Clarke's POV

I stayed in my dorm the entire afternoon, alone. Boredom took over me. I wish someone had a break so maybe they could come meet me. Paracetamols and orange juice were my the only thing I could ingest apparently, everything else was gagged upon. Just as I was about to click the next video on my YouTube reccomendation, my phone rang. The screensaver changed to a picture of my mom and sense of relief came over me.

"Hey mom!", I cheerily say into the phone.

"Hello, Clarke. How are you?", my mom replied.

"Uh, yeah not good but I'm managing. Same old cramps and being a woman.", I laugh.

"Take care of yourself. I hope your huge group of friends, what you kiddos call a 'squad', is taking care of you since you make them sound like saints.", I could hear her smile. Same old mom.

"They are, right now they are in classes. Lexa's my roommate thankfully, she doesn't budge till I've taken all my meds and necessary supplies.", I say realising how much Lexa actually cares about me. Not that I hadn't noticed before but her approach was different.
A good different. This was the first time I was talking to my mother about someone so specifically from school, about Lexa and it made my heart go frenzy in the ribcage.

"Wait, Lexa? The name sounds familiar. Didn't you have an old friend called Lexa, sweety?", Mom reminded like I ever forgot.

"Yeah, it's really creepy how much she reminds me of her sometimes. If only I had some more information other than her first name on how to find her. Maybe I could have figured if this was the same person.", I say lowly, my mood dropping like my voice.

"Oh well, she's in the past now. You have to stop thinking about finding her, Clarke. Why not focus on this new Lexa? Maybe this is a somewhat fateful second chance?", Mom says and I wonder how different that sounds from her point of view.

"You should be telling me to focus on my studies. Is this really Abby Griffin on the other side?", I joke as to lift the mood before I turned into a sad little porcupine to mope around in my sadness of being an only child that got abandoned by the only friend she ever had trusted and fallen in love with.

"I just want you to be happy. Okay, now take care. I have to go. Jackson just paged me in emergency. Love you. Thank Lexa for me.", Mom said hurriedly and I could imagine her phone pressed to her ear by her shoulder, rummaging through her stuff to get on her lab coat and run off into the Emergency Section.

"Love you too, mom. Tell dad to call later.", I say before the line drops.

A flat tone vibrates deadly in my ear.
Right then, the door bursts open and I jump up scared.

"What the fuck?", I say with my hand heaving over my chest.

Lexa slams the door shut, her face looking like she just saw a ghost. She kicks off her shoes. What the hell was going on?

"Lexa what happened-"
"I don't have time for this right now. Leave me alone.", Lexa replied thickly her voice dripping with anger and distress, her hand raised up in my direction indicating me off back off.

I was so confused yet I remained silent.
And then I understood, she's having a panic attack. She threw off her jacket, pacing, running her hands through her hair. Her gaze unfocused wherever she looked and she chose to look everywhere except for at me.

I wanted to help her but just as I got up she ran towards the bathroom. Locking the door. I walked and pressed my ear against the door.
"Are you okay?", I say biting my lip. I hope she doesn't lash out.

Lexa's POV
After skipping two classes cause' I couldn't pull myself together and leave, my condition got worse. I didn't know where else to go, everyone was busy. I came back to my room, forgotten that Clarke was there. She didn't need to see me like this. I didn't need to be seen like this. I gulped and stared at myself in the mirror. Tear stained, dull exhausted eyes stared back. My hair was a mess but at least my hands stopped shaking. Turning the faucet I splash cold water all over my face.

"Are you okay?", a worried voice asks.

Clarke.

I take a deep breath. Thinking about how I'm going to face her, what I'll say. I open the door to step out.

"Hey", I croak.
Clarke who's sitting on her bed looks up.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, its fine.", she says understandingly.

Why can't more people be as kind as her? I sit on my bed, across her.
"Panic attack", we both in unison, finally looking at each other.
"I...had a panic attack. It was bad. I couldn't go to class. I missed two classes, Math and Chemistry. Then, I freaked out more over how I was going to cover shit taught in that class and it got worse.", I tell her the partial truth.
"What triggered the attack?", Clarke asked hesitantly not wanting me to snap. I felt gutted that I spoke so harshly with her. None of this was her fault, it was mine. I couldn't tell her what triggered.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to speak that way to you. I-I just-", I say but she cuts me off.
"Sssh, you don't have to say sorry for anything.", Clarke gets up from her place to sit beside me.
"No, I'm just saying-"
"I understand", she smiles encouragingly. Her palm rested upon my knee cap.
"I feel trapped. I hate it.", I say shaking my head, looking down.
"I know how to make you feel better. Come on let's go.", Clarke gets up grabbing the car keys from my side table.
"Let's not, I can't drive.", I make up an excuse. I couldn't go out with her like this.
"I can"
"Clarke, please", I beg
"Do you trust me?", she says putting her hands on her waist and putting the car keys back.
I look up at her. I did trust her.
"I do", I whisper. Her face displays emotions of sympathy and thankfulness. Her hand extends.
"Come on", she whispers.
"I don't want to leave campus.", I stated tiredly.
"Then I have another place in mind.", she smirked.

Next thing I know my hand held on to hers and we walked out.
"Okay, so I don't think we're allowed but just try to stay lowkey.", Clarke whispers.
I wonder where we were off to.
We had to go up a flight of stairs. The mystery intrigued me.
"Clarke, where are we going?", I ask.
"You'll thank me.", she says as we reach a metallic silver door.
It opens to a pretty section of the rooftop of the college. The cold wind blew a little too hard, my hair flew all over the place. It felt nice. I trodded a few steps forward, spreading my arms out, looking up at the light blue sky. Birds flying, crows, sparrows. I inhaled slowly and exhaled slower. The air seemed fresher than it ever has. A sense of freedom ignited in me.
This was exactly the kind of environment I was looking for.
"You're welcome.", Clarke shouts leaning against the door frame.
I smile looking over to her and she grins and makes her way to an old bench in the corner.
"Uh, I wouldn't use that if I were you.", I chuckled.
"You will when you tire.", she stuck her tongue out.
"Might as well sit down now", I reply sitting beside her. Always a fool that gives in.
"My mom called, she was asking about me and she told me to thank you.", Clarke tells me.
"Oh, how does she know me? Thank...for what?", why was everyone being so confusing today.
"For helping me and all. I've told her about all of you and that you worry the most which is not exactly a good habit but I get its so sweet of you.", she says brushing her hair out of her face. Her eyes light up at the mention of her mother. I wish I could experience the same kind of happiness every time I had to think about my parents.
"Tell her that as long as I'm with , I'll never let anything bad happen to you.", I look down. I really meant that.
"Gosh, you're such a mom friend Lexa.", Clarke giggled.
After few minutes of silence, Clarke leans back.
My phone vibrates in my jean pocket and I hesitantly pull it out.

Text: Unknown Number

Who could this be?
I glance over to Clarke to see her head resting against the wall and her eyes closed. I use this moment to unlock my phone to see the message quickly.

"I saw you leave with Clarke. Do whatever you want but remember my lips are sealed, as long as yours are too."

I delete the message instantly. A lump rising in my throat I shove the device in my pocket. I knew exactly who it was.

"You've told your parents about us all?", Clarke questioned about our group leaning forward.
I sigh and look at her. She doesn't know. I guess I'll let her in on a bit now.
"They probably know.", I say looking up at the sky and chuckling.
It took a few seconds for Clarke to catch on before her expression changed from curiosity to pity.

"I'm so s-sorry", she stuttered.

"You didn't know.", my turn to cut off.
Clarke used both her hands to grip one of mine. Her grasp firm.

"I'm always here for you, I hope you know that.", she says her voice cracking and her eyes showed how sincere she was.

"Yeah I know. Can we talk about my parents another time? Let's talk about something else.", I ask genuinely not wanting to go down the memory lane.

"We don't have to talk at all.", Clarke smiles reassuringly, freeing one hand to pat my thigh and the other to lock her fingers with mine.

Oh how I wish I could enjoy this moment wholeheartedly without the weight of living.

A/N : poor lexa ugh sorrynotsorry for hurting mom so much ANYWAYS thoughts about this chapter REVIEW GUIZ,REVIEWS ARE LIKE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES FOR MEH.