A/N So, this one's a little short – I have another week until my holidays, so I just have to wait until then until I can actually sit down and write a real chapter. But a lot happens in this one; so review and let me know what you think!
Disclaimer: If I owned Twilight I'd be scared of all of the crazy fans. I'm not even joking, I wouldn't leave my house. Although, I guess I would have plenty money to pay people to go out and live for me so...
Chapter 11
We Party too Hard
"Edward, just go through the fucking door."
"Don't you like it outside? I like it outside. Outside is nice." I push him again. The others have left me; when we strolled up to the house, the windows were dark. Alice explained that the party happened in the basement, and that to get to it you just had to go through the front of the house and down the stairs underneath the staircase.
I asked her why she was telling me where to go, before she cackled like the evil bitch she is and skipped away, leaving me to deal with a stubborn Edward.
"Edward, please...stop touching my hair! Come on." My voice had taken on a whining tone; but who could blame me? I was dealing with a six foot two toddler.
"Can we...Look, can we just sit outside for a sec?" His eyes seem a little more focused, and I think the fumbling stumble over to Tadpole's may have cleared his head a little.
"Okay, easy," I say lowering him onto the small brick wall that forms Mike's driveway. "Just take deep breaths."
"I'm sorry." He says, but he doesn't elaborate, so he could probably be apologising for anything. "I'll be fine in a minute; you can go in if you want."
"You'd probably end up wandering into some other person's house."
"I'm not that drunk."
"Then why did I just basically have to carry you from your house?" He responds with a cheeky grin, and I retaliate with a punch.
"Hey, now. Less of the violence." He puts his head down and rubs his temples with his fingertips. "Okay, so we should talk."
"Maybe when you're not riddled with tequila."
"I'm perfectly level headed right now, thank you very much." I roll my eyes, but sit next to him on the wall.
"I don't think we need to talk about anything."
"Don't lie to me; this isn't going to work unless we're honest."
"What 'this' are you talking about, there is no 'this'." I pull the hem of my dress down a little, as sitting on the wall just about displays my panties to the world.
"I don't do relationships-"
"Neither do I." I splutter, defensively.
"Well, then what's the problem here?" He seems to be completely focused now, but keeps drawing in deep breaths of the cool air to clear his head some more.
"I didn't say there was a problem." I snap and stand up, smoothing out Rose's dress and fluffing my hair back up.
"You stormed out of my room the other night and every time I try to get near to you, you flinch." He stands up now, and I steady him with my arm when he wobbles. "I can't help that I'm addicted to you, I've had a taste and I can't help but come back for more." His lips draw closer to mine, and I can smell the liquor on his breath, sweet and heavy.
I stop him with a hand to his chest.
"So, you just want to mess around, you don't want to, I don't know, get serious or anything?"
"...Is that okay?" I bite the inside of my cheek. "You know how much I care about you, Bella, all I want to do is protect you. But I suck at serious. I'm not even kidding. I'd mess it up and we'd end up hating each other. I don't want that, Bella. I want to be able to be with you without knowing that in a second everything could slip away." I look up at him, and my brain screams at him, screeching that I'm not Tanya, and that I was just as suckish at relationships myself.
But my pride rejects that thought, letting me smile with a nod.
And as soon as I descend the steps into the dark thumping music, I reach for the first red plastic cup I see.
...
"You want?" She asks me, the stud in her nose fascinating me.
"I don't smoke."
"That's not what I asked." She leans forwards, her fishnet tights ripped, her boobs practically spilling out of the black bustier, and her devil red lips blowing a soft puff of smoke right in my face. Her black hair hangs a little limp, but in the darkness of the crowded room, she seems to be almost invisible.
"N-no thanks." She leans closer again, her lips centimetres from my face.
"You're pretty." She says, cocking her head to the side. I giggle.
"It's dark." I snigger and her knee grazes mine.
"You want to go for a walk?"
"Nah, Chimes is fine here, aren't you darlin'?" Jasper slides right next to me on the leather bean bag chair. The girl hisses, but then, upon recognising Jasper, slinks away. "Jesus, we leave you alone for two seconds and the wolves descend."
"Fuck you, Tex."
"Ah, an angry drunk, why does that not surprise me?"
"I'm not even fucking drunk."
"Alright."
"Oh God, I'm so sorry, Tex, I didn't mean it." I hold back tears as I snuggle into his neck and his arm comes around me, holding me against him. He chuckles and I inhale his neck and whimper a little. "My head is really spinny."
"I know, baby girl, but you've been downing these cups like there's a prize at the bottom." I slap his chest a little too hard.
"Well well, Tex. Does Fry know you're here macking some hottie?" His voice is strange, like he's trying hard to hiss out his words. They hurt my brain. I wince.
"Piss off, Hound. This is Ol' English's girl." I push away from Jazz, and sway as I take in the blonde shirtless boy.
"I'm not Edward's, we just mess around, we suck at serious." I'm pretty sure this is what I say, but from Jasper's expression, it may have been more slurred than what I was trying.
"Okay, Sweets, up we go, you need some water."
"Tex!" I whine, but can't help giggling as he steers me from behind like a race car. I might be making motor sounds. "Buh-bye Hound! Where's your shirt?" But we're too far away so I scream it over my shoulder. "Where was his shirt, Tex?"
"Stay away from him, okay? There's a few Freaks who've already graduated here." He pushes me through to the little kitchen.
I stop in my tracks and Jazz smacks into my back.
All I see is a bomb of frizzy hair at first, collected into a puff at the top of her head. Her midriff is bare - her boobs only concealed with a purple scarf tied around them. She's wearing a miniskirt, and thigh high leather boots. Is there a hired stripper? Because surely no one would dress like that unless she was making some money out of it.
But that's not what made me stop.
"Ah, Shit." Jazz says.
"Shit is correct, my southern comfort." I drawl, because there she is with her slutty mouth attached to Edward.
And he's not pushing her away.
He's right, he does suck.
Jaspers arms restrain me from firing like a missile straight at them, so I just wiggle free, scoop up a half full bottle of vodka from the table top and storm out of there, using the wall to stop me from falling.
And to be honest, I'm quite proud of myself for not ripping the hair out of her head. In fact, I didn't feel any anger at all. I just felt...empty. Which is weird. But comforting. Maybe I'm getting better. Maybe Renee will want me to live with her again when I'm not angry any more.
"Tex? Is that...Wait! I don't-" I hear, but I'm already gone, fighting my way through shadows and blurred outlines.
Up the stairs, through the living room, then the hall and finally out some screen doors to the backyard, straight into a cloud full of sweet, cloying smoke.
"Hello again." He's still shirtless, but for some reason he has a tie draped around his neck. "Decided to join us have you?" I look at the few other people, some sat in a circle in the wicker garden seats, others lying on the grass.
I shut the screen door behind me and join a boy on the floor, his eyes are puffed up and red, but he looks a little familiar and so I'm thinking he's in one of my classes. I open the vodka as delicately as I can, managing to splash a little on my leg.
"I have indeed." I say then, and Hound looks at his small circle of friends, shrugs and then joins me on the ground, the rest following suit.
"Where you from, gorgeous?" One of them asks and I roll my eyes.
"Here and there. Where are you from?" The group of boys chuckle and pass a couple of spliffs between them.
"We're all Forks born and bred, baby." Hound answers, taking a swig of my vodka, and not taking his eyes off of mine as he does so. "So, what's a pretty girl like you doing with a knob like Old English?"
"Whoa, hold up, you're Chimes?" The boy who says this looks wary now, as if talking to me would anger Edward. For some reason it angers me.
"That's me! Because Bells Chime...Oh, my name's Bella. That's where Bells comes from...Or at least, I think that's what that means. What else does 'chime' mean, anyway? And what about Hound, what's that got to do with anything?" I seem to be talking extremely fast, and the boys in a circle around me seem to find me hilarious, so I'm pretty happy here.
"It's because he's a dog." A boy with a shaved head and a skull tattoo on his neck is slapped when he says this, but I dissolve into giggles.
"My name is James Hunter, Hound is like Bloodhound; it's supposed to be funny, because I made it my mission in High school to chase all of the girls."
"Well, that's a little skanky." Skull tattoo thinks this is side-splittingly funny.
"That's what I was going for."
"Kudos."
"You want?" The boy next to me has a face that looks a little red, his muddy hair is a bit too long and he is so wearing guyliner. His nails are painted black, and a scarred, rough hand offers me the smoking stick.
"I, um-" but he's already placed it in my fingers. "I don't think-"
"It's okay, babe, you'll feel better when you take a hit."
...
He pushes my back up against the tree, his mouth sucking on my neck. My legs are cold, and I'm sniffling; I'm pretty sure there is mascara running down my face and my hair is a windblown, tangled mess.
He doesn't smell like he should; I inhale and get the musky scent of smoke, it's in his hair. I can't help longing for someone else's smell.
His shoulders aren't as broad either; I like boys with broad shoulders. Edward has broad shoulders.
His lips are too fast and desperate; they scratch my mouth and my chin.
His fingers are digging into my hips and my bag is scratching on the rough bark. I hope Rosalie's dress is okay.
One hand slips onto my thigh, pushing up beneath my clothes. I can't help but shiver. This isn't how it should feel. I shouldn't be frightened.
"D-don't-" I think it's me that says this, but his face keeps swaying side to side, and I can't focus.
It doesn't feel right; his cold body pressed up against me, hard and groping, his stiff fingers drawing patterns up my legs, hooking around my panties.
I don't feel good.
My hands are pushing at his bare shoulders, but they won't budge. He's too sturdy and I can't seem to get my limbs to move fast enough. It's like I'm trying to push through custard.
"Shhhh, Chimes, you're okay." He's not as drunk as I thought he was; back in Tadpole's yard he'd pulled me into the woods and stumbled, but now his hands were coordinated and his body was strong and controlled.
"Stop it." I try again, but my eyelids keep closing, and his hands keep pushing. His fingers squirming closer, under my underwear, pulling them down. "S-stop."
His body peels off me in a millisecond, and I slump forwards and onto my knees. They scrape across twigs and are cushioned in soft, loose soil. I put my hands down in front of me and try to breathe. Everything is moving.
Why won't everything stop for a second? Where is the rain? I need the rain!
Something lands in front of me with a heavy enough thump to disturb the earth.
I'm scared.
Hound has left me; I'm cold, alone and dizzy. I can't even stand up. What if there are bears? Or wolves? Or rabid badgers?
Are badgers dangerous?
They look sneaky.
I try to push the unsteady ground out from under me, but it falls away and I slump onto my side. I'm suddenly crying like a baby and holding my knees up to my chest.
When the hands scoop me up, I panic. I try to scramble, but my head is so shaky that I make myself feel worse. Something warm is wrapped around me before I am hauled up into the spinning air.
"It's okay, sweetheart." His voice tells me. "I've got you." And he does. He has got me. Even if he would rather have skanky girls sucking on his face, I don't want to kiss anyone but him. All I want is him, and I know that I can't have him – this makes me cry even more.
I shove my face into his neck as he carries me to wherever, and I wrap his shirt around my fist, holding on tight.
With every step he takes my whole body shudders.
I don't think we talk again for a while, but he never once stops or puts me down. So, his steps become a rhythm, and soon I don't think I'm very conscious.
...
"Is she okay?" I don't know who says this; the voice is so familiar, but he's so far away.
"She'd better be..."
"This isn't your fault." I'm smothered in blankets, but I can feel myself shivering.
"If I wasn't so wasted, I wouldn't have let Two-bit touch me, and she wouldn't have found Hound."
"You can't look after her all the time."
"Why not?"
"Because she's not yours!" I try to open my eyes, but they are sealed shut. "Sometimes, we don't deserve the ones we want." I try to speak, but my throat whimpers. They sigh. "Go on. Doesn't look like Charlie's home anyway, if he gets in, I'll tell her she's sleeping with Alice." There are sounds that I don't recognise, shuffling and slamming.
"Hey, wait." I wait a few more seconds, feeling myself getting dragged back under by sleep. "Thank you."
My body is useless, when I try to move my arms they just flop about.
A few seconds later, my whole side freezes, before arms wrap around me from behind, and I am cradled to a hard, warm chest.
"Wha' happened?" I croak, as his hand envelopes mine and his fingers lace my frozen ones.
"I'll tell you in the morning."
"What 'bout school?"
"It's not as late as you think; you'll be fine for school, just maybe a little hung over." I push back against him, revelling in his embrace. I snuggle my cold bare feet under his legs and he jumps a little. I'm almost fully gone when he whispers, so quietly that I think I might have dreamed him talking. "I don't deserve you."
I am actually such a neurotic, angry drunk. I also get embarrassingly horny when I drink.
But I digress.
