaw or whatever she can reach.
When this fails, she tries to kick the other two werewolves coming at her from the front. One dodges easily, but she catches the other in the groin and he bends over in pain, muttering something that sounds suspiciously like "Bitch." The one she missed punches her hard and wraps his fingers around her neck. She struggles some more, but there's nothing she can do. His free hand travels down her left arm and catches her wrist in a painful grip. Once they're sure his hold his secure, the one who was holding her forearm back releases her so that his friend can bring it close to his mouth and, giving her a vicious grin, he bites her.
The scream that escapes her is equal parts pain as he tears through the flesh and rage at her inability to do anything but wait for him to finish her off.
But he doesn't.
It's like her shout wakes him up from some kind of trance, and he jerks back, releasing her at the exact same time as the others. She almost loses her footing at her unexpected freedom, her weakened body struggling to stay upright. She stumbles for a second and when she raises her eyes, it's just in time to see the wolves looking around, clearly disoriented. Then they start leaving, three of them staying behind to pick up the bodies of their fallen companions. They ignore her, and before she can even try to understand what is happening, she's alone in the deserted alley, her heart beating so fast that she's afraid it's going to jump right out of her chest, her breathing hard and labored, her legs shaking, her arms completely useless as they dangle by her sides in her astonishment, her face twisted in pain as countless broken bones snap back into place one by one.
What the hell just happened?
Why were…
How did…
What…
A sharp pain in her arm breaks through her numbness and she closes her eyes against the tears that are fighting to break free.
There's a jolt of cold, paralyzing fear as she finally processes everything that just happened and what it means. She has no idea how long Klaus will be gone for, and even if he does come back in time to save her, there are no guarantees that he will. She thinks that he probably would after his confession about what her death might do to him, but she can't be sure.
There's a good chance she won't see another sunrise.
Her right hand instinctively finds her left forearm, palm pressing against the wound even though she knows that slowing down the blood flow won't help at all. She's trying to think through her rising panic – barely noticing the fact that what she's feeling right now is nothing like those flashes of dimmed emotions she has gotten used to over the past two months – when something suddenly registers in her mind. Her fingers are sticky with blood, her entire forearm coated in it, but that's not what catches her attention.
Beneath the warm wetness of her own blood, the skin feels soft and unbroken. Desperately needing another sense to confirm her suspicion, she frantically rubs her forearm against the leg of her jeans to try and get rid of as much blood as possible before raising it to eyelevel.
She gasps, surprise mixing with disbelief and unspeakable relief at what she sees. Smooth, pale, untouched skin.
How the hell…?
The answer presents itself before her brain has even finished forming the question.
Klaus's blood.
She drank from him less than an hour ago, during their morning shower.
It's still coursing through her veins.
The venom didn't work because she's already had the antidote. And as she well knows from her numerous blood sharings with the original hybrid, it works fabulously even if she gets it before she gets poisoned. As long as the cure is in her system, she's fine. A few hours later – once her body will have processed Klaus's blood – and she would have been done for, but the timing of the attack worked in her favor.
I'm fine.
"I'm fine," she mutters to herself because she needs to say it out loud in order to believe it.
And with that comes the realization of how terrified she was mere seconds ago.
Of the relief that is flooding her entire body right now.
Of her deep despair, mixed with an unexpected feeling of pure elation, as she suddenly understands what this means.
Her emotions are back.
Full force.
Threatening to overwhelm her.
Bonnie. Gasp.
Mom. Sob.
Nameless bodies falling at her feet, one by one. Whimper.
"No. No no no no no."
And suddenly, before she can lose herself in the darkness, a memory. The distant echo of Stefan's voice in her head. Deep and comforting and trusted.
One single word.
"Breathe."
And it's enough.
In. Out.
Slow, easy.
In. Out.
She's in control.
In. Out.
God, how could her best friend, who has to have the worst control in the history of vampirism, be so good at teaching it?
Her best friend. She has no idea where he is. Cry.
No, stop. You're close. Don't lose it now. Breathe.
In. Out.
Completely spent after her fight and her onslaught of emotions, Caroline leans back against the nearest wall and slides down to the ground, legs outstretched before her, arms hugging herself, head kept down as she works hard on controlling her breathing and on pushing every other thought out of her mind.
In. Out.
This is only going to keep her mind blissfully blank for so long. She needs to focus on something else before images of every reason that made her flip the switch and of everything she's done since then come back to haunt her.
In. Out.
Werewolves.
She was just attacked by werewolves. What were they doing here?
That's as good a riddle as any.
She's run into them twice now and since they're supposed to have deserted the city, the mystery should keep her mind busy for a little while.
What does she know about this?
Tonight is a full moon, yet they attacked her during the day, when they're somewhat vulnerable. Weird.
They left as soon as one of them managed to get to her. Even weirder.
Why didn't they finish her off?
Why did they attack her in the first place? She gets the whole mortal enemies thing, but there are plenty of vampires in New Orleans for them to have fun with.
She's missing something.
She frowns. Then she realizes that she's stopped focusing on her breathing but still manages to keep everything she can't deal with for now at bay. She gives a small, hopeful smile.
She can do this.
Okay.
Werewolves.
She killed two of them, and they didn't even tear her apart.
Granted, they thought she was as good as dead, but still.
Wait.
Blank looks on their faces. Abruptly stopping as soon as she screamed and they noticed that the lethal teeth had broken her skin. Looking thoroughly confused. As if they didn't know what they were doing here.
Well, that makes… However many of you there were plus me of us, buddies.
Confused. Lost. Not remorseful, but… Bewildered.
Compelled.
Oh hell no!
She jumps back up to her feet, frantically looking around her as if expecting someone to jump her from the shadows. When no one does, she relaxes slightly, but her hands stay clenched into fists.
There are only three people on Earth who can compel other supernatural beings.
One doesn't care enough at the moment to have done it.
Another told her in no uncertain terms that he might end up having to kill her someday, but she's almost sure that he wouldn't go about it this way. He would want his brother to witness her demise.
This doesn't leave too many possibilities, and before long, Caroline is seething with rage and with the need to hit something.
She thought they had an understanding.
The betrayal hurts, but not nearly as much as everything she's trying not to think about, so Caroline decides to focus on it with everything that she has.
She knows it's not healthy.
She knows it didn't work for Elena.
She knows she will have to deal with everything else soon.
But right now, she can't.
Picturing the original sister's face in her mind, she narrows her eyes as if she can threaten her from a distance – Hell, as if she can threaten her period. Still, it's better than nothing.
But not nearly as good as breaking that perfect nose of hers is going to be.
With this single goal in mind, Caroline flashes off towards the mansion. She has some aggressive energy to work out.
She'll deal with the rest later.
TBC…
So yeah. This happened. I know you all had your theories and ideas about how Caroline and/or Klaus would get their emotions back, and I think most of you wanted Klaus to turn his humanity on first, but I've had this planned for a while (from the beginning of the story really).
Let me know what you think :) I can't wait to start writing Emotional-Caroline with Emotionless-Klaus!
*Small spoiler to get you through the two weeks hiatus*
I have no intention of making Caroline go all Elena-vs-Katherine on Bekah and focus on her rage only, this was just the little push she needed. But yes, we will see her confront Rebekah in the next chapter.
