The tea pot whistled steam into the warm air of Silvia's kitchen. Francis shot to the the stove and removed the pot, putting it into the large, metallic sink, he turned around and leaned over the counter towards the smirking Latina girl.
"You know what I did last night?" he said.
"Hopefully not a person. Alfred is still mentally scarred from that other night."
"Focus, cherie. I had the turkey out last night. America walked over like a squirrel looking for an almond, and he just took it to his room. So I had to go in there and snatch it from him. So he got bored, and we decided to go out for once."
"That makes sense. Boys need a night on the town."
"I swear, I'm like a parent to him. He's like a little kid whenever he sees anything weird-looking. He almost talked a hotdog vendor the other day. You might get a bill in a little bit."
"Francis, you promised no more destruction of property."
Francis waved her off like an old lady swatting a fly. "Anyway, we went to this fancy club. There was this one girl, and I walked up to her. We started dancing and I gave her my trademark line."
"You grow on me like e coli on Canadian bacon?"
"No. So I was about to take her home, and who do I see. Mon amour was in the middle of the place, and she was having a seizure. I was gonna get 'the hero' to save you, but you started to leave. I saw your phone on the bar counter, and I dragged Alfred out like the sack of Big Macs he is."
"Francis, I love you, but I have a fight about to break out over there, and the guy I was dancing with who could kill us all in a minute."
Francis looked down the hall. Arthur pinned a laughing Alfred to the wall and was cursing him like a drunk sailor. Mark leaned on the wall opposite of them and drank water from a bottle.
"Do you like either of them?"
"They're entertaining."
"Too bad there aren't other interesting people around here."
Silvia sighed and sauntered up to Francis. She ran her fingers through his long, soft hair. Francis smiled while Silvia turned her head towards the hallway.
"It's only because they're new. Honestly, you two require to much attention. Alfred needs enough maintenance just to stop him from burning the house down. You know how much I needed here."
Francis let out his trademark laugh and winked at Silvia.
"Are you coming on to me, you little cocoa bean?"
Silvia grinned and pushed the laughing Frenchman away from her.
"You pervert. You know I wait at least two months before that kind of stuff."
"What are we gonna do about them?" Francis nodded towards the hallway entrance. Arthur's voice swam towards them in a loud shout.
"Call England here. We need to settle this."
Francis walked down the hall and grabbed Arthur from behind him, causing Arthur to shout and thrash in his grip.
"Get off me, old man. Who are you to grab me like this."
"We need to talk, Angleterre. You have issues you need to clear up." Francis dragged Arthur towards the lit kitchen.
"You frog. I've conquered universes. Universes!"
Arthur's shouting disappeared into the kitchen. leaving Mark and Alfred standing in the foyer. The two stared at each other in a dearth of silence. Alfred coughed a few times and cleared his throat. Mark sighed, and leaned on the wall.
"He's pretty delusional, isn't he?" Mark said, causing Alfred to give him a confused look.
"Dude, who are you exactly?"
"I'm Mark Warner, and I think I've fallen into a world of madness."
"No need to be angry, dude. I can help with anything. Speaking of which, isn't Artie funny when he's mad?"
"He reminds me of my grandmother. All bark and no bite."
"He needs a vacation. Take him to someplace up north for a few days."
"I get it. That way, no one will no where to find him."
Alfred tensed up and grimaced at Mark. "I don't mean it like that. Do you even like Artie?"
"He's interesting. Actually, I have a secret I need to tell you. Lean in."
Alfred leaned towards Mark and put his ear right up to his mouth. Mark cupped his hands around it, leaving a tunnel of sound.
"He is madly in love with me. He's actually quite gay, and he will do anything to get what he wants."
Alfred leaped back, his eyes the size of dinner plates. "Dude, are you serious? What are you gonna do?"
"On the walk over, she told me about all of your heroic deeds, so I need you to save me from him." Mark said.
Alfred's face changed into a serious frown and he narrowed his eyes in focus. "What should I do?"
"You must get him to fall in love with you."
Alfred leapt back and yelped, "Sorry, but I don't know if that will help."
"England's love meter is proportional to the amount of love given, so if you distract his love meter, than it will be broken. He won't be capable to love anymore."
Alfred looked up at the stippled ceiling above him and tapped his finger on the side of his hip. He rubbed his forehead and adjusted his thin-rimmed glasses. Suddenly, Alfred hopped into the air and saluted Mark. "Okay dude. The hero will save you from the horny Brit."
Silvia, Arthur, and Francis stumbled out of the kitchen. Silvia was sandwiched between them, her arms around both of their waists.
"Good news, Mark. We have a mutual agreeme-."
"Artie, stop your evil love hormones." Alfred shouted.
The foyer was as silent as the dark vacuum of space circling the Earth.
Alfred grunted and lunged towards the wide-eyed Brit. He put his hand behind his head, and smashed his lips towards his. Alfred broke the kiss and fist pumped into the sky.
"I did it. Now you won't rape anyone." Alfred leaped up into the air and let out a celebratory cheer.
Arthur shot forward and reared his arm back. He flung his fist forward and slammed it into Alfred's face. He fell to the ground and attacked Alfred.
Mark laughed like there was no tomorrow. He leaned forward and clutched his stomach like his guys were about to fall out. His breath came in short gasps.
"Angleterre. I didn't know you and America had that relationship." Francis honked out a laugh.
"I don't know if I should break them up, or get tissues for the nosebleed I'm getting." Silvia said, looking at the thrashing pair. She turned and saw Mark on his knees next to the scuffling nations, tears forming from the corners of his eyes.
"I realize that Mark may be a bit evil."
"But he's interesting. I wouldn't be surprised if he was a country in disguise. A cross between Sweden and Finland, maybe?
"If he was, all of Chicago would be burned to the ground. Let alone my house."
