Chapter Eleven

She felt weak and groggy, and couldn't make her eyes open. Muffled sounds registered in her ears... her mother's voice... her husband's... the cry of a baby... her baby? She struggled to get a hold of full consciousness and felt like she was fighting a thick fog. Was she dead? Was she trapped in some place between life and death?

"Easy, love," came her husband's voice, squeezing her hand gently. She tried to squeeze back, but her fingers wouldn't work. "Don't try to fight it. It will only make your recovery longer. The more you rest, the quicker you'll get better, and the quicker you can come back... to your son."

And to you, she wanted to cry out, but her mouth wouldn't form the words. Her head felt so foggy, like she was half asleep. Against her husband's advice, she fought the fogginess in her brain and tried to hold onto the moment, tried to gather her strength and her intellect and make sense of the situation and do something about it...

... She felt warm water and a soft sponge being run across her body, washing thoroughly but gently. She was vaguely aware of the smell of lilacs, one of her favourite scents...

... A young boy was crying. Teddy... or her son?...

... Her mother was fussing over her... she heard Andromeda and Molly talking... Andromeda and her husband talking... she lost track of time...

... Suddenly feeling very alert, she woke feeling very strong and rested and wriggled into a sitting position. "Good afternoon, sleeping beauty," her husband said amiably, as if she hadn't been stuck between life and death for... how long? "What day is it?" she asked.

"Wednesday," he said. Then, "of the following week." Wednesday of the following week. Her exam had been on Monday...

"Nine days?"she asked incredulously.

"It would have been less if you'd listened to me and rested," Lupin said nonchalantly. "Restorative potions work best when you don't fight them"

"Restorative potions?" she had heard of them, but never known of anyone who needed one, and therefor hadn't paid much attention to them.

"Pretty much does what it says – restores you to full strength and health," Lupin explained. "I bet you feel like running a marathon right now. But it shuts your body down while it restores you. You should have been in a deep sleep. Trust you to fight it," he said, but there was a loving tone in his voice.

"Nine days," she repeated dumbly. It felt like it had only been a few hours at the most.

"You drifted in and out," Lupin offered helpfully when he saw her confusion. "Sometimes I picked up on it but I guess there were times that I didn't. It was only ever for a minute or so, so I guess it would have felt like much less time than it actually was." She nodded, trying to take the information in, but all she could come back to was nine days.

"You weren't worried?" she asked. "Would it make you feel better if I said yes?" Lupin asked. "Sorry, love. I could see how well you were doing. I know how effective a Restorative potion is, I knew you'd come through when you were ready. You were right, you know," he said softly. "Dora would have gotten better on her own had it not been for the war. You were never in any danger... but I was happier knowing that you were here. Call me an overprotective dad and husband."

Overprotective dad. It had taken her a few seconds to remember. "My son," she said. She had instinctively known that her child was a boy, although she didn't know his name.

Lupin retrieved the nine-day-old baby boy from his crib and handed him to his mother. When he settled into her arms, it suddenly felt as though everything had fallen into place. It was as though nothing she had done until now meant anything. He was beautiful. He was hers. "I hope you don't mind, but the Ministry needed me to sign the birth certificate so I named him Fred. Frederick James Lupin. I wasn't really thinking when I did it that maybe it wasn't a name you would want."

She stared at him for a few seconds, not realising what he was getting at, why she would be upset that he had given their son the name of his best friend as his second name – especially after he had already given the honour of his first name to her own late brother. Then she understood – he was worried because it was Harry's middle name, too. And she laughed, and it seemed like a lot of baggage was lifted from her shoulders, because she hadn't thought of Harry for the longest time, to a point that she only thought of James as the name of her husband's best friend and not the middle name of a man – boy of a boy, really – who had broken her heart.

"Frederick James Lupin," Ginny repeated approvingly. It had a certain ring to it, a strength. "Frederick James Lupin from Gryffindor," she added.

"With any luck by the time he's ready to go to Hogwarts the student populations will be large enough to warrant four houses again," Lupin said. "I like Pomona, but..."

"I know what you mean. I want him being raised by a Gryffindor," Ginny finished off for her husband, feeling a little guilty over the disloyalty to a woman she liked and admired very much, but, after all, they were both Gryffindors and while they had no problem with the other houses – except maybe Slytherin, but even they seemed to be mellowing under Slughorn – they still wanted to go with what they were both so happily familiar with.

Fred started to cry. "He's hungry," Lupin noted.

"You know his crying?"

"He takes an awful lot after Teddy," Lupin commented dryly. Ginny wasn't sure whether to be envious that he already knew this stuff or grateful that he did. "I've been bottle-feeding him but I figured that you'd prefer to breast-feed him when you woke up." She nodded, her body suddenly aching to feed her son. "I'll go and get your mother," Lupin said, suddenly embarrassed at the idea of sharing such a moment with her. Their relationship had lacked physical intimacy since Valentine's Day. Of course, he had stripped her to bathe her, but somehow that hadn't counted.

"No!" she said, a little too loudly, because Fred's crying turned suddenly anxious, beyond mere hunger. "I mean – I want you to show me," she said.

"Are you sure?" he asked breathlessly. Seemingly by mutual agreement – they had never said anything directly – their relationship had been strictly friendly for the last month. And now she was asking him to share something very personal, very intimate with her. She nodded and he tugged at the dress he had clothed her in, a loose-fitting cotton shift that pulled down easily enough to bare one breast. "Just bring him up – it will come naturally," he said encouragingly.

He was right. Fred took to her breast like it was the most natural thing in the world. "Feel right?" he asked. She nodded. It felt beyond right – it felt like everything in her life had been leading up to this. To be here with her husband, her son, feeding him from her body... no wonder Lupin was envious. He watched her feed their son, touched by the scene in front of him.

"You get to do your body heat thing with him," she reminded him.

"You get to feed him," he returned good-naturedly – even lovingly. "He's going to be a very loved boy. Him... and Teddy."

Lupin smiled at that. "Teddy's been turning his hair red – you colour red," he said. "My mum said I was phenomenally bright for my age – a bit like Hermione – and Dora was hardly stupid. So it would surprise m if he's consciously wanting to look like you and Fred... his family, I mean." He smiled ruefully. "That came out wrong. I wasn't putting myself down. I just thought it was sweet that he wanted to identify with you and Fred. What Andy will think, though, I don't want to know."

Ginny smiled at him. "I knew what you meant." Fred shied away from her breast, full, and Lupin took him from her.

"Teddy adores him," he said as he lay the boy in his crib. "He's with Andy right now by he's so protective and in sync... sometimes what Bill must've been with you and sometimes what the twins must've been like with each other." He took her hand and squeezed it, then kissed her on the forehead. "Thankyou," he said.

She remembered what she had put him through... and he still had the graciousness to thank her for Fred. "Remus, do you remember what I said?" she asked. "While I was having Fred... and after?"

He nodded slightly. "You said you were sorry and that you forgave me," he said in a whisper, like a little boy afraid to voice his deepest desires. "I didn't put too much stock in it, you were pretty out of it."

"I didn't mean to say I forgave you... because there was nothing to forgive. I'm sorry, Remus, I was so full of my own self-pity that I didn't understand... and then when Neville showed me I was too proud to admit I was wrong so I waited for you to make the first move... and you didn't and I found out about Greyback and I thought I would show you that I understood..."

Lupin chuckled sadly. "And I took that to mean you pitied me," he recalled. "I don't want your pity, Gin. I'd rather be feared than pitied."

"I don't fear or pity you, Remus. I... I love you. And I'm sorry we've wasted all this time being angry at each other... and not understanding each other."

Lupin's eyes went wide with hope at that. "What are you saying, Gin?" he asked.

"I'm saying... I want us to be together. For real. Like we should have been all this time. You and I – we're so right for each other. And we've wasted eight months not doing anything about it. I'm tired of fighting with you, and I'm tired of just being your friend. I want to be your wife in every sense of the word. I want to share your bed and have your children – not just Fred – and I want – "

Lupin cut off her words by kissing her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and tasted his tears on her mouth. He was crying, and trembling for relief. "I love you," he whispered between kisses. "I love you so, so much. And I'm never going to hurt you again. I promise."

"Me, too," she said. To all of it.

The End