Sam…
He should've been irritated that Cas just knocked him out, without warning or preparation. But he wasn't.
It was Cas.
Sam was itching to get going. Luckily, all his shit was still in duffel bags. He hadn't unpacked except for the items he gave to Kate, so there wasn't a need to pack. Although she did shove a toothbrush at him with a comment about not tasting like ass.
Everyone was buzzing, making sure the cars were loaded with whatever they could possibly need. Even though they were pit-stopping at The Roadhouse first, just leaving Bobby's brought on that jitter you get when going on a hunt.
Sam wasn't sure how John's truck was stocked, so he brought the bag filled with ingredients for various spells and incantations. He had no idea what they'd need, if anything, but he got so used to the Impala holding so much crap that leaving it behind felt wrong.
If he remembered correctly, at this point, they were not so bad at exorcisms, but that was about it. Spells hadn't become a resume bullet point yet, so for sure, Sam was the only one with that expertise.
Just before he and Kate left the apartment, he found himself patting down pockets on his jacket and pants. "You have the angel blade?"
"Yep."
"And that sling so you can carry it on your back and not slice your ass open?"
She rolled her eyes. "Yes."
"And we have cell phone numbers and email addresses. What about the Glock and the - "
"Yes, Sam. I have clean underwear and tampons, too. Jesus Christ." She paused, taking a better look at him. Sam squirmed a little under her gaze. He'd been without her and Dean for so long, he wasn't used to someone really examining him. Bottling up one's emotions worked really well when you weren't with people who knew your tells. "You anxious to get on the road, or nervous about seeing Ellen and Jo?" She asked in a soft voice, head tilted.
Sam sighed, sitting on the bed. "Yes? I mean...I've waited months to really start looking. I'm ready. As for Ellen and Jo…" He blew out a breath. "Last time I saw them…" Memories of the store exploding brought a lump to his throat. He shook his head. That was there. This was here. Get it together. "It's hard. Everyone's dead. Seeing them alive is just...it's a lot."
Kate sat next to him, her hand in his. "I know. I think this is harder than all my jumping, really. I mean, I never knew who would be where, or what the circumstances were...but I feel like you're just getting slammed in the face every time you turn around." She squeezed. "I'm sorry."
Sam huffed, poking her on the forehead. "Don't be. At least they're alive here, and I get to see them. If they're also similar to my Ellen and Jo, well...then that's even better. I can't change what's happened in my world, but getting to see people again...once I'm over the shock...it's...nice. Like a weird closure."
She smiled at him, tugging on his jacket. "Come on. Let's get down there. I'm sure Dad's ready to leave."
Sam wasn't tracking the various ways he referred to her John Winchester. If he was considered Kate's brother then by goofball logic, this John kinda was...his dad. Besides, when Sam wasn't over thinking it, he responded to that voice automatically. It was Dad.
He wasn't ready to share that revelation with her actual brothers, though…
Even though they knew John was ready to get moving, they still took their time crossing the yard. He kept it to himself, but Sam was really not okay with letting Kate out of his sight. He just got her back. And yes, he understood that she was with Dean. Not his, but a damn good clone. And a Sam. And a Cas.
But it wasn't him.
There was no way he'd cause a scene by attempting to separate her from her actual brothers. But Sam wasn't lying when he admitted that right now, she was really all he had. Kevin and Charlie...even Jody and Crowley...were great and all. But they weren't...they didn't know...it just wasn't the same.
Kate, sensing his pensiveness, knocked into him with her shoulder as they walked. "I'll text you."
Sam chuffed through his nose, hefting the backpack further onto his shoulder. "Am I that obvious?"
She shrugged. "To me, yeah. Probably because I'm just as insecure."
He stole a glance at her. She kept walking, eyes forward, lips pressed together. He sighed. "Just, yeah. Stay in touch. Let me know everything that happens."
The corner of her mouth turned up. "I'm sure we'll be giving you guys reports hourly." Her expression turned serious. "I want to hear from you, too. If Dad gets...weird, or...Crowley gets on his nerves…"
Sam barked out a laugh. "Normally, me and Dad on a trip together is not a good idea." He blinked at how casually Dad rolled off his tongue.
Kate again shrugged a shoulder. "I dunno, Sam. You're older now...you've had a lot of time to think about things with Dad. My Sam's a lot better with him than he used to be, and vice versa. I don't think you and he will butt heads on this. He knows you have the upper hand in knowledge and skill, and he's glad you were there for me." She squinted up at him. "It'll be fine. Trust him."
He nodded back. "Yeah..."
xxxxx
Kate…
I leaned against the Impala, (mostly) patiently waiting for everyone to finish getting their shit together. Admittedly, it was easier for Sam and I to get ready. All our crap was already in bags. Still. You'd think we never left on a hunt before.
The bigger time-stall was Jody's unplanned arrival, wanting to see Dad before he left. I suspected she wanted a peek at the Sam From Beyond, but I wasn't about to say anything. Dad disappeared with her for a little bit, while everyone else finished breakfast and checking over supplies for the millionth time. They weren't gone long enough for Dean to crack sex jokes, but it was long enough for Dad to return blushing, rubbing the back of his neck and looking everywhere but at us.
It was awesome.
Sam "met" her, smiling and shaking her hand, pointedly not mentioning how his Jody was dating a former demon who tried to kill her several months prior.
Not exactly something you lead with in the small talk department.
Crowley stayed away, but I was fairly certain he watched from...wherever he was. It was decided that Cas and Crowley would meet us there, rather than drive in vehicles. In both cases, it was probably for the best. I wouldn't mind Cas riding with us, but being that close for that long might draw attention from Heaven.
I didn't want to think about Dad and a demon packed together in the truck for a few hours.
Jody was an easier person for Sam to "meet". She was still alive by him, so seeing simply a younger version wasn't that big a deal. That was good, because I had a feeling seeing The Roadhouse not burned to the ground was gonna be emotional. I had a shitty time staring at the ruins in his world...glad Ellen and Jo weren't buried there, but still mourning the loss of this place that had become a gathering spot outside of Bobby's.
Adam trotted over, backpack slung over one shoulder. "Hey...I'm gonna ride with you guys instead of Bobby. That okay?"
Dean and Sammy shrugged, I tilted my head at him. "Sure...something wrong? Did Bobby eat something sour last night?"
Dean snickered. Adam huffed, his cheeks turning red. "No, he's fine. I just...thought I'd...you know…" He glanced over his shoulder at Sam, who stood chatting with Jody, Dad, and Bobby.
Oh.
He wanted to sit with me for a little while. Because he was jealous.
Christ, he was adorable.
"Of course you can ride with us. Keep me company in the back seat." I smiled, trying to ease his mind about asking.
His face lit up. "Cool. Okay. I'll let Bobby know." He dropped the backpack to the ground, then jogged back to Bobby.
"That kid would follow you around all day if you let him," Dean muttered. The words sounded sharp, but there was no bite whatsoever.
"Mmm…" I hummed back, deciding it wasn't worth reminding him that he and Sam were attached in a way Adam and I could never rival.
Finally, Bobby got in his car. Dad and Sam climbed into his truck, and the four of us Winchester "kids" got into the Impala.
Time to go.
xxxxx
The ride was devoid of conversation, mostly because Dean had music pounding through the speakers. Adam stared out the window for the most part, but every once in a while, his leg would bump against mine, or he'd stretch and knock into me.
Occasional physical contact, needing to know I was there.
Trying to be a good sister and acknowledging his worry, I finally kicked him back hard enough to warrant a yelp. I responded with an innocent apology. He rolled his eyes, sighed, then slid across the seat to just be a little closer.
That was much easier than being smacked now and then.
When we got to The Roadhouse, Adam immediately searched out Jo. Bobby tried to look more casual, but he definitely moved with a little more zip as he anticipated Ellen's appearance. I exited the Impala slowly, eyes rooted on the building. I drank in the site, the old bar standing upright, very much not a splotch on charred asphalt.
"You okay?" Dean asked, squinting at me over the roof of the car.
I nodded, wetting my lips. "Yeah."
"What is it?" Sam asked quietly.
Jutting my chin at the building, I sighed. "It's just nice to see it again."
I caught them sharing a look, and chose to ignore it, instead watching Sam get out of Dad's truck. He was unable to take his eyes off the building. I walked to his side, and we gazed together.
"It looks exactly the same," he murmured wistfully. "It's so...uncanny."
Everyone headed inside, tossing a questioning look our way, but sensing that we needed a minute. Everything we did seemed to have a complicated story attached, and they were learning to just...give us a second to process.
I smiled. "I haven't been here since I got back. My last memory of this place is a burnt patch on the ground, and piles of...well. You know."
Sam huffed through his nose. "Yeah. I know. I remember it still smoking."
"Why are you standing out here? Get your asses inside before it starts raining."
Sam positively froze at Ellen's voice, barking across the lot.
"She's the same, I take it?" I asked.
He just nodded, swallowing thickly.
"Come on," I said. "We better do as she says."
xxxxx
Sam…
As Sam approached the front door of the bar, all he could do was stare at Ellen. Standing in the doorway, hands on her hips, head cocked to the side. She watched him watching her. When Sam stood in front of her, he had no words...no words to say to this woman who gave up her life for him. This woman who died because of Meg.
When Jo came outside, not bleeding from gash wounds, not being manhandled by a possessed Sam, but young and pretty and bouncing over to Kate...Sam kinda lost it. A few tears escaped, snaking their way down his cheeks, hastily wiped away on his sleeve. He tried to hide them behind a quick smile and a warm greeting, but his voice stuck in the back of his throat.
They were the last straw for Sam...important people who died too soon and once again, for Sam and Dean. For the world too, yeah. But in a micro-view? For Sam and Dean. That responsibility clenched his airways.
Jo engulfed Kate in a monstrous hug, talking about spending more time together or something. Kate gave Ellen one of those hellos you use when you haven't seen someone in eons. Which, for her, two years was an eon. Ellen gave her a big hug, clucking over her scars. Their focus was on each other, but Sam knew, he was still a point of attention.
Unsure how to respond, he turned to Kate, silently begging for help.
She was way ahead of him.
Kate slid her hand into his, squeezing gently. "Ellen, Jo, this is my other Sam Winchester."
Jo grinned. "Jesus, Sam's gonna get even taller? Dean's gotta be shitting his pants."
Sam choke laughed at that.
Ellen looked up at him, smiling gently. "Hey, Sam. Nice to meet you. I'm thinking you know me and my daughter already, huh?"
"Uh…" Sam cleared his throat, forcing his voice to work. "Yes...in a way. You are very...much like the Ellen and Jo I knew." He winced at the past tense, but Ellen took it in stride.
Winking, she said, "The Lord knew a good thing when he made it. Come on in. Lunch is ready."
xxxxx
Jo sidled up to Adam immediately, crooning and chattering and making Dean roll his eyes while Adam gazed at her adoringly. Sam wondered if his Jo would've been that way with Dean, if Dean viewed her as a potential love interest as opposed to a little sister. Although Sam suspects that Ellen had an influence in Dean's ultimate categorization of the girl.
More amusing was watching Bobby interact with Ellen. She barked orders here and there, making sure everyone was taken care of. Bobby hopped to it, or sassed right back. Every look was filled with affection, both enjoying that the hole left by their dying spouses was now partly filled back up. When they thought no one was looking, they'd steal a kiss or a shoulder squeeze.
Seeing Bobby genuinely happy, in his own right, warmed Sam to the core. The old hunter deserved happiness...could've had happiness, if Dick Roman hadn't pulled the trigger.
He sat with Kate at the bar, observing, mostly. He didn't particularly trust his voice, and really, Sam didn't need to say anything. It was enough to see and hear the people he loved being happy, despite the shitstorm of evil swirling around them.
Kate stayed at his side, whispering observations, listening to Sam's comments, just being there for him. He didn't miss the looks Sammy tossed their way, but Kate was driving this bus and right then, he desperately needed a driver.
Still. "You, uh, don't have to babysit me, you know."
She tossed him a Yeah, right look.
"I mean, if you want to go - "
"Go what, Sam? Mingle with people? No thanks. I didn't really mingle before, anyway, so no one thinks I'm doing anything out of the ordinary."
They were silent for a while.
Sam sighed into his beer. "I gotta get used to this."
She snorted into hers. "Yeah, I kept telling myself that, too."
"I don't know how you did it," Sam said, taking a long swig. The twist of drinking around lunch without Dean around made his stomach roll. Catching sight of Kate's Dean, next to John, actually helped.
Kate shrugged. "Honestly? Before landing with you, I was jumping all the time. I never really got used to any reality I was dumped in. After landing with you? Figuring out that I was stranded there?" She shrugged again. "What other choice did I have? But okay, I guess the trials helped." Sam raised an eyebrow. "Think about it. I was so fucking out of it, I couldn't always remember that you weren't who I thought you were...you know?"
Sam pressed his lips together, tilting his head from side to side. "Honestly?" She waved her beer with a flourish, telling him to go on. "I had trouble remembering that you weren't always there, too. Our pasts are so similar, and you know us. And you were with us for two years. Besides, you did say you'd grow on us like a fungus." They clinked bottles.
Sam sighed. "It does help to see everyone...happy." He blinked. "Or at least happier."
Together, they surveyed the room. She sighed with him. "Yeah...it does."
"Hey there, Caleb!" John's voice rang out. Warm greetings from all parts of the bar soon followed, and Sam's throat closed once again.
Kate nudged him, her eyes questioning. What is it?
Which to Sam, translated into: Oh yeah, he's dead too, right? Who killed him?
Sam cut to the chase. "Meg killed him, too."
"Jesus," she muttered, glancing over her shoulder. Caleb caught her eye and waved, eyes darting to Sam before refocusing on John. "She's…"
"Complicated," Sam finished.
"I don't know if she exists here." Kate started peeling the label off her bottle. "I'm not sure if I should dig to find out, or just wait, or…?"
"If she's here, and has the same relationship with Azazel, you'll find out. If he's got his eye on your Sam, he will need help to get to him. You, Dean, John...all barriers." Sam paused, bottle poised on his lips. "They'll want to remove them."
Kate's eyes went flat. "Let her try."
Sam didn't respond.
Caleb left them alone, thankfully. Ellen checked in a couple times, and sure, each time got easier. Sam's throat eased open, his voice trembled less, his heart stopped racing.
Despite Kate's assurances, Sam felt guilty - she didn't visit with anyone. He knew others wanted to see her...check on her...maybe hear all about...him. But if he was honest, he was glad she remained glued to his side. Still felt guilty, though.
He was about to tell her that she should go sit with Jo when she sighed. "I don't want to leave you, but I wish Dean would finish flirting so we could get on the road. Too many people here wanting to...get the scoop on what happened to me."
Sam considered this. "Do people know what happened?"
She shook her head. "No, but they can see the scars. And they don't know who you are beyond what we're tellin' people."
Their story was that Sam was a distant cousin, who, funny enough, looks like an older version of Sammy. The resemblance was simply uncanny.
Sam glanced at her. "I forget about the scars...I guess I got used to them."
"Me too."
"They still bothering you?"
She shrugged. "Sometimes."
Frowning, Sam was about to ask for more details when a hand settled on his shoulder, making him jump.
John chuckled. "Sorry...didn't mean to startle you. Kate...can I talk with you a quick minute? We're about ready to head out." He squeezed Sam's shoulder before heading toward a corner booth.
At Sam's raised eyebrows, Kate shrugged, draining the last of her beer. "No clue. Should be interesting, though." She winked, then followed her father to the table.
xxxxx
Kate…
I slid into the booth, opposite Dad, feeling both anxious and annoyed. I wanted to savor my last minutes with Sam before parting ways. It wasn't that we expected anything bad to happen, but we were Winchesters, and let's face it, bad things happen to us.
I tried to control my bouncing leg, as Dad squirmed a little uncomfortably. I was about to ask him what was on his mind, when he blurted out, "I'll watch over him."
Blinking back, I frowned. "Uh, what?"
He continued, one hand dragging down his face. "I mean...I know you're probably, uh, nervous about leaving him. I just wanted you to know that I'll watch over him...as if he were our Sam. I promise." Dad ended with a lame shoulder shrug, but it was his eyes that really set the mood.
Serious, earnest, sincere.
I really wasn't sure how to respond. I half expected a speech about how maybe I shouldn't even go on this trip, or to, I dunno, be careful. Do as Dean and Sammy said. Shit like that.
Adopting Sam into the family wasn't even on my radar. I'd spent two years battling guilt over loving the brothers I lived with, knowing that I left brothers behind. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it wasn't my fault. I totally get that. But it still felt like I was giving up on my "old" family...replacing them with what (or who) was currently in front of my face.
Coming home? It was wonderful and shitty wrapped together. Now, I had guilt for being home and not there, with them. I guess I'd been waiting for my actual family to be pissed at me for said replacement and at them for...being the replacers.
Jesus, that sounded stupid.
"Thanks, Dad. It means a lot." I tried to return a look that was serious, earnest, and sincere. Because that's how I felt. All my pent up angst was for nothing. Dad was willing to merge the two realities together, allowing me the freedom to love both equally, without guilt.
It was like a weight lifted off my chest.
Dad sighed. "Look, I haven't been as...supportive as I should've been since you...got back. I guess I didn't believe, or want to believe really, that everything you said happened...happened. But seeing that Sam? Right here, in front of me, with some of the same memories of his childhood that we have for Sammy…? It's...it's fucking bizarre. And...slammed home the point."
At this point, I actually stole a quick look around. Did I jump into another reality?
No words. I had No. Words.
Dad's eyes focused on his clasped hands, resting on the table. His voice dropped. "I also think...maybe...you're worried because Sam can help us with Sammy, and maybe I'll just focus on that, and not on finding Dean. But...I want both, Kate. Because if Sam is this close to Sammy, that means Dean…" Dad paused to swallow hard and sigh. "I want both."
Admittedly, it took a few moments to process everything he said. It was so Not-Dad, yet when I really thought about it, it actually was Dad...because my dad was still evolving...not a drunk, no longer singularly driven, not stuck living in the past.
Compared to Sam's John Winchester, I was lucky.
Reaching out, I covered his hands with mine as I reflected on everything. I decided to keep it simple. "I love you."
His eyes met mine, and he squeezed me back. "I love you, too."
We sat a minute before I asked, "So...how do you feel about having a demon in the back seat?" Whether Crowley actually rode in the backseat was irrelevant. He was on their team.
Dad made a face and leaned back against the booth. Shaking his head, he made a noise that was a cross between a laugh and a snort. "I dunno, Kate. If you told me a couple days ago that I'd be working with a demon, I'd have laughed you out of the house." I wasn't sure that laughing was what he'd do, but whatever. He was sharing, not me. "But last night...working with him in the house...he was...fuck. He was actually...kinda...I mean...I liked him. He's smart...has a lot of knowledge we could use. He showed us the witch killing bullets and the melted angel blade bullets. He knows his whiskey, and he's...fuckin'...nice."
Okay...not telling him that Crowley almost killed Jody, not to mention actually killing so many people, when he was a real demon. Not to really mention that Crowley and Jody are...yeah. Some things are better left unsaid.
"I don't really know him. My memories are a little...skewed." There. Skewed worked. "But Sam says he's all in."
Dad nodded, taking a deep breath. "Yeah." He looked me in the eyes. "You cured a demon, Kate. I never knew that was possible. But you did it. You did...you did all of it. I'm so proud of you."
I bit my lip as tears started to gather. "If you make me cry, it'll ruin all my road trip makeup."
Dad rolled his eyes and bonked me on the head.
xxxxx
As we said goodbye, a weird tension hung thick. Everyone was processing that Dad was riding in a vehicle with a demon and his son/not son, while no one was possessed or under the influence of witchcraft.
Crowley couldn't get into The Roadhouse, let alone most of the parking lot, due to wards and sigils. Seeing him stand on the fringe, alone, reminded me of how I felt jumping in and out of all those realities. I decided to join him, for company, and maybe...maybe to warn him that despite liking him, Dad was...well...still Dad.
"Despite all the stress, he really feels at ease, here," Crowley commented as we watched Sam hug Ellen.
"Yeah?" I asked. When he nodded, I sighed. "I hope so. I mean, to be in this situation and not feel at least a little comfortable…" I sighed again. "I just know how hard this is."
Crowley rocked back on his heels. "You do, and your presence has helped him immeasurably."
We stood in silence a moment.
"So," I began. "My dad…"
"Ah yes, the infamous John Winchester. I must say, that I much prefer this version than the legend from our world. Pretty sure that John would've killed me on sight."
I chuckled. "Yeah...I think so, too. Still. Look...Dad's trying, Crowley. He really is. I just...Dad can adapt and move on in almost anything except demons. You pretty much won him over, but I dunno. If he...I mean…" I sighed in frustration at my inability to articulate this potential problem.
Crowley chuckled. "It's okay, Natasha. I understand what you're trying to say. Surprisingly, I have quite a bit of patience. I have a knack for waiting things out." He winked at me. "Don't worry. I'll keep the Demon Knife away from him."
I blew out a laugh, tracing a pattern in the gravel with my shoe. "Yeah, okay. Sam'll be with you, too. So...yeah. It'll be fine."
Crowley nudged me with his foot. "I'll watch over them as best as I can."
I looked up, my eyes searching his. "You're really changed, huh?"
He smiled a little. "Thanks to you."
Dean called out. "C'mon - let's get going." He thumped the roof of the Impala before sliding into the driver's seat.
Sammy waited for me, his expression neutral.
I glanced over at Sam, leaning on the passenger door of Dad's truck. He gave a small smile, which I returned before getting into the back seat of the Impala and closing the door.
