A/N:Pic of Leah's hair in my profile as well as the new wolfpack boys pic's. *Swoon* over Paul. EDIT: Omfg I usually check and double check but I posted my unsaved version (hence the errors). I doubt any of you will be reading it again I just wanted to say that I'm not illiterate...lesson learnt: don't post at 3am guys.

--- --- ---

My eyes scanned the room trying to avoid Embry's glare. He sat perfectly still in the middle of the feeding frenzy, eyes on me, cocky grin on his face. My confession was meant as a plea. I had hoped he would back off but it seemed to have the opposite affect on the stubborn kid. I did care about him and it was more then I had before when he followed me like a puppy dog. The new assertive alpha Embry was both infuriating and enticing. I shifted uncomfortably while concentrating too hard on the half eaten apple in my hand Attempting to be casual I directed my attention to the centre of the room and tried to move out of his direct line of sight.

Unfortunately I was now confronted with the perfect couple themselves. Sam was sitting on a large arm chair with Emily in his lap. Her body weight supported by the arms that were wrapped around her back. They clung to one another as if they had been apart for years. The low inaudible whispers were easy enough to decipher through their body language. Sam was apologising profusely while Emily was pretending that she didn't except his apologies. He would comment and kiss her lightly on the nose and she would shake her head with a giggle. Ugh I thought it's been what, a few hours since you guys have seen one another? Seriously....

I almost had myself fooled. It was hard not to acknowledge the part of me that wished I was close enough to someone to have that effect on them, my short absence causing such emotional distress. A part of me wanted to be Emily, sitting in Sam's strong arms with a wedding ring and baby on the way. I kept my eyes fixed on them not wanting to look back at the one boy who was willing to give this to me now. A large, warm hand brush across my neck and rested on my shoulder. It squeezed gently while a voice, an inch from my ear, whispered "You ready?" The other boy, the reason I didn't give in to Embry's advances, was looking into my eyes now. I knew I had made the right decision giving Jake a chance. If we didn't work out and Embry turned his back on me then I would only have myself to blame. If I didn't try this new relationship I knew I would end up bitter and resentful as the years went on. Trying and failing was better then that. Anything was better then that.

I finished my apple and moved closer to the door. As I thought of the task ahead a slight shiver of anticipatory excitement ran over me. I quickly excused myself to use the bathroom as I remembered the decision I made as soon after Embry began to tell us of the newborns. My hair was way too long to run with, I needed to lose the extra weight. I wasn't much of a salon girl anyway and this would make a statement about how seriously I took my beta status. I bent forward and tied my hair into a high ponytail right at the hairline. Twisting the thick rope in my hand I took the scissors from the top draw and began to hack away. It took multiple cuts but eventually I was left holding a long clump of black waves in my hand. Pulling out the hair tie I shook my head, almost afraid to see the result. It wasn't bad, not great but not bad. As much as I liked to pretend appearances meant little to me I found myself cutting and styling until I had a choppy almost Mohawk type style. I used a little of Sam's hair wax to hold it in place and then walked back out into the main room as if nothing had happened. Seth was the first to look up from his plate. "Wow Leah, a bit crazy but it looks good." Paul burst out laughing, mouth still full of food, then looked over at Seth and stopped. Sam and Emily were completely absorbed in one another while the rest of the boys gave me encouraging nods and smiles. Embry's wide eyes lingered on me once again. I knew he loved my long hair so I ignored his scowl and approached a smiling Jacob.

"You look fucking hot" he said in a low whisper. I tried so hard not to gush as I brushed off his compliment quickly.

"Long hair was impractical; this should be easier to kill a few vamps in." His kind words meant more to me then I liked. Embry gave up on the complimenting ages ago because he knew I couldn't take it. It usually made the moment awkward and me annoyed. This was one of many things I'd have to get used to. I couldn't help the smile on my lips as we walked towards the door together. "We'll grab my car and go, k?" He said with a smile that matched mine. As if he timed it Embry called out with that arrogance back in his voice.

"Oh Jake, your car? Yeah I borrowed it. I think I left it in the hospital car park." He said as he threw Jake his keys.

The room feel silent as everyone stopped to look at Jacob. The one possession that he had any emotional attachment to was that car. He was also the only person who had ever driven it. I could see the composure it took for him not to loose it at Embry. He forced a "thanks" through his teeth. After a few seconds the room slowly started to fill with noise again. Embry looked upset that he didn't get the reaction he had clearly hoped for. Jake was genuinely trying to make an effort here and Embry was genuinely trying to piss both of us off. I shot him a small warning look as I followed Jacob outside.

--- --- ---

The drive to the hospital was short. He'd made me a sandwich to eat commenting that an apple wasn't a meal and I attempted to drive and devour the giant creation. He changed my radio station twice and I smacked him across the hands twice. He laughed, putting them up in surrender. I was glad he didn't let Embry get to him. This carefree, happier Jacob was the one I remembered from when we were younger. His mood was infectious and my underused cheek muscles were getting a light work out today. I pulled into the hospital, parking near his Rabbit. He jumped out of the passenger's side in half a breath and checked over every last inch of his baby. I stood with my arms crossed, pretending to be annoyed. He looked up at me and moved away from the car.

"Ah just making sure...just checking"

"Yeah, yeah. How about we go deal with the potential vampire threat and then you can drive your car back home ok?"

He nodded as we walked towards the hospital together. Odds were the two pre-newborns would be in the high security area as their unstable behaviour would require at least one guard. As if to confirm it out sensitive hearing picked up the faint screams of the man from before. We followed them to a room with three floor to ceiling glass panes. The first one was covered by a curtain but the second and third were wide open. Jake and I stood behind the curtain as we both peered in. The couple were occupying the two single beds in the room. They had thick brown restraints holding down their arms and legs. Both were writhing in agony as they screamed and contorted in pain. I could hear the woman now, only slightly. Either her voice box had given out or they managed to medicate her into silence. The man on the other hand was almost just as loud. I retreated behind the curtain, my previous good spirits fading. The door to the room opened and Jacob soon moved beside me.

"A nurse and a guard." He said of the two sets of foot steps I could hear. "We need to track their visits over the next hour so we can take them when its all clear."

I just got an hour with Jacob Black, just the two of us. I was going to use this to my advantage. Moving into his side I moulded my body into his. He smiled at me and put his arm around my neck. He didn't feel as hot to me as he would to a normal human but he was still warm and inviting. We sat like that for what felt like seconds before I heard the sound of the room door opening and footsteps once again. It closed after only another minute.

"So far, looks like the watch is set up in ten minute increments. Nurse and guard. They stay for only a minute and leave"

"We should still monitor them for the full hour just in case." I said a little too quickly. He knew why, and squeezed his arm closer around me as I moved into his body a little more. If that was even possible.

"Sure, whatever you say beta" He followed with a light kiss to the top of my head.

The thoughts of Sam and Emily in one another's arms flashed through my mind. It wasn't long ago that I wanted that for myself and now I felt I had it. The feel of his warm breath on my skin made the hair on my arms stand as he rested his chin on my head. I concentrated on the rhythmic moving of his chest with ever new breath he took. It was hypnotic and relaxing and I squeeze myself into him as much as possible. This was all too good to be true and I knew something was going to ruin the moment. It came in the form of a question from Jake.

"So, I don't want to upset you or anything but you did promise to share something with me. I'll show you mine if you show me yours sounds about right...." I groaned as I pulled away to look into his eyes.

"Really? Now? But this is so nice, can't we just enjoy it?" I pouted at him and he raised an eyebrow in return. An overly exaggerated sigh made my annoyance clear but he was right, we did have an agreement. "So? What do you want to know" I said playing dumb. There were too many indiscretions in my past so asking would let him narrow it down to one.

"The...sex, stuff. You and the other guys. Why did you and Embry keep it such a secret? Also, I get the feeling that it wasn't just you and Em." He said the last part like I was going to hit him. I felt the palms of my hands moisten as I sat up straight now. Honest seemed to be the best policy in this situation. It was still early and if he wanted nothing to do with me after this I would recover. Probably...The nerves still took over as I began to speak.

"Embry was on and off for the last year or so. Jared was a stupid mistake I made at the house party recently but before you judge me I was hurt by what you said and he was there and I just wanted to..." Jacob stopped me. He could see how flustered I was getting and I could feel my cheeks burning hot.

"Leah I'm not putting you on trial. Just tell me what you're comfortable with ok? I didn't ask so I can judge you I genuinely want to understand so I can then judge" He laughed to lighten the mood but I couldn't bring myself to fake a smile just yet. I started again, slower this time. I had never spoken about my less then admirable behaviour before and this was harder then I realised.

"After Sam I swore I would never give myself to someone that much ever again. I changed a lot in that time and when dad died I just lost that whole caring side of me. I was fine for a while until I started to miss the physical contact. When I felt how much Embry wanted me I thought as long as I set up some rules I could have the fun without getting too attached. Of course everything just got messed up and I ended up hurting the kid. I didn't mean to, I swear, its just that sex is the only thing I feel I can take praise for, the only thing I can do well that makes me feel close to being a normal woman. There is no talking, no over analysing, I just do what I do best and for a brief moment I can feel like I'm making someone happy while simultaneously satiating my own needs. When it's done I revert back to that emotionless shell I've perfected." It was stupid but I almost felt tears well up at the back of my throat. This was the most honest I had been with myself let alone anyone else in a long time. I dropped my eyes, too scared to look up for a reaction. Of course I wanted to know desperately but I let him make the first move here.

I can't explain the feeling that went through me when he put his arm back around my shoulders. It had been years since I had experienced it. It was more then attraction or desire, I actually felt wanted, cared about. My head swam as I melted into his side instantly. He pulled me closer and again rested his chin on my head. I was beginning to really love when he did that. As much as I wanted to hear what he had to say in response the gesture spoke volumes. He was accepting me for who I was flaws and all. When he did begin to speak they were soft and comforting words.

"Thanks. I just want to get to know you Leah, that's all. No hidden agenda, no judgments. You know I like you, I don't get why you don't think you deserve it."

I couldn't help myself. I sat up on my knees as I placed my hand on the back of his head. His hair was just long enough for me to twirl around my finger. I watched his face for a second allowing myself to enjoy the build up as I leaned in. Our lips barely touched as I closed my eyes and applied pressure. He returning it all too willingly opening his mouth in response. My tongue met with his and I felt moan in the back of his throat. My breathing began to quicken and I pushed my body into him now. His hand moved down my side as it stopped at my hip. Our tongues were perfectly in synch as they massaged one another with a quickening pace. My free hand strayed to his chest and I began to knead where it sat. He instantly tried to pull away but I pulled him back into me again. He slowed it down as he made another attempt to pull away and this time I let him. My head was swimming as I caught my breathe.

"Wow, I just, wow" He said with a goofy expression on his face. As nice as the kiss was I could tell he was inexperienced and I looked forward to teaching him a few tricks. I moved back into my spot, moulding myself into his side. We sat for another minute in silence before hearing the door open once again as the nurse tended to her patients.

"I, ah, I think we should make our move after the next set of rounds." Jake said still recovering. I nodded in agreement, a playful smile on my face.

"So what do you want to do until then?" I asked, playing with the hair on the back of his head again. His tone was more serious then it had been and I tensed up in reaction.

"Leah, I just want to be clear that I really do care about you. I would never do something that you would regret later on." I was confused but I nodded anyway.

"Ok?" was all I could think to get out. I moved to sit up on my knees again ready for more action, less talking, before he held me in place gripping my arms.

"I mean Leah, I...I want to make sure that you understand just how important this relationship is to me and that I won't take it to the next level until I feel that I'm, that we're ready for it. I don't want this to be some empty fling that gets ruined by sex."

My heart dropped. That was all I had to offer Jacob. The emotional connection was there but it was mainly prompted by him. Without that I had nothing. I felt my throat tighten as I pulled back. He looked concerned.

"It's not because I don't want to Lee, god no. It's just that I don't think it means the same thing to you that it does to me..."

"Because I'm a slut who sleeps around?" Sadness. Unhidden and raw.

"No, Leah damn it. I meant...ugh...It's just that it's a big deal to me if you know what I mean." He looked embarrassed. Then it hit me. I felt like an idiot once again. I remembered my first time, hell I remembered Sam and Embry's first times. It was important. I used my apologetic voice once again, feeling that this wouldn't be the last time it was called for.

"I know, I get it. Sorry, I'm a little jaded by life if you hadn't guessed." I gave him a half smile and noticed the relief that spread across his face.

"Thanks Lee, really." He smiled at me as we sat together for another few minutes. The adrenaline hit me as I waited patiently for sounds of movement from the small room. The door opened once more we both got to our feet.

"You ready Lee?" He asked as he began to remove his shirt.

"Hell yeah." I replied, doing the same.

--- --- ---

A/N: Reposted. Not my final copy but I had to work in something's I meant to cut. The other one I accidentally posted was just an extra 1000 words of nothing. My writers voice disappeared for a while but I find her again next chapter so yay!

Disclaimer: Twilight is in no way mine